


Prelude

by thepilotanon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Can Be Considered x Reader Insert, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, OFC Has No Physical Description/Coloring, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Star Wars Prequel Trilogy & Pre-Star Wars: Original Trilogy, Pre-Sequel trilogy, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader Is Given a Role To Play, Warnings Will Be Added At Top of Each Chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 115,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepilotanon/pseuds/thepilotanon
Summary: Kylo Ren, age twenty-five, expects himself to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps once becoming Supreme Leader Snoke’s apprentice, not his step-in for a business deal. However, once discovering that the deal holds a valuable use to the First Order, Kylo slowly discovers that he is not the only one who feels lost in the vast galaxy. It only takes one look for him to realize that something greater is to come.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. to a business deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Depiction of slavery, violence, abuse and death.

Descending the ramp of the escort ship, Kylo Ren observed the city skyline through the visor of his helmet with a menacing glare. Tall, rustic buildings with half-built landing docks were the highest, poking through the greenery in an uneven, unattractive setup; the gray sky overhead had ships and travel vehicles blend in with the colors of the impending rain coming in mere hours, yet keen eyes can easily spot them out as easy targets. People bustled around the ground docks, not sparing a glance to the obvious presence of the First Order ship practically outshining everything else on the planet. Vendors shouting prices and mechanics arguing with traders for attempting to take their parts for an unworthy sum, but the newly appointed Commander ignored all those while the silver-colored stormtrooper marched up behind him with two other soldiers and an officer.

Without saying a word, Kylo began walking into the city streets with his entourage following him, knowing exactly where he needed to be heading and what he was suppose to do. It was directed to him repeatedly by his Master before he left the Supremacy, and still continued to echo freshly in his mind.

“ _You will look into the offer at this establishment_ ,” Snoke had said as he revealed the holograph to his young apprentice of a amphitheater with a plain block attached to the side - a mansion, he assumed. “ _The Force tells me that it holds someone promising, and I want you to make your observation clear that you will take it. Do whatever it takes to please the seller by following their customs; they’re particular in who they sell to and want to ensure their sale traditionally, or they won’t be willing. Do not come back empty-handed. I will be watching_.”

As much as Commander Kylo Ren knew he was still young and new to the Supreme Leader’s ideas and desires to satisfy him, he wasn’t at all pleased in having to run an errand that specifically asked for Snoke. However, from what he was told, his Master made a deal with the seller to accept his apprentice instead.

A small planet off of the Bavva system, Bavva III, Kylo only assumed from the officer - a backup translator and semi-expert of the planet, incase he was needed - that it wasn’t completely civilized as Coruscant, but not as unorganized and chaotic as Tatooine. The climate changed constantly with its rains and cold air, yet didn’t seem to bother most of the creatures living in it. Either the obvious wealthy wore heavier robes and had a decorated canopy, all while the lesser had makeshift tunics and rags.

Following the pathway that he was given, Kylo easily found the entertainment ring with the household waiting for their arrival. A heavily clothed Toydarian waited with a cluster of employees and a few slaves just outside the mansion, noticing the group. Adorned in a richly colors and wore gold ornaments and jewelry around its head and neck. As the creature hovered up to bow his head, Kylo saw a shimmer of multiple rings and bracelets from the gesture.

“The Supreme Leader’s apprentice, I assume,” the Toydarian spoke in perfect Basic. “I am Garri, your Master and I have been in contact. Come in! I have refreshments while we discuss!”

* * *

Kylo sat in the main seat arranged around the small table, the officer in the smaller seat diagonal to his back while Phasma and her ‘troopers stood. A decorated employee brought a bowl of fruit and a jug of ale, setting the drink closest to Garri while he lounged in his mountain of plush pillows while his two slaves fanned him in a slow rhythm. Garri took the ale jug and poured himself a large serving, then offering it to Kylo…

Who sat there, unmoving, with his helmet remaining on his head.

Garri simply shrugged knowing that, if Kylo wasn’t going to drink, then neither will his party. Keeping the jug close to him, the Toydarian leaned back with his goblet and got himself comfortable.

“As I told your Master, Toydarian are _immune_ to your mind-tricks,” Garri pointed out first. “Since that will be of no issue, I was informed that your Master sent you with questions that you will evaluate before you are to see my sale’s performance.”

It was a custom on this planet that selling movable items are to show a “performance” to the possible buyer, possibly why Snoke sent Kylo to handle the rest of his sale. Garri was the owner of the only amphitheatre in the city, and he obviously took pride in his establishment with how heavily decorated it appeared to be. Cluttered, but flaunts his wealth.

Watching the owner take a drink, Kylo spoke through the voice modulator for the first time since he landed. “I was informed that you are selling your assumed prized employee. That they are your most valuable source of income. It brings the question as to why you are selling someone that seems to dress you and have you so popular on your planet.”

“Oh, she is not an _employee_ ,” Garri corrected too casually for Kylo’s liking. “I bought the brat from the last owner, saying that she caused them problems with the other battling slaves. Apparently, they were jealous of her talents that it caused too much tension.

“I’ve had her for about five years now, so I know all the things she is capable of behavior-wise. She hasn’t caused any drama with anyone else - bad slave owning from them, I guess.” Garri explained briefly, like a resume.

“You did not answer,” Kylo pressed his right hand, drumming his fingers for a second.

Garri rocked his oddly shaped head. “On our planet, we have a very strict system when it comes to our possessions,” he directed a limb to the slaves fanning him, their expressions blank as they continued their duty. “When a slave reaches a certain age, there is an required _task_ every slave must go through, and she has failed in doing it. The system isn’t allowing any excuses for something important and will expose it to the public. Bad for business if it gets out.”

Since Kylo could not properly hear Garri’s thoughts, his eyes darted up to the slave who bit his lip, hearing the unsaid detail that he was impatient to hear. Once picking up on how _she should have just gone through with it, then none of this would be happening_ and _disgracing our community with her stubbornness and selfish ideas_ , Kylo found the underlined thought that caused the most stress in the slave’s thoughts.

A hiss of an exhaled through his helmet, Kylo spoke out with a flat tone. “Breeding program.”

Garri swallowed and nodded. “Depending on what the slave is used for, we pair them up based on the genetics to produce proper offspring - to ensure good use for the next line and so on. Can’t mix bad blood with useful abilities.”

“And she failed the breeding program.”

“Yes. She…killed all the matches we paired up for her through the system. Other strong males who have - _had_ a good reputation for _winning_ fights,” he answered bluntly. “Slaves have no say in the matter and they know their duties, but the brat refuses to follow. Says she would rather have her _own say_ in such, about how she doesn’t like being used for things like that. Stupid, I know, but it’s costing me money to pay off the men she slaughtered trying to bed her.”

“And so you are selling your slave.”

“I’d rather not let her talents and use _go to waste_ , as one would say,” the owner shrugged again. “With her usefulness with weaponry and to fight, I thought _why not give her up to a better purpose_ , eh? She has yet to lose a battle and only seems to draw in more opponents each time.”

“Just because she fights well does not mean she is of any use to the First Order,” Kylo told him seriously, feeling Snoke starting to slip in. His Master wanted him to know of his presence for this ordeal.

“See, this is where I think I wheeled your Master in,” Garri grinned, setting his goblet down as he was getting excited. “This brat has some sort of talent. Can’t say it’s the Force thing you praise about…but, she touches any weapon and becomes an expert with it, like she has handled it before. It’s like she changes into a different being. Doesn’t matter where it came from, what it is, she can use it with no problem; not to mention that she has fought _almost all forms of life_ and _won every time_ , opponents, creatures she has never seen or heard before, you name it. It’s why she’s so well-known to the galaxy and people come and pay big money to speak to her.”

An employee entered the room to alert Garri in a different language, making the owner grin bigger as he nodded to the uniformed worker. “Now that you’re here, we’ve started opening the seats to the public. She has one last performance before you decide to buy her or not, so this is something special. We just have _one last thing_ to negotiate about before you can see her perform.”

The employee entered further into the room and stood by Kylo. Turning his helmet to give off a rather menacing aura, he felt the nervousness of the worker while Garri spoke. “You need to submit a weapon for the brat to use, is all. Something personal that defines her possible new owner.”

Captain Phasma directed with one hand to a stormtrooper to present his blaster, only for Garri to instantly reject it. “No, no. She’s dealt with all sorts of blasters already - First Order issued, Resistance, _custom-made ones_. It’s been done, and this _is_ a special occasion, after all.”

Slowly, Kylo turned to stare at Garri’s rather relaxed posture. “Your Master has said that _you_ are willing to submit your lightsaber to the purpose of this sale. She has yet to use a lightsaber…”

His angry exhale cracked the silence as he stood up. Kylo was ready to take his designed weapon and just slice everyone in the room, take the slave Snoke desperately wanted and return to the Supremacy to go back to training. The twenty-five year old has no time to waste in becoming stronger and he surely wasn’t going to give his prized possession for a _slave_ to use. He wasn’t going to -

Feeling his right hand go extremely stiff, Kylo felt his frustration boil as Snoke forced his gloved hand to reach to his belt clip and awkwardly grab his lightsaber and unhook it. With Snoke controlling his body, Kylo could only watch as his body forcibly turned to the employee and held it out while everyone watched. The employee glanced in terror to Kylo, only for Garri to force him to take it away and leave before Snoke spoke into Kylo’s thoughts, venomously.

‘ _You will do whatever it takes. Do not come back empty-handed_.’

‘ _Yes, Master,_ ’ Kylo bit out in response before Snoke released him. His lightsaber now gone off to who knows where, Kylo felt empty without it as he breathed hard within his helmet. Garri hovered over to face him, seeming unafraid and also amused by Kylo’s behavior.

“I understand that it can be _difficult_ to let someone borrow your tool, but I assure you, she won’t break it or anything,” Garri chuckled as he circled the young man. “And, as I promised your Master, you and your party will be very entertained.”

The two slaves placed their fans away and picked up the bowl and jug of ale for Garri, then taking their place on either side of Garri as he made his way opposite of where the employee took Kylo’s lightsaber. “This way, my new friends! To our seats.”

* * *

The canopy seating had a front seat view of the arena and more space for leg room than the otherwise tight squeeze the audience had to endure in order to get a good look. The rain started in light sprinkles, yet the small group was protected by the overhead drape and Kylo was guided to sit next to Garri’s outdoor throne of plush and fancy drapes.

A guest of honor.

Captain Phasma remained beside the officer, who stood behind Kylo as Garri waited a few feet ahead for the rest of the audience to pour in. Kylo turned his head to the officer, silently demanding his attention. The quiet man jumped a bit before kneeling down to the Commander’s seated form. “Tell me how the performance is suppose to go,” he demanded the officer in a low voice, his helmet almost making a low hiss. Kylo wanted to know what the slave was going to do with his lightsaber.

“With the donated weapon to the house’s battle slave to fight with, the contestant slave will be given choices from their own collection from their owner,” he spoke quietly, but Kylo could hear him clearly. “Everything else is up to the slaves to battle each other until one can not fight any longer. When that happens, the owner of the standing slave will give the order to either spare or execute the opponent. It’s fair game in this society…”

“And the losing owner?”

“They lose the slave that battled, and a large bum of credits or other possessions, if any bets were placed,” the officer answered before straightening. Apparently that was all that was needed to be said.

Once Garri raised his hands to silence the audience applauding his arrival, he spoke loud enough for his voice to echo around the amphitheatre. “Welcome, my good people, to the last performance of the _favorite battle slave_ of the city. Now, please welcome the contestants of today’s performance, of the planet’s Twi’lek family, Drua and her player, Tymo.”

Gesturing to the smaller canopy across the way, where a blue Twi’lek woman and a few members of her staff stood for an applause. The ramp underneath lifted for a white-colored Twi’lek man with leathered armor around his upper torso and bottom half of his body in trousers. In his hand was a Gaderffii, a staff normally used by Tusken Raiders and a blaster attached to his hip. The staff was obviously modified as the male slammed the pole against the ground and a dagger of electricity sparked from the top. Kylo observed how the opponent has two weapons while he was under the impression that Garri’s will only have _one_ …

A weapon that she apparently has never used before.

Tymo raised his staff as the audience went into an uproar of applause, praising the Twi’lek man properly dressed and equipped. Garri remained passive as he continued to speak. “A champion of Drua for the last _twenty years_ , Tymo has yet to battle outside of his own city; a true _honor_ in having such a praised fighter in my arena,” he complimented as Drua bowed her head before sitting down in her plushed seat. Tymo went around the ring of the arena as the crowd cheered for him, making Garri chuckle at the popularity and pride the pale man had.

“As for this house’s champion, in her final performance battle of her career of the arena, I present my own!” Garric yelled over the crowd as the ramp opened once more, and the audience’s volume raised higher as they stood out of their seats. Kylo watched carefully as feet stepped out of the shadows from within the stone structure, causing his eyes to widen when he saw who was now in possession of his lightsaber to her hip.

She was young, possibly around Kylo’s age or around there, and human. She was nowhere near as tall as the Twi’lek man, much less the officer the Commander had standing behind him - who didn’t even reach his own shoulders when he stood. Hair pulled back to a tight braid and lacking armor, she only wore an empty, stoic expression as she walked with a straight back to the middle of the arena, seeming to ignore the applause. Kylo had a hard time believing that _this_ was the slave being offered to the First Order, who didn’t appear to have a body of someone who has _fought in battles_ that her own life depended on. Exposed skin of her belly, arms and legs, Kylo could instantly point out _dozens_ of openings where Tymo could strike her down - her garments formed against her skin as a support for her chest and a split skirt draped to her knees: no protection or armory. She lacked shoes, her bare feet sinking into the wetting soil as she faced Tymo’s back, hands remained at her sides.

The young woman turned her head to Garri, as if finally acknowledging her owner’s presence in her dark, empty eyes. Empty eyes suddenly darting to Kylo’s seated form, the Commander held still as he locked eye contact with her. It was as if she knew he was staring at her and it piqued his curiosity.

 _She was interesting to Kylo, right off the bat_.

Rain drizzled a bit heavier now, as she broke her stare to Tymo’s way, who still had yet to turn around from the audience. Garri smirked as he returned to his seat beside Kylo, taking a fruit from the bowl placed between them. “Once they make eye contact, Commander, is when the _performance_ begins,” he said coolly.

Kylo watched as the slave woman waited, staring blank at Tymo who slowly lowered his staff back down. The Twi’lek man lowered his head for a moment, as if preparing himself before turning himself around fully to face his opponent, readying his grip on the staff as she remained unmoving. The audience died down into an eerie silence, only the rain hitting the stone and dirt the only soundtrack…

Tymo charged himself towards the slave, who has yet to move or really show expression for the incoming attack as he raised his staff. Kylo was expecting her to grab the lightsaber she was given and _go for it_ , but as soon as the risen electric blade aimed its way to her exposed shoulder, she leapt back. Chunks of dirt flew from the hit and Tymo’s head darted in shock at the slave’s unexpected dodge, seeing her standing only a few feet away from him.

Aggravated, Tymo grabbed his staff in the opposite way and spun around, aiming to get her belly with a slice. He missed again as she dodged gracefully backward, making him try again as she bent her spine and the blade missed her throat at a pathetic distance.

Tymo switched his staff to the blunt end, disengaging his electric dagger as he swung it like a club in a attempt to get her against the wall of the arena. Kylo listened as the audience began to stomp their feet in a periodic pattern and Tymo had guided the slave for the back of her heel to touch against the stone wall…

Pressing her foot against the wall and ducking in time at Tymo’s swing, the slave lunged and dug her flexed elbow into his abdomen when he had exhaled and had the staff at a ending position. Elbowing him back into a stumble, the slave then used her other hand in a form of a fist to punch upward into Tymo’s jaw with brute force, having him fly back and fall.

Blood spilt from Tymo’s lips as he scrambled back to his feet, but the slave was quick to knee his face to give her another moment to reach for Kylo’s lightsaber from her hip. Her gaze leaving her opponent to look down at the black hilt in her hand, suddenly stilling in her stalk to Tymo to observe it for a moment, switching it between hands as if to find a prefered hold on it. Kylo suddenly realized that he does the same thing when he’s about to train, deciding which hand to hold it in and switching back and forth.

Drua, from her canopy, shouted in a tongue Kylo did not recognize to Tymo as he finally got to his feet. The officer by Phasma licked his lips quickly before kneeling between his Commander and Garri. “She’s ordering Tymo to strike her down, while she’s distracted,” he translated while the champion caught the voice of his owner.

Garri chuckled, catching both of their attention but didn’t say anything as he ordered a slave to refill his goblet with more alcohol. Kylo’s eyes darted back to the slave still toying with the hilt, turned off and ignoring Drua’s shouts.

Slowly, the slave raised her head as she settled the hilt in her right hand. Her body now soaked from the rain and legs covered with mud, Kylo watched her slowly change into a preparing stance that he knew all too well.

As she activated the lightsaber, her wrist twirling the weapon with ease as she, igniting the weapon, faced off to the Twi’lek man preparing his Gaderffii at full force. The red glow of the crossblade glowing off her wet skin as she posed in a ready stance with her left hand coming to join her right, raising the lightsaber. Her stance, her hold on the hilt of the lightsaber, the way her muscles tightened - it was like she had trained for years under the impression of using it as the only weapon in her name.

It was as if she was Kylo in a different body.

Tymo released a battle cry, igniting the electric blade of his staff and pushed himself towards the slave. The slave herself launched her feet as she held tightly to Kylo’s lightsaber, clashing the red blade against the electric one, a clash of plasma sparks flew and the pounding of the audience rose as the two pushed against each other.

The Commander watched as the slave pushed herself on her toes, trying to match up to the height of the Twi’lek as he towered her smaller body. A swell in his throat began to bug him, and his chest twisted in anticipation as she suddenly pulled back and then jumped with the lightsaber above her head and a cry fell frown her lips.

A cry of someone who wasn’t afraid, who didn’t dare to hold back any longer from the confines of a repetitive pattern of push and shove. _A cry of someone who showed no mercy._

The lightsaber echoed when it sliced through the Gaderffii, breaking it into two pieces and Tymo pulled back. The slave didn’t stop there, _no_ , she went again and swung upward with one hand, slicing the single lekku he had, the organ falling to the mud as Tymo shrieked in pain and Drua screamed in anger. Using her foot to kick the injured creature back, the slave ran at him again and struck the tip of the Gaderffii that held the electric blade, severing it.

Clutching the remaining length of his lekku, dropping the butt-end of the broken staff, Tymo realized his main weapon was now useless. Turning to see the slave meeting his gaze, still holding the lightsaber in an attack-ready stance, Tymo snarled. Quick to his feet, Tymo reached for the blaster he had in his belt…

Only to find it missing.

In her left hand, the slave raised the blaster pistol and aimed it towards Tymo. The Twi’lek man flinched and made a small attempt to run towards Drua, shouting to his owner in his native tongue in what Kylo guessed was begging for help. A shot struck the back of his leg, making him fall into the mud. When Tymo made an attempt to crawl further away from the approaching enemy, it was earning another shot to his shoulder to halt his movements completely.

As the slave tossed the blaster away and approached the wounded Twi’lek, the audience pounded their feet harder than before, causing a faint vibration underneath Kylo as he watched her hold his lightsaber. Ignoring Drua’s screams directed at her, the slave looked back to Garri with her empty eyes, waiting for him to give her a signal.

Garri smirked before gesturing a limb towards Kylo, speaking to his guest in a sly tone. “As my honored guest and potential buyer, I want to gift you with the option on how to end this performance.”

Kylo looked to the slave as she changed her attention to him, and something warmed inside his gut. Taking a moment to admire her patience and firm stance, Kylo gave her a slow, single nod her way. He watched her turn her head back to her target, twirling the lightsaber in her hold as she circled around the pleading warrior… Kylo was in absolute awe as he watched her use his weapon as if it was her own, admiring her form as she stopped beside Tymo and looked down to him with a predatorial glare.

Twisting her wrist as she swung the lightsaber around her body, she raised the weapon and struck down, severing the head from the body.

The audience exploded into an applause and drowned out the rain and Drua’s cry of defeat, but all Kylo could really do was watch the slave switch the weapon off and the red glow disappeared from her exposed skin. Drenched and muddied, the slave looked up to Garri; unaffected by the cheers and shouts her way, completely mute and emptiness in her eyes.

As Garri waved for the slave to descend back into the darkness of the ramp, he turned to the Commander who kept his stare straight ahead as the audience continued to applaud and cheer, some throwing presents of the planet’s flora onto the muddy arena ground. Drua kept screaming to the dead body of her champion, her servants having to hold her back from trying to climb over the ledge. All was going around the amphitheater in the rain, yet Kylo could only keep his focus on the slave who returned into the dark of the stone walls.

“Does she meet your expectations, Commander?” Garri asked with an amused smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Garri, Drua and Tymo are actual characters in the Star Wars franchise. In a twist, Twi’lek women are more often to be slaves than men in the Star Wars universe.


	2. for a soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Depiction of slavery, abuse and physical violence

Being given his lightsaber back and attached it back to his belt, Kylo followed the employee to the arena chambers as suggested by Garri when Kylo demanded that he meets the slave. Garri explained that only one person could be escorted downstairs, forcing Captain Phasma and the rest of his small team to remain with the Toydarian and his two slaves in the lounging room. The hallways were narrow and decorated with fancy drapes, flowing as Kylo’s tall body forced its way through and his cape billowed behind him through the natural, humid breeze of the rain causing a shift. Inside his helmet, Kylo eyes watched as the employee stopped at a door made of steel stood before them - standing out completely from the tan stone structure.

The deal hasn’t been made yet, and the apprentice said that his last evaluation before setting the confirmation or denial was for him to speak to the slave. Garri, despite hesitating for a moment, gave permission for the Commander to enter the amphitheater by himself, letting him know that the slave spoke Basic as a primary language and didn’t need a translator.

The employee twisted the door manually and pulled it open and a cold breeze blew toward them. “Master Garri has said you will spend as long as you wish with the sale,” they said softly. “However, it is important that I close the door behind you, sir. You may knock when you are ready to return.”

Not feeling to question why, Kylo stepped through the threshold of the door and began going down the stone steps as the employee pushed the door shut with an echo. Descending down the stairs, he began to realize how deep under the chamber was that connected with the amphitheatre that any sounds of the bustling life outside never existed. The solitude and quietness of the chambers gave off was odd to him, even the Supremacy had some sort of existence of life to it when everyone deserted the halls during a sleep cycle and the droids were off for the time being. If it were anyone else, they would have been left paranoid with their thoughts. But, as Kylo made it to the bottom level with ease, he didn’t feel paranoia.

He felt _empty_.

It was odd for him. The presence of his Master was still latched to his shoulder while he walked through the halls just moments prior, making no move to leave as he went to visit the slave, but the more he went underground, Snoke seemed to have fade away _unwillingly_. Kylo had to push himself to look through the Force to see if Snoke was there, only to be met with some sort blockage that he never felt before. Turning his head to the single passage at the bottom, Kylo slowly began making his way through the empty cells - _cages_ \- to the one at the end, where Garri said where she was placed after her battle. A carpet was placed outside the last cage, a seat for anyone who was visiting, waiting for his arrival.

Looking inside the cell, Kylo saw through his visor how was slave was sitting against the wall across the bars. Her body still wet from the rain and muddied around her legs as she sat with the flat of her feet pressed together on what Kylo assume to be her bedding, a sort of mock to a meditation pose. A single brown blanket placed on top of dried grass and plants for a makeshift mattress, the rest of the interior was empty from anything else. She sat underneath a cell window that displayed the floor of the arena, still raining, eyes empty as she shot her gaze up to the tall intruder, otherwise unmoving.

Kylo slowly took his seat on the carpet, crossing his legs as he usually would before meditating while her legs pressed down in her position, in a short of stretch. He took a closer look, given that their distance was now only a good ten feet and at the same level.

Ridding her wet hair of the braid that held it all back, Kylo now saw the natural flow of her wet locks dripping rainwater. Despite the red glow of his lightsaber gone from illuminating her skin color in a rather ethereal way, the rainwater seemed to make her shine in a similar fashion. She wasn’t royally beautiful, but she didn’t hold any features any other slave Kylo had seen in his life. Her skin wasn’t completely clear, as he thought from the distance, littered with small nicks and healing cuts around her arms and legs and spots of faded scars in certain areas; Kylo’s eyes locked to a particular mark on her inner thigh, peeking out the skirt covering her modesty was a fresher, more precise wound. A mark in a shape of an X splattered with mud was more red and distinct than the rest of the smaller cuts. That one was more recent, and _not_ a battle wound.

Her hand shifted and covered the mark from his gaze, Kylo lifted his chin to see her staring at him with empty eyes, just like when she waited for his decision of Tymo’s fate, as if knowing he was looking at her.

She _sensed_ him.

“You are Force sensitive,” Kylo told her, his suspicion from the blocking since he walked down the stairs the only solution to why he lost contact with Snoke.

Her head tilting a bit, she only stared at him in observation. She didn’t confirm or deny it, but didn’t give Kylo any sort of indication that she knew what he was talking about. “The reason why I can’t sense _anything_ , not even _you_ , is because you’re using the Force,” he said, his helmet crackling his voice as she blinked. “Who taught you how to do that?”

Her brow twitched, contemplating his words before speaking. “I don't understand.”

Her voice, despite his helmet on, again, wasn’t like any slave he has come across before her. She sounded like her own person, her tone was smooth, no hint of fear or intimidation for the stranger at the bars of her cell. She was different. Unusual to the extreme.

Kylo reached a hand out to search her thoughts, to pry an answer out, but was met with a numbing block that slammed against him. Hissing through his teeth, he dropped his hand to his knee. “You are strong,” he admitted lowly, irritated by how easy she seemed to protect herself like it was nothing.

The slave tilt her chin up, eyes watching him with some sort of awe. “Are you a droid?”

“ _What_?”

“A _droid_. Did you scan me for what you asked for? This Force thing you think I have,” she asked him, genuinely honest yet not as animated he would expect from someone with a personality. “You don't have a face, so I assume you are one of those high-tech droids I’ve heard about.”

Frowning at her assumption, Kylo straightened his spine. “I am not… _a droid_. Do you know who I am?”

She shook her head slowly. “Master Garri allowed you to choose how to end the performance, that’s all I know. He does not tell me much of anything.” The slave closed her legs and crossed her ankles as she stretched her limbs out. “What do you look like? Do you wear it because you have been scarred and can’t reveal your face? Is it part of your culture?”

“You should _not_ speak to me so _casually_ ,” Kylo warned her darkly.

He watched her shrug without a care, keeping her gaze at him. “Perhaps you should ask me something I can actually answer, instead of getting frustrated,” she suggested. “Something easy, so I know I’m not speaking to a droid.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her through the visors. He couldn’t hear her thoughts, nor pick at her mind as he mentally pushed the Force on her. He was getting more confused, and he didn’t like it. “What are you thinking of right now?”

“What you look like under the thing on your head. I’m assuming it’s armor, but it doesn’t look as sturdy as ones I’ve seen before,” she told him casually, not reacting to anything. It was like she didn’t feel him trying to reach her. “Can you take it off for me?”

Kylo didn’t move and she frowned deeper. “At least take it off so I know I’m talking to someone. I promise not to laugh at your scars or anything - I’ve seen plenty.”

It didn’t make sense as to _why_ he did it, he didn’t feel any stiffness in his muscles from being controlled or manipulated in his mind. Any form of trickery from any Force user could be sensed in one way or another, and Snoke made sure that it was one of the first things he taught Kylo the hard way. With her, there was nothing. Like it was on his own terms as a person, he reached to the hidden latches on either side of the helmet. The release of air hissed and the slave leaned back upon reaction of the noise, making him pause for a split second before proceeding to pull it off completely. Coming to finally feel the cold breeze against his cheeks, Kylo took a breath of inhaling the damp, musty air while putting the helmet to his right side. He saw how her eyes followed the helmet before looking to his face.

“You are the one who submitted the weapon,” she verbally pointed out and Kylo glanced down to see his lightsaber sticking out from his cloak, all while she looked at his dark, wavy hair and skin peppered with freckles and moles.

Looking back to her, he gave her a single nod. She stared at his face, her lip twitching. “And you look _normal_ ,” she added next, tapping her cheek in referring to his revealed identity. “No unusual marks. Why do you hide your face like that?”

“Why do you care?”

The slave shrugged. “Usually, when I fight, I prefer that my opponent sees my face and be the last thing that they see. Something to stick with them when they expire,” she said, as if it was a simple conversation. “Some helmets I have seen still allow you to see parts, but I have yet to see kinds that cover the whole head. Bounty hunters don’t count, since they are not the same.”

“' _Since they are not the same'_ …” Kylo repeated in a mutter and she nodded.

Seeing her gaze fall back to the lightsaber at his side, the slave pointed to it. “The weapon you submitted,” she spoke, pointing to it, “was interesting to fight with. I like it. Is it from a planet far from this one?”

Kylo took a minute on how to answer her, as odd as it was when he thought about it. He could just ignore her questions from the very beginning, but he had no idea why he was even conversing with the slave so casually. Looking down to the lightsaber, Kylo swallowed. “It’s not from a planet, it is a lightsaber. I made it.”

“Lightsaber,” she repeated him. “ _Lightsaber_ …it is called a _lightsaber_.”

“You fought with it like you’ve used it plenty of times before,” Kylo informed her. It wasn’t a compliment, just stating the fact to her. She didn’t react to it, instead staring at the weapon.

“Did you enjoy the performance?” she asked, her eyes not leaving his lightsaber hilt, her head tilting.

Kylo didn’t know what drove him to answer her so quickly. “I did.”

Her head slowly nodding at his response, she kept her eyes on the weapon as he observed her with clear eyes - without his mask. She wasn’t doing anything to gain his approval or playing with his temper, just sitting there with her neutral expression on her poor excuse of a bed with nowhere to go. The slave didn’t seem to care where she was or what she wanted, much less beg him to go on with purchasing her, beg for mercy from him. She wasn’t like anyone he has ever met before.

She piqued Kylo’s interest, all without trying to gain his attention.

“What is your name?” Kylo spoke after a while of silence. It was comforting for some reason, just sitting there alone, closed off from the world, with this unknown young woman.

The slave frowned and looked at him. “I do not have one,” she told him.

Kylo’s brows furrowed as he searched her eyes for any fault. There was none. “How do you not have a name?”

“I never had one. As far back as I can remember, I was never given a name.”

“I find it hard to believe, a slave who seems to provide a source of heavy income, does not have a name of sorts to be called,” Kylo said with a slight tone. A part of him knew it was childish of him to feel any sort of irritation for a stranger to not have a name, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

“Master Garri and some of my past owners call me brat, but that’s about it. I don’t believe they use it as a _name_ ,” she confessed, shrugging. She didn’t seem to care. “There has been no real reason to give me a name. I’m a slave and that’s all. I am nothing else of value.”

“ _That’s not true_.”

She gave him a sort of confused glare his way as he collected himself. He was starting to sound harsh, not composed about his mission. “You won’t be staying in this cell any longer, because you’re coming with me and you’re not going to be anyone’s slave,” he informed her with an authoritative voice. “You’re going to be part of something greater, and no one is going to use you as a source of money. Your slave life is over. You’re no longer nothing.”

She listened to him carefully, but held her breath. “Then, what will I be?”

“You will be _free_ ,” he said, holding her gaze with a serious expression.

She took a deep breath and looked down to her lap, seeming to believe him but still didn’t seem to care much about it. To her, it was just another trade-off from owner-to-owner, and what Kylo was telling her sounds no different from what has been told before. Kylo watched her carefully, feeling something inside that made him want to get something out of her, but he didn’t know what. Then, as if it suddenly came to him from a distant memory, like he found himself reliving a time in his life where nothing truly mattered, and a word formed on the tip of his tongue.

“ _Nova_.”

“Mmm?” the slave hummed as she met his stare.

“Your name,” Kylo said as he resisted the urge to smirk. It sounded perfect. “Your name will be Nova. It means ‘new’ in a very old language, like what your life is going to be for you.”

The slave stared at him with round eyes, surprised by his suggestion with the purest expression he had ever seen.

Taking a deep breath, her lips formed into something she had yet to present to him and Kylo felt his chest tighten when he saw the frown grow into a bright grin. Her eyes now had a sparkle in them, almost like the stars the first time he went on his first ride into hyperspace. Sparkling, mystical and eye-catching that you can’t look away. With her smile, Kylo felt the faint, familiar feeling of his heart taking flight. A feeling he hadn’t felt in years, and he was enjoying it so much within this secluded, cold cell.

He wanted Nova to keep smiling. For that feeling.

* * *

Returning to the surface with his helmet back to conceal his face, Kylo allowed the employee to escort him back to Garri and his small team to settle the payment of the slave. Garri seemed more excited about the amount of credits Snoke agreed to pay the owner than having his prized slave go off to what would be assumed a better place, but Kylo didn’t pay the Toydarian any more mind than necessary after meeting Nova face-to-face. Watching Garri count the transferring credits on the holopad with hungry eyes, he noticed a different employee enter the room and whisper to her boss. Garri paused and looked up to the First Order group.

“Do you have clothes for the brat to wear?” Garri asked nonchalant. When Kylo gave him a stare with his helmet, he explained further. “The clothes she is currently wearing are my property. Unless you’re fine with her leaving with you with bare skin, then that’s fine too. She won't complain.”

Kylo ordered Phasma to have one of her stormtroopers retrieve the spare uniform that he knew was packed on the ship. He ignored how the Captain’s thoughts lingered on his demand for clothes, but didn’t push. A large turtleneck that stormtroopers wore underneath their armor and matching pants, it was handed to the employee who then brought it to the slave in the other room. Garri brought the group of guests out to the front of the mansion, the rain still dropping heavily onto the ground into puddles and Kylo watched the wind pick up and making the two slaves who have been following Garri shiver from being exposed so much. In the back of his head, Kylo wondered if Nova felt the same when she was in the underground keep of the arena. Now that he thought of it, he didn’t see anyone else locked down there with her…

“It has been a pleasure to do business with your Master,” Garri slurred with a sly grin that the Commander didn’t like.

Kylo’s head snapped his attention to the employee guiding the slave woman out by her upper arm. The slave only wore the turtleneck that draped down over her knees and she had the sleeves shoved to her shoulders - the pants did not fit. She still didn’t have any shoes for her feet, yet didn’t seem to care as she stepped to the mud and approached the opposite group to Kylo’s tall stature. Once the employee let go of her, she looked up to Kylo’s masked face with a calm expression, but her eyes held the spark he seemed to have created only a while ago and remained even through his visors. Tilting her head, she turned her head to look at Garri, her hands holding the borrowed trousers.

“You belong to them now,” Garri told her with a wave of his hand boredly. The slaves behind him seem to give her a stern stare at her presence, but didn’t say anything. No farewell, but Kylo could hear their thoughts.

_Good riddance, being put into war._

_She won’t make it - she will be taken out in no time. It is a shame I won’t be able to see._

“Nova,” Kylo beckoned for her attention, “I present you to Captain Phasma.” He ignored how Garri flinched when she turned back to the Commander, as if it was her name, and the slaves gasped. Kylo gestured to the silver armored ‘trooper at his side.

“ _What_ did you say, Commander?” Garri demanded, but went unheard by the First Order group and the purchase.

Nova looked up to Phasma, seeing how she didn’t move a muscle. Her lips forming to a hesitant pout, she looked to Kylo. “Not a droid?” she asked him with a sort of childish innocence.

“No, she’s not,” Kylo answered, his voice soft inside the helmet. He was thankful that the helmet provided the voice modulator and changed it to static and emotionless. Phasma turned her head to look at Kylo before resuming her stance. Kylo watched Nova processed this information, then releasing a soft ‘ _oh_ ’.

“Hey, I was speaking to you. _Did you call her a name_? That little -!” Garri reached for the young woman’s shoulder to grab her, and Kylo was about to use the Force to stop him when Nova reacted.

Grabbing the three-fingered limb, Nova didn’t turn her head as she twisted the wrist and a sickening crack erupted. He could feel how the Force formed in Nova’s hands as her rage flowed to turning his wrist. Kylo watched as Garri screamed in shock as Nova released him and stepped away from the Toydarian as his slaves hurried to his aid. The officer who served as a support for Kylo spoke in a rather harsh tone.

“You have received your credits for giving her up, you have no right to touch her anymore,” the officer informed. “She is not your property to touch. She is with the First Order.”

Kylo sensed a form of amusement from Phasma, a feeling that she wanted to chuckle at Nova’s strength and how Garri writhed in pain, after displaying himself so high-and-mighty. Turning his chin down to Nova, he saw how she watched uncaringly as her old owner screamed at her, her thoughts still blocked from him. A part of him wondered what she was thinking as she watched Garri swear at her, calling her horrid things, but a part of him had a feeling of what could be running in her mind. A feeling of pride in his chest as he reminded himself what he told her.

She didn’t belong to anyone anymore, like he promised her.

“Nova, it's time to go,” Kylo said and she looked his way and a small smile emerged on her lips as she nodded. He was willing to admit to himself that he liked seeing her turn his way and approach closer to him without asking, seeing him more worthy of her attention than Garri.

“You gave that brat a _name_! A name!” Garri shouted as he tried getting to them once more, only for Phasma to signal her ‘troopers to aim their blasters at him. He instantly fell back, but kept shouting. “The brat never had a name - _she’s just a battle slave_!”

Before strolling into the rain, Kylo’s gloved hand grasped her black-clothed shoulder before any water could touch her. Pulling her back, Kylo swallowed hard when she blinked up to him with her sparkling eyes.

“Have I done something wrong?” she asked, her voice quiet under Garri’s continuing threats and officer yelling at him to be silent. Phasma was only portraying her duty with her stormtroopers a few feet behind the two. This was a private conversation between the two of them.

“No,” he responded quickly, ensuring that she was in no trouble. “You do realize it's raining, and you have no footwear or proper clothes on.”

“I do.”

Sighing through his nose, his helmet crackling a hiss in the process, Kylo slowly released her shoulder before gripping the edge of his long cowl. Draping the thick fabric around her, Kylo held on to her other shoulder and pulled her a few steps closer to his side before starting to trek through the rain. Keeping the cape hovered over her head with his other hand, the Commander began guiding Nova through the pathways with his crew in tow. Nova kept her gaze down, watching feet and wheels, as she kept up to pace with Kylo’s long strides and Phasma’s march towards the shuttle.

* * *

The hangar was indoors for the First Order’s luxury ship - despite being a small escort with no importance to battle - yet Kylo kept his cowl over her body and head as they approached the vehicle. As soon as Kylo stopped the both of them and her head lifted to see the ship, he noticed the sudden change in her stance.

“We’re flying far?” she asked, eyes glued to the First Order shuttle with round eyes.

“Off planet.”

A sudden intake of breath, Nova’s expression flipped to an extremely short form of emotion. She was quick to recollect her firm line of her lips, her brows were furrowed and eyes were watered with unshedding tears; all while the Commander watched her, with her not noticing her behavior right away. “I-I…” she took a breath, looking down for a second. “I have never…been off this planet before. I did not know you came from the sky.”

Her behavior new, as unusual and silly it was, Kylo couldn’t keep his gaze off of her nor stop the hand on her shoulder giving her a brief squeeze. She didn’t point the action out as he was quick to remove his hand and cowl from her completely, she resumed her neutral stature as the Commander instructed the staff to ready for take-off.

“You will be with Captain Phasma until we arrive to the Supremacy,” Kylo explained to her as the said woman ordered her stormtroopers to the loading deck of the escort ship.

“Where will you be?” Nova asked, looking up to him.

“Piloting.”

Nova blinked in curiosity, looking between the ship and him for a moment. It was like she was figuring out where he was going to be place compared to her being stocked in the back with the soldiers. “Will I get to see you again, or will this be the last time I see you..?”

Kylo watched her wait patiently, his chest having the unusual twist and stomach having the off warmth. Around them there was the faint blockage that she seemed to radiate between them, and Kylo felt the sort of relief that he rarely had when he placed his head on his pillow. All from her looking up to him with her own sort of freedom that he gave her himself and forms of promises that he plans to keep with his own power.

“No, it will not,” he answered honestly, watching her lips quirk to a small smile once again.

Phasma approached the two as the officer went to his place in the co-pilot seat inside the shuttle. “Commander, I will take her off your hands now,” the silver-armored stormtrooper said with a salute stance, blaster in hand but not in a threatening way for the new member of their group to react. “She will be safe in my care.”

A part of him registered how _careful_ Phasma was speaking to him, but he didn’t bother to pry her thoughts on what she meant by her words. Kylo looked down to Nova and gave her a single nod to follow the Captain as she began walking to her destination. Nova took a few steps before she spun on her heels back to him, the shirt shielding majority of her body twirled as a sort of dress as she spoke in a volume that was very different from any time she opened her mouth back at the estate.

“What am I to call you? You never told me your name,” she told him with a somewhat optimistic tone as she waited for him to answer.

Of course, Kylo would have instructed her to call him by his title, as everyone else is suppose to, but…he couldn’t. Not that he couldn’t, but he didn’t want her to call him by his title. The very idea of it didn’t appeal to him in any sort of way that would satisfy him of his position, even thinking to how they conversed in the cold chambers of cell bars and stone walls.

“Kylo,” he said through his voice modulator, yet a part of him wished he could have said his name without it.

Yet, she was pleased by the answer and bowed her head to him. “ _Thank you, Kylo_.” And, at that, she turned around and followed after Phasma, her hands still holding the fabric of the pants as the Captain mentioned that they will look again for proper trousers as she directed Nova to step in first.

* * *

As Kylo Ren took his spot in the pilot seat, the officer next to him keeping track of the control panels and making sure everything was secured, a thought ran through his head. “Officer, what did it mean for them to react like that to her name?”

The officer held still for a second before resuming his preparations. “Slaves who are given purpose to battle on this planet for their owners normally do not have names, Commander Ren. It can go for other slave occupations as well. It is a way for the slaves to believe in obedience to whoever owns them, even if it results in death, as they are only property. Giving a slave a name in this particular city is like giving the idea of remorse or care of something that is disposable and should be properly cared for. It appeared that this Nova girl was not often treated well compared to the others under Garri's care, if she was never allowed anywhere else outside the arena.”

“And the failure of the breeding program?”

“I’m afraid I am not accustomed to the particular system of owning slaves in this city, Commander. All I can tell from the few moments of seeing her, she does not understand much outside of her life as a slave. I apologize,” the officer shook his head and Kylo could sense that he, too, was also wondering the same thing at the mention of it. “We are ready for take off, Commander. I shall make connections with the Supremacy and alert General Hux that we are to arrive with the slave.”

“You _will_ refer to her as _Nova_ , officer,” Kylo unconsciously ordered, making the man flinch. “And be sure you do not make that mistake again in my presence.”

Taking the ship to take flight and up to the atmosphere, aiming to the headquarters where the Supreme Leader awaits for the return of his apprentice with his purchase…whatever is to come of her for their first meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Bavva III isn’t a real planet in the Star Wars franchise. I literally pulled a planet name from the Star Wars encyclopedia and added a random roman numeral. That’s why Bavva III is such a goddamn mess.


	3. to a first impression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Violence and death.

The Supremacy was still bustling with officers and ‘troopers, just as Commander Kylo Ren left it when he left a few cycles earlier with his team on the small ship. Landing on the appointed hangar closest to the main elevator, Kylo was the first to leave the shuttle and be welcomed by the line of stormtroopers and the head officer. A stomp of salute and at ready position, the ‘troopers kept their gaze forward as Kylo searched the crowd through his helmet before walking down the side of the ship to the back. Ignoring the voices of the ship technicians who offered to take over in his place, the twenty-five year old slammed the side of his fist to the panel beside him to drop the ramp.

The three stormtroopers who followed Captain Phasma’s direction exited first, leaving Phasma to stand at the entrance to overlook her set joining their comrades. Right behind the tall Captain, from the cape around her shoulders, Nova peeked around the fabric to see what was beyond the shield of the silver-colored armor. Kylo instantly got her attention by the mere sight of his helmet under the lights, and she smiled in greeting to him before looking up to Phasma, seeming to speak to the Captain in a soft voice.

Phasma’s helmet turned her way and gave her a nod, making Nova look around the large, organized line of white-colored stormtroopers with a curious gaze. Kylo could see the sparkle excitement in her eyes as she observed the stormtroopers carefully.

Approaching the two, Kylo kept his professional stance with a single hand extended towards the new arrival. He ignored how he sensed eyes turned his way as Nova glanced back to him before hopping down the ramp (not bothering to _walk down_ the ramp properly) to his side. She now wore a slightly more fitting set of pants under the large turtleneck, yet the long fabric had to be rolled into thick ringlets around her ankles for the ridiculous length. A part of Kylo was glad that she has some sort of a full outfit on, even though it still didn’t fit her properly - so long as she wasn’t exposed so easily to the chilly air the Supremacy had to offer…or the curious stares of the soldiers and officers by the amount of her exposed skin. With her now at his level, Kylo’s hand went to her shoulder as he guided her towards the private elevator reserved for very few people in the whole First Order.

His hold on her wasn’t too tight, as she was willing to follow him.

Entering the elevator and the door sliding closed, Nova observed the lights as she spoke to him. “Phasma says that I am to meet someone called Supreme Leader Snoke. Is he the one who purchased me?” she asked, finally looking up to him.

Kylo observed how the bright lights reflected off of the skin of her face and arms, and how her eyes seem to reflect the dark shape of his helmet as she gazed at him without fear. “He is the one who bought you, yes.”

Nova’s lips went tight for a moment, looking to Kylo’s sternum as she bit her lip. Her eyes held hesitance. “Am I to be his slave, then?”

“ _No_ ,” Kylo answered her quickly, the voice modulator making it come out with a crack. “When I have said you are to be no one’s slave, you are no longer to be anyone’s slave. The Supreme Leader has gotten you for a reason.”

“But you refer to him as ‘ _master_ ’?” Nova asked next and Kylo knew what she was concerned about.

“Master is also a term for a _mentor_ , not someone who has ownership of you; someone who teaches you things that you do not understand,” Kylo explained. “I refer the Supreme Leader as my mentor, because he is a master of something I have yet to achieve on my own.”

“What is it that you want to achieve?”

“Don't worry about that, Nova,” Kylo instructed her calmly. Never had he had anyone within the First Order ask him so many questions - Kylo made sure that he was intimidating enough for people to avoid him. Though he made sure people didn’t reach to him, he didn’t particularly mind how Nova went to him with her curiosity.

Nova nodded in understanding before looking up to the lights, seeming to amuse herself as the elevator brought them up to the throne room. Kylo kept watch over her openly and she didn’t seem to mind, and he tried once again to reach into her mind; raising a hand towards Nova’s head, seeing her eyes flicker to him for a moment, Kylo pushed with the Force to her carefully. It was odd to Kylo, from his past lessons with Snoke, who used _painful techniques_ on him or others to get into their heads. However, with Nova, Kylo couldn’t seem to bring himself to use the same methods on her… He didn’t want to _hurt her_ through something she didn’t _understand_. With anyone else, even if they knew nothing of the Force, Kylo knew he would use whatever it means necessary to get what he wanted. But with Nova? _He couldn’t begin to imagine for this interesting creature_.

And _again_ , he was blocked.

Nova watched him carefully, but no sense of feeling threatened by him as he finally dropped his hand again.

“Did you find it?” she asked softly, seeming to understand that he was looking for something. She didn’t know what, but Kylo could tell that she wanted to let him know that she felt somewhat guilty for his distress. When he didn’t answer her, Nova tilt her chin down. “I apologize, Kylo. I don't understand what is wrong with me that you can't find what you're looking for.”

Before he could respond, the elevator halt in its movements and Nova jumped at the sound of the doors hissing open. Taking a step back, Nova had the instant desire to hide herself from the red glow of the room by getting closer to Kylo. He knew she was in a new environment of alien appearances and unknown people left and right with only him having direct contact with her. She wasn’t _afraid_ , but she had no way of knowing what she was suppose to do outside her home planet…

A gloved hand sliding up her back and on to her shoulder, Nova looked up to Kylo’s blank helmet. He hoped that she could sense his encouraging gaze to her, reminding her that he was still here.

Entering the throne room and heading down the pathway towards where Snoke awaited on his throne. A ginger-haired man stood not too far away and the nine Elite Praetorian Guards stood behind with their weapons at the ready, their armor and vibro-arbir blades at hand. The human-hybrid in the throne slowly sat up and a smile grew on the unusual face at the sight of the two getting closer, making Nova turn her gaze down when Kylo brought them to a halt before the steps and sparing a glance to General Hux’s critical stare on the first step at the young woman.

“I am to assume that this _lovely face_ is my purchase,” Snoke spoke as Kylo slowly removed his hand from her shoulder. His Master giving him a long stare to join the General’s side and Kylo couldn’t deny his demand as he unwillingly left Nova to her vulnerable state in the middle. “Frankly, from how that Toydarian creature spoke of you, I was expecting someone less appealing to the eye.”

Nova’s eyes eventually shifted to meet Snoke, and he grinned. “ _There we are_ , just need a few sweet words,” he cooed before raising a wrinkled hand.

Kylo stiffened at the sight of Nova’s body being lifted through the Force and brought closer to Snoke’s arm distance. Nova showed no external fear on her face as she stared at the Supreme Leader as the same hand went up to caress her cheek, seeming to push his own boundaries with her as he raked his hand through the hair at the top of her head. Digging his nails to her scalp, he immediately released her head and grasped at the length of her hair. Taking a lock of her hair and bringing it to his nose, Snoke inhaled deeply all while keeping eye contact with her. The young woman did not move as he did so, making him chuckle.

“Unafraid, yet so… _brainless_ ,” Snoke spoke after a long moment of silence, his fingers tracing the shape of her jaw with a sort of haunting pace. “There is nothing that is going on inside there, hmm? It’s a wonder how a life of being someone’s slave makes a beautiful creature like you so _empty_. That emptiness is allowing me to see how strong you are with the Force so openly, little one.”

Kylo frowned at his mentor’s words, unsure of what to make of it. Could he not sense the blockage that Nova presented plain as the stars to him? Although, if he could sense how strong she was with the Force, Kylo could only _assume_ he got through the barrier easily and truly found _nothing_ …

Pushing her back to the bottom step of the throne, Snoke leaned back and observed the black-clothed being with great interest. “I had tuned in on your performance through my apprentice, Kylo Ren,” he said, gesturing a hand towards the Force-user standing still, and Nova glanced his way for a brief moment before looking back Snoke’s way. “You see, little one, you possess something _very special_ and important that many do not have. I had found you through a process called the Force; something that brought your existence to me and found you as a slave to an _unworthy rodent_. I just had to send rescue.”

“Did you enjoy the performance?” Nova asked and Kylo noticed how her voice was empty and emotionless, like how she asked him in her cell.

Snoke’s chuckle echoed in the throne room and Kylo could feel how the General at his side suppressed a shiver. “I was enchanted by how you handled a lightsaber for the first time. You have amazed me with your ability to use an unknown weapon on someone who aimed to take your life. The way you ended the champion’s life was done beautifully.”

Nova bowed her head a bit in routined respect of a slave. “Although, seeing it through the eyes of my apprentice didn’t completely _satisfy my desire_ to see what you are capable of beyond the arena. Little one, I have freed you of the chains of slavery for your own good of your capabilities, but I do have a request before I finally decide what to do with you,” Snoke spoke lowly, snapping his fingers as one of the nine Elite Praetorian Guards stepped forward from the lineup.

“To see the true power of the Force within you, I request that you battle my strongest guard on your own, weaponless,” Snoke instructed as Nova kept her gaze on him and not the red-armored guard holding his vibroblade, activating the plasma dagger. “Do this, little one, and prove to me the power you have but have yet to understand.”

Kylo had to hold himself back when Snoke snapped his fingers again and the Elite threw themself at Nova, which she jumped back within the last second. He watched her as her eyes snapped to the Elite and balanced herself with both feet and her fingertips grazing the pristine floor. The way her whole expression changed from the curious, recently-freed woman to an analyzing and stone-cold fighter took his breath away - and both the General and Supreme Leader. The fact that she was empty-handed was rare to see in this form of battle, and the one who lacked protection normally portrayed fear of their obvious fate.

The Elite used their single blade to taunt Nova as they continued to strike at her bare feet, making her leap back and forth. Before they could make it seem like Nova was being forced to dance, the woman suddenly threw herself at the guard’s opened chest - a daring move as she knocked the guard off their feet and made an attempt to knock the blade out of their hand. The Elite roared under their helmet and swung before Nova could reach the handle, prompting her to jump off and circle the guard as they got back to their feet.

Nova formed a roundhouse kick to the back of the Elite’s head, forcing them to hunch forward and swing their leg back to her. Nova bent quick enough to avoid the hit and rolled to all fours, her eyes sparking fire as she launched again at them, tackling the guard to the ground with a hard smack against their head. Kylo watched as Nova grabbed the handle with one hand, and the other actually grasping the _blade itself tightly_ , pushing against the Elite’s armored chest as Snoke finally stood up on his throne. It seemed, through the Force that she unknowingly conjured, was protecting her skin from melting off; an unusual trick to see done so fluidly in a fight like this, and it caught people’s attention.

“ _Do it, little one_ ,” he ordered darkly. “Do what you must.”

Kylo didn’t know what happened or how she did it, watching an unsensed force against the Elite’s chest and forcing them to loosen their grip on their own weapon. Taking the distraction, Nova claimed the vibroblade for her own and rose to her feet, a single foot pressing to the Elite’s sternum as she handled the blade properly by the handle…

And smashed the butt-end of the weapon repeatedly against the helmet before swinging the blade underneath the ledge of it, all movements from the red guard halting until falling limp.

Breathing heavily, Nova watched with hard eyes as a dark pool began to form under the dead guard, making her take a couple steps back before tossing the weapon to the side. As soon as she did, though, she was lifted once more and brought to Snoke, who was descending the stairs slowly with a proud smirk. Hands combing through Nova’s hair as she continued to control her breathing, Snoke held the young woman’s face in his palms.

“ _Tell me_ ,” Snoke spoke, “what was my strongest guard doing to make you fight like you did?”

Swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath, Nova forced herself to stare into his maniacal eyes. “They were trying to kill me.”

“And what they did wrong? Tell me, my poor, poor _brainless_ child.”

“They could not…fight strong enough to survive. Thinking too much on killing me. I could feel it. Distracted.”

“The Force is strong with you, little one. It’s what’s been keeping you alive for so long and so powerful. Oh, but you can be so much more powerful than that, my dear,” Snoke said slowly, bringing Nova down for her to collapse naturally to her knees from the depleting adrenaline in her system. “Accept my offer to become my second apprentice and work alongside Kylo Ren. Form my guards, the Knights and army into feared beings of the galaxy. Do so, as a free woman, and expect great power to be bestowed on you, little one.”

Kylo watched as Nova’s eyes closed for a moment, watching her compose herself before Snoke as he told her his offer. Seeing her head turned a moment at the mention of him and steal a peek through her stressed eyes that held starlight in them before looking up to Snoke. It was that moment that Kylo Ren knew that the Supreme Leader of the First Order had obtained a new apprentice by her own choice.

* * *

Nova’s whole personality changed as soon as she left with Kylo on the instructions to bring her to her new quarters - right next to his own. The area Kylo lived in was a secluded hallway that only very few people had access to by passcode, and then another set of security to get into his private chambers. Upon hearing that Kylo was to watch over her until setting up arrangement to get “comfortable” within the First Order, Nova was quick to follow after being dismissed by Snoke. She still had no shoes to call her own as of yet, but Kylo made a mental note to find something for her feet to keep warm.

Neither of them said anything as they made their way to her new quarters, but Kylo watched her steal glances to passing officers and lines of stormtroopers and the small smile on her lips as she watched them. She was taking everything with new eyes, a form of naivety that would otherwise go punished by anyone else. At the point of a fork in the hall, a BB unit rolled across them, preparing to take a left, Nova stopped completely and Kylo had to stop in his tracks when she halted. As the robotic ball made a mechanical noise to her before continuing on its way, her eyes went round as she followed it until it disappeared around the other corner.

Kylo noticed this as she twisted her head to look at him. “A droid?”

Giving her a single nod, Kylo felt the off sensation in his chest as a smile grew on her face and she returned to his side, hands clasped in front of her with a slight pep in her step. _She was happy finding a droid_.

“Commander Ren!” a voice caught both of their attention before Kylo could show her how to use the code. Turning his head stiffly, the Commander shot a glare to the ginger-head man approach the two in a march. Nova frowned at the sight of him and took a small step behind Kylo, her fingertips grazing the edge of his cowl to use as extra cover but resisted when the General only spared her a glance before looking to the taller man.

“Before you have her retire for the time being, we require a sample,” he spoke directly to Kylo, a medical droid slowly making its way up to the three.

Kylo felt how Nova actually gripped his cape at the sight of the taller droid as it held up a swab in its robotic hand. Once it came to the new member, its head jolt down and Nova reacted with a hint of reserve that Kylo saw back before she entered the throne room.

“You can ask her directly,” Kylo retorted lowly, watching Hux look down to the young woman staring at the droid like it was her next target. “She is capable of speaking.”

“Because the Supreme Leader gave you the order to _oversee everything_ until she is up to code medically and manually, and where she was purchased from…I would rather not risk _catching anything_.”

“Is it because you appear to have the expression of someone who can not have his intestines pass waste easily, that you fear being so close to me?” Nova spoke, catching both mens attention as she gave Hux a dark glare. “Or is it because I come off to you as _intimidating_?”

“Why, you little -!” Hux’s pale skin began to go red as he raised a hand to strike her for being so forward.

Nova responded with a sort of authoritative tone Kylo had yet to hear. “ _I do not recommend that you try anything that you will regret_.”

Kylo didn’t stop his smirk at feeling the fear radiating off of the General, all as Nova gave him a roll of her eyes before looking back up to the droid who was waiting patiently to approach. As wary as she was with the unknown machine, Kylo could tell that she trusted the Commander’s presence by her side. He couldn’t hear anything from her mind, but her body language helped him understand a small piece of her in this moment.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” the medical droid took a single step closer to her. “I only desire to retrieve a swab of your saliva for the time being. In due time, we will need a blood sample to further our evaluation of your health and keeping record, but this will suffice for starting your file.”

“Does it hurt?” Nova asked, ignoring Hux quiet, disbelief chortle.

“I assure that you won’t feel any sort of pain. Please open your mouth so I may get the sample.”

Nova’s brows furrowed as she parted her lips and the medical droid managed to slip the cotton swab to swipe against her tongue and roof of her mouth. Pulling back from the unusual touch and raising Kylo’s cape to hide from the droid from trying to get more, the young woman leaned against the Commander’s back as a form of shield. The medical droid took one look to the swab before giving the young woman a confirming nod and preserve it in a container, turning around and leaving the three outside the door to the private quarters. Hux watched the odd behavior and gave Kylo a look, as if questioning why he was allowing the new member to behave such a way so casual with him.

“I will alert Commander Kylo Ren of your next appointment for the blood draw, as I would assume it would be _a good idea_ to have him handle you,” Hux spoke as he gave her one last look. With that, he turned at his heels and stalked off with Kylo watching him the whole time before turning to let Nova observe him input the code to the door.

Once inside and sealed away from the outside traffic of bodies and droids, Kylo proceeded to remove his helmet as Nova took in her new surroundings of the clean hallway. “You have left a good impression to the General,” he told her through the relief of being confined within the mask, his tone somewhat sarcastic. “He finds you very _unusual_.”

“I suppose I am,” Nova shrugged, not seeming to care in the slightest. Looking up to him, Nova tilt her head back with a sort of relaxed posture. “Do you find that I am unusual, too, Kylo?”

“Unusual, but not in the same sense as the General does,” Kylo responded casually, keeping his focus on his helmet.

“Is that a good thing?”

Ignoring her question, Kylo strolled down the hallway and approached the last door at the end. She followed, not pushing him as he directed her attention to the panel beside the chrome sliding door. “This will sense your handprint and allow you access to your quarters. You will also have access to a holopad, should you need anything,” he explained as he pressed his leathered palm on the pad, causing the door to activate open. Nova looked between the door and Kylo, which caused him to see how she didn’t move any further through the veil of his dark hair. “Go inside.”

She hesitated for a moment before taking the first step through the threshold, entering the quarters as he followed closely behind.

The room was identical to his own and any of important officers; a lounging area with a connected kitchenette, furniture provided of a couch and one sofa across from each other, a silver table between them. The kitchen was small with a sink and counter with a cabinet above - the inside, Kylo knew, had mugs and bowls stacked. There was no fridge containment, considering that portions are delivered by droids in carts to fulfill hunger. Going further to the short hall between the living area and kitchen, a door to the refresher stood to the right and held a shower stall and large tub with a vanity filled with different necessities and luxury items hidden within. The colors were dark with the pop of greys in some areas that contained silver with it; bland and organized, it was nothing particularly special to Kylo Ren, but he knew that this was all new and completely different to Nova.

The Commander walked through the hall and Nova followed on instinct towards the bedroom at the end of the hall. It contained a rather large bed, made and pressed with dark sheets and blankets with matching pillows aligned on top, a hovering lamp above that glowed dim lighting and a closet that he knew was also stocked with proper uniforms for Snoke’s new apprentice to try.

“There are clothes for you inside the main door, through there,” Kylo pointed to the tall cabinet door and she followed his finger to it. “The refresher provides hot water and bacta liquid, should you ever obtain minor injuries. You can also order a medical droid here to tend to your wounds, also through the holopad, if you do not wish to be in the medbay.”

He watched her look around the room, her head slowly turning in different directions before looking directly at him.

“Is this…all _mine_?” Her voice was quiet, hesitant.

Kylo observed her concerned face for a moment before answering. “Yes.”

“ _There’s so much room_ ,” she said with a sort of disbelief and her hands went to grip the edge of the top she wore, confused. “Are you sure that this is really mine?”

“You work for the First Order now, and an apprentice to the Supreme Leader,” Kylo stated, watching her approach the foot of the bed and look but never touched the bedding. “These will be your living quarters from now on, on the Supremacy. I will be next door, should you need anything or encounter something in here that you do not understand.”

Looking back to him with an unreadable expression, Nova nodded in understanding. Looking down to his own helmet, Kylo took a quiet breath before turning around with his cloaked back to her. “I will retrieve you in the morning, when it is time to train. Be sure to be dressed and ready to leave by the time I arrive to collect you. The holopad will instruct when it is night time, so you will not be confused by the same cycle.”

Reaching over to the small panel that held a few buttons, Kylo pressed the smallest one to have the seal of the window slid open to reveal the vast space of stars and passing TIE and ships. He was careful to listen to Nova’s gasp and watch from the corner of his eye to see her hurry to the window, going on to her toes to be up to the height of the ledge. Kylo could only imagine what would be swimming in her head as she gazed outside with her mouth probably hanging open; he didn’t bother to turn around as he straightened his back and held his helmet firmly in his hand, his face passive as usual.

“Rest well, Nova.”

He heard her shift behind him, assuming that she turned her gaze from the stars to look at him one last time. In her voice, as much as Kylo was tempted to get that addicting sensation of her smile, he sufficed by hearing her speak to him with a smile on her lips.

“Thank you, Kylo. Rest well.”

* * *

As Kylo Ren retired to his chambers and prepared himself to sleep, he took his holopad and logged into the medical records to search for Nova’s activated file to see what the saliva sample provided. The results show that Nova was only a few years younger than himself - twenty-three - and was completely human. It showed her diet habits from the last year and the plan to change it through the program of delivering her food; she never had much to eat, and Kylo was somewhat tempted to order something, but resisted when he saw that the other collected data of her showed that she was at least healthy. She didn’t carry any parasites or diseases from the saliva, yet Kylo knew that the blood work will show more and dig deeper into what could possibly be hidden.

Sitting down on his bed, Kylo slowly began to register the familiar numbness he felt from the chambers of the arena and caused him to look up from the holopad. Looking to the wall that directed to Nova’s bedroom next to his, Kylo carefully set the device on the nightstand and reached out to touch the wall with the tips of his bare fingers.

Searching through the Force, Kylo watched as Nova’s signature grew to surround the whole block of the quarters, seeming to shut out Snoke’s usual presence that he was so use to feeling even in the “safety” of his own chamber. It wasn’t dominating from her, instead felt comforting in the way that the emptiness seemed to cocoon around him and unconsciously made him release tension. As odd as it was the first time he felt it, a part of the Commander felt pleased as Nova caused a sort of permanent placement around them.

She considered this area her safespace, as her new home, and brought it to Kylo’s territory. For someone who did not know anything of the Force or her own abilities, she at least seemed to project to Kylo that she had an open trust in one way or another to him. He didn’t know what to make of this assumption, yet didn’t feel the urge to find the answer right away. Unconsciously or not, Kylo couldn’t help but feel relaxed as he slowly laid down on his bed, hand dragging down the bare wall as he did so.

As weird and unusual Nova was and how he constantly catches himself in how he behaves with her, Kylo couldn’t find himself to regret much of anything when it came down to it. If Snoke hadn’t said anything about his treatment to her yet, then he must be doing fine in his lessons of being his apprentice.

For the first time in years, even as he was a young boy, Kylo fell asleep without having to feel on guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Wouldn’t be surprised if General Hux was oddly turned on by Nova’s fight…then feared for his life.


	4. for phasma's compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Depiction of spar violence.

It didn’t take long for Commander Kylo Ren to take on a schedule with the new apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke, and he didn’t feel ashamed in admitting that he appreciate how flexible and on-time she was with anything he were to ask for. Nova was always dressed and ready to go by the time he knocked on her door, smiling at him and ready to follow his lead as he guided her through their to-do list and training. He would assume, naturally, with her previous life as a slave and having to be at her owner’s beck-and-call at any given time with no precise warning, that she was used to it.

Even now, as the silver doors hissed opened to reveal Nova ready, smiling up to him in a greeting, Kylo can’t help but appreciate polite attitude towards him first thing in the morning.

As the two apprentices walked side-by-side, Kylo took notice of Nova’s damp hair pulled in what he called her signature braid. After being told of the standard issue of dress-code of having long hair pulled into a tight bun, Nova seemed to shrug it off and do what she pleased; along with the hair, Nova took control of her outfit as well, much to Hux’s displeasure of her exposed arms and shoulders. Having her uniform nearly identical to Kylo’s robes without the cape, gloves and cowl, Nova complained to Snoke about how tight the sleeves were and proceeded to cut them off herself…all while the Supreme Leader shrugged at her odd behavior. Kylo learned that Nova was fairly _independent_ and went to follow particular rules, showing her personality to be as stubborn as he was while being trained by Kylo’s side.

The twenty-five year old man watched as Nova stared out the window of the hallway that showed off the stars. Anyone else ignored the sparkling lights and went about their business while Nova slowed in her movements to take a moment longer to look at the expanse of the darkness filled with different planets, galaxies and moons. Even though she’s been with the First Order for a few good months now, the everyday sight of space always seem to draw Nova’s attention for a good minute or two…

And Kylo _always_ allows her to have that couple minutes to gaze.

“Nova,” Kylo called for her through his helmet, catching her attention as she stole one last look to the stars before hurrying back to his side to continue on.

Entering the training facility where the Knights of Ren were already sparing against each other in hand-to-hand combat while the stormtroopers were also readying in their conditioning lessons with Phasma. Noticing the familiar silver armor, Nova instantly ditched Kylo’s side towards the Captain, calling her name with an excited grin on her face as the chrome helmet turned her way. Kylo did nothing to stop her, instead watched the short interaction take place. Nova propped herself to Phasma’s side and began speaking with a smile on her lips to the taller woman; all while the Captain kept her gaze focused on the new member, nodding once her way before turning back to her team. Seeing that as the end of the conversation, Nova then hurried back to Kylo’s side as he arrived to his Knights halting in their routine to line up and bow to the two.

Once Kylo introduced Nova to the Knights and explaining to them who she was to be, the six members were quick to treat the young woman similar to their leader. Although Nova was resilient to allow them to treat her the same as Kylo, but the Commander had to explain to her of her place among them. Still, Nova didn’t quite understand what it truly meant to be Snoke’s apprentice compared to everyone else - as far as she knew, she didn’t hold any sort of title, like an officer. It was a constant process between them, but Kylo had yet to find himself grow tired of explaining simple things to her.

“ _Good morning_!” Nova said politely, even though she knew by this time that the Knights won’t verbally respond, but nod to her in acknowledgement. It was certainly unusual for someone to be sweet on the Supremacy, but the Commander heard from projections and wandering minds that it seemed to _push_ them to keep going and do _better_ work.

Taking a couple steps forward, Nova approached two of the six Knights and looked them up and down carefully. Kylo watched through his visors as her eyes flickered between the two, her lips twitching in consideration as she analyzed them.

“Consider…tightening your form and focus your energy here,” Nova spoke as she directed her bare hand to the middle of her sternum, in reference to the Force as Kylo remembered. “You both aren’t connecting the form and energy at the same time when you fight, but you’re close.”

Looking to the Knight at the other end of the lineup, Nova frowned. “Do not hesitate in _any_ attack. If you were to fight against an enemy, hesitating would lead up to your death; go stand over there,” she pointed to the middle of the mat as she went to the bin that held sparing staffs while the Knights moved out of her way, Kylo remaining in his spot. The Knight who was called out readied their own staff, waiting patiently.

Over the few months Nova has been on the Supremacy with Kylo, the more he has had the chance to see her form more abilities and slight understanding of what the Force was through Snoke’s teachings. She has grown to understand what the Force was and what she is to be capable of doing through learning so, however, there was a problem with the numbing block that seems to shut out Kylo and the Supreme Leader.

It was revealed to Kylo through the first teachings that Snoke couldn’t sense the wall within Nova like he could. To the Supreme Leader, Nova was just a _brainless, empty-minded woman with nothing going on inside_ , while Kylo could practically feel the immense power of it that it constantly makes him question his own Master’s understanding of different Force-sensitive individuals who have yet to awaken their powers. To Kylo, Nova has yet to be able to manipulate people and items on her own, let alone wield the Force to lift anything without assistance from Snoke or himself.

Nova’s Force is not _awake_ , but seeming to be _trapped_ inside her.

As Kylo Ren watched Nova spar against one of his Knights with the sparring staff, moving quickly and fluidly that mimics a sort of dance, he couldn’t help but mentally praise the abilities she already had in her grasp in comparison to his own. The way she is able to sense her surroundings and predict any sort of incoming attack was something to behold. How she seems to transform into another person once she encounters someone to fight with, blending into whatever weapon is at her disposal and then seeing through her targets’ form and always come out as the winner. Kylo always found himself drawn to the way she dodges any attempted hits her way and even uses her own body to throw the Knight off their feet.

“ _Hesitated_ ,” Nova said coolly, twisting the staff in her hold as she turned her back on the fallen Knight. Kylo watched the Knight scramble to their feet and bounce silently on their heels before attempting to strike the side of Nova’s head with the stick, only for the young woman to bend down and twirl on her knees to hit the Knight’s ribs with an echo. The Knight flinched behind their helmet and gripped their side as Nova jumped back up. “Hesitated _again_. Stop trying to think of how to hit me and just let go.”

The angered yell from the Knight caused heads to turn as they swung at Nova’s feet. She jumped to miss the hit and the Knight began to lung over and over at Nova with the staff, missing over and over and getting more built of anger and brute strength. It took until Nova threw her staff to the side and collided her hands to wrap around the Knight’s and trap all movements; using the Force in her hands and feet to withhold her opponent from moving any more. Kylo watched as the Knight kept trying to push against her, until Nova threw them around and sent them crashing to the metal wall with the staff in hand. The Knight fell to the ground hard, struggling to catch their breath and attempt to sit up as the woman turned and made her way over.

“ _Better_ ,” Nova praised with a chirp as she knelt to help the Knight up. It was another odd thing about her, always helping whoever she trained with. “Your form of focus was a bit all over the place and I was able to find the gaps, but you did better. Is that right, Kylo?”

The Commander only offered a single nod, able to recall the tiniest mistakes Nova was referring to. If the woman hadn’t said anything about the gaps in the Knight’s Force, Kylo was certain he would have missed it.

The rest of the time contained Kylo monitoring his Knights and Nova stepping in every once in a while, but otherwise remained by his side. The two remained quiet for the most part, watching the Knights work out their mistakes and butt heads by their guidance.

When Nova watched a pair of Knights use the Force to flip the other around before striking, a soft sigh left her lips and caught the Commander’s attention. Turning his helmet visors to look down at her, he saw Nova’s eyes watch the Knights use the Force against each other instead of on themselves for leverage. A sort of longing stare as she watched them slam another against the wall, almost as hard as she had demonstrated with using her arms just a few hours prior. Kylo understood that the Knights were aware of Nova’s lack of strength in using offense moves with the Force, instead using her own body to flow it as a weapon, but it was also very noticeable that what Nova is able to do can be nearly impossible for them to do themselves. They take her advice seriously, but they have to modify it to their benefit in the lesson. To Kylo, he wondered if Nova was irritated by that, or if she envied the Knights for their use of the Force.

Reaching a hand up and aiming it to Nova’s head, Kylo attempted to push against the unknown wall that only he could seem to identify. Even out in the open like this, in the training facility, where all eyes could be on him at any given time, that never stopped the Commander from trying to find something…

And always comes back empty.

Her eyes flicking his way, Kylo eventually stopped his ministrations and lowered his hand back behind him underneath his cloak. He couldn’t particularly read her expression, but the way she seemed to look him up and down, like she did with the Knights, irked him in a way he didn’t understand. Even as Nova turned, her eyes still on him, and slowly leaving his side to a pair stopping in their spar, Kylo couldn’t help but frown when she turned away from him and went on to do her job.

“She feels useless, Commander.”

Turning his head the other way, Kylo sent a questioning stare to Phasma. Even though she was faced the opposite way to pay attention to her ‘troopers and having no verbal contact with the Commander and young woman, she made it sound like she also possessed the abilities to pry into minds. “Nova feels out of place in comparison to you or even to the Knights, whenever you use the Force in ways that she can’t. It makes her feel useless to work alongside you,” she clarified, not even looking over to him as he directed his attention towards her.

“How would you know what she _feels_ , Captain?” Kylo asked in a low voice, a swell in his stomach that he couldn’t seem to name properly began bubbling.

“I speak to her every once in a while, when she wanders around the ship during your time with the Supreme Leader,” Phasma answered honestly. “She has a curious mind and always asks childish questions, but she is very careful in explaining to me how she feels being aboard.”

“Do you _ask her_ what she feels?”

“ _No_.” The Captain turned her helmet to look at him, seeming to give him a sort of expression that she indeed never asks for personal details. Knowing her, Phasma could care less. “But, unlike many people on this ship, Nova appears to not have anyone to confide in with certain things. Things that she’s not comfortable going to the Supreme Leader for or voice it out herself in fear of being subjected to ridicule. I simply happen to be a living organism for her to speak to, and I have no say in judgement.”

Kylo knew that Nova found Captain Phasma interesting, seeing how she sometimes watches her control her unit with careful eyes and ears when she has nothing better to do from training the Knights or private lessons with Snoke, or reminding the General of her existence by popping onto the main bridge to smile at his employees. Sure, Nova always seemed unusually happy and cheerful in this serious environment, but no one has yet to really stop her. Nova just seems to find certain people - in example, Phasma - interesting and somewhat clings to her like a sort of child, and the Captain doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

“Perhaps she can find _comfort_ in her placement with someone who is _close in ways that I’m not_ ,” Phasma suggested, turning her head back before Kylo could catch her. “Since I am not always available to Nova as often as a companion would be, maybe she can find another source of confidential conversations when she doubts herself.”

Phasma called order to her unit and all stormtroopers immediately halt in their training and went about to put away their tools to leave. The session was over, and Kylo knew that he would have to call it an end to his team as well. “Consider it a compromise, Commander Ren: you seem to tolerate Nova to the point that you could lend an ear, all while she keeps you entertained in trying to get inside her head. After all, it’s not like her quarters are far from yours.”

The Captain then left completely before Kylo could react - if he could.

Kylo Ren spared a minute more before ending the training among the Knights, collecting his own thoughts about what he plans to do to try and make something work for himself.

* * *

The day went on as expected, with Kylo and Nova having their own lessons with the Supreme Leader Snoke to guide them; meditating and challenging the apprentices’ minds through some painful method of the Force, only to come with that Nova is still, as Snoke quotes, “ _brainless and empty_ ”. Snoke still had yet to cause the young woman pain through the Force, let alone realize that there was a Force wall present. Kylo couldn’t bring himself to tell Snoke about it, oddly enough, thinking that eventually his Master has to see it sooner or later and make sense of everything this young woman seems to hold secret inside her.

Exiting the refresher in his high-waisted trousers, readying for bed, Kylo didn’t particularly notice how late it had gotten, noticing how the holopad was alerting him that he was past his time alarm. Ever since Nova’s acceptance of the quarters as her space, Kylo has been finding himself relaxing a lot more easily and losing track of time. Not that this was a negative thing, as he was used to going to bed at a later time frame. He canceled the alarm and was about to find a comfortable shirt to sleep in when the holopad alerted him of a visitor to his door, making him frown.

Seeing that it was a medical droid standing on the other side, Kylo allowed the door to hiss open at the machine blinked at him. “Good evening, Commander Ren,” the droid said, raising a robotic claw as a form of wave. “I trust that you are feeling well.”

“I did not ask for a medical droid.”

The droid blinked its lights again before speaking. “I am aware, Commander Ren. I was actually scheduled to deliver to the quarters next to yours, the patient named Nova.”

“She requested a medical droid?” Kylo asked with narrowed eyes. He couldn’t recall any sort of injury she could have gotten from teaching the Knights or sparring against Kylo with Snoke. If anything, he was the one to gained a scratch or two from the smaller woman.

“No.” The droid opened its chest compartment to remove a small container that held a single pill. “The staff at the medbay have taken notice of Nova’s sleeping patterns and found it vital that she takes this pill to get proper sleep, to see if it will regulate her better.”

“She’s not… _sleeping_?”

“Charts from her bloodwork show an irregular pattern of Nova’s sleep, stating that she only obtains a couple hours to none at all,” the medical droid explained in full detail. “I was scheduled to give Nova this pill that will coax her to sleep naturally, but she doesn’t seem to be present in her quarters at the moment. The file states that you are to oversee Nova personally, so I am granting you the medication and trust that you will make sure she takes it.”

Holding the capsule out expectantly, Kylo took a moment before taking it and allowing the medical droid to leave the secured hallway and out to the now-quiet ship. Kylo looked to the quarter doors at the other end of the hall with a frown, unable to figure out where the unusual woman would wander off to. He could have sworn that she followed him back to their hallways and watched her enter her quarters before going into his own - of course, she could have snuck passed him with her unique Force wall to leave. A part of him felt like he was dealing with a child and he was the babysitter.

Not that he minded being a “ _babysitter_ ”, but not when the “ _baby_ ” happens to be a few years younger than him and has the habit of slipping by very easily.

Sighing, Kylo took his rarely-used bathrobe that hung by his other assorted coats and left the confines of his secluded quarters. He didn’t have shoes or socks on, never minding the chilly floor tickling his feet as he attempted to find Nova’s Force signature with his own and trying to think of peculiar places she would want to go to. Going towards the hall that held different storing closets, it didn’t take long for him to hear beeps of different BB units going nuts with the sound of a voice emerging from around the corner.

Stealing a glance around the corner, Kylo found Nova crouched down with a herd of BB units in the middle of the hall designated for droids. Her back facing him, he watched her reach with her hands to tap the head box of the closest one to her. The droid made a noise, but didn’t seem bothered by her forward action, even though Kylo has never seen any First Order issued droid to be playful before, instead circle around her before coming back to its original spot.

“Is it hard to move around like that?” Nova asked the cluster of droids with a tilt of her head. “Don’t you worry about your boxes falling off if you roll too fast?”

A collection of beeps emerged from them and Kylo watched the young woman jump at the reaction. “Really? It works like that?” she laughed brightly. One of the droids beeped at her, its box twisting around as nova listened carefully. “No, I’ve never seen BB units where I use to live. They hung around more the hangars with ships, and I was never stationed there back on Bavva III.”

And like that, Nova’s head turned to meet Kylo’s exposed eyes, making her smile. “Hi Kylo!” she said brightly, causing all the BB units to beep in synchronization before taking off further down the hall, leaving the two alone. Nova was confused when she saw all the droids leave, making her frown as Kylo stepped out from his corner.

“Where are they going?” she asked him curiously.

“They know not to be out when they should be recharging themselves,” Kylo simply said as he stood by her.

Nova looked up to him from her seated position. “But they weren’t out in the open or anything. We’re in the hallway where their charges are, aren’t we?”

“Why are you outside of the quarters?”

The young woman bit her lip before getting to her feet, letting Kylo to see her attire somewhat similar to his own; bare feet, but with the silk sleeping bottoms and backless top covered by a black silk robe tucked securely around her. Her hair didn’t have her usual braids, left loose and still a bit kinked in certain ways from the previous style. Nova fiddled with her hands for a moment, rocking on to each foot cautiously. He watched her with careful eyes, yet his expression was stoic and stern as he meant to be with his helmet on, hoping to show off his authority in a way. As far as he could tell, Nova wasn’t doing anything wrong in being out with the droids, but he can’t piece her together of her actions.

“I was bored,” she said softly, eventually looking up to him to shrug. “I don’t usually get to see the BBs up close during the day cycle, so I wanted to see where they go when everyone is suppose to sleep…”

“This late at night…” Kylo drawled, his eyes narrowing in confusion to her.

“It’s quiet and not a lot of people are out around this time, except for a few people, but they don’t really approach me,” Nova answered. “The droids are fun, though, did you know that, Kylo? I play a hide-and-seek game with them sometimes and it helps me learn where to go on the ship. So I won’t get lost easily anymore.”

Kylo looked her over before remembering what he was originally suppose to do. Reaching into the pocket of his robe, he pulled out the pill bottle and beckoned for her attention. “A medbay droid came to our quarters to deliver a medication for you, saying that your chart is showing that you are not sleeping properly when you should be,” he said, showing her the container holding the single pill. “I was not aware that you were not sleeping, Nova.”

Her lips forming a small pout as she eyed the bottle, Nova took a step away and held herself with her arms. He got her now. “When the medbay took your blood sample, the chart monitors your health on every day-cycle to ensure you’re not getting sick or not eating properly,” Kylo explained further, but his voice turning a bit soft at seeing her bite her lip. “This medication is suppose to help you sleep. Are you uncomfortable with your quarters?”

“No, I’m not uncomfortable with my quarters,” Nova responded quickly, running her hand through her hair.

“Then why are you not sleeping?” When she didn’t respond, Kylo sighed and slipped the pill container back into his pocket and turned around. Taking a few steps to where he came from in his search for her, the young man turned his head back to her to make eye contact - making sure for himself that Nova still had the sparkle in her eyes. When she finally looked up to him with a sort of innocent gaze, he felt his chest tighten and forcing him to swallow. Taking a deep breath and looking to his hands, he felt a sudden hesitation from himself.

Kylo didn’t have his gloves on, let alone being properly dressed infront of Nova’s presence. This would be the first time Kylo was exposed in a sort of way that she was seeing the skin of his hands and feet; although he was wearing a robe that was currently concealing his torso, Kylo couldn’t seem to get over the idea of feeling naked to her…

And yet, he wanted to hold his hand out to her, to let her hold onto his naked fingers with her own and hold on to _**him**_ as he guided her back to the safety of their quarters that Nova kept safe. For the first time in his life, Kylo desired a sort of physical contact with another person. He wanted to support her and let her know that she is not useless, as Phasma shared her invisible worries to the one who is suppose to watch her.

And not just any person, but the woman he promised her freedom and gave her a name.

From the corner of his eye, Kylo noticed how Nova continued to fidget with her hands, how her sparkling eyes took quick glances downward when she figured he wasn’t looking. It was then that Kylo noticed that he most likely wasn’t the only one who had the idea of holding on to the other’s hand.

Taking a deep breath, Kylo composed himself and tightened his hands into fists. He was resisting to make both of their ideas a reality.

“Come, Nova,” he said lowly, turning his chin away from her. “We will discuss this issue in your chamber.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Phasma is the real mvp and I love her supporting Nova.


	5. towards a better rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Mentions of slavery.

Being the first to enter Nova’s quarters, Kylo’s eyes scanned the main chamber carefully. Everything was organized and clean the same way he had brought her to see it the first time only a few months ago. There wasn’t any garbage or littered clothes as he would expect from someone being given freedom to do whatever they would like with their new home, but he was pleased to see that Nova was not one of those people. Looking to the shelving near the couches and table, Kylo took notice of unusual items placed in a particular order and eyed them carefully. Chunks of rocks of various colors lined neatly on the top shelf, some having a sliver of bricks or scrap pieces of metal next to or underneath to the next shelf, it seemed to be placed purposely in a order to keep them organized.

Noticing his stare at the collection, Nova spoke as she walked past him. “They’re gifts,” she clarified in a soft voice, making the Commander look her way as she began undoing the string to her robe.

“They’re rocks and garbage,” Kylo frowned a bit and she paused before removing the silk robe off her shoulders. Looking up to him, he saw how Nova’s sparkling eyes weren’t upset or irritated by his claim. She looked to be considering his words, seeing the corner of her lips twitch upward to a purely amused smile.

“To some, but they’re like treasure to me,” she said. “They’re from the planets and moons we’ve passed, and since I have yet to be allowed to go to any planets…I wonder what things look like; rocks, buildings or other materials. These make it a little bit easier.”

Kylo took one more look to the shelves as she removed her robe, turning around to hang it. When he looked back to the young woman, Kylo felt his eyes grow the littlest at the sight of her bare back revealed to him. The backless nightgown provided view of the harsh diagonal scar across the whole expanse of Nova’s back. Starting from the lower left of her back hip, the scar grew thicker as it drifted up and disappeared to the top corner of her right shoulder; if Kylo were to compare the size, he could imagine feeling the bumped skin to fill the tip of his middle finger, only imagining what the scar felt like in comparison of her otherwise soft-looking skin. Kylo knew that Nova was using the scented lotions hidden in the refresher, oftentimes smelling the sweet aroma whenever she followed him in the morning and he had yet to put his mask on. Of course, he knew that Nova’s skin wasn’t _flawless_ , the tiny, faded scars of small cuts and slivers could be picked out once someone were to be up close to her and stare, but he had yet to see anything drastic on her flesh, minus the burned mark he saw on her inner thigh when he first laid eyes on her.

He wanted to know who would have dared marked Nova’s body so barbarically.

Watching her turn back to face him, Kylo swallowed and looked away before Nova could say anything upon catching him stare at her bare back. “Why have you not been sleeping?” Kylo asked as he began walking around the quarters, looking for evidence or something else to look at besides her in the middle.

The couches have been used gently, and were patted down as best as possible after each time, and the table has obviously been cleaned after possibly eating her meals. Kylo could imagine Nova sitting on the ground at the silver table, eating her organized food as she gazed to her collection like it was the most amazing setup ever.

“It will probably sound very stupid, if I told you,” Nova answered, watching him eventually turn to the small hallway that led to the bedroom. She followed him a few feet back, keeping her distance.

“Why have you not been sleeping?” Kylo asked again, not firm or demanding like he normally would be with others. He found himself sounding soft to her, but he didn’t dwell to much on that…

Not when he saw that the bed had remained untouched, a very light evidence of dust collecting on the black fabric of the blanket. His brows furrowing just a bit, Kylo slowly turned to look at her standing at the threshold.

“You haven’t used your bed…”

Nova bit her lip, eyes flickering between the pressed bed and him for a moment. “I am not used to…having something like _that_ ,” she confessed in a whisper, obviously guilty. “And, it looks very lovely the way it is and I couldn’t bring myself to ruin it. I know we have service droids to fix it, but I didn’t want to…”

“Where have you been sleeping when you do?” Kylo pressed, turning her way as she looked down.

“The floor. In the living area, on the small rug that’s out there.”

“Is this why you’re not sleeping?” Taking a few steps towards her, towering her, he saw how she kept her head down to stare at their bare feet. He wanted to take her chin and have her look at him, fingers twitching at the mere idea, but resisted as he took a deep breath. Nova shook her head and Kylo felt his lips form into a thin line of stress. “Tell me why you are struggling to sleep, Nova.”

“I…used to sleep in a very different environment, before coming here,” she began. “The slaves on Bavva III were always given a room to share all together, doesn’t matter what age you were, you all shared the same room.”

Noticing him frown deeper, she seemed to have understood his confusion and spoke further. “When I failed to follow the system, I had lost my right to share the same quarters as the other slaves,” Nova explained, rubbing her neck shamefully. “They have been keeping me under the arena, until you arrived. The only time I ever left was to perform for potential buyers.”

“They locked you away from everyone else,” Kylo exhaled while Nova nodded.

“I’m used to sleeping next to people. I do not like sleeping _alone_ ,” she said, looking to the bed. “Even if I didn’t always get along with the slaves, just having someone nearby has always just been the way I could sleep. It’s been that way for slaves since we were born. Trying to sleep back there and here with this much space is… _weird_.”

Kylo nodded slowly, registering every word she said with a sort of consideration that. He understood now why she wasn’t sleeping, but couldn’t understand _why_ she didn’t use the bed that was given to her, or at least use the blankets. The quarters were always regulated to be cooler during the night cycle, and he figured Nova would take advantage of warming herself easily by wrapping herself with the thick quilt provided to her. The reason of feeling alone when one was at their most vulnerable state also made sense, as Kylo could sometimes relate.

“I didn’t want to say anything to you about it, because you already do so much in having to watch me, because it was ordered by Snoke,” Nova added, taking a step away. “I thought it would change over time, but… I can’t relax with so much space.”

By how she was standing with tense shoulders, her eyes refusing to meet his and her hands gripping her nightgown so tightly that her skin of her knuckles appeared ready to burst, Kylo knew what she was feeling without having to voice it. He didn’t want her to feel any worse than she was now; _tired, self-conscious_ and _small_ \- three things that Kylo could understand better than anyone on this giant ship.

“Come with me,” Kylo spoke, slowly passing her as he said so and began making his way out of the unused bedroom. He walked slow enough for Nova to follow, still keeping a distance from him that made Kylo turn his cheek to glance at her from the corner of his eye. “You are not in trouble, Nova, I assure you.”

“Okay.” Her voice was quiet, still hesitant.

* * *

Guiding her into his own chambers, Kylo was directing in bringing her to towards his own bedroom. The lights were off, saved for the refresher that bled light over to show his bed; blankets shifted and pillows moved around, his bed differed greatly from Nova’s untouched one, obviously slept in. Seeing her remain standing as he reached for the glass of water on his nightstand and fishing out the pill from the pocket, Kylo only spared her one look.

“Sit down on the bed,” he instructed, hearing her bare feet slowly reach his ears as she seemed to think over how to sit. When he finally turned to her, he found her sitting on the far corner, barely sitting her whole bottom.

Kylo held out the pill and glass to her. “Take this, it will help you ease into sleep,” he told her, watching her hands slowly raise and grasp the bottom of the glass and open her palm for him to drop the pill. Watching her take the pill with water, mentally smirking at the disgusted expression she made, the Commander then pulled back the blanket and sheet. “Get in, closer to the wall.”

Her eyes snapping to him as he took the glass away from her, Nova swallowed. “ _What_? Kylo, I don’t want to take your bed from you -”

“ _Get in, Nova_ ,” he urged softly, not feeling to argue with her with his plan.

Scrunching her brows, Nova slowly moved onto the bed and made her way to the farthest corner and sat oddly, as if registering how soft the bed really was for the first time. When Kylo moved his hand in a motion for her to lay down, he waited until she did so before draping the blanket and sheet over her. Seeing her face make odd expressions, Kylo actually took the extra mile in shoving the blankets under her arms, as if telling her not to try and escape without saying a word. The Commander could remember a simpler time when a figure in his life did the same thing to him when he was a child.

Seeing how his work turned out, Kylo then sat on the edge of his bed and removed his robe, dropping it to the floor. He was tired at this point, instead of his usual routine to put his clothes away properly. Laying down beside her, on top of the blankets and sheets with his chest exposed as he exhaled long and slow, he finally rest his head on the pillow. He watched Nova wiggle a bit underneath the blanket, seeing her turn to face the wall and scoot a bit closer to it; their bodies weren’t touching at all, the space between them very modest and careful between the two, as if respecting each other.

“You have been _immense help_ to the Knights,” Kylo said after a couple minutes of odd silence. Lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, he didn’t move as he waited for her to settle in this new sensation of a plush mattress and warm blankets.

He felt her freeze for a moment before looking over her shoulder to him. “The way you can sense flaws and mistakes through the Force is making them more aware of how to handle with combat, in whatever situation they may find themselves in,” he continued, his voice careful. “You are very strong in sensing their need to _survive_ , and it’s admirable.”

Feeling her shift back to face the wall, Kylo heard her muffled voice against the pillow. “ _I’m not strong_ ,” she said. “No matter how much I train with Snoke or anything, I have yet to be able to do _anything_ that you are able to do so easily. I can’t lift items without touching it, or tap into thoughts like you can… You and Snoke can’t even look into _mine_.”

“You just have yet to awaken the Force inside you,” Kylo said, as if it was truly that simple. He knew that it wasn’t particularly true, but the urge to try and console her worries seemed to be his priority in the moment. “Even so, you are far stronger than you seem. You most likely don’t know what you’re capable of.”

“No, I most likely don’t,” Nova sighed, starting to feel the medicine to take effect. Rubbing under her eye slowly, the young woman felt Kylo shift behind her.

His head turned to stare at her, sensing the change in her breathing. She had yet to properly relax beside him, and he didn’t want her sleeping so stiff - _feeling useless_. “You are _very strong_ , Nova. I wouldn’t see you as any less important than…”

Seeing her try to lift her head to look behind her shoulder, Kylo swallowed as they made eye contact. Seeing how her eyelids grow heavy through the effects of the pill, the man took a deep breath and looked back to stare at the ceiling with a hard stare. “You may think you’re not as important to many, but, remember…you _are_ and _will always_ remain important to _me_. You’ve proved that since we first met. Do not ever question it with me.”

She blinked drowsily, her fingers twitching with the incoming sleep as she stared at his profile for a moment. Turning her head back to rest against the pillow, Nova took a deep breath and allowed her eyes to close. “I trust you, Kylo. I believe you.”

As her breathing evened out and Kylo listened to her fall into a deep, relaxing sleep, he felt himself _change_. Lying there by her side, listening to her and feeling the block that consumes their whole quarters grow warm made Kylo’s chest tighten - and not in a bad way. In the similar way to her smile, his heart was taking off into hyperspace upon hearing Nova speak those rare words; how the calmness that seemed to blend into her body as she soaked in his testament and the reaction seemed to get to him. At this very moment there was nothing wrong with Kylo, mentally, physically or emotionally and he could _feel_ it.

Sitting up on his elbows, Kylo looked at Nova’s sleeping body. How the blanket he placed on her shifted in her tossing and turning to reveal just a sliver of the scar behind her otherwise soft-looking skin, or how she was breathing. He couldn’t place it right away, letting his mind go to different places in the dark maze he called his consciences to find the best answer to what he wanted to consider it - consider this. This type of care he never showed to anyone else in his life, or how he listened carefully to her words to the Knights or while training with Snoke on meditation. It was weird, but he didn’t mind it at all.

Kylo _trusted_ Nova, as she did to him.

Reaching a hand over her slumbering head, Kylo only flowed himself from his inner center and out. He wasn’t pushing himself onto her, like all the other times he attempted, instead trying a different approach. Still, he knew the answer right away, feeling the blockage erupt at the sense of Kylo’s Force signature -

But, instead of blocking him with a forceful wall - all hard and intense as the strongest material known in the galaxy - there was only a gentle push against him, as if just _denying_ him entry and not bluntly _refusing_.

If he could give it an image, Kylo would see it as Nova’s ungloved hands against his black clothed chest. As if she needed distance from the towering build Kylo often used to be intimidating to everyone, she was just giving him a gentle nudge to take a step back. Nova would be smiling at him, not at all mad at him for being so forward: she would just ask him kindly to respect her space, and he, of course, would honor that. Kylo wouldn’t question it, he wouldn’t get irritated by it, **nothing** …

Resting his head back down, chin turned to look at her with gentle eyes before closing his own to fall asleep, Kylo fell into his slumber fairly easy. It would become the most comfortable sleep he would have in years, being so close to someone who wasn’t his own loneliness.

* * *

Eyes opening to the feeling of Nova leaving the bed through the bottom end, Kylo lifted his head to see her noticing his awake state. “It is almost the morning cycle,” she said quietly.

Dark eyes flitting to the holopad on his nightstand, Kylo read the alarm that approached the half hour countdown to his alarm. Kylo guessed that the medication did its job and gave her the required eight hours of sleep a human being should have each night. With her abilities, Kylo then also guessed that her body woke itself up as soon as the medication wore off and made her alert once more.

“I want to thank you for helping me, Kylo,” Nova said with a small smile, tucking her bed head locks behind her ear. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience I have caused you.”

Sitting up in his bed, Kylo noticed how she seemed to carefully push the blankets back in a small attempt to make her side of the bed without waking him. He looked back up to her with furrowed brows, confused, and she took notice. “I’ll leave you be, Kylo. I’m going to go and take care of things before it’s time to go.”

Right. The schedule routine they follow…

“Thank you again, Kylo. I will try to take the pills more to sleep.” Nova began to make her way to leave the bedroom, and Kylo found himself opening his mouth with no control.

“Nova.”

Seeing her turn her head back with wide eyes, as if expecting to be scolded for waking him, Kylo took a moment to wake up more and fix himself on the spot of his bed. “As you can not seem to rest properly by being alone in your quarters, I suggest you spend your sleeping cycle here. By my side.”

Her spine straightening, Nova’s face was something amusing to him in a way that he wish he could have taken a picture. Seeming to try and process his idea, Nova bit her lip and looked down to the floor with nervous eyes. “I don’t need to bother you with something so childish, Kylo. I’m sure the medicine can help -”

“If you haven’t been sleeping well because there is no one beside you, it is going to make you sick,” Kylo stated. “If you get ill, it will cause a need for investigation and I would rather spare you of having to deal with that.”

Seeing her frown, Kylo slowly got up from the bed and approached her in slow steps. “I meant what I said last night, about you being important and not useless, and I intend to see to it that you prove that to yourself. I want to see you remain healthy, and so if it means to help you sleep by being present, so be it.

“It will be just between us,” he continued carefully, standing infront of her and keeping his eyes on her. “No one will have to know, if you are not comfortable with anyone knowing. It will be just us, and you will get the sleep you need.”

“You won’t be bothered..?” Nova’s voice was so quiet and gentle, Kylo felt his heart trying to prepare itself.

“No, not with you. _Never for you_.”

Her head nodding slowly, Nova kept her gaze down as he watched her carefully. As much as he wanted to see the stars in her eyes so early in the morning, wanting to see if they remain so bright and mesmerizing as soon as she opens her eyes from slumber. His left hand twitching a moment, the desire to tilt her chin up so he could satisfy his need to see her closer. Making his hands form into fists, resisting, Kylo exhaled long and deep and he found himself watching the messy strands of her hair move from his breath. Kylo wanted to say something to her, anything to have her look up so he didn’t have to long for it any longer…

“I will see you in a while, Kylo. Thank you again,” the young woman spoke before turning, leaving the room and abandoning Kylo to stand there and listen to the door of his chambers hiss. He listened to her bare feet fading and the door closing.

Kylo Ren could only wait until he went to collect her to ease the unusual discomfort in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Totally wasn’t thinking of shirtless!kylo while writing this…totally wasn’t. Nope, I was not… Okay, I did think about it a little bit. Maybe a lot.


	6. for an understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Violence, Kylo being an emotionally constipated dork.

Watching her stand close to the window and stare longingly at the stars, Kylo waited patiently at the other side of the hall as different officers and ‘troopers stalked past them without sparing him a second glance. Of course, seeing where the woman was and how her attention was solely on the different twinkling stars and far off moons and planets, some of the staff eyed the young woman’s unusual behavior. However, as soon as they notice the Commander’s presence on the other side, people were quick to move on and not look back. He knew that the other apprentice didn’t mind the stares or whispers asking what she was doing, but that didn’t mean he did not appreciate their thoughts of her odd behavior and quirks. Normally, if he had his way, he would use the Force to push them away from Nova or send a dark threat into their brains. However, as Nova gained more understanding of the Force and along the lines, Kylo has harder and harder times getting away with things from her.

Seeing her head tilt, Kylo was quick to give her all his attention when she turned around to look at him. “Kylo,” she called to him softly and he took only a couple stride across the hall to reach her side. She pointed to the window, not touching the thick glass, over to a collection of orbiting orbs in the distance. “What kind of planets are those?”

Following her gesture, Kylo found what she was asking. “Those are stars forming a _constellation_ ,” he explained. “You can not land on them, but they use to be used for landmarks or navigation a long time ago. Some use it to tell stories to children.”

“Do you know what those particular stars are used for?” she asked curiously.

“Not particularly,” Kylo shook his head with his helmet, noticing her hum and look back to the cluster with a sort of wonderment. He could tell that she was forming her own answer in her head with her own imagination. “But, I am certain I can find something through the holopad system later. We are suppose to record everything we come across, and I remember seeing those stars before.”

Nova smiled appreciatively to him and turned away from the window, facing Kylo with her hands behind her back. Kylo offered her a single nod before turning on his heels and began walking down towards the familiar pathway to the throne room. The pair stood side by side in the halls, passing stormtroopers and officers. Being polar opposite of receiving salutes or organized greetings; Kylo continuing on without a response all while Nova gave passerby smiles and tiny waves, even going as far as whispering a ‘ _good morning_ ’ to people so casually as she kept with the much taller man. Before approaching the praetorian guards, Nova was quick to notice how the red armored guards stomped their newly given weapons to the floor before the doors opened for them and followed closely behind.

Nova turned her head to watch them before reaching over to the other apprentice and tugged his cloak, as if letting him know what was going on. Kylo spared her a small glance and short nod before looking forward once more as Snoke rose from his chair.

“So glad that you two were able to make it so early in the morning,” Snoke said softly, although his focus was more on Nova as she scanned the other guards with different sorts of weapons. When the two apprentices bowed on one knee, the Supreme Leader eased back into his throne. “I have something important for the two of you to do together, as a test, considering Nova has been taking time in observing and reporting of my guards and Kylo has been trained under my wing the longest…”

“Hello, Snoke,” Nova greeted politely, yet with minimal zest, making Snoke smirk bigger at her personality and noticing how she seemed super aware of the subtle changes inside the spacious room.

“Come here, child,” Snoke gestured a single hand to Nova as the two stood up. When Nova frowned and looked to Kylo cautiously, the Force lifted her away from Kylo’s side suddenly and brought her closer to the humanoid’s seated form. Settling her to sit on the arm of Snoke’s throne, the Master simply reached to push a strand of her hair to tuck into her elaborate braid. “Don’t _worry_ , my dear, you are not in trouble in any means. This is an evaluation of how far you two have come along.”

Holding still as Snoke’s long fingers pet the top of her head, Nova glanced down the steps as Kylo remained where he was. “Evaluation?”

“To keep track on your _progress_ compared to when you first arrived.” Snoke fiddled with one of Nova’s braids as his other hand waved around and the remaining eight Elites came from behind the structure to the open space. “When you first arrived to me, you slaughtered my strongest guard as if they were nothing and I requested you to form the remaining ones into something _stronger_ ; to protect me from any sort of danger with better tactics, and, in return, I teach you how to use the Force and become stronger than just a mere _battle slave_.

“As for Kylo Ren, I promised him knowledge of how to become strong as well, as his ancestors before him,” Snoke continued, looking down to the remaining apprentice with a sort of critical stare. Behind his helmet, Kylo kept their eyes locked as he swallowed, feeling something is to force him to remain alert. “However, there is a _major difference_ between the two of you, Nova, that I want you to observe for yourself and see why you are trained differently than Kylo Ren, and Kylo to learn something from _you_.”

Nova’s chin tilted up to look at Snoke. “I do not understand.”

“Of course you don't,” Snoke cooed and Nova dropped her gaze from him, expression empty. “Your mind and conscience is far too different from him, Nova. Unlike you, Kylo Ren came from a different background that had family and connections from the day he was born. Kylo Ren has been exposed to attachments and emotions that won’t do him well in becoming a strong, feared creature in the galaxy as I build my new Empire, little one. A part of him still holds onto things that he should have shunned long ago, and now I have to give him constant reminders that he will always remain a weak, vulnerable child.

“However, thanks to your presence and influence on his own Knights and my Elites, I can actually give him a _proper example_ of what it means to be powerful. The weapons that I have recently issued to my guards are new and have yet to be exposed to either of you to process flaws and openings,” Snoke said proudly, snapping his fingers as each of the Elites activated their custom weapons and causing Kylo to twist sharply. “This evaluation will be about Kylo’s attachments, but also to see if _you_ have changed at all, little Nova. Do well and prove to me that I have not wasted my time or breath on either of you.”

It was if Kylo was thrown into a pit of starving beasts all trying to get to him at once, igniting his lightsaber and blocking a strike from a sword-like weapon aimed at his thigh. Throwing the nearest guard off him, Kylo began to fight with the overwhelming attacks and trying to defend himself at the same time by connecting himself with the Force; this caused an issue, though, as his lightsaber had yet to penetrate or break the weapons like he used to be able to whenever Snoke called for a spar like this. One against eight, Kylo felt his blood pump through his veins as he tried to connect a pattern or formation the guards could be using to find a weakness. Finding none, even as he pried the Elites’ minds all at once, to cause a distraction in his favor, Kylo was left to his own devices as he attempted to keep himself from being surrounded completely. Lightsaber thrashing against the new material, plasma spurting off as he yelled in fury, Kylo kicked himself off the first step of the throne and over the small herd and faced the back of them.

Eyes shooting to the top, Kylo saw through his visor as Nova focused on him while Snoke’s hand was tangled into her braid and digging into her scalp. Yanking her head back forcefully, Snoke made it obvious that he was “digging” into Nova’s thoughts as she watched Kylo fight. The Supreme Leader seemed pleased by his “findings” and Nova’s expressionless face and Kylo couldn’t help but feel himself growing more angered at the sight. He didn’t understand it himself, but he didn’t like the harsh grip on Nova’s hair. Even if she wasn’t expressing anything with her body or mind, Kylo just knew that she didn’t like the contact the Supreme Leader was forcing on her. Kylo _knew_ that about _her_.

‘ _See how Nova holds no remorse for you, Kylo Ren?_ ’ Snoke’s voice was taunting his thoughts, making the dark haired man start to see red. _‘Compared to Nova, with her empty thoughts, she doesn’t feel anything. She has potential to be strong. You, however, feel everything like a weak, little lost boy_.’

Kylo stopped two Elites with the Force and struck his lightsaber to another who tried coming behind him. A sudden sting up his back made him scream in pain when the electric whip snapped against his spine, making him kneel on one knee.

Attempting to regain control, Kylo was slammed against the ground by two Elites before Snoke ordered them all to halt. Once the clashing and echos of yells ceased, the only noise was the crackling hiss of Kylo’s helmet as he forced himself to get up by Snoke’s demands. It took until Snoke sent an electrical shock that spooked Nova onto Kylo’s shaking form that the man screamed again and was forced to sit up. He could see how round Nova’s eyes were from seeing the electric ripples rise up Kylo’s uniform and cracked around his helmet, causing a hiss in his voice modulator.

“As I can see,” Snoke’s voice dominated the room, “Kylo Ren still has yet to show _improvement_.”

* * *

The red lightsaber slicing against the panel board of the control room, Kylo yelled in frustration and pure rage as he swung his hilt left and right. Wires and sparks of now destroyed pieces of the operating system falling in chunks and smoking, Kylo ripped his helmet off his head and chucked it across the room. Grabbing his lightsaber tightly with both hands, Kylo began screaming with a demonic vocal range that he could feel the fear rising from different forms of life surrounding the vacant room. Still, despite ruining more of the expensive equipment with the anger fueling his body, Kylo couldn’t seem to stop plunging his lightsaber into metal and different material.

He didn’t care if he caused an explosion. He didn’t care for the sting on his back.

Kylo Ren didn’t _care_.

Spinning around to slice the conference table in two, Kylo froze at the sight of the door sliding closed and the obvious figure standing beside the ruins of the control panel and chair. Nova’s eyes locked with his blazing ones as he heaved his chest, the weapon still in his grip as he bared his teeth at her. She stood there, unmoving, watching him with those eyes that always catches him off guard.

“ _WHAT_?” he screamed at her, hoping to scare her enough to leave him isolated once more. It didn’t work, instead, she blinked slowly with her hands tangled in front of her. “What could _you_ possibly want from _me_? _WHAT DO YOU WANT_?”

Her brows creased with tension, and Kylo could soon feel the familiar wave of her wall expanding around the room itself. Exhaling slowly, Nova couldn’t control the shakes that became evident in her shoulders as she stared at him. Kylo watched as her sparkling eyes began to glow under the remaining light of the control room, filling with unshed tears as her lips finally parted to speak.

“I failed you.”

His lightsaber lowered, Kylo kept breathing hard as he picked up her shattered words that rose only above a whisper. Seeing her look down to her feet for a moment and take a deep breath, her expression remained neutral as possible as she gazed at him with wet eyes.

“ _I failed completely_.”

He couldn’t speak to her, ask her what she was talking about, watching her slowly break her focus once more as a single tear slipped down her cheek and he wanted more than anything to stop it from dripping off her chin. His weapon now turned off completely, hilt dangling in his hand at his side, Kylo looked to her perplexed. He didn’t understand what she was saying. Her behavior from the throne room was so different now, making Kylo’s heart twist and turn like the first time he saw her look to him in the arena.

“I…” She breathed, stopping herself from sobbing. “I…I-I _hesitated_.”

Frowning deeper, Kylo straightened his back as he stared at her with knitted brows.

“The Elites,” she hiccuped. “I trained them the same as I trained the Knights. The weapons…I didn’t know what they could do until they turned them on, watching them. When…Snoke - And then _you_ -”

A shaky exhale shook her body, making his own shoulders drop. “When you had to fight them, I hesitated. I hesitated and _you got hurt_ because of _me_. Because I _trained them_ and then I _hesitated to stop them_!”

Tears were falling freely down her face, her hands coming to grip her uniformed stomach and her stare remained at the ground littered with debris from Kylo’s lightsaber. “I didn’t like what I saw - I didn’t like seeing you fight something because Snoke can’t look into my head and see that it _scared me_! Why did Snoke say all those things? What is wrong with attachments, why are they considered bad? _I don’t understand_!”

The feeling of Nova’s Force surrounding them was taking its toll on Kylo, bringing him into the unusual ease that he rarely ever had the chance to experience before. Yet, despite the comfort of Nova’s block to the rest of the ship, he hated the sight of the tears in her eyes; making him feel as vulnerable as she was right now, as she confessed her confusion to him so openly. It was the trust, he felt, of believing she truly did trust him.

Taking a few steps around to approach the young woman, keeping his eyes on her as she shut her own and her hands slowly raised in the weakest attempt to touch her own chin. Her fingers were shaking, her tears dropping to the floor as she kept her head down. “I don’t understand. _I don’t understand_ …I hesitated…”

Lifting his own hand up, hovering the side of her head with his gloves, Kylo watched her flinch at the sense of him being so close. Nova didn’t move or attempted to protect herself. “I hesitated, Kylo. I’m sorry… _I’m sorry I hesitated, Kylo_.”

She was expecting him to _hit_ her. _To punish her_.

Slowly, his gloved fingers slid to the back of her head and he could feel every curved bump of her unique braid that he only called her own style. Remembering how Snoke gripped her roots in the throne room, Kylo swallowed down his growl and instead brushed his thumb back and forth before pulling her toward him. Her forehead touching his clothed chest, Kylo kept stroking his thumb against her hair as she let out a small cry that reminded him of a scared child waking from a nightmare.

Snoke’s words echoed in his head, like a red mark of failure to his own assumptions.

‘ _Nova holds no remorse for you…_ ’

His other arm slowly wrapping itself across her back, eyes locked forward, he slowly drew her body even more closer to his own as he cradle her head against him. Kylo could feel her shivers and cries that reached his bones in a way that made him need to take a deep breath.

‘ _She doesn’t feel anything_ …’

Kylo pulled Nova into a tight embrace, rocking her slowly as he tried to erase Snoke’s harmful touch with his own gentle caresses to her head, the hand on her back pressed firmly to her. Feeling her head nuzzle against him as she leaned her weight against him, Kylo closed his eyes and listened for Nova to ramble her apologies to him so openly in the safety of the room. He didn’t voice it himself, but Kylo forgave her every time she said sorry to him, his hand never ceasing in the massage to her head as she kept shaking.

Kylo refused to let her go.

“It’s…okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay… You’re _okay_ , it’s _okay_.”

* * *

Sitting in the tub filled with bacta fluid, Kylo stared at the dyed water while his mind wandered inside the slightly humid bathroom. The wound on his back healing into a mere scratch for the last hour he has been bathing alone, he had to dump his thick tunic for repairs onto the medical droid that dropped off Nova’s prescribed sleeping pill that now sat on the counter by the mirror and sink. Tilting his head back and closing his eyes, Kylo pressed his back against the porcelain and sunk lower until the bacta liquid reached his neck and letting it sink into his skin and every little bruise and cut he obtained from Snoke’s evaluation. Letting his mind wander on for the first time since he guided Nova back to their quarters and had her enter her room to eat her meal and prepare for bed, Kylo couldn’t help feeling the pressure on the pads of his fingers and palms and the pressure on his chest in the shape of her head.

Kylo wondered what it would feel like if he wasn’t wearing his gloves and he stroked her hair and trace her braids. How her skin would be as soft as it looked as he wiped away a tear that stained her cheek at his fingertips, or his mouth touching -

A gasp of breath escaped him from the soft knock against the entrance of the refresher, Kylo’s round eyes stared at the closed door in a panic before hearing a familiar voice.

“Kylo,” Nova’s soft voice reached his ears, “I finished eating and I’m ready for bed now.”

Taking a deep breath, Kylo slowly eased back into the water. This wasn’t the first time she had to knock on the door to let him know she was in his personal room, as he requested her to do if he were in the refresher. “Alright,” he answered back.

“Is the wound healed up yet from the bacta?” she asked him softly, and Kylo felt his heart thrum against his chest. Even after showing such raw emotions and confessing her fear of failing him, Nova still worried about his well-being.

“Yes, it healed a while ago. It's gone completely,” he said, looking down to the murky cloud-like substance. “I’ll be out in a moment, Nova.”

“Okay.” He listened to her leave the door, assuming she took a seat at the edge of his bed, like all the other times she waited for him to give her medicine.

Taking a breath, Kylo gripped each side of the tub and lifted himself out of the bacta liquid and pulling the plug. Standing inside the pristine white refresher room, Kylo grabbed his sleeping trousers and pulled them on casually, turning around to see that the bath did its work. What was once a burning line along his spine was now completely nonexistent to his dotted skin, making him lightly touch the healed skin before combing through his hair tiredly as the image of Nova’s teared face emerged in his thoughts again. The way she looked at him so guilty and emotional that it was something he couldn’t stop thinking of it and making his heartbeat rise…

Nova was not the first woman in Kylo’s life to make his heart go off. In the past, Kylo had used many faceless women to relieve tension or the empty void inside him that never seemed to fill no matter what. Women from different planets or ranks within the First Order, those who threw themselves so willingly to the Commander only to be kicked out of his bed as soon as he got what he wanted and forgotten. Now that Kylo thought of it, in his early days of training under Snoke and his short period of disgusting himself with his hormones, he registered all those times the beating organ desired _lust_ to be fulfilled, and nothing else. Still, even then, Kylo was left irritable and empty for something he didn’t understand and Snoke never bothered to help with, and eventually he ceased in prowling the halls and planets in search of another attempt to fill that void.

Kylo was never attracted to any of those women, much less _desired_ them in the first place. He remembered coming to quits that bedding women he didn’t bother with to be the resolution in this odd hole he had inside his chest. Kylo Ren was _never patient_ with anyone, not even the women who even tried to show interest in him; he read their thoughts, knew their desires and intent of trying to get close to him or raise their own status, and he easily turned the other cheek. He never bothered any more with being active in a physical, intimate way or show careful gestures to anyone…

Until Nova.

Of all the times Nova asked him a silly question or behaved in a way that would otherwise drive Kylo to resort to harmful reactions, he instead remained absolutely calm and careful to her. He allowed Nova to stare off into space as long as she wanted during their spare time; let her converse with different officers and ‘troopers in casual conversations, and follow the BB units in a sort of chase when she wanted. He never scolded her or even so much as raised his voice ever in their time together or forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do in the span of over half the year of being together.

And yet, whenever she smiled to him in the most innocent way, Kylo’s heart reacted in such a way that was _far stronger_ than he recalled during any of his escapades.

Kylo didn’t want to treat Nova any way that was similar to the women he used in his past, nor try to cause fear in her. He wanted her to keep smiling, to let Nova know that she has nothing to fear from him, as he would ensure that she was safe around him. The desire to let Nova sleep in peace that she deserves on a proper mattress and thick blankets had become a routine to him. Let her cry to him in her vulnerable moments in a embrace that he hadn’t done in who knows how long. What was so different about Nova to Kylo that those in his past didn’t?

Staring at himself in the mirror, Kylo came to realization of what was causing him to react so differently with her than with anyone else in his life.

Taking the pill bottle and a glass of water, Kylo exited the refresher to find the young woman waiting patiently on the corner of his bed. He could see that she must have showered in her own bathing room with how her hair was wet and her cheeks and knuckles were pink. She was dressed in a sleeping turtleneck that concealed most of her skin and shorts, her eyes tired from her guilty cries yet completely alert as Kylo approached her and deposited the pill and glass on routine. Kylo watched her take the blue pill with the water and hand the empty glass back with a grossed frown on her lips. Setting the glass on the nightstand, Kylo pulled the blanket down on Nova’s side for her to get in and making sure she was covered properly before sitting on his side.

Noticing her tilting head and eyes peering at his bare back, Kylo held still for her to see in the dim lighting that the wound was truly gone. A part of him wondered if Nova wanted to reach out and touch his back, to make sure he was completely healed, and how she would be absolutely be gentle with her fingers grazing his skin.

Hearing her release a soft breath and rolling to her side, Kylo finally turned his head to look at her exhausted form fitting itself so perfectly in what was once an unused spot of his bed. To him, she filled the area perfectly as she curled facing the wall and her hair haloing beautifully on the spare pillow Kylo never used; the blanket hiding her body from view yet proved that she was alive every time she took a breath, absolutely at peace next to the most feared being on the Supremacy.

Lying down on top of the blankets and sheets, Kylo placed his head on the pillow as he focused on Nova’s breathing change as the pill took effect on her. A part of him wanted to turn on his side and let his arm drape over her covered body and pull her close, similar to the embrace he gave her just hours ago, but he held back. Keeping his eyes to the ceiling, Kylo took a few deep breaths of his own before speaking.

“Nova,” he whispered, waiting for her to respond. Seeing her head shift in attempt to look over her shoulder from the corner of his eye, he felt himself feel the numbing-like force of Nova’s block ease him. “You did not fail.”

“ _Mm_?” Nova hummed tiredly in question.

Turning to look at the back of her head, Kylo spoke more clearly and directed towards her. “You did not fail, Nova. _You didn't fail me_.”

Watching her register his words slowly, Kylo didn’t miss the way her cheek bubbled in evidence of her smiling tiredly as she curled more to the wall. The sight and idea alone was enough to make Kylo feel that wonderful sensation that only she could provide to him.

“Thank you, Kylo,” she whispered. “I trust you.”

The Commander didn’t need to try and reach to the Force wall to know that her words were true as she fell asleep shortly after. He watched her ease into sleep for a while before turning his head back up to the ceiling and close his eyes next, finally feeling himself understand what he felt with Nova by his side and every time she smiled at him. As stoic and externally serious as he was, all the pieces inside him where making sense and forming into a solid conclusion after the course of months struggling.

Kylo Ren had developed feelings for her, and he knew that it wasn’t an attachment for Snoke to look down upon…much less ever know about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I was half tempted to have Nova/reader get her meds from inside the bathroom. I held back.


	7. of an acceptable measure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Mention of slavery.

“Do you understand what the term of professional acquaintances within a serious workplace means?”

Turning his head from the holodiagram he was being presented to by an officer on the top bridge, Kylo Ren looked to see Hux standing with his back to him in the next level down. In front of the General, crouched on her knees with her hands holding the edge of the desk, Nova looked up curiously to the ginger-haired man with a curious blink. She was conversing quietly with the female employee of the communication grid, making the uniformed woman smile as she seemed to pick up her pace in her work as Nova asked questions and gave her praises for doing something “ _amazing_ ” in her eyes. As far as Kylo was concerned by the apprentice’s behavior whenever they go to the main bridge - as he was given orders to check on files and movements of different stormtrooper units - she would hop down the main catwalk and talk to other people. She was in no means distracting to them, as she would often take a hint from anyone who would kindly tell her they were too busy focusing, yet someone who lightened the mood in a otherwise dense workplace.

It just seems like General Hux thought otherwise.

The female worker flinched at Hux’s overpowering stance and hunched her shoulders as she tapped furiously on the holopad, trying to shrink herself. Nova, however, didn’t seemed fazed at being caught by the General, and offered him a half smile in greeting to him. “No,” she answered casually, bouncing on her feet to turn a bit his way. “I actually don't. What does it mean?”

“It means that you do not hold such _casual conversations_ with people who work under the same organization, as it would be deemed unprofessional. Otherwise known as keeping relationship between employees strictly with work,” Hux defined rather proudly. “Surely, from where you came from, you had this sort of structure.”

Kylo watched her purse her lips, thinking it over. “Are you trying to tell me that I am not discussing work-related topics within the workplace? Because, if I may be open with you, Hux, I will have to say that you’re reading this situation very wrong.”

“ _What_?”

Nova stood up with a soft smile, looking to Hux with amusement in her excited eyes. “Every time I come in here with Kylo and I have nothing to do because, _really_ , I know _nothing_ of forming maps and organizing systems myself. So, instead, I talk about work with people. I ask questions to the officers about their works and how they make everything function smoothly; I also give them compliments for handling what, to me, is very difficult work and learn something from them. So, Hux, I believe I am performing the duty of having professional acquaintances within a serious workplace.”

Turning on her heel, Nova walked further into the different aisle, leaving Hux’s brows twitching and growing irritable by the young woman’s behavior. Kylo could hear the General’s thoughts of wanting to yell, to throw a fit and try to kick Nova out of the bridge. Seeing him turn around, Kylo turned back to steal one last look to the holographic before turning it off. He knew the General was going to come running to him about it, as was a sort of tradition every time Kylo and Nova came to the bridge together. It was annoying, but always ended the same and he still has yet to see Hux get through his thick skull that nothing was going to change.

“Commander Ren, you need to keep control on that _wretched woman_ ,” Hux hissed furiously as he got to Kylo’s side. “She does nothing but prance around the bridge and chats with the officers and staff like there’s nothing important going on.”

“Unless it was to be an emergency, I do not see the problem with her encouraging your employees. If anything, their work improves every time Nova makes a presence anywhere you’re in control, and you should take it as a good thing,” Kylo drawled out through his helmet voice modulator. “The Supreme Leader has mentioned often that Nova’s attitude is something to admire for underranked individuals.”

“She has no knowledge of what it takes to be serious within the bridge, much less understand what relationships between various people mean. The way she approaches Captain Phasma and your Knights is what a mere, stupid _child_ does when they see their mother.”

Clenching his left hand, Kylo gave a short squeeze through the Force around Hux’s throat as a warning, making the General stiffen with a strained cough as he shot wide eyes to the taller figure. “May I remind you that Nova is the Supreme Leader’s apprentice, as much as I am, and I doubt that she would appreciate hearing your comments. You have seen what she is capable of, if feeling threatened…”

Kylo didn’t miss the way General Hux spared a quick glance to the back of Nova’s head, a jolt of fear evident in his voice that amused the Commander. “Verbal threats make her feel tested as well?”

Turning his head to stare darkly to the General, Kylo didn’t hesitate to smirk under his helmet. “Why not test it out and see what happens, General. I’m sure all of us here could use some sort of _entertainment_ over your squealing rants.”

Turning around, Kylo placed his hands behind him as he called out in a eased voice to the smiling woman watching intently behind two officers decoding a script. He waited for her to jump back onto the walkway, using the ledge of a desk nearby for leverage as a sort of playground to reach his side and no one said anything of her rather roughed movement. Guiding her out of the bridge, he kept his gaze forward as Nova stayed by his side with a hurried pace to keep up, a curious smile on her face as she stole glances up to him.

“Does Hux really think that lowly of me, Kylo?” Her voice was casual, not at all upset as he would somewhat expect her to be. “I don’t think I need to see inside his thoughts to tell that he finds me very annoying whenever I’m within radius of his hearing.”

“He does not understand because you are very different from him,” Kylo stated cooly. “If he can get his head out of his own ass, then maybe he will see how you bring better work from others by encouraging them.”

Nova made a confused face by his vocabulary, yet didn’t bother to question it. “But…was I actually right, though?” she asked with genuine curiosity, making him look down to her. “By Hux’s definition of what that form of…relationship within work means. Did I follow through on it properly?”

Turning to a hallway that contained the different archive rooms for Kylo to input his findings to send over to the designated units among the galaxy, the Commander slowed down a bit. Noticing the change, Nova looked down to the ground. “By his definition, it made sense to what I was doing without being wrong, but…relationships are still a new development to me. Slaves on Bavva III weren’t always open to the idea of relationships outside of marriage, but even then, they are not like what is shown on holovids or the things I’ve read. Everything is different.”

Finding the particular room, Kylo entered the room with Nova. “What do you mean with the difference of marriage?”

Nova hummed before speaking, as if trying to figure out how to explain the differences. “Slaves could get together in matrimony, if they so desired, but they were never allowed to share or produce children without the consent of the system, if their genetics aren't compatible. The owners also had to register the slaves who desired to marry, but it’s very different from what I learned _now_. People who want to get married can do all that freely and don’t need to worry about separation once sold to different owners. They could also have their own children, if they so wish, and not have to worry about being paired with someone ‘better’ for their gene pool.”

“They would separate slaves who were married…” Kylo spoke as he reached to remove his helmet within the safety of the private room. Nova nodded slowly as she looked around the room with interest.

“Slaves who are married wore a sort of collar to let other slaves know that they are married, like the marital rings I have seen that you wear on a specific finger. I also read a thing called _courting_ , but I do not believe we did that back there; affection was something I rarely saw, but I’m almost positive that it was because of my line of work.” Nova sighed as she watched Kylo turn on the control panels, causing the room to dim in lighting as the different buttons glowed with faint white lights with different numbers and symbols. “I find that there is a lot of things I have yet to understand, not just the planets and moons you can visit, but of various relationships and bonds someone can have. Although, I do not think they are the same as these so-called _attachments_ Snoke warns me about and punishes you for.”

Looking her way, Kylo stared at her as she snuck a glance his way before flitting her stare at the lights. “When he says the things about you having attachments…of things like family or close companions, I do not agree with him that they are something to look down upon or be punished for. I think quite the opposite.”

“You do,” Kylo spoke in a low and she nodded firmly.

“I never had family, but…I have spoken to some people aboard and could sense from people that they had good memories that made them happy. Or, whenever I’m with Phasma in the mess hall when you are busy, I hear people talk about what they call their _significant other_ that make them radiate something very _nice_ ,” Nova explained softly, her eyes looking to the lights as they charged up and began to rise and fall in signals with their lights. “I understand that not everyone had loving families or experiences with people, but I do believe that there are people who make others feel good and that’s a positive thing in any situation. Do you agree?”

Watching how the lights made her look as if she was glowing, almost like a dream, Kylo felt himself thinking back to all of the good memories of the people from his past. How his childhood was somewhat rocky, but he always went to bed feeling loved and cared for by two particular figures. Times when those two encouraged him in his meltdowns with gentle voices and firm embraces that made him feel safe; stories in the middle of the night and sharing stolen treats formed a buzzing feeling in his chest that felt comfortable. Although, thinking about it now only seemed like a _distant dream_ that only brought a frown to his lips, remembering how Snoke attacked him every time he recalled the soft voices telling him to never give up.

Looking up to see Nova’s eyes on him, Kylo immediately forgot the negative reactions from the Supreme Leader, instead that lovely feeling of his heart picking up in speed. “I can agree to that,” he said in a low voice, watching her reaction as she tilt her head.

“I think I can tell,” Nova said with a soft smile. “Your body changed to something calmer. You’re not as stiff as you were back on the bridge.”

He nodded in response with a swallow, making her smile more and his chest tightened. “What was your family like, or the people who you think of that makes you feel good?” she asked in a whisper, making him swallow thickly.

He could feel how Nova’s block was shielding them within the room, feeling how she was unconsciously protecting their conversation of something that was considered taboo and looked down upon by higher-ranked individuals or the Supreme Leader. Kylo knew she was not asking something so personal to pry or judge him, but because she wanted to understand. Still, he didn’t think of anything to recall recently of good things to say about those two people, or anyone else outside of this particular room. He wanted to remain in this room. _With her_.

“They were…very caring for me, when I was young. My family cared a lot, I suppose,” he said.

Nova took that carefully and nodded to him, her smile growing as she looked back to the panels. He could only imagine how she was conjuring up her imagination at what it must have been like to have people in her life. A family, perhaps, watching over her in ways that she never got to see in her real life as a battle slave who fought strangers to death. To Kylo, every time Snoke or anyone else commented of her “ _brainless_ ” thoughts, he couldn’t help but desire to throw the idea of the way she looked while daydreaming. So gentle and curious, he knew she only _wished_ to experience those types of feelings in her real life. A family that would praise her and made her feel important, or remind her of safety in the arms of a parent or relative.

“Memories or just thinking of someone special…I think that those feelings are _lovely_ ,” Nova confessed, her eyes softening. “Sometimes I think I have those types of feelings, but I am still unsure to what it would be acceptable of it.”

“What feelings are those?” he asked somewhat forcefully, making her snap her eyes to him with a confused frown. “ _Those feelings_ …”

Nova looked him over carefully before looking down to the ground, the shadows contrasting her form with the lights almost heavenly to him as he waited. He knew she was trying to find the right words, her face changing carefully as she seemed to search, wanting to make sense…

And something was changing.

He was starting to see something emitting from her, catching his attention with curious eyes as he mentally reached out with the Force to prod it. It was soft and gentle against him within the blockade within Nova’s wall, making him wonder if some sort of higher power made it through the unknown mass, but it was proved false as he sensed the thick cocoon he had welcomed in his life for over half a year. Reaching further to it, Kylo was overwhelmed with an unknown warmth that pooled his belly and bled through his veins in the most pleasant sensation he could ever feel. The invisible force slowly leaned to him, holding on to his Force signature that made him catch his breath, feeling the very gentle-yet-cautious caress seeming to blend to his signature and settle lightly.

There was no images, texts or spoken words given to him, yet Kylo was taken somewhere else. Off the Supremacy, away from the touches of war and famine, death and pain to somewhere so far away, he couldn’t pinpoint if he was within the same galaxy as his eyes fell her. Nova’s eyes were closed, as if she was sleeping like she would in the safety of Kylo’s bed, tucked away, and under his watchful eyes. She seemed to be at peace, as if in a trance, while still pondering how to explain the feelings that he was slowly starting to feel himself. He could _feel_ her emotions.

The warmth of how she felt safe at this very moment, the way it seemed to drift up her neck and cradle her head and _Kylo felt it, too_. The safety of being held like this in the presence of someone who was not from her world or the life she was born into, and she craved that feeling so much that she never wants to let it go. He could feel the same touch of reassurance that made him relax. _She felt safe._

A strum of heart rattled in his chest, making him remember what it was like to _laugh_ at something that really brought him _absolute joy_. He can remember being like that, a long time ago, but now felt like it was a distant dream. Pure happiness that it made his heart flutter and dance around his chest. How Nova loved feeling such a way for hours on end. _She felt happy._

He could feel his lips parting in curiosity, the idea of something so new and wonderful that he has never seen or felt before was overwhelming. Kylo had to take a breath to try and control his breathing, unable to hold on to this particular sensation of wanting to reach out and discover something that was unknown yet so fascinating and beautiful. She felt _love_ -

Wait.

The pressure against his Force signature suddenly pulled back, as if startled and vanished back into the void of the block, making him come back to the reality of the secluded, dark room and realizing what he was doing.

His gloved hand was touching her skin, his leathered fingers tilting her chin up with the most gentle of touches that he never knew he could produce in such a close, intimate way and he _hated_ the barrier of the leather. Dark eyes trailing up to finally see how there was such little distance between his own face with Nova’s, Kylo’s breath caught in his throat at how her eyes stared back at him in surprise. Kylo came to realization, as the tip of his large nose brushed against her own, that both of their lips were parted and their breathings mixed together in some sort of intoxicating air that was so inviting yet dangerous. His neck and back were curved to reach her level, not forcing her to go on her toes or strain herself as he was _willing to bend to her_. He saw how the lights from the buttons and switches illuminated her so perfectly, making his lower lip twitch in the mere idea floating in his head without permission.

 _Just a little bit closer, and their lips would touch_.

Seeing Nova’s wide eyes stare at him with some sort of unreadable expression, Kylo closed his mouth and swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly hot and borderline suffocating under his armor. Pulling back slowly, eyes never leaving each other as he returned to his full height, Kylo took a step away from her and turned away from her, facing the control panels. The hand that was once expressing such careful reaches and touches formed into a fight fist and began shaking.

“ _You_ … Did _you_ …” Nova’s voice was barely above a whisper, a stab of fear in it and Kylo froze.

There were things he wanted to say - to _excuse_ his behavior towards her in his moment of being _so weak_ …

Kylo didn’t turn his gaze as he heard her footsteps fade to the door, activating it open and leaving him alone in the dark room. Leaving him in the remainder of the cloud of her unknown shield as raised his hand and slowly began pressing specific symbols to translate over to the units waiting for his command.

The hole inside him that, only moments ago, was once filling with the lovely sensations of what he could only call Nova, was only draining into emptiness once more.

* * *

The low beeps and cold nudges against her bare arms pulled Nova out of her little trance, peeking over her arm to see BB-9E whirring at her. The hallway restricted for droids only, Nova found a nook to squeeze herself into to hide away from the rest of the people, as if her face would give away her guilt and overpowered beating of her heart against her ribcage. All the other BB units were distributed everywhere else, making the young woman hope that she wouldn’t be found by anyone in her little hideaway during the day as it did during the night.

Wiping under her eye, Nova raised her head as BB-9E nudged her again with the mechanical ball it balances on. “No, I’m okay,” she croaked softly, resting her head against the cold wall and relishing the chill that spread to her heated cheeks. BB-9E gave her a long, disbelief beep at her and making her giggle a bit.

“I thought you were a mech-droid, not a scanner of human bodies,” Nova chastised softly as she reached to poke its squared head, making the head beam blink at her. “Aren’t you suppose to be stationed somewhere?”

“It is stationed in its proper place,” a familiar voice caught Nova’s attention as she watched Phasma turn from the corner. The young woman frowned at the entrance of the Captain and then attempted to wedge herself further into the hiding place she found. “Whenever I am not present nearby you, I program BB-9E to keep an eye on you whenever you venture away from Commander Ren’s side.”

Approaching Nova, blasterless and hands behind her back, the Captain knelt down in front of her of the small hallway. The droid beeped and rolled back to give the much taller, bulkier-dressed woman space as she brought her hands up to reveal a rock in her hold. It was roughly sized a bit bigger than Nova’s hands together, yet balanced in Phasma’s palm perfectly; covered with silver specks on it’s rusty-colored surface, the oval-shaped item made it interesting how the overhead lights made it twinkle. Smiling softly, Nova slowly reached out to take the item from the Captain’s hands to observe it better, rolling it in her palms and brushing a thumb over the little collection of silver dots.

“If you leave it in the light for a while and bring it to a dark room, the silver speckles will glow an interesting shade of emerald,” Phasma explained through her helmet, watching Nova’s smile grow a little bit more. “The examination team wanted to keep it for themselves before I could bring it back aboard, for an ornament or something. The moon planet of Onoam possesses pink skies.”

“It’s beautiful. What was on the planet?” Nova asked quietly, looking up to Phasma’s visors.

“Mines, an underground system where people search for precious material to use for exports and trade,” Phasma explained, reaching an armored hand to tap the rock on the other’s hold. “This was found above land. I did not have time or patience to find you something more special under, even when I sent a squad down to see if they could find anything.”

“That’s okay,” Nova hummed appreciatively, her smile now a grin. “I love it anyway, it’s beautiful. Thank you, Phasma.”

The Captain nodded her concealed head, watching Nova hold the rock closer, seeming to count each spec of silver on it. “Do you wish to tell me what is troubling you?”

Nova looked up to Phasma, her smile gone. “I normally do not ask you what is on your mind, as it is truly none of my business or concern of you. But, the more I find myself appreciating your presence than just another tutor to my units, I believe I can tell when something is wrong when you’re hiding in a droid-only charging hall.”

Biting her lip, Nova sighed through her nose and looked down to the rock, then to BB-9E waiting patiently beside the Captain. “I suppose I’m waiting for punishment that I think will never come, but wonder if it should.”

“Have you done something that requires you to be punished?” Phasma asked cooly, yet serious enough upon hearing the other’s words.

“I do not know, that’s what I am wondering about,” Nova frowned deeper as her brows furrowed, looking to the new gift in her hands in a sort of frustration. “I am told by Snoke that having…attachments or feelings towards people are something to look down upon, but I see so many who do have that, and it makes them so strong and willing to keep going in life.”

“You wonder if your own feelings for another would be judged as something wrong,” Phasma concluded and Nova nodded. “Are these feelings for this person weighing you down at all?”

“No, I do not think it does… It makes me feel strong, in a way,” Nova tried to word properly. “Like I want to keep doing my best to survive, unlike being forced to because I had no choice. The feeling makes me feel _strong_ , not _weak_ …”

“That is a good thing,” Phasma offered in a low voice, making the young woman look up to her. “Desiring to survive something helps prove your worth to others, as it does to yourself.”

“But attachments are -”

“Sometimes, even the _strongest being in the galaxy_ can make mistakes when it comes to what strengthens another,” Phasma stopped her, bending her head to force the other to look back to her. Once Nova did, she noticed how the Captain held still at the unknown expression with her body.

Phasma held still as Nova reached with one hand to touch the edge of her helmet, making the Captain take a breath at feeling something gentle touch the back of her head, eyes widening. Nova eyes looked distant, yet remained having the glitter as she seemed to realize something that Phasma didn’t know. Dropping the hand to grab the silver-armored one, Nova took a deep breath and looked down.

“You don’t see me as him, do you? The one who wanted to avoid everything when the reality was that it was impossible?” Nova asked in a nervous whisper, making Phasma remain still as possible as she watched how the young woman hugged the rock closer to her chest. “You’ve fought to survive, almost like me, but he did not appreciate all that you did to ensure that you both lived. You think of me almost like _you_ , not your _brother_.”

Phasma’s helmet tilt down, looking at Nova’s hand holding her own. As much as the Captain never spoke of her own history to the other, she knew that, at some point, that her abilities would somehow make its way past Phasma’s thin wall against the Force. She wasn’t as strong as the Commander or any of the Knights, much less being empty-minded as most of her stormtroopers were to be before being reconditioned by thinking against the First Order’s ideologies and goals for a better galaxy - _a better future_. With first meeting the young woman who seemed to have a form of influence on people aboard the ship, especially towards Commander Ren, Phasma knew that she also had some sort of connection with Nova.

A connection she hadn’t felt since she was betrayed by her only family.

With her free hand, Phasma held onto Nova’s wrist, her thumb feeling the relaxed yet strong pulse under her gloves. “You deserve to survive,” the Captain said in a low voice. “If you can survive with those sorts of attachments that won’t restrain you from the future you deserve, with how the galaxy is and holds no mercy, you have nothing to fear.”

Using the hand Nova wasn’t holding, Phasma carefully placed her palm behind the woman’s head and gently pulled her close. Pressing Nova’s forehead to come into contact above the eyes of the visors, Phasma took a deep inside her helmet and closed her eyes. “You deserve a better future.”

* * *

Keeping her head down as the door hissed open, Nova kept her gaze on Kylo’s bare feet as she felt his eyes on her. Her hair wet from bathing and dressed in her sleeping turtleneck and short, a part of her felt guilty for even trying to knock on his door, thinking he would rather shut her out after her behavior towards him. She blamed herself for running away, instead of apologizing like she should have done and was now willing to accept whatever consequences he may push on her. Nova knew she was wrong and had obviously upset Kylo in some way, and she was ready to own up to it.

“Kylo,” she started softly, her hands, holding to the hem of her night shirt. “I’m…I wish to -”

“Your feelings,” Kylo’s voice stopped her and her heart stopped for a second, “are acceptable.”

Looking up to his stoic expression, Nova felt her eyes widen as how his eyes seemed to show so much emotion that she didn’t think he was comfortable revealing, even in her presence. He would normally tell what he felt verbally, although _vague_ , but his eyes never really told her much - unless she counted his tantrum not too long ago, where his eyes held fire that seemed to have died from the sight of her tears. Nova never pushed herself on him, only offering smiles when she couldn’t read him, understanding that he did not desire to express emotions. She learned from Snoke’s teachings that it was important to conceal everything, yet she was quick to deny that lesson without punishable responses. So long as Snoke could not see into her thoughts, _her true feelings_ , she would remain to him as that empty, lonely woman following his orders.

Kylo swallowed and beckoned her with his chin to follow into his quarters, and she did with silent steps. She considered the routine to still be at bay as she made her way to the corner of his bed and sat down, waiting patiently as he collected the glass of water and single pill from the container and brought it to her. Looking up to him with a questionable stare, slowly raising her palms to accept it as he locked eyes with her, Nova felt her heart hum at his next words.

“Your feelings are acceptable,” he said again. “If you will accept _mine_ in return.”

Placing the items on her hands, refusing skin-to-skin contact as always, Kylo watched her take the gross-tasting medicine. “You claim you do not understand much, and I will confess that I am somewhat the same with these… _attachments_. I do not wish to hurt you or do anything to you that you do not understand or desire,” he said carefully. “I want…I want _you_ to be in control of what comforts you, Nova. I want you to understand that.”

Allowing him to take the empty glass, Nova used her sleeve to dry her lips. “I understand, Kylo,” she nodded to him, her voice gentle yet shy. “I believe your feelings are acceptable, too. I feel that your feelings are important to me, too.”

Kylo released a breath of relief and Nova smiled to him. “You understand that this will need to be confidential between us, like the sleeping routine. _For your safety_ , we can not look any different than it does now to people in public, or to Snoke.” Seeing her nod again to him, her hands resting on her lap, Kylo reached over and pulled down the covers on Nova’s side and leaned back to give her space to enter and settle in. Once she does, Kylo made sure she was covered properly with the blankets before settling on top of the sheets on his side, seeming more relaxed than ever.

Turning on her side, Nova faced Kylo’s way unexpectedly, making him turn his head on his pillow as she shyly tucked the blanket over her mouth, unable to look at his slightly bewildered eyes. Curling into her ball, Nova tried to contain her blush as she spoke in a shy voice.

“Is this okay?”

Feeling the way Kylo was staring at her, she closed her eyes out of slight nerves when he released a long breath that tickled the damp strands of her hair. He didn’t move, but Nova could almost feel him seeming to sink further into the soft mattress.

“ _Yes_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The almost-kiss image can be found on the masterlist! Also, Onoam is a canon moon-planet in the Star Wars franchise; it’s one of the several moons that orbit Naboo.


	8. silver whistle

“Tell me, young Kylo Ren,” Snoke’s voice echoed within the throne room as the young man stood at the bottom of the stairway to the high chair, hands behind his back as he kept his eyes leveled with the ground. Kylo remained still as he waited for the obvious question for him. “What do you feel for little Nova?”

Kylo looked up to meet the Supreme Leader’s stare head on, expression blank as he spoke cooly. “I feel like she is a good addition to the First Order,” he answered. “She helps the Knights and ‘troopers in ways to become more sufficient for battle the way I can not.”

“You feel…no sort of attraction to her?” Snoke asked next, pausing in his words in a way to keep him in a sort of suspense, like testing him to break under his interrogation. “You don’t feel any sort of desire or craving of any sort for her? She indeed is not like any other woman aboard the Supremacy, and your quarters are close to one another.”

“She is an ally, a colleague of mine under your guidance, Supreme Leader,” Kylo answered back plain, his muscles aching from the intense training he undergone with Snoke. Today was far harsher and brutal than usual, perhaps because Snoke finished with Nova hours prior while Kylo sought to oversee his other duties in the meantime. He didn’t know what happened between Snoke and Nova, as she was immediately dismissed as soon as the Commander was about to enter. Their practice of refusing eye contact to one another in public went off perfectly, yet Kylo’s helmet allowed him to see how sweaty and tired she appeared to be leaving the room…

Kylo Ren wondered if Snoke finally broke her, and it had him worried.

“Your last evaluation of your lessons showed that you did not like that she holds no remorse for your safety, when you took on the Elite guards with their new weapons,” Snoke narrowed his eyes carefully. “As if it _bothered you_.”

Kylo remained still as he stood from his throne and slowly slid down the stairs to begin circling him. “I don’t want to see any sort of fragments of the _original Solo_ in you, trying to find affection from a woman who is to be by your side for many years to come,” Snoke warned him. “I do not have to worry about you trying to find a new _bed warmer_ from such an empty-minded fool of a woman…”

He wanted to tell Kylo that she was more than just a mere bed warmer, more than any woman he had ever come into contact with. Still, he wasn’t going to risk Nova’s safety and life for mouthing off. No, Kylo knew better. He had to remain stoic and still, as he was before, and see what will happen next.

Watching as Snoke reached his hand out towards Kylo’s head, causing a mind-splitting headache as the young man groaned through clenched teeth, he couldn’t prepare himself in the end. Breathing heavily, Kylo felt him pry and dig deep into his thoughts, yet he held still when he felt the softness of Nova’s block in the back of his skull, making him shut his eyes as soon as Snoke ventured to it. He began to notice, the more time he spends personally and bonds with Nova, any sort of thoughts related to her were seeming nonexistent to the Supreme Leader. A part of Kylo wondered if Snoke truly didn’t know about her odd ability.

“ _Nothing_ ,” Snoke muttered under his breath as he pulled back, a sort of pleased tone in his voice as he began to return to his throne. “As expected, you’re starting to mature. I have nothing to worry about from either of you. You are dismissed.”

And Kylo’s question was finally answered.

* * *

Kylo was careful to watch her read. How her eyes darted over the pages as her fingertips dragged across the pages of Aurebesh lettering so gently that he wondered how someone who could do so much damage could be so careful - but it was just her. He knew that, and he loved that about her, her being super cautious with something new and interesting to her that it was mesmerizing to see her explore something so simple as his own book; a relic of the old Jedi techniques to study from in the beginning basics of mind exploration and projection. Kylo was the one to pull it from his own shelf and present it to her sitting form on his floor, both in their sleepwear as she slowly read the title and let him hand it over. As of now, despite not being the quickest reader like he was, Nova was deeply invested into the written text.

Whenever there was a word that seemed too complicated to her, Kylo got to see her lean down with the book on her lap and carefully sound off each letter before figuring it out. Her lips moving in a silent voice to figure out the difficult word before smiling for a split second at discovering the knowledge of something new and continue on. A part of him wanted to praise her for doing so good on her own, but he held back as she didn’t reach out to him for help.

While he was also going over a holopad report sent to him from Hux, Kylo only paid his sole attention to Nova’s adventure of reading something he had memorized since he was a young boy.

Once finishing the book and closing it, Nova leaned back against the couch and looked to Kylo, who was sitting in the plush chair across the way. “This book is very _pretty_ ,” she complimented. “The words are very clear to read and it has so many pages. I’ve never seen stuff like this before, or I _have_ seen it but my Masters kept them locked away.”

“But you can read?” Kylo asked gently, and Nova nodded with enthusiasm.

“I used to read tossed out scraps of paper from the garbages and books that the senior slaves would have had in offices. Sometimes they would let me in during cleaning sessions and taught me to read,” she explained. “This text is also very good, too. I think I’m starting to understand the Force better; do you have another one?”

“I do. You can borrow them at any time that you would like,” Kylo told her seriously. “If you want more or need help, do not worry about asking me directly or taking it.”

Nova’s eyes seemed to earn more stars pooling within them as she grinned, making his heart go fast as she stood up from her spot and went to return the book to its designated spot on the shelf. He let her browse the different spines and titles, his head tilting as his eyes followed her moving down.

“You have so many, probably more than my collection of rocks and things Phasma gives me,” Nova gazed in awe. “And these are all yours?”

“Yes.”

“Which one is your favorite, Kylo?” Nova asked, looking over her shoulder to him. She wore the backless sleeping gown that showed the scar on her back under her loose hair, but Kylo felt more at ease by the sight of it. It was a part of her, he reminded himself, and, with their newfound relationship, he would take the time to ask how she got it…

A couple week has passed since the two came to an agreement that they both have feelings and attachments, disclosing an agreement that they will take their time with each other to see what happens then. Since then, though, not much has changed besides the comfort and openness they had between one another behind closed doors and in the safety of Nova’s unique ability to block out Snoke. It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable anymore, and Kylo felt that he could now just relax beside her and be closer in more ways that he can’t describe. He didn’t know what to call it, every time Nova made his heart flutter differently than before. Because he knows that she feels similar (if not the same) as he does for her?

No matter, Kylo was content and enjoying the peace to his rattling mind with her here.

“I like the historical text of lightsabers and tales of Masters of the Force,” he told her, seeing her turn back to try and find the spine. The corner of his lips twitched a bit, daring to have him smirk. “I don’t have it here, it’s at my other quarters. I will most likely order to have it shipped back here, then you can read it.”

“Okay,” Nova nodded in understanding, as she usually does with him.

“Come here, Nova,” Kylo beckoned her softly, gesturing to the silver table for her to sit across from him. As she did so, he reach into the wedge of the chair he was sitting in and pulled out a small, black box. It was rather thin and square-shaped and was as big as his palm as he waited for her attention to focus on it before opening.

Once he did, the inside contents revealed purple sink cushioning and a skinny, cylinder whistle with a long silver chain holding it. Nova watched him grasp the string and lift it up, allowing the silver whistle to sparkle faintly in the dimmed lights of his quarters. Her lips open in curiosity, eyes widening just a bit at the sight of it, making him actually smirk at her innocent reaction.

“What is it?” she asked him, watching the whistle dangle in his hold with a small, curious smile.

“It’s called a whistle. This thing here makes a noise when you blow air into it,” he explained as he took it into his hand and used his other hand to point to the mouthpiece. “It can be as soft and loud as you would like, depending how hard you blow into the mouthpiece.”

Giving her a small demonstration, Kylo made a soft tweet and made her straighten her spine at the sound with wonderment. “Some people use it for alerting others, or to direct a crowd. Some use it when they’re lost and can’t find anyone.”

“It’s shiny!” Nova laughed when he made another noise again, a long, smooth noise. “I bet it can be very loud if you take a deep breath and blow it all at once!”

“It would hurt your ears,” Kylo warned her and she was quick to nod and wave her hands in rejection for him to show her that. He turned his wrist to catch the chain and held it out to her, waiting for her to open her palms to him to accept it. When she looked between him and the possession, Kylo took a deep breath. “It's for you to have.”

“ _Me_?” Nova’s brows raised as she carefully took the whistle with nimble fingers, observing the tool between her fingers, head tilting. “Why would you give me something this _pretty_? What would I use it for?”

“You can use it to call attention to whoever you are to instruct or train, so you don't need to feel embarrassed to yell, since I know you are not comfortable doing so,” Kylo explained, recalling all the times she snapped at the Knights of stormtroopers for doing something that would have otherwise resulted in death in battle, only to try and shrink herself between Phasma and Kylo. “They know that the whistles here are a sign of authority and of importance to listen to, so do not worry about it. It can also alert me, should you ever need me when I am not around and you have yet to call to me through the Force. I am able to sense the whistle frequency through the Force.”

He trailed off, letting go of his tight hold on the chain. However, with the chain still tangled on his fingers, he felt a sort of electric buzz through the indirect contact that was connected through the whistle they were both holding.

“It’s also a gift to you,” he said, softly. “From me. It is a gift I’m giving you that is from me.”

Nova’s eyes locked with his, and he was so close to feeling the blush peek from under the collar of his nightshirt. “A gift from you?”

He nodded slowly, letting the chains fall from between his fingers and slithered down to her bare legs. She shifted her legs at the slight chill grazing her naked knee, and Kylo’s eyes darted down to see her move as she smiled to the small trinket in her hands. Everything she does seems to fascinate him repeatedly, and he was enjoying seeing her have such a positive reaction to it, making him feel more confident in himself with her. He was glad that she was happy about the gift.

“Thank you, Kylo, it’s so beautiful!” Nova’s smile grew more as she held the whistle to her chest, looking at him with absolute joy. “I love it very much. But, I don’t have anything to give back to you…”

“A thing people in a relationship like ours can do is give gifts to the other without a necessary reason,” he explained. “Significant others sometimes _desire_ to give gifts. You do not need to give me anything in return.”

“But, what if I want to?”

“Then, you may, if you wish,” Kylo told her. “Relationships like this is very mutual, but consider that I desire to give you things to see you happy. This is very casual to what others may do.”

Nova nodded, soaking in this new information and waited for him to continue. “Some couples…will exchange physical affection, such as kisses on various parts of the body, or hold hands. Those are considered casual, or there is the use of pet names.”

“Am I to be considered as a sort of _pet_?” Nova asked, her brows knitting together in absolute confusion, and Kylo was quick to deny it. “I don't understand what a pet name is. Pets are sometimes associated with slaves, does that mean being a significant other is to be a sort of slave?”

“ _No_ , pet names is a term of endearment, a nickname,” Kylo clarified, clearing his throat and rubbing his chin stressfully. Still, the young woman didn’t seem to understand and he broke it down even more for her. “Something that is a _positive_ name that is not your own, like how someone _feels_ to one another. This would be a thing with given permission, of course.”

Nova’s lips pursed a bit as she began to look him up and down, making him realize that she was _analyzing_ him for a pet name. His heart felt like it was going to burst with how fast it was going as her eyes told him that she was picking and choosing so. It was odd, but an nice acceleration of adrenaline watching her head tilt.

“I only seem to find your name to be important,” she confessed. “Anything that I see to describe you or how I feel is just your name. Kylo makes me feel happy that you’re Kylo, and no other sort of title can compare to it for me.”

The way she was being so open and honest about it made his lips twitch into a very small smile. “But…does that mean I can not call you Kylo outside of the quarters?”

“No, no one will think of it. You don’t address me as my title of Commander, or anyone else, for that matter, so no one will know the difference.”

“Then, I would like to continue to call you Kylo, if I may have permission!” Nova said with a smile as she straightened up on the table, the whistle sparkling as much as her eyes. When he nodded, Nova giggled and looked down to her gift. “And you have my permission to use my name outside of our quarters, or whichever you feel is acceptable of a pet name, that is a term of endearment.”

Kylo gave her a single nod in return. “Thank you for giving me permission, love.”

Nova’s head tilt in curiosity, the smile on her lips seem to blossom more emotionally as she peeked at him from under her lashes. “Is that a pet name?”

“Yes.”

Watching her drape the chain over her head, Kylo liked the sight of her wearing the whistle as a sort of necklace and how she seemed so happy to have something so simple and treating it like it was the most expensive jewel ever. Seeing her fiddle with the whistle with careful fingers, Kylo felt himself relax as the earlier “conversation” with Snoke seemed to melt away due to Nova’s Force wall. He had told her what had happened and Nova seemed to have understood her influence in Snoke’s interrogation of their outside behavior and how it looked like a piece of her abilities saved both of them. Now, with the safety of their quarters shielding them away from the rest of the ship, the two are at ease and Kylo could give her his present that he had secretly gotten under the radar. It was a simple gift in his eyes, but Nova thought of it as something extremely valuable and it made him happy.

Giving him a smile as she kept playing with the whistle, Nova held it with both hands at her fingertips. “Does it look well on me?” she asked him innocently.

“It looks very well on you, Nova. I am glad that you like it,” Kylo responded softly.

“I don’t like it, _I love it_!” Nova smiled bigger as she pressed her palms to her chest and the silver whistle in between. “I’ve never been given anything this pretty before, so this will always mean a lot to me, Kylo. Thank you very much for giving it to me, it’s absolutely _beautiful_.”

His tiny smile growing just a bit more, Kylo got up from the couch and strolled over to the door where the medical droid was causing his holopad to notify the delivery of Nova’s sleeping medication. Taking the container holding the single pill, Kylo closed the door and turned to the woman waiting patiently, still gazing to the little whistle stick with a content smile.

To him, _she_ was the most _beautiful gift_ he could receive.

“Nova, your medication,” Kylo called to her gently, making her jump out of her daydream as she stood up from the table to face him. Seeing how her face scrunched in displeasure at the sight of the blue, bitter pill, Kylo sighed. “It helps.”

“I know,” she pouted, hugging herself and the gift rest comfortably against her chest. She wasn’t going to fight him about it, but he knew she still didn’t like it. Following her to his bedroom as she took her spot on the edge of the bed while he got her water to take the pill.

After doing so and preparing her side of the bed, Kylo waited for her to settle in before getting ready to remove his lounging shirt and fold it up. Setting the shirt on the plain dresser, Kylo returned to Nova settling under the blanket with the whistle still around her neck, making him mention that it would be uncomfortable sleeping with it on. Although hesitant to remove the gift she just received, Nova removed the chain from around her neck and carefully held it out to him, which he opened his palm for it to be deposited. As much as Kylo desired for proper skin contact with her, he didn’t want to push himself beyond her comfort for his own desires.

He understood that physical contact with bare skin was scary for her; a towering man who could try and overtake her to the point she feels threatened. He didn’t want that for her, not with him. Kylo wanted Nova to feel safe with him at her side and, maybe, she will allow him to start out small…

For now, he was content having her sleep by his side and feeling safe.

Showing her that he was setting her gift on the nightstand, ready for her when she wakes, Kylo proceeded to get onto his bed above the sheets. Laying down in his usual position, Kylo froze at feeling slight pressure to his upper arm. Daring to steal a look, Kylo watched Nova’s hands, gloved by his thick blanket and sheet underneath, create a sort of cushioning against his arm before snuggling the curve of her forehead against the makeshift pillow and sighing. Feeling his heart skip a beat, the Commander couldn’t stop the flush on his upper chest and cheekbones as noticing her own blush peeking above the edge of the blanket as she kept her eyes closed. She was calming down, her breathing evening out as the medication began its effect, and cuddling against him with the barrier of the blanket for extra plush.

“Are you comfortable?” Kylo whispered to her, unwilling to move and disturb her.

Seeing the top of her head nod, rubbing against the barrier between them and sending an electric warmth to him that made him release a shuddering breath, she curled into her little ball and hid her mouth with the blanket. She was obviously trying to hide her smile from him, and he couldn’t help but resist a small smile of his own.

* * *

Entering the throne room, Kylo’s eyes instantly narrowed at the sight of General Hux standing with his back facing him. Looking up to the Supreme Leader, the Commander made his way to stand beside the ginger-haired man and bow on one knee to his mentor before being called to rise. The humanoid expression was relaxed for once, seeming at ease to have the two men present to him as the Elite guards closed the doors behind him. Since his “discovery” of Nova’s implanted empty thoughts inside Kylo and falling for it, the creature seems to seem more at ease with the two being at each other’s side constantly, even easing up in his harshness towards Kylo as the two Force-sensitive apprentices seem to stoic and emotionless when in his presence.

“I am having you spend a three month cycle on Starkiller Base, Commander Ren,” Snoke announced. “To tend to the improvements since the last visit General Hux took control of for the commanding center and bases around the planet. You will overlook and see to it that everything is still in order for the construction of the private project.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo responded with a single nod.

“Nova will be with you, as it should be noted that she will need to understand some concepts of the operation. See to it that she learns from you on how to command properly as well monitor her lessons with the stormtrooper units stationed there. Hux has told me they need to strengthen up drastically.”

“As you wish, sir.”

Snoke leaned back in his throne as both he and Kylo sensed a wave of relief from the General, who remained quiet. The Commander didn’t understand the ginger’s invisible emotion, but he wouldn’t have expected such solace from the conversation. Yes, Hux feared Nova’s temper in approaching her as a scolding parent or anything else to try and make her feel small, only for her to just smile in a way that startled Hux and pleased Kylo. Still, whenever the subject of the woman was brought up without her present, Hux had never acted this way or even acknowledged her in talk. It was odd, but Kylo decided to leave alone - he didn’t care for Hux’s thoughts anyway.

Snoke dragged his eyes back to stare at Kylo. “You will take your shuttle to Starkiller Base within the next morning cycle, as it will be prepared for the two of you to head off on time. I had Nova’s quarters assigned to be next to yours and alerted the staff to transfer her medical records and whatnot.”

* * *

Looking up from her reading spot on the floor, dressed in her sleeveless uniform and silver whistle decorating her neck, Nova blinked at him as he stood at the closed door of his living room. “What is a _Starkiller Base_?”

“It is a planet that is currently finishing construction of a very important project to the First Order,” Kylo explained to her softly. “The planet is cold, but harvests minerals and Kyber crystals, which is an essential item to build a lightsaber, like mine.”

Nova hummed and drummed her fingers on the edge of the third book she borrowed off the shelf. “Does this mean I can get a lightsaber like yours?”

“You would need to _build_ it,” Kylo corrected, making her let out a soft ‘ _oh_ ’. “I have books there that can explain it better for you, but know that it is fairly cold there; we will be indoors for the most part, as it will be considered blizzard season by the time we settle in for three months.”

Nova nodded. “I know what cold weather is like - Bavva III would snow on occasion, instead of rain,” she smiled. “It’s like rain, but it’s frozen and often falls a lot softer, and it melts once it touches your skin.”

“Yes, but expect lots of it and be very, very cold that it may be dangerous to be outside for too long,” he warned her, his eyes softening a bit.

“I do not mind,” Nova said gently, “I had times where I was stuck outside during winters in the arenas and outside, but I still didn’t have shoes. I think I will do a lot better with shoes and sleeping by you: you’re very warm.”

Kylo’s lips went to a thin line as Nova smiled bigger at his reaction. “If it is okay for me to tell you the truth, Kylo, I _really enjoy_ sharing a bed with you. You’re very warm and make me feel safe.”

Swallowing, Kylo looked down to his boots as his gloved hands squeezed each other tightly. “That's good to hear.”

Nova’s smile softened as she looked back down to the texts in her lap, her fingers delicately touching the word where she left off. “I will go and pack the bag Phasma dropped off to my room after I finish this chapter. Do you think my collection will be safe, if I leave them here?”

His shoulders relaxing, the Commander trekked further into the living space of his quarters and settled on the small rug by her side on the floor. Crossing his legs, Kylo was careful to peer over Nova to see the small words printed within the book. “It will be, I promise… Do you like this book as well, Nova?”

“I am learning about _thought projection_ right now,” she said with enthusiasm. “I’m learning how you can share images or words within another person’s mind. I think this is what you and Snoke are able to do, too, like lifting things… I’m wondering if I can learn to do this, too.”

“I will be leading our training sessions on Starkiller Base, so I will do my best to help you with whatever you desire,” he informed her, noticing her bounce a bit as she continued to read and his lips twitched a bit. “I understand this will be the first planet you get to visit since Bavva III, and you will not be able to do much outside of the base. However, I will do what I can to make sure you enjoy your time there.”

Feeling her head tilt to rest against his bicep, making him freeze for a short moment before relaxing again, Kylo could just imagine how comfortable and happy Nova was feeling. Feeling a bit brave himself, the young man leaned his head to rest in a slight tilt, closer to the top of Nova’s head and able to smell the freshness of her shampoo sealed within her braids. Closing his eyes, Kylo tried his best to pretend that there was no need to rush in readying for the trip ordered by the Supreme Leader. He was pretending that he had everything in order and no need for duties or needing to prove himself to anyone at this moment; he was calm and at peace where he was, as small and secluded it was, it was perfect. It was perfect with her here, beside him with their small but meaningful gestures that send his heart off into hyperspace to who-knows-where.

He was fine where he was for now, just for this little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Nova is capable of reading, once she gets used to it; I have not decided if she is able to write or not - I will let it be up to the reader for now! Let me know what you think.


	9. for a difficult choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Mention of slavery, war, violence.

Kylo’s command shuttle landed inside the hangar of Starkiller Base with ease, the electric field shielding out the cold weather while still providing a view to the outdoors of nothing but darkness and snow. That was about it for the outside world, leaving engineers and other tech workers bustling around in preparation before the Commander and second apprentice were to enter. Stormtroopers were quick to align themselves to stand ready to salute a greeting to the two and the head officer waited patiently with his hands behind his back and uniform cleaned and pressed as the shuttle’s door hissed before beginning to open. Still, despite his calm and collected posture, he was nervous and sweating beneath his coat as the edge of the door touched the pristine floor and the large, intimidating figure of Commander Ren - and, next to him, was the curious woman who seemed in awe of the new surroundings.

As he stepped down the ramp, Kylo kept a careful eye as Nova walked on ahead when approaching the officer, sending him a quick, polite greeting before going off to explore the hangar. She didn’t seem at all bothered by the wild energy of people scurrying around or trying to stay out of her way; they knew who she was and her purpose of being here, but her reveal to them was out of the ordinary. Nova stared up to the electric shield, watching the incoming snow dissolve against it, causing interesting patterns of sparks. Knowing she wasn’t going to go running off without him, Kylo turned back to look down to the head officer through the visor of his helmet.

“C-Commander Ren, we welcome you and the Supreme Leader’s other apprentice to Starkiller Base,” the officer said slowly, keeping his voice level and awkwardly timid. “We hope you will enjoy your temporary stay here with us and will guide us to become better with the upcoming completion of the project.”

“I am told that General Hux’s last report to you has been put to good use,” Kylo responded boredly, eyeing how the staff were carrying his and Nova’s bags off to their designated chambers. “Be sure that you are prepared before my arrival in the head communication room and nothing is out of place.”

“Yes, s-sir. Will do, sir. I trust that your travel went well?”

Kylo didn’t spare another word to him, instead turned his head to where his secret significant other was probing an auto-mech droid with curiosity. The bulky hunk of metal whirred its main beam at her, yet didn’t roll away to avoid being tampered with. Its owner, an engineer seeing to repairs to a busted TIE, shied away from Nova as she spoke politely to the droid.

“Is it difficult to work when it’s cold outside? Do you ever go out there?” she asked the machine as her bare fingers stroked down the flat buttons. It beeped in response, rattling on its hinges when she activated its tiny drill. Nova gasped in delight at watching it spin, reaching out to find another hidden button. “ _Sorry, sorry_. I’ll fix it for you, which one is it? Is it this one?”

“Nova.”

Standing in a turn his way, Nova hurried over to Kylo’s side and prepared herself to stand straight with her hands behind her back. She was trying to copy the head officer’s stance, learning how to be professional like him in a way and making eye contact with the other. Eventually, she let her hands fall to her sides, smiling to the nervous man before looking up to Kylo expectantly. For him, he was used to this behavior and he knew she was excited to see more of the main base of Starkiller - perhaps find some places to explore and hide whenever Kylo couldn’t have her by his side for confidential reasons for Snoke.

Looking between the tall and intimidating Commander and shorter, smiling woman, the head officer swallowed nervously before turning on his heel, preparing to guide the two to their new quarters. “I regret to inform you, Commander, that the housing units here are more close together, and the chambers for you and Madam Nova will need to share the same refresher unit. Your bedrooms are still separated, however, and we do have locker baths, if that suffices either of your needs to remain separate. We understand that you're used to having your own separate quarters and refreshers, so many apologies. You also have your own holopads as well.”

“So be it, officer.”

* * *

Nova looked up from her lightsaber encyclopedia to Kylo’s scattered papers and holograms projected on the small table in the middle of his side of the quarters, eyeing the diagram of a graphed sphere with injected mechanisms that she didn’t quite understand. Kylo was busy overlooking numbers and hypothetical ideas for the underground mining system that would be sufficient and safe for the construction crew, not at all minding the woman seeing the classified documents. He still had his gloves on, yet he removed his outer coat and cowl for the evening and wore his tank instead. Nova opted to do the same, along with her hair undone from her usual braid style and getting rid of her shoes. He had promised her a tour in the next day cycle, telling her he wanted to get a head start on all the paperwork and files that he needed to overlook before actually making progress. Kylo had found the books he told her about before and allowed her to have space across from him to read while he worked.

Reaching her small hand up, Nova tapped the sphere blueprint to zoom in to the center, expanding it with the spread of her fingers to see the measurements of the inner shapes. Kylo’s eyes briefly flickered to her observation before looking back down to his paper.

“Kylo?” Nova spoke after a moment, her voice soft as she scanned through the large numbers displayed to her. When he hummed in response, her head tilt in curiosity. “What is this project you’re suppose to oversee?”

“A superweapon based off of the Death Star’s original laser,” he answered casually. Seeing how Nova paused and glanced to him in confusion, Kylo set down the paper and shifted to turn to the hologram she was fiddling with. “The Death Star was a form of ship in the guise of a planet, and it carried a weapon in the center of it. It was the biggest weapon known in the galaxy. The Death Star was commissioned and built by the Empire many years ago, before either of us were born.”

“What did it do?” Nova asked with furrowed brows.

“It destroyed planets,” he answered and saw a change in her eyes when she blinked at him. It was something he hasn’t really seen from her before. “People that lived on planets that were a threat to them during the war, the Empire used the Death Star to destroy them whole with one strike. We were able to find the original blueprints to the Death Star and construct a new weapon that will, hopefully, destroy _multiple planets_ at once.”

Nova frowned at him, her brows creasing with pure confusion. “Why would you want to destroy worlds?”

“To destroy the enemy.”

“But, how can a _whole planet_ be considered an enemy to be destroyed?” she asked. “Not everyone on one planet would agree with the side that you’re not on, but you will still kill them? And of those who do not know of a war or could not make their own decisions in the matter…”

Kylo’s lips formed a line as he listened to her concerns, yet remained passive. “That’s how war works, Nova. It’s better to destroy a planet whole, who could provide aid and materials to the enemy, than not. Of course, sacrifices would be made in those who favor us, that’s just how it is.”

“But that’s not right,” Nova exclaimed, her voice raising a bit. “And destroying a whole world of someone who might be on our side and still have loved ones on that planet, wouldn’t that make them turn on you? And what about children or those who don’t have that sort of freedom? Couldn’t you just avoid the planets in general, and keep aid to your own? Or, if you could take the planet and use the resources yourself, that can be possible if you try hard enough. O-or even negotiate with them to -”

“That’s _not_ how war works,” Kylo interrupted her sternly. “War has no rules, and war holds no favor in those who attempt to negotiate or freedom to those who don’t agree with the same morals of what is best for the galaxy. You don’t get it.”

“But destroying multiple planets at once makes it just as _equal_? If I remember right, war is to battle head-on against each other with as much honest strength as possible. This doesn’t seem like an _honest strength_ to me, Kylo. That’s being a _coward_.”

His jaw tightening, Kylo took a deep breath and squeezed his hands into tight fists. “What we do here in the First Order is to reach our goal for a new galaxy - _a better one_ \- that has balance and control. You would _never_ be able to understand half of what we’re trying to do here!”

Nova went silent, staring at him trying to contain his irritation towards her. His breathing was more evident with how tense his exposed muscles were, but he wasn’t lashing out or shouting. Looking down to the construction guide to a certain lightsaber hilt, Nova swallowed thickly and carefully got up to her feet; Kylo watched her the whole time as she refused to look at him as she silently walked out of the room, leaving him to straighten his spine.

“Nova,” he called out to her, yet she didn’t halt in her steps as she turned the corner. He heaved with clenched teeth. “ _Nova_!”

Kylo heard the door to the refresher hiss open, seeing the shadow of her form enter the brightly lit room and close once more, leaving him half on his knees to chase after her. However, before he could stomp over and force the door open, wrecking it to nothing, and demanding her to comply to him and see where she was in the wrong, but he couldn’t…

Seeing how her eyes lost that sort of sparkle he enjoyed seeing made his stomach churn in a sickening way, it made him feel horrible. His throat tightened after actually yelling at her to turn around, his muscles locked until collapsing him to sit on the cold, hard ground in defeat. Kylo exhaled shakingly, staring at the spot where Nova once sat, feeling completely alone and cold without her presence there. It was hurting him like this, having her leave the room with that look in her eyes and refusing to acknowledge him. It _hurt_ seeing _her hurt_ , and he didn’t understand why it did.

No, he knew. He knew why, and wanted to better himself for her.

So, Kylo Ren waited. He waited for her to come back out of the refresher, to return to the table with her usual smile to him and ask about the particular lightsaber style she found as her potential design to make. A few minutes turned into longer than ten, he realized, staring into nothing. And yet, he waited and waited for her to come out. _To come back to him_ …

Alone with his thoughts, even with her not actually being that far away, Kylo felt alone and terrible of himself. He longed for her to come back so he can admit his wrongdoings and bend to her will.

* * *

Hours had passed until the door to his quarters signaled an arrival of a medical droid.

With stiff, sore muscles, Kylo opened the door to see the previous issued droid holding up a pill container holding a single piece. He didn’t say anything to the machine, instead stared at at the single sleeping pill that was for the woman he _(hopefully still)_ shares a bed with in secrecy.

The droid blinked to the Commander. “Hello, I am 2-1B. I am here for the timed delivery of sleeping medication for a patient under the name of Nova. I am informed that you are to oversee all her health intake, and instructed to leave the pill in your care,” it said, holding the container out expectantly.

With a heavy hand, Kylo took the container and held it in his palm. “If you should be in need of any assistance with the patient’s intake of the pill, please use your holopad to request a medical professional. Good day.” The droid left down the hallway, leaving Kylo to be closed off back into the dim lighting of the quarter’s hallway by the refresher. Staring at the container, Kylo slowly turned around and took a few, heavily-dragged steps to the door in the center of the hallway - the boundary line to what is Kylo and Nova’s sides of the apartment.

With his free hand, Kylo wrapped his knuckle against the cold metal door, waiting for a response from the only individual inside. When there wasn’t one, Kylo closed his eyes and reached to the panel beside the door, he used the outside switch to open the door to the brightly lit room. Entering into the unit, the door hissed closed behind him as he raised his heavy head to see discarded clothes littered on the floor and the tub installed in the corner filled with constant steaming water and a body curled inside.

Nova had used a bathing blend that dyed the water to a lilac color, shielding majority of her body while revealing her from the shoulders up and the tips of her knees. The concoction was used to aid sore muscles and stress, and the scent filling the air from the steaming water brought a smooth wave to Kylo’s nose as he inhaled. Her hair was pulled up to the top of her head, some strands loose and dripping into the water, the woman held on to her legs as she still refused to look at him, and his heart twisted painfully once more.

“Your medicine arrived,” Kylo spoke after a long minute of awkward silence, holding the container in his gloved hand in proof.

When she didn’t answer him, Kylo took a deep breath and walked closer until he was at the edge of the tub. Being careful to sit down on the tile flooring, he set the pill by the stack of clean towels on the ground and slowly removed his leather gloves. After dropping those to the side rather carelessly, Kylo propped his arms onto the ledge and got into a relaxing position to be leveled with her, instead of towering her. He watched her stare at the colored water, the tub itself an installed heating jet that never allowed the water to get cold after however long she were to be in it. A part of him wanted to fix the loose strands dipping into the water, to touch her wet skin with his bare fingers or kiss her shoulder in silent apology and seduce a forgiveness, but he knew better.

Not just to respect her boundaries, but to be a real partner in a relationship as new and fragile as the two involved.

“I’m deeply sorry, Nova,” he whispered softly, yet loud enough for her to hear in the secluded room. “For what I said, how loud I was to you… It was _wrong_ , and I should have _never_ said those things to you. _I’m sorry_.”

Still keeping her gaze on the water, Nova’s lips parted and he instantly dialed his whole focus on her. “Do you know…what it’s like, being a child, and being thrown into a pit filled with adults who aim to kill you in the most brutal ways possible? Not even old enough to read or reach a human adult’s hip, and everyone else is towering over you and plan on taking your life.”

Kylo kept still before slowly shaking his head, and Nova’s hands peeked from the water to cup her knees. “I was the only child from the program of battle slaves to survive conforming courses, where we were born from the breeding program in the Bavva III system. I was starved, I was beaten and threatened before being dropped into that pit with no warning. I never knew what a proper _bed_ was for my kind; sleeping on the ground with no source of warmth or anyone to embrace you from nightmares, no one to help with your wounds. Only instructions and fighting until, one by one, we started to fall and never get back up…and I was the _last one_.

“I remember not being given food for days, eating whatever I could scrap from the ground or rodents that dared to crawl close to me. A starved kid in a pit of adults who were given orders to murder each other for the only goal to be put into an auction to be bought, and I was the only one who was a little child. I wasn’t even given a _weapon_ ,” she confessed in a low voice. “And do you know who was the last one standing to be dragged off to be bought?”

Kylo felt his heart grow heavier than ever as Nova looked to him with wet eyes. No tears were spilling, but he could just feel the weight of her eyes from holding it. “I never knew what having a life outside of fighting was, Kylo. I only _dreamed_ of being allowed to roam the streets and not having to watch my back for an opponent to earn income with; I dreamt of being able to eat and drink, like my owners would, and being given attention like I was a human being, not some animal who did as she was told, or stared up at the night sky with nothing going on inside her head.

“Every time I fought, ever since I was just a child with no parents or name to be called, I was never given a chance to decide what I wanted to do. How I grew up into an adult and killed other slaves who didn’t understand what was going on, or even using my own hands to destroy multiple people who even _weren’t slaves_ didn’t get it either. _I didn’t like it, Kylo_. I didn’t like killing people who were defenseless, because I knew what it was like to go through it myself. Because I knew that I was probably the _only one_ to survive it all.” Nova’s bottom lip quivered, and she took a moment to compose herself.

“You say I don’t know what war is, or even know _the half_ of what it means,” she said rather bitterly, looking down to the water once more, “but I had always been in a war, Kylo. A war that I didn’t have any right or chance to feel equal with anyone simply because _I was born_.

“I wouldn’t want to destroy Bavva III, because there are people on that planet who don’t agree with slavery and have fought to abolish it. There are people on the planet who don’t even know the idea of freedom, and children who have yet to know what the world has to offer - _the galaxy has to offer to them_ , only to die so quickly because you’re not given the chance to negotiate,” she said in a cracked voice, a single tear slipping down her humid cheek. “I wouldn’t want to kill them all without a fair fight. I want them to see _my face_ and know who they are fighting against before coming to the decision whether or not it’s worth it. War is knowing your enemy’s faces, I’ve known that since I was born.

“Before you, Kylo, I was a slave,” Nova told him honestly. “I was person without family, no name or given respect for anything I did besides being used for an income. I was someone’s weapon of destruction - of _murder_ \- to many people, only because I didn’t have a choice. You were the first person ever in my life to make me feel like I had a choice. You saw me something else other than a weapon. _I know you did_ …”

Kylo’s lips parted, his eyes feeling a bit sore from the thought of wanting to cry, but couldn’t. How could he cry from something that he never went through as a child, besides isolation and feeling out of place? He wasn’t born into a world where he had to constantly fight to live another day, or forced into a system where he was born and bred for the sake of income and slavery being the acceptable norm. He was born into royalty, or legends and great tales that are still talked about to this day. The first time he saw the reality of war was perhaps when he was betrayed by a man he once called his family, after being threatened. Other than that, Kylo grew up with no idea of having to kill to live.

But Nova has. Nova had been through a war no one should ever go through, and all alone with no escape besides the Force.

“I dream of a better galaxy, too, but not where I have to kill those who do not mean to be a threat to me, Kylo. I don’t want to be like _that_ anymore,” she hiccuped to him, her hands coming to wipe away her tears. “I gave up caring for my life before you came for me, I gave up caring to live that life and didn’t care if I lived or died by the hands of the system. I didn’t want to follow the system anymore and only killed those who truly sought to harm me. I don’t want to be anyone’s _weapon_ anymore, Kylo…I only want to survive and see what the galaxy holds beyond war. I want to survive with _you_.”

Seeing her in such a state, looking helpless and confused by the blueprints for a super weapon, all when she, too, was a weapon since the day she was born, Kylo felt his heart break. She was sick of having to fight for others in order to live on, being at fault for so many deaths that she probably didn’t want to take part in at the beginning and haunting her dreams for so long. To him, at this moment, she was the small child that she never got to be in the reality of her world; to be small and defenseless, she let go of the fact that she was indeed a dangerous woman. Innocent and not a weapon. Soft and not a genius killer with weapons. A mere, beautiful and unique creature and not one who wields the Force.

His fingertips barely touching the surface of the bath water, Kylo slowly reached out with both hands as they circled around Nova’s curved form. The pads of his rough fingers touching her skin, the Commander was marveled at the softness of her flesh against his palm as he gently grasped her shoulder with one hand and the other cradling the side of her head as he was careful in pulling her closer to the edge of the tub, towards him. Having her lean against the edge, Kylo let his cheek press lightly to her hairline as he embraced her in his strong arms. Resting his cheek against her hair, Kylo brushed his thumb against the curve of her shoulder. He was being gentle, treating her as a fragile feather and feeling her skin with his and focusing on making her feel better. It was his fault that she was feeling this way, and he knew it. Kylo would not feel satisfied until she felt better, no matter what it was going to take from him.

She was not hard and firm, but smooth and soft and beautiful. She was nothing as she described herself to be - she was not a weapon without a choice, a murderer to many innocent lives lost to greed and slavery, but a _beautiful_ woman who trusted _him_ and wanted to be by his side.

“You are not anyone’s property any longer, love,” he whispered to her, tucking her head under his chin and stroked her hair and skin with the lightest of touches. “You won’t be used as a slave or weapon to anyone for the rest of your life. I promise you, you won’t be used as a weapon in war - I won’t let anyone force you to fight someone who isn’t a threat to you. You’re teaching others to survive now, not to be a weapon.”

“But -”

“I’ll take that burden, Nova,” he told her in a low voice, letting his mouth press against her hair and she shivered at the sensation of his breath reaching so close to her scalp. “I won’t let anyone force you to do anything you don’t want. I’ll take it all for you; as long as you keep surviving, I promise I’ll stay with you no matter what. Let me take all that burden away from you, love.”

Nova sniffed a bit and turned her head more into his neck, pressing her forehead to him and closing her eyes. Pulling her shriveled hands to her chest, the woman went limp against the white wall of the bathtub and stuck her exposed skin to his; the warmth of the touch was overwhelming yet so soothing to the whole situation of what she felt. His words carving into her mind as she listened him promising her to have choices, to feel and speak what she wished and feared to him. Promising her freedom from chains and being allowed to learn and see what was being shielded from her for so long…

Kylo was promising her to be human.

* * *

After allowing her to finish her bath and dressing herself in her pajamas, all while he packed all the blueprints away, marking her book and dressing himself for bed, Kylo guided Nova to her side of the chambers. He wanted to keep her away from the plans as far as possible. Having her take the bitter sleeping pill, her face scrunching in annoyance of the taste she will never be used to, Kylo was willing to go under the covers with her and face each other when she asked him to. The medicine now slowly kicking in, making her drowsy but completely aware, Kylo allowed her to reach out and touch his dotted skin with the tips of her fingers, lightly tracing his collarbone. Her sleepy eyes following her hands as she slid her fingers up his neck and lightly touch his hair, Nova’s lips quirked into a tiny, sleepy smile.

“Your hair is _perfect_ ,” she stated, and he was gentle in taking her wrist to raise it more for her to bury her fingers into his dark waves. When she eventually settled to twirling her fingers lightly and trace his hidden ear, Kylo removed his own and rest it back on the pillow close to her chin.

His eyes watching her face, eyeing her slight changes of expression and the movements of her lips, he also relished the feeling of her soft hands carefully holding on to his earlobes out of mere curiosity. She felt soft, like peace in his hardened body and mind. “Everything of you is soft, did you know that?”

She blinked, making him take an amused breath. “Your skin for one, it is very soft to the touch and I have longed to try and feel it before. I’ve never told you that.”

Seeing her expression twist with flusters, Kylo touched her chin and swiped his thumb so carefully over her blushing cheek. “For a while, I have been hoping we would, but…I have been shy and didn’t know if it was acceptable to ask,” she confessed, looking down with a hint of shame. “You had said that significant others exchange physical affection, but I was somewhat unsure how to approach it properly.”

“It’s fine. It is all fine now,” Kylo told her. The hand caressing her cheek came to grasp her wrist as he turned his cheek into her palm, closing his eyes with a sort of comfort that eased his nerves of his own confession. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t do what you wish, Nova. You can ask me of anything you want and I will comply to you willingly. It’s all new to me, too, being in a close relationship like this.”

She nodded sleepily, her free hand coming to touch his chin and trace his lips. Feeling his breath leave his lips when he exhaled, Nova had a small, tired smile on her face. “I like being in a relationship, but I like it more that it is with you, Kylo.”

Warmth pooled on his belly as he stared at her with slight shock written in his eyes, and she took notice to it. Her eyes softening as she carefully pulled her hands away from his stilled face, Nova dared herself to move closer to his bare chest and press her cheek against his skin, her eyes closing once making contact. The rhythm of his heartbeat against her ear and the warm flesh against her smaller frame, Nova yawned before nestling against him comfortably and succumbing to her medication and leaving Kylo awake, as usual between the two. Kylo watched her fall asleep, her breathing going on longer and the additional weight pressed against him from her muscles to going lax.

Reaching up to brush a lock of her hair away from her face, Kylo was careful to tug the comforter over her shoulder before wrapping his arm around her clothed back. Pulling her closer to him, Kylo felt his whole body melt into her form as she took over his senses; her scent, the feeling of her against him and the warmth of their body heat mingling together as he sensed her Force signature return to rest against his own. Kylo combed her loose hair with his fingers, admiring the soft shine in the slight light given by the quarter’s regulation system, the strands dripping beautifully from his hand onto the black silk of the pillow. He saw the faint scars of her past on the exposed skin of her neck, her hands, yet he couldn’t find himself to care for them as something ugly or to be looked down upon, but to be addition to her beauty he adored and admired.

“Soft skin,” he murmured gently, his knuckles brushing up her shoulder and the curve of her cheek. “Perfect hair…so beautiful. Beautiful lips,” he continued, his thumb hovering between them as she let out a sigh in her sleep. He felt his heart skip a beat at the sight before moving on to brush under her lashes. “Eyes that seem to hold all the answers within them, the most beautiful star constellations I’ve ever seen.”

Kylo slowly leaned down, his mouth only barely touching her hairline and his arms holding her close. He felt so warm underneath the blankets with her, securing her protectively to him as he brushed his lips to her forehead with ease before resting his head on the pillow. Instead of pushing himself to kiss her head a simple good night, he settled for her breathing and Force signature as a lullaby. A cocoon of her Force wall shielding the outside world away from the both of them, he felt himself becoming a form of protection with her physical form with his own body as he repeated her words in his thoughts openly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: There are currently two known medical droids in the Star Wars universe (films, not novels). The versions First Order uses is up to the reader!


	10. the key to the force wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Spar violence, attempt of assault/slavery.

Watching as the stormtroopers listen intently to the woman standing on the spar platform overhead, Kylo made sure his helmet stayed focused on her direct body language to a random ‘trooper to come forward with an encouraging smile. Unlike the other instructors on Starkiller Base, the female apprentice to the Supreme Leader was far more kinder and patient with those who under rank her; she was supportive and careful with the different units, who were controlled and drilled to perfection by people close to Phasma’s rank in taking orders and risking their lives. All of that now was being thrown out the window with her instructions on sparing with one another through tactics that were to ensure their survival. He watched how her lips spoke the words ‘ _to throw off the one trying to kill you_ ’ not ‘ _this is how you kill_ ’, all while being serious yet comforting to them all like a gentle mentor.

From the above level of discussing the plans to begin the construction of the super-weapon, Kylo was able to wrap up the meeting sooner than expected with the plan to start it in the underground mines that were already placed on the other base locations on the planet. Dismissing the end of the meeting, Kylo carefully made his way down to the floor level and enter in time to see Nova overpower the stormtrooper she called for demonstration. How she was able to throw the armored soldier down with precise movements all while explaining to the crowd of where the best spots to strike in stunning the enemy was admirable. Nova was smiling, complimenting the stormtrooper’s resilience to get back up on his feet and wait for the next direction, blowing her whistle for him to try and lunge at her again only to be knocked down flat on his back. The Force emitting from her was beautiful to Kylo, sensing and barely seeing the soft light of her personality and wittiness in playing with the others so openly. To her, she was playing with them while teaching them how to protect themselves, and Kylo saw nothing wrong in the matter of her wishes. She was doing her job, and that was enough.

Seeing her lean back in time to dodge a punch, Nova twisted the stormtrooper around by hooking her leg around his side and forcing him to fall. Wrapping her arms around the helmet, hooking one underneath the ledge and squeezing, Nova brought him into a headlock as he began squirming - all while she’s smiling like she was playing a innocent game.

“Even with armor, there are still many openings one can use to disarm an opponent just as easily,” Nova said casually before the stormtrooper patted her arm desperately. She released him and he gasped to breathe properly again as she helped push him up to his feet. “Next lesson, we will go over different defenses to avoid those who can put you into a headlock or if you become weaponless. Please work with a sparring partner to go over possible ways to protect yourself.”

As the crowd of ‘troopers dispersed, Nova went to the one she led through demonstration to ask if he was feeling okay. Kylo watched the stormtrooper nod to her and pat his own chest in assurance of himself, seeming to laugh and thank the woman for giving him the honor of picking him for assistance.

“I was never taught anything like this during training, so all of this is very new and exciting,” the stormtrooper confessed through his helmet, making Nova break into a happy grin as Kylo slowly approached him from behind. The other members of the units were quick to pave way for him in his slow walk, listening to the one’s thoughts of how he admired the new instructor’s lessons that were far different from anything he’s ever learned.

“Thank you for taking the time to instruct us, Madam Nova. I feel that we are truly becoming better suited for the First Order, thanks to you,” the stormtrooper said before saluting. Turning around, the ‘trooper jumped at the towering sight of Kylo looking down to him menacingly and Nova waving up to him in greeting the Commander. The soldier was quick to salute to him before scurrying off, leaving Nova and Kylo on the platform as the rest of the members continued on with their duties.

Nova smiled to Kylo as he finally turned away from the retreating soldier to look at her. “Hello Kylo, did you finish with the meeting with the higher reps already?” she asked casually. When he gave her a single nod, her smile grew. “Does this mean we can go train now?”

He gave her another single nod before turning on his heel to step down the platform, knowing fully well that Nova was following close behind him to the outer halls to different singular training rooms. A special room originally reserved for the Commander was secluded from prying eyes and was always locked with the use of his DNA. There were no windows and the walls were soundproof, as well as Nova’s ability placed itself as a protective cloud around it and kept Snoke away from them, just like their quarters, making it another hidden hideaway for the two to work together in private. As Kylo removed his glove to scan his thumb on the panel and having the door open, he made space for Nova to enter first before following close behind.

As the door slide closed and locked the outside world from the inside, Kylo removed his other glove and proceeded to take off his helmet when Nova turned to him and spoke.

“Kylo, can I try leading training today?” her voice was calm and collected, her hands behind her as she batted her sparkling eyes to him.

Kylo stilled in removing the helmet off his head, looking at her with a curious stare as he lifted it off from him and let his eyes look at her. She smiled to him again and held out her hands expectantly, and he was careful to give up his helmet for her to hold for her own amusement. “Why do you wish to lead training?” he asked carefully, unsure how to process her request. She wasn’t anywhere near the level of Force training to lead by herself, so he was somewhat confused and concerned of her suggestion.

Nova shrugged and hugged the helmet to her body. “Well, not _lead_ a training session, I suppose,” she tried fixing her sentence. “There is something I want to try, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking to try it in our quarters. I thought it may be something to save for our training…”

“What is it?” he asked, noticing her body language becoming somewhat self-conscious of even speaking to him about it. “Nova, love, you know you can ask me.”

“I read your books and found something I would like to try, for early Force exercises that I haven’t really been successful with since we’ve been here for almost a month on Starkiller Base,” she explained shyly, looking down to the dome of the helmet. “The chapter on thought projection and sharing one’s thoughts? I reread it and looked further into it whenever I did meditation by myself, and I think I thought of something that may work, and would like to try with you to see if it does, since you’re far advanced than I am. It was an exercise _for children_ , but I thought, maybe…”

He could tell that she was somewhat embarrassed, and his eyes softened at the sight of her running her fingers on top of his helmet. Approaching her with cautious steps, Kylo lifted his bare hand to rest on hers fiddling with the shine on the dome, his other hand carefully tilting her chin upward to have her look up to meet his gaze.

“Let’s give it a try,” he said gently, his thumb stroking her knuckles.

A shy of a smile on her lips, Nova nodded in agreement and let Kylo remove the helmet to set aside before guiding her to the center of the room. Grey paneling with a black flooring, the room was fairly similar to empty rooms back on the Supremacy with more light; Kylo had commissioned the room to be similar in ways to feel centered and close to his Master’s guidance, yet now felt new in a better term with the presence of the woman with him. He was careful to guide Nova to sit down first, watching her get into a meditation pose of crossing her legs before sitting across from her. Everything in the room was quiet and he waited patiently with a straight spine as Nova’s head tilt as she stared at him, her fingers rubbing together on the form of her bent knees, as if contemplating what to do next. She was trying to be professional like he would whenever he lead their training session, taking control in a way she was not used to doing with him in comparison to helping the stormtroopers, Knights or even Snoke’s Elites. Kylo remained patient with her, though, letting her take her time to figure out what she wanted to do. He would make all the time necessary for her to try out her idea, even if it took them into the late night.

When she seemed to have an idea of what she wanted to do, Nova lifted her hands a bit, as if reaching for his face. He kept his eyes on her, focused on her beautiful face as she timidly bit her lip. Kylo remained still when she hummed and sheepishly looked at him. “Is it okay if I touch you, Kylo?” she asked and he felt his heart thrum in a happy beat in his chest by her shy tone. “I will only hold your face, and I promise I will be careful…”

Instead of verbally answering her, Kylo knelt down and leaned his head closer to her reach. His eyes fluttered a bit as Nova carefully cupped his cheeks with the most care, almost similar to when they spent time in bed as she fell asleep in his arms. Hearing her giggle at his reaction, Kylo opened his eyes and gave her a small, teasing smirk that only made her laugh more and lightly pinch his cheeks. The whole ordeal of being childish and out of character for the Commander, he shook his head lightly to bring her back to the situation present at hand and she nodded in understanding.

“Remember to focus on what you want to do, love,” he reminded her softly.

Nodding, Nova bit back her smile and shut her eyes. Kylo admired her relaxing expression with gentle eyes and watched how she caught her breath into a slower, much smoother pattern; falling to a meditative state, Nova’s hands warming against his skin, she went into her state of mind of where she wanted to go…

All while watching her, Kylo felt a tingling sensation from Nova’s touch and the familiar feeling of being brought to a different place outside of his known world. Much similar to that fateful day in the control room, where their feelings were revealed to each other for the better, Kylo discovered Nova’s physical form missing with a blink of his eyes, yet her touch on his face remained against his cheeks as he looked around the distant planes of what he assumed was inside Nova’s conscience. Soft and quiet to the outside world, Kylo felt different in ways that he (somewhat) felt like he had control in here. As unusual and new as it was to Kylo, he felt a form of freedom inside Nova’s thoughts as he reached a single hand out to something, allowing it to take him somewhere as an open invitation to explore into the unknown -

To inside a stone cell, cold and dark.

Looking around with furrowed brows, Kylo’s eyes snapped to the familiar form of Nova barely dressed in the current conditions. What he assumed were her undergarments prior to joining the First Order, _practically rags_ , Kylo’s eyes trailed to her exposed skin for a brief moment before noticing the shackles wrapped tightly around her wrists and ankles, and a chain keeping her grounded. She didn’t have much mobile room to even lift her hands up, making him reach out to try and remove them himself, only to fade through the mist of Nova’s memory.

Kylo’s eyes widened a bit as his fingers shifted through Nova’s restraints and her small hands, realizing that he was in no shape or form of the physical world. It took a moment for him, similar to a way that Kylo used to pry minds of prisoners to gain information and vivid images, to see what he was present inside _a memory_ \- a sort of ghost as he often asked himself to see something inside her mind. It felt all too real to him: the cold air inside the cell, the musty smell of the elements conquering the area, Kylo would have easily assumed it was a sort of teleportation to another setting between them. Thinking it over, Kylo realized what he had done within his thoughts back in the lobby of Nova’s mind.

The brief wish of him wanting to see what caused the Force to call out to Snoke about Nova’s existence, and here he was, being able to move around and see almost in real life.

Instantly pulling back by the noise of a hidden door opening, Kylo watched Nova’s head lift with slow movement and such little effort. Expecting to see similar, curious eyes and expression as when they first met underneath the arena, Kylo’s lips parted at seeing Nova’s face hard and eyes blazing with fire, like his lightsaber. A look he had never seen up close before, Kylo saw her shoulders get tight as a human male turned the stone corner of the walkway to the room.

Nova was _angry_.

The man was dressed in similar garbs as the woman, yet wasn’t chained or seeming to be tired. Instead, he was far more muscular compared to her, almost as tall and similarly built as Kylo, with dirty blond hair and piercing green eyes staring right back at her. Scars of various weapons littered the man’s skin as he hypnotically gazed at Nova as if she was a sort of meal, making Kylo frown deeper at the sight as the man’s lips twitched to a sort of smirk as he eyed the woman up and down. He didn’t like the way the slave was looking at Nova, like she was a piece of meat to consume like a wild animal…

Nova attempted to move back, only for the short chains to restrain her and barely allowed her back to touch the cold wall. Her angry glare never ceasing as the man reached out to stroke her chin, Nova snapped her head away and snarled at him in a warning but the man chuckled in response. Kylo wanted nothing more than to use the Force to push the man back as he recognized the intent in those green orbs, all while Nova bared her teeth at the male slave.

“ _You have no way to resist now_ ,” the man said in a teasing manner as he tried to reach for Nova again. He got ahold of Nova’s jaw and held tight. “ _Let me take over and it will be done before you know it… It will feel good if you relax._ ”

Opening her mouth, Nova’s blunt teeth bit down hard on his hand, right into the palm between the thumb and pointer finger when he tried to pat her cheek. A sickening noise of flesh being torn as he yanked away from her, the man growled in pain as Nova spat his blood like it was from a disgusting host. Gripping his bleeding palm, the slave turned hostile as he stormed up to Nova and towered over her with a threatening aura, ready to shout at her, grab her shoulders and proceed to do his duty right when Kylo was about to scream for it to end by his own power.

An invisible shove slammed the male slave against the opposite wall and he was held off his feet and struggled to breathe. Force-choking.

Snapping his head to Nova, Kylo lost his breath for a moment of seeing Nova just staring at the man choking for air. Her hands remained down - _fingers limp and unmoving_ \- she just stared with absolute hatred as her Force signature spiked with immense strength that he had never seen before. Lifting her head, Nova’s spat once more to rid the blood still on her tongue as the invisible hands tightened around the man’s throat and caused a straining noise. All while his face lost color and limbs spasming for any sort of help, Nova projected a sort of power that Kylo had only _dreamed_ of witnessing from Snoke, if he ever were to grace him to see, or obtaining himself, and eventually dropping down to nothing once the man finally went limp from a slow death.

It was as if Nova was in a trance, like the way she worked with weapons and fought with his lightsaber. She was not her usual, happy self that Kylo was use to seeing, helping her understand new things in her ever-growing world. She was angry, bloodthirsty and craving to cause pain to someone who was attempting to harm her. Nova projected her power as a shield, and it was nothing he had ever seen before, even far back in his Padawan days with his uncle.

And, just like that, Nova snapped out of it.

Dropping the dead body to the ground, Nova’s Force signature completely disappeared from her angry episode that only lasted for a few short moments as she exhaled a shaking breath. What was once an angry woman was now replaced with a frightened one, realizing what she had done. Kylo wanted nothing more than to reach towards her and pull her into his arms to warm her cold skin, to remove those chains and take her away from this nightmare of what was suppose to be done inside these stone walls.

The sound of the hidden door opening again, both Nova and Kylo looked up to see a uniformed individual with a veiled face and shielded body, making it difficult to know who was underneath. Looking between the chained woman and the expired body of the man, the creature slowly looked back to Nova as she swallowed. Reaching to their belt, the masked person pressed a small button to a box that triggered a sudden charge of three more entering the chamber and throwing themselves onto her, making her cry out. One snuck behind the chained woman and slipped their arms under hers and press his hands behind her skull and gripped her braided scalp tightly; another held on to Nova’s waist as they pushed one of her trembling legs out to expose her naked limb out in a tight grip, all while Nova weakly struggled against their hold as the last one stood beside the first with a small tool in their hand.

Kylo watched in pure terror as the last one twisted the small laser in their hand, igniting a sparking noise of the weapon turning on as they slowly approached the tired woman as she shouted at them all. Kneeling down to the given leg, the individual rest their gloved palm on Nova’s inner thigh to help hold it still as they brought the tool closer and closer to her skin…

Nova cried out as they worked to mark her skin with a giant X carved to her leg, and Kylo fell out of the memory of the chamber to the training room both he and Nova sat.

Removing her hands from his face, Nova gazed worriedly at him as he sat there. He was trembling, his bottom lip shaking as he held back tears so desperately, looking at her with a heartbroken expression in his eyes and emotions he thought was shut out by Snoke’s teachings and coming back all at once. His back hunched as he forced himself to catch his breath, Kylo saw how tired and worn out the woman looked from using so much of her energy yet remain up and looking over him with concern. Hesitating to reach out to him, to pet his back in attempt to comfort him, to stroke his hair and whisper, yet she dropped her hands to her lap.

“D-did you… Were you able to see it, Kylo?” she asked in a nervous whisper. Watching him force himself upright, she bit her lip. “I thought I heard what you wanted to see, and I tried… But, I don’t know if I did it right.”

It was making sense for him now, the way Nova’s powers worked to be hidden yet still show enough to let Snoke see that she is _capable -_ but with so much more power than originally exposed. She didn’t have _control_ over it, as she truly would not use the Force against those not intending to harm her, as those masked individuals were simply doing their job in comparison to what the unnamed man attempted to do against her will - her emotions played an immense part. She was tired of being used, and so she unknowingly shut herself away with the use of the Force wall embedded inside her…only to be _opened willingly_ and through time and practice for Kylo Ren. Nova was powerful enough to just remain _still_ , have Kylo see everything as if he was right there in the past, in ways that he never read in any ancient text or seen Snoke do. As powerful as she was, she didn’t want to be that way and he felt that while being in the memory that is hidden with all her emotions.

She thought of wonderful things, of hopes and dreams of being free from her own personal hell. Nova didn’t want power, no, she never wanted that. She just wanted to be _happy and to be with him_.

His bare hands coming to cradle her head in the most gentle hold he could must, despite his hands still shaking, Kylo put in equal effort in closing the distance to press his lips to her forehead. Her own hands coming to rest on his clothed chest to balance herself, Nova blinked in surprise at the feeling of his kiss to her slightly damp head. He kissed her forehead once more before pulling her into his lap to wrap his arms around her much smaller body, hiding his face into a mix of her shoulder and braids. Letting out a shaky breath, Kylo sniffed as he held her close to him, wanting to feel her in his hold and remind himself that he won’t fade through her. He felt that piece of war she told him about before, now regretting ever saying that in his fit of irritation and wanting her forgiveness that she already gave to him a long while back, but still.

Feeling her arms come up and around his shoulder, Kylo rewarded her with more kisses to her hair as he spoke against her head in a hushed voice. “I saw it. _I saw it all_ …”

Nova rest her chin on his shoulder, her fingers gently petting his curls. “Did I do it right?” she asked innocently, resulting him to squeeze her a bit tighter as he nodded. “That makes me glad that you could see it, Kylo.”

Pressing a long kiss to her hairline, Kylo carefully nuzzled his large nose to her. “It was very powerful, Nova. You’re very strong with the Force, far stronger than anything I’ve ever seen before and I’m proud of you,” he told her.

“ _Really_?” she gasped and pulled back to look at him, and Kylo felt himself break from his usual stoic expression and release a small, airy chuckle.

Kylo nodded before pulling her into another embrace.

* * *

Watching Nova swallow the sleeping medication with disgust, Kylo took the empty glass away from her as she forced herself to keep it down. Setting the glass on the nightstand, Kylo began readying the bed as she slumped to the floor with a frown on her face. With the extra blankets that were delivered by droids for the incoming blizzards that make the chambers drop a few degrees during the night draped over the top of the original quilt, Nova formed a small hood over her head as she brought her knees up. Watching him prep the pillows, Nova’s eyes followed him focusing on the task with a sort of admiration.

“Kylo?” she spoke after a moment and Kylo pulled the sheet back.

“Yes, love,” Kylo answered casually, getting ready to remove his lounging shirt.

“Can you kiss my head again, please?”

Seeing him freeze in removing his shirt, Nova’s head tilt as she brought herself up to sit on the edge of the bed and faced his way. Reaching her hand to touch her forehead, Nova pointed to the spot where he had pressed one of his lighter kisses earlier that day in the training room as he gave her a bewildered look.

“They’re called kisses, right? The form of physical affection you told me about. The ones you put here…it felt nice and I liked it when you did it,” she told him with a gentle smile. “I sensed that you liked doing it as well, so I was wondering if you could…”

He knew she was being innocent, only discovering her understanding of various physical actions that could always resort to something more if he tried hard enough. But Nova wasn’t like anyone else he had been with, and he refused to force her mind to be muddled with such confusion over emotions she wasn’t used to. He won’t use her like the others. She deserved so much better from him, not just as a significant other, but as someone who presented her through the Force wall of uncharted territory.

Swallowing, Kylo dropped his attempt to take off his shirt and got down on his knees infront of her seated form. Resting his hands on either side of her, Kylo made direct eye contact with Nova as he gently held on to her chin and leaned closer to her, slow enough that it made time seem to freeze for the both of them. Nova closed her eyes right away, leaving him to admire her for a moment and stare at her lips in the smallest, most sweet smile and a part of him wanted to show her _another spot_ to kiss. A spot that could make her heart feel like it was _flying_.

Bringing his lips down, Kylo kissed her cheekbone and listened to how she took a breath of surprise and felt the way her lashes brushed his skin when she opened her eyes. The kiss was tender yet firm against her, seeming to press his hidden emotion through his full lips and send a pleasant buzz to her flesh and melt to her skull. Releasing the kiss, Kylo remained at his spot and brushed the tip of his nose against her, listening to her breathe. She wasn’t showing fear or discomfort, still he had yet to see what she was going to do in response.

Feeling her hands coming up to touch his neck, Kylo bit his lip when she guided him to pull back just a bit - a part of him didn’t want to look her in the eyes just yet, afraid of what he might see. Shutting his eyes tight, Kylo was expecting her to push him away, to demand what the meaning of the placement was, but it never came…

Instead, he felt soft, smooth like velvet lips press against his cheek.

His chest ready to burst with how fast his heart was going, Kylo held still and kept his eyes shut as Nova explored his face with her mouth. Another kiss to his cheek, she gave him another on closer to his closed eye and then craned her neck to kiss his brow. The gentle touches of her lips against his face, Kylo felt himself fall into becoming addicted to them; the way her hands held his face so carefully and the warmth of her breath fanning against him nearly made him fall apart. He was lost in her as she trailed little kisses up his forehead, his head becoming heavy for him to keep up by himself, Kylo allowed her to hold him as his hands drifted closer to hold her sides. He gave her control of holding his head in her soft, warm hands.

Thumbs brushing her silky sleeping top, Kylo released a long breath as Nova carefully lifted his face up to press on last kiss to the bridge of his nose and her lips lingered unmoving for a long moment as he heard her voice speak to the back of his hardened mind.

‘ _It feels so nice_ ,’ she whispered through the Force as she pressed her forehead against his own.

His eyes opening in awe, Kylo looked to her relaxed smile as she shyly looked back to him through her lashes. His heart feeling on fire by the sight, Kylo’s hands unconsciously slipped from her sides and went to cradle the small of her back and pulled her a bit closer. Seeing Nova smile a bit more and closing her eyes, she nuzzled him with the newfound affection of being so close to him. The cloud of her Force wall making him feel at ease as he seemed to blend in with his own; the power he could only register as Nova brought something to him, something he thought he lost a long time ago…

Peace.

‘ _It does_ ,’ he whispered back, eyes closing as he brushed his nose along hers and kept their foreheads together in this quiet, serene moment and their Force signatures mingling for the first time in perfect synch. ‘ _It feels wonderful_ …’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The description of Nova’s conscience is very vague, because I want to leave it to the reader’s imagination since the reader does star as Nova c: (hope you tell me what you imagine it to be!)


	11. of kylo's song

Kylo watched the woman grin as she scooped up a handful of snow from the ground and threw it up into the air, laughing when giant blobs fell back on the hood of her cowl and makeshift coat she was forced to wear. Still, with the limits of her quick movements from using Kylo’s coat (that basically dwarfed her three times smaller than originally - given how much larger he was in comparison to the common human), she was still having fun being outdoors for the short time period given with the open pocket of the blizzard. As soon as the Commander and other apprentice heard of the ease in the weather, Kylo knew she would want to go out and see what the weather was like firsthand…

Still, that didn’t stop him from taking extra precautions for her state of dress.

Since Nova had ripped all the sleeves off of her uniforms, _coats included_ , Kylo explained to her that she won’t be going anywhere outside the Starkiller Base without a coat. So, to satisfy his need for her to be properly covered and protected from the still cold winds and stinging snowflakes, he dug deep into his closet and threw his thickest winter coat on her. Nova didn’t particularly complain of the whole ordeal of needing to wear a thick jacket, but did question why it was so important. Apparently, she was never required to wear a coat back in her old life, and Kylo had to explain to her the importance of keeping warm in cold climates, which made her only smile to him and tell him that she appreciated his care for her.

The very words made him slow in finishing the last buttons of the coat, a very small smile on his lips occurred just for her before finishing, telling her she was ready to go outside.

Since getting outside, Nova became increasingly excited and loud as soon as her feet met the crunching snow under her boots. Hopping on her toes, she pretty much took off from his side, losing all professionalism, acting like a child playing in the snow and running around the dark trees as she explored with him keeping close watch. A lot of her behavior reminded Kylo of when he was a small child, and playing in the snow; a bittersweet and soft memory of having snowball fights with his father and his fuzzy companion, all while his mother warmed his chilly cheeks with kisses.

The cold bit his cheeks to bring him back to reality, but Kylo Ren knew this wasn’t the worst of the cold climate of the planet. As he followed Nova into the edge of the forest, he realized that the little stings didn’t matter when he saw how happy she was with something otherwise so pointless in the matter.

The icy planet provides shelter and secrecy from any Resistance, seeming as nothing more than a ice block of an orb of rock. Everything what is considered important and useful was hidden inside; filled with Kyber crystals and valuable minerals that help fuel ships and various weapons and forts, Starkiller Base was a hidden gem found by the Empire. anything above ground was nothing special…

“Kylo!” Nova called out as she ran to him, catching his attention. “Kylo! Look at _this_!”

Opening her palms to him, she revealed small, crystalized pebbles encased with bits of ice and dirt. They weren’t big enough to be of any sort of value to him - perhaps a couple credits and maybe some imported goods, but nothing else. However, Nova was grinning and seeing them as amazing little treasures and wanted to show them to him. She was very proud of her findings, ignoring the cold items in her hands and was bouncing.

“These are Kyber crystals, right? The ones the book said helped make lightsabers,” Nova grinned to him. “They’re too little to be used to make lightsabers, but they’re the right material, is that correct?”

“Yes, you are right,” Kylo nodded. Raising a gloved hand, he carefully pinched the tip of her middle finger and, even through the thick leather, he could still feel the slight chill of her skin with being bare to the weather for a few minutes. “You may keep them, if you wish, Nova, but it's now time to go back inside.”

“ _Already_?” she pouted to him and he nodded to her once.

“The blizzard is returning soon and you’re already being affected by the cold, love,” he informed her in a quiet voice. Despite being outdoors, he sensed that they were the only ones outside and void of any security in the Commander’s private platform, he seemed to appreciate the times of being quiet and less harsh with her present with him.

She seemed to consider his words and sighed, her warm breath forming into vapors. “Alright. It is a _little_ bit cold outside…”

The corner of his lip twitched at her attempt to play it off as if it was nothing, Kylo reached his hand around to the small of her back and led her indoors near their quarters. Nova immediately stomped her feet on the ground, her hands in tight fists to hold her findings safely in her palm as she got rid of the snow from her feet while he closed the hatch securely. Bringing his hand back to her shoulder, Kylo escorted her back towards their quarters as she carefully counted the little pebbles in her palms.

Inside their quarters, Kylo had a hard time getting hold of Nova’s covered arms as she already scurried over to her side of the quarters, leaving him stunned by how excited she was that she didn’t _bother to remove her wet shoes or jacket_ yet. The part of him being surprised about it, he couldn’t help but exhale a soft chuckle as he removed his boots and thick coat before following after her trail of wet footprints. It didn’t surprise him to find her at her little table, observing the little Kyber remnants with her fingertips on the surface.

Walking over to the table, Kylo got down onto the ground and crossed his legs behind her before reaching with both hands to her waist, gently pulling her back. Drawing her to sit comfortably on his lap, he wrapped his arms around her and rest his cheek against the top of her head as she continued to observe her new findings. Nova seemed so enthralled by the little, useless crystals, yet he couldn’t bother to ruin it for her, completely amused by her behavior.

Taking one of her still-cold hands into his, bringing it up to his lips and press a warming kiss to her fingertips when she leaned back against his chest. “Did you read that Kyber crystals attract those who are Force-sensitive to use them for lightsabers?” he spoke against her fingers, warming them with his breath. “You can hear them making a sort of music, and they will change color once their chosen one touches them.”

“Did your Kyber crystal make music to you?” Nova asked curiously, looking up to him with a small smile. When he hummed in response, her eyes sparked with interest. “What did it sound like?”

“It’s a little difficult to describe, but I was very young when I found it.” Giving her knuckles a kiss then reaching to his belt, Kylo brought his crossblade hilt to both of them and holding it with careful hands. “The crystal inside is cracked, which gives it the unstable three blades of the lightsaber.”

“The book shows lightsabers with _one blade_ ,” Nova noted out loud and Kylo nodded. “Because this one is cracked, is that why it is red?”

“The Kyber shows the internal color _inside_ the one who is Force-sensitive, revealing the truth, in a way,” he explained, allowing the tips of her fingers touch the handle opposite of his hold with curiosity. “No one truly knows what the colors mean, but there has been a tradition of people attuned to the Dark Side of the Force have red lightsabers.”

“It’s a lovely shade of red,” she responded simply, as if it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. “So then that means you built this lightsaber when you were young?”

“No. I was told that this crystal was never to be used, since it’s cracked, as it could have been dangerous to build. The one I used when I was younger was somewhat forced to compromise with me in my Padawan years,” he said. “I did not use it for long, before joining the First Order. Then, I constructed this instead and saw the color.”

Nova’s head tilt to rest against his collarbone, watching when he brought the hilt into one hand and twirled it around in his grip before placing it on the table. “I wonder if the Force will allow me to find a Kyber crystal and build a lightsaber. Using yours for what feels so long ago…I felt a lot of emotion that weren’t reserved for slaves like me in battles or performances,” she confessed.

Kylo looked down to see her look between his lightsaber and the small shards. “Emotion of knowing that I hold power inside, and being something more than I originally thought I was meant to be.” Smiling, Nova closed her eyes and leaned more against him. “My image didn’t matter, so long as everyone knew that I was something more, instead of nothing but flesh with ears. Perhaps lightsabers help with that, or perhaps…it was just a little bit of Kylo that I felt when I connected with your weapon.”

His dark eyes watched her ease into his form, allowing his arm to cradle her back and trace the material of the borrowed coat in his leather-clad fingers. Her face at peace and ease, Kylo could resist but hold her close and give the top of her head a gentle kiss. Seeing Nova’s smile at the simple action made him feel warm and comfortable. Thinking of how her powers works to use any sort of weapon she touches, Kylo did wonder if a part of it was her connecting with the weapon she was given, or she was using the Force to channel into other beings and their emotions. Either way, it was still a wonderful learning experience for the both of them, and he did hope she can forge her own lightsaber once she finds the one special Kyber crystal that will sing out to her.

Just like how his heart was singing to her.

* * *

Slowly retracting his hands from her face, Kylo watched her eyes open from her hypnotic adventure of watching his selected memories. When she blinked out her sleepiness and sniffed before seeing him stare at her, waiting for her reaction. Instead of what he was expecting from her (to cry? Possible. To ask him a thousand questions? Of course), she just smiled at him and took both of his hands in her own, holding them as she mapped out the creases and lines with her thumbs. Seeing her being her usual self, he released a breath of confusion to catch her attention.

Her head tilt a bit. “Yes, Kylo?”

“You’re taking it well…for what I’ve shown you,” he pointed out to Nova, catching her wrists with his long fingers. “You don’t seem troubled by anything.”

Kylo showed her his old life: he showed her Ben Organa-Solo, the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, the heroes of the galaxy and their stories told throughout planets that surely she would have known of their names. He presented her his memories of his childhood, spending time with his parents and his internal conflict before being shipped to his uncle. How he struggled to understand himself and the nights he admired his cracked Kyber crystal; the destruction of the Jedi Temples and how he killed his fellow comrades in favor for falling to Snoke’s guidance.

Happy memories that a part of him wanted to _forget_. The first time his father took him on a undercover job without his mother knowing, actually saving Han and Chewbacca’s life by tricking the enemies and breaking them out of their confinement, and how his dad hugged him so tight that the young boy thought he was going to break. Braiding his mother’s long, silky hair and watching her get ready for a party or Council meeting, admiring how amazing she looked, yet was still the feisty woman who left kiss marks on his cheeks before heading to her stage. The memory of being lifted by his uncle and pretending to be the Millennium Falcon soaring through space as the twin of his mother laughed and told him stories past bedtime. The memories of family and trial of him slowly feeling himself becoming lost in who he was, the older he got, and seeing how worlds looked to his family and not him.

Everything he could never say to her and instead brought them to her in the hidden safety of their quarters one night after a long training session. Kylo allowed her to see and feel _everything_ up until they were to meet each other almost a year ago…

The _need_ to show her became too much for him to hold any longer.

Nova was exhausted, but she gave him the time before going to clean herself to be shown his selected memories as she did the same to him not too far back. Still, it was easy and child’s play for him to show them to her, when he held her damp cheeks and coaxed her to another world that wasn’t her own conscience. Kylo was more experienced and, along with Nova’s mental capacity of power, he didn’t doubt that she could connect. Looking to her tired eyes, he saw the soft sparkles within them as he pressed his forehead against hers when she shook her head gently.

“You did things you regret, I can see that. Even now, just by looking at you,” she said. “You have things you buried deep inside, but it’s nothing that would make me change how I feel, even if you do say it was only a pinch of it. You know as well as I do that I am not an innocent person.”

“I do regret, but I do not feel sorry for what I’ve done,” Kylo admitted in a low voice. He closed his eyes when he felt her hands come up to cradle his jaw. “I did what I need to do, but I couldn’t hide it from you any longer. With what we are to each other…”

“What are we to each other?” Nova asked, her lips in a small smile that he instantly caught on and he sighed in a reserved bliss. Kylo still wondered how he could tolerate her childish teasing to him.

“I would _assume_ you and I see each other as significant others, behind closed doors,” he told her as he grasped her chin, igniting her to snicker. Lifting her chin to press a gentle kiss to her cheekbone, Kylo let out a soft chuckle at feeling her lean to follow his lips. “Trying to put it into words is difficult, Nova. For the way I feel for you, it’s not something I have really ever dealt with in my life. I just want…to tell you, in a way that is appropriate -”

“My feelings for you are in terms of love, Kylo, and I hope that is acceptable.”

Freezing, the Commander couldn’t breathe for a moment when Nova’s arms wrapped themselves around his neck and her head rest on his shoulder. He felt his heart hammer hard against his chest as feeling her lips press lightly to the small patch of skin of his neck, right under his jaw, making him release a shaky breath and close his eyes. His face hiding into her clothed shoulder and strands of her wet hair, he felt himself melt into her embrace as she hugged him closer in a way he never felt before - even when he was a small child. No one had ever made him feel like this, so safe yet aware that he needed to protect her with his life and return gestures with time and much effort to show how much he appreciated it.

He felt her whisper into his conscience that he didn’t need to say anything, that he can take all the time he needed to say those words out loud. She would take it all in his favor, just as he would take the burden of the terrors of war by his hand. Reading her thoughts open to him, she wanted to help him in ways that he was helping her with her worried, her fears - as his own were of being open to tell her his true feelings from trauma caused by his Master. Nova could feel his worries and she took away his negative emotions with just a simple hug and kiss. He could feel how her Force signature was soft to him, warm to the touch to his normally cold one.

Leaning his cheek against the side of her head, Kylo returned the embrace by holding her in his arms. “They are acceptable, so long as you accept mine,” he responded with amusement.

“Yes, I do.”

Kylo kissed her temple and cradled her closer to him. “ _Thank you_.”

* * *

“ _I trust that the training has continued to progress without my mentorship for the time being_ ,” Snoke’s holographic form watched carefully as the two apprentices stood in the private communication room. Both dressed in their uniforms and standing at a stance, both Kylo and Nova projected their own terms of being composed and serious while in front of their mentor.

“Yes, Snoke,” Nova answered, her voice monotone and empty towards the graphic. “Kylo has been dedicating proper time to make sure I’m keep up with my lessons while still training the ‘troopers. I feel I could show you great improvement once we return to you.”

“ _I believe you will, little one_ ,” Snoke chuckled as he stole a glance to the maskless Kylo Ren waiting for his turn. “ _See to it that you keep improving your meditation, and soon you should be able to actually lift things on your own_.”

“Yes, Snoke,” Nova nodded to him.

“ _And you, young Kylo Ren_ ,” Snoke drawled as he turned his head turned towards him, and Kylo stood ready. “ _I have been informed on the proceeds of the construction finishing within the next few cycles, and I expect that to hear of proper start when it does begin on the next section. I have eyes and ears everywhere, as you know. Keep track of Nova’s progress and be ready for whenever I ask of you for intel_.”

Snoke never really had much to say to Kylo nowadays, and the young Commander was fine with that. The last scheduled meetings of informing the Supreme Leader of both of their progress were quick and to the point, even when feeling Snoke’s presence seep through the thick walls of Starkiller Base to try and pry into their minds for any sort of lies or secrets. Whenever he were to look for specific subjects, they would be blocked out to a void of nothing of the sort by Nova’s wall, as Kylo figured after discussing with her one night. By what she told him one night, while he held her face to feel her warm cheeks and stroke the corner of her lips as she smiled to him, that she only thinks that it is no one’s business to know what they think of certain things, especially how they felt for each other. A part of him figured - now understanding her Force power - that she unknowingly projects her shield to other Force-users to basically stay out of whatever matters are personal between the two. Kylo could still see and feel Snoke’s signature trying to poke and prod its way from far away, yet comes up as seeing the both of them empty of whatever he was looking for.

“Yes, Master,” Kylo answered with a stoic face.

Whatever he was expecting to find, he took the lie for the truth and leaned back into his throne.

“ _Then, I have nothing more to say. You are dismissed_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I constantly have to stop and reread my own work to remind myself how long Kylo and Nova/reader have known each other now. I’m just gonna say it’s been roughly close to a year now. Boom.


	12. for a horrific malady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Medical, symptoms of illness and IV, death and violence.

It was rare for someone to call Commander Kylo Ren through the commlink, requesting his presence immediately. Not even the General, Captain or Head Officers bothered to alert Kylo for anything else that wasn’t on his schedule and he happen to be one minute behind…

So, when the medical assistant from Starkiller Base’s medbay alerted him while he was officially closing the first section of the super-weapon underground, seeing the section on his holopad, the young man didn’t waste another breath as he made his way back to his secluded quarters.

Inside the locked off hallway, Kylo found the remains of the medical droid implanted into the solid wall and the medical assistant keeping distance from Nova, who was huddled in a corner farthest away. His visors only seeing her standing stiff, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, Kylo’s helmet head snapped sharply to the male assistant. The poor creature jumped with fear as the Commander marched right up to him and shoved him against the wall, leather gloves fisting the medical uniform as he stared down to the other. Tears were emerging in his wide eyes and his knees rattled, and Kylo wouldn’t doubt that the nurse would be so close to pissing himself.

“What happened here?” Kylo seethed darkly, lifting the man to his toes by his shirt.

The nurse swallowed thickly, trying to speak. “I-I was r-r-requested b-by the d-droid to c-c-come and… _h-help_ w-with…” The man began hyperventilating, and Kylo eventually dropped him before shooting his hand towards the other’s head. Peeling the frightened man’s mind apart, ignoring his cry, Kylo collected the images and voices of what led up to the situation now.

He found the nurse using the emergency code to enter the hallway to find Nova arguing with the medical droid who was holding out the pill container. Nova told the man that she didn’t need the sleeping pill, claiming that she was tired enough to sleep on her own, and how the droid was refusing to leave her alone. As the nurse was calmly trying to assist, the droid made a move with its other robotic hand to grab Nova’s throat, claiming how she must take the medicine -

A snap from Nova using the Force out of fear from the threatening touch, the droid was shoved halfway through the wall and the nurse fell back in terror. Realizing what she had done, Nova demanded that the nurse call for Kylo. She wasn’t mad or threatening to the nurse, no, but she was a bit surprised by her sudden actions bringing back negative memories. Kylo knew this, and it still didn’t deter his anger about the situation being forced upon her.

“All this over a pill she said she didn’t need to take?” Kylo growled and the nurse sobbed when he was finally released from the painful procedure. “If she says she doesn’t need it, then don’t let the droid force it upon her!”

“H-her file s-says t-t-to keep dosage f-for safety,” he tried to explain. “Withdrawal s-so sudden… It c-could be d-dangerous. W-we will fix it w-with the h-head doctor, I-I-I swear, _please_!”

Seeing the weak man offer the pill container, Kylo held still for a moment before snatching the bottle from him. “ _Get out_.”

The nurse fled as quick as possible when the sliding door opened, and Kylo didn’t hesitate to use the short time frame to Force lift the remains of the med droid and throw it out of the hallway. The door eventually closed, sealing away the shocked faces of officers and BB units beeping curiously to the corpse of the medical droid. Punching his code to the panel to override the lock to keep anyone out, Kylo turned back from the closed door and made his way over to the still woman leaning against the opposite side.

Nova wasn’t shaking or behaving off, just irritated and upset by the ordeal she went through. As soon as Kylo stood in front of her, she pressed her face into his clothed chest and gripped his cape tightly. Tilting his helmet down to watch her, Kylo brought his free hand up to rest between her shoulder blades, making her exhale stressfully. He could feel her exhaustion when she projected it to him, letting the weight of his palm on her back attempt to soothe her temper.

“I do not want to take the pill,” she said. “I’m already _tired_. I’m too tired to take it, I don't need it.”

“You heard what he said, Nova,” Kylo tried to reason with her as serious as possible. Sneaking the hand from her back to tilt her chin up, he observed the slight shadows under her sparkly eyes and how tired she looked. “Decreasing the dosage that suddenly can affect your health, if you don’t do it properly.”

Kylo has noticed her becoming tired more easily as of late, often returning home with him and not having a desire to eat all of her dinner. Usually, Nova was very excited to consume _all_ of her food, but now she had no enthusiasm to eat nearly half of her portion. When she used to wake at the early morning cycle with no problem - sometimes even before Kylo - was now replaced with Nova struggling to wake up easily or requesting him to let her have another moment to close her eyes. She also has been using her silver whistle during training more often, and lacking her enthusiasm in sparring with others or with him in meditating. A bit slow and jerky, Nova had slowly showed her changing behavior through the past week and Kylo had been keeping an eye on her about it. He knew of the common symptoms of the everlasting snow blizzards causing people to become depressed and tired with the constant darkness and lack of fresh air, and he wondered if Nova was having the same issue. Kylo had requested her food portions to provide more vitamins and nutrients for her immune system, but with her lack of eating…

“Come along, love,” Kylo urged softly, his voice modulator crackling with his gentle tone. Bringing his hand down to take hers, he led her to the door that brought them into their quarters and to his side of the room. Having her sit on his bed while he removed his helmet to put aside, Kylo knelt down in front of her with his knees on the floor.

Nova yawned and rubbed under her eyes sorely, looking to the single pill with absolute disgust upon seeing it in his hand. Kylo followed her gaze and rest his other hand on her covered knee, his thumb brushing the curve as he looked at her with careful eyes, giving her patience and his sole attention.

“You need to take the pill tonight and get some sleep,” he spoke to her carefully. “I will send a message right now to the medbay doctor to change the dosage to reduce the sleeping medicine this very instant, but I need you to take this one tonight to keep flow for the withdrawal. You haven’t been feeling well lately, so please understand how serious this can be if we’re not careful. Do you understand, my darling?”

Sighing, Nova nodded with a small pout. “I _scared_ that man, but I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry I broke the droid, Kylo.”

Taking her hand in his, he pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Don’t worry about it, alright? It was just a stupid hunk of metal with terrible programming. Let me run you a warm bath to calm down before taking the pill.”

Kylo did so, letting her sit in the heated water to wash the stress of the day off and change into comfortable sleepwear. He had to get her to take the pill with her last attempt to refuse, giving her the glass of water and kissing her forehead as a reward when she swallowed the nasty medicine with a sickly expression. Pulling the blankets back and taking off his shirt for his turn in the refresher while Nova tucked herself in, Kylo turned for only a few minutes before finding his woman completely passed out with just her feet under the blankets. He was careful to brush wet strands out of her face, frowning when she didn’t flinch or react from the unexpected touch to her cheek as she normally would. Not even within five minutes of consuming the pill, this was perhaps the quickest he has seen Nova asleep from the effects.

Taking a deep breath, Kylo brought the blanket up to her shoulder to ensure she was warm and comfortable before standing up. Sensing her Force signature seeming to cling on to his, he told himself that he was going to keep the refresher door open, incase she needed him for anything until he would join her in bed.

Monitoring Nova as soon as he would wake up from his habitual sleeping pattern, Kylo kept himself more close to watching her constant as possible, and keeping himself open to her presence. He would greet her carefully with gentle hands and a soft voice, letting her know that he was there while tracing the visible purple-colored veins emerging under her eyes and holding her shaky fingers against his cheek when she would return the gesture. Kylo would ask her how she was feeling as often as possible throughout the day, keeping mental note of the progress as the messages from the doctor approved of the reduced dosage and a new medical droid delivering the modified pills accordingly. He made sure she would eat the foods that provide vitamins and drinking fluids, yet there hasn’t been much improvement.

Watching as Nova blew the whistle between her lips from the board room above, Kylo made sure that she was provided with fresh water during her training with the stormtroopers. She was a lot more mobile today than usual, promising him that she was fine to direct the cadets better than sitting to the side and pointing things out - although he assumed it was because he informed her that he was shortening their own personal training sessions, and she didn’t like that. He couldn’t read any projections from her, much less sense anything off emitting from her or requesting access. Kylo had often had to approach her physically to remind her of his presence, as if she blanked out for a moment and forgot.

Still, as he followed an officer on a overhead balcony over the training area, his head was turned to keep his eyes on his significant other as she waved her arms to direct two stormtroopers into position, switching them to show her how their fighting patterns have improved from last time. He was only pretending to listen to the chattering officer on information to the next section of the construction plan he already knew way before, only doing as his scheduled told him to, as it was written by his Master.

Yeah, Kylo wasn’t paying attention to the officer.

Nova saw something with the two stormtroopers that made her blow her whistle for them to halt immediately. Getting up from her crouched position and making her way over, Kylo watched her speak with the whistle dangling from her lips between the two, with small hand gestures to their shoulders and abdomen in direction…

The stormtrooper holding a sparring staff was unknowingly projecting worry, making Kylo halt in his steps immediately. There was something wrong, and it was directed on the subject of the woman mentoring the group of EN Units.

Listening in closer to the one’s thoughts, Kylo heard the other verbally point out the dazed look in Nova’s eyes and the precipitation forming visibly on her forehead. Seeing her seem to slouch to one side for a split second, Kylo’s shoulders squared as he narrowed in on a set of stairs to hurry to her aid as he recognized the early stage of passing out. The officer who was speaking to him finally noticed the lack of the Commander behind him, turning around to call for his attention.

Kylo shoved the officer out of the way and ran towards the stairs when Nova collapsed to her knees, the stormtroopers nearby catching her arms to keep her upright.

* * *

“We have you all nice and hooked up to this tool called and IV,” the male doctor, Antona, explained to Nova as she was reclined in bed, lifting and dropping her whole arm that had curious tubes and patches sticking to her skin. Chuckling at the woman’s curiosity from the moment she woke up, the dark haired man was careful to halt her from fiddling any more by hovering his hand over her own. “ _Please_ , do not play around with it. It is helping provide extra fluid and medicine to you without you needing to consume anything.”

“ _It’s feeding me_?” the apprentice asked with a disbelief look in her tired eyes. The doctor nodded and the woman trailed her eyes up the clear tube to look at the bag filled with clear liquid and the different machines monitoring her heart and breathing levels. “I don’t need to take any more of those gross pills?”

“Not while you’re in the medbay, Nova. Is it alright for me to call you that?” Doctor Antona asked politely at her level, kneeling down all while Kylo sat on the other side of the medbay bed she was stationed into, on a chair close to her. Kylo wasn’t touching her, his helmet keeping his stare on the doctor to see that he does the same as well; so far, his impression on the doctor was neutral. He was kind to Nova and made sure she was comfortable in the new environment, and he was sure to keep in contact with him as soon as he was instructed to leave.

Doctor Antona was someone to trust, and Nova also knew that and shared that thought with him through the Force.

Nova nodded, and it made the doctor relax. “Thank you, Nova. Now, I already have a new blood sample that I am going to study personally, just to see if there is anything unusual going on that the droids and nurses are not picking up. We have been having cases of head colds and flus among the stormtroopers, so this may just be a minor issue, with you being up-to-date with all your vaccines. I will alert the Commander accordingly to anything I may do and ensure you also give me consent; I understand that you aren’t quite comfortable with people in the medbay, but I assure you that it will only be me, my assistant and smaller droids.”

“Not the droids that will want to give me medicine…” Nova spoke warily.

Doctor Antona shook his head. “These will only come in periodically only to check the machines, to update your file, and let me know if there is any sudden changes. They won’t touch you without _your_ permission.”

The room’s door slid open and a woman with freckled skin, red hair and wickedly green eyes, wearing a similar First Order MB uniform to Doctor Antona walked into the room. She only spared the Commander a short, respectful nod of greeting before the standing man beckoned her over closer, all while Nova openly stared at the quiet woman.

“Nova, this is my assistant, Mara,” Doctor Antona introduced. “She will have access here to tend to your IV and any other medications you need to feel better, alright? Do not hesitate to request for either of us, should you need anything, otherwise the machines will alert if there is an emergency.”

“Your IV will be changed to provide you with the proper dose of sleeping medicine, as Doctor Antona prescribed soon, hopefully, within the next hour to give you enough sleep while you take in more fluids before testing,” Mara spoke with a neutral voice, and Kylo wondered if she would be patient and kind to Nova as her superior was. He couldn’t sense much from the redhead, making him wonder if she was from the training facility not too long ago before being taken under the doctor’s wing. Still, he was more focused on the patient than to meddle into other people’s heads at the moment.

Looking to the Commander, Doctor Antona dipped his head to Kylo. “Sir, should you need any sort of update on Nova’s condition at any time, you can look into her file through the holopad after visiting hours. You have complete access, as requested.”

Kylo gave him a single nod before the two medical professions made their way out of the room. Waiting until the door closed, Kylo turned his helmet to see Nova gazing curiously back up to the IV. Her thoughts bubbling with an idea, Kylo sighed through his nose and reached to rest his gloved hand on her bicep to pull her out of her thoughts. Once Nova turned her cheek his way on the pillow, she pretended that she wasn’t feeling as ill as she truly was and gave him a soft smile.

“Don’t think about playing with that,” he warned her, his vocoder making it sound more threatening than necessary, yet the woman just shrugged. “ _I mean it, Nova_. Don’t make me come here in the middle of the night cycle, because you ripped all the IVs and patches off.”

“I won’t… I don’t think I’ll like sleeping here, though,” she admitted with a small frown, looking away from him. She was still dressed in her sleeveless uniform and still had her boots on atop of the bed. Kylo knew what she was saying, having been on the beds and cots before and dreaded his time on the hard mattress and oddly-smelling blankets. The sheets were itchy and the room reeked of disinfectant and latex, a very uncomfortable combination. Nova had denied being stripped, not really wanting anyone to remove her clothes and see the hidden horrors on her skin to strangers, yet she projected her thoughts to Kylo on how she wished he would hold her instead and bring them both back to their quarters for solitude and low lights.

His thumb tracing a very faint scar on her arm, barely visible, Kylo leaned his other elbow on the edge of the crinkled bedding. “I know, Nova, but this is for your health. I would rather have you come back comfortable and healthy, and not falling down again.”

Despite her ailing complexion, Nova’s cheeks went red with embarrassment as she refused to look at him. Kylo reached over, sensing that no one was aiming to disturb this room or coming anywhere near the room, and gently turned her head to look back up to his empty mask. Getting up from his reserved spot on the chair, Kylo bent his back forward as he carefully touched the rim of the top visors with her forehead and the tip of her nose on his mouth cover. All while she finally kept her eyes on him and staring where his eyes would be, her mind poking him at how she wished his helmet was removed so she could kiss his nose or cheeks, making him smile a bit behind his shield.

“If you behave and get better, you may give me _plenty_ and _receive even more_ to make up for lost time,” he told her and she was quick to smile again with a joyful spark in her eye that made his heart flutter. “Relax now, and I’ll come to see how you are in the morning. They will be bringing the IV containing the sleeping medicine for you shortly.”

“I won’t like sleeping without you by my side, just to let you know. I’ll do it, but I will not like it,” Nova stated to him when he slowly pulled back, and he nodded. “And you will come see me as soon as you can?”

“I will reach out to you through the Force, if should your file show any signs of you being stressed or uncomfortable.”

* * *

Kylo read over Nova’s medical file that was being updated as a feed every half hour, as the droids checked in on her IV and machines that checked her heart, lungs, brain pattern and breathing. He had the screen lit up on his bed while he sat on the floor with the next process of construction that he would leave in the middle to go back to the Supremacy, maps of the underground system Kyber mines and machinery that would be shipped down.

It was the second night since Nova’s admission to the medbay and Kylo had kept to his promise in spending his early mornings and late evenings to see her and keep her entertained in a professional setting. Knowing that the two still had to keep their relationship a secret, he had to settle with mental conversations and shared images while she remained on her back on the uncomfortable bed. He couldn’t see much of an improvement, even though Doctor Antona has claimed that she is taking in her fluids perfectly healthy, and yet the shadows under her eyes were still evident and her smiles remained tired. The blood sample Antona had was still in the process of being studied by him, apparently having found something he hadn’t seen before on Starkiller Base, and would alert Kylo as soon as he had answers.

 _‘It can’t be anything threatening, if she’s completely conscious like she is. Her vitals from the machines are all healthy, which is a very good sign,’_ Doctor Antona had said assuringly to the masked Commander earlier, still promising to keep working on the sample while Mara went to change the IV bag periodically.

Nova didn’t complain a bit about her physical comfort, just smiling to Kylo and teasing him to take off his helmet for her own amusement. He could sense she was a bit sore sleeping on her back, and ordered one of the droids to bring an extra pillow for her back, which Nova puffed her cheeks as he stuffed it under her. Despite her sickly appearance and extreme lack of appetite, she seemed perfectly healthy to him and just wanted to go back to their quarters. Mara had to remind her, rather blunt and serious, that Nova was to remain in her position until Doctor Antona says she may be discharged.

At the end of his evening visit, Kylo promised her that he will be keeping track of her progress and bring her something to amuse herself with the next morning. The woman only sighed in response, nodding her head before mumbling how she just wants to share a bed with him again. Kylo could only suffice her needs by touching his helmet with the curve of her forehead and brush his gloved hand to her cheek, promising her that it will come soon enough. It didn’t seem to trick the other apprentice as he had hoped, yet she nuzzled him back briefly before he left.

Everything was fine. That’s what everyone was telling Kylo with honesty, and he could sense it in them as he dug a bit to ensure that they were all telling the truth…

Still, it wasn’t going to stop Kylo’s eyes from darting periodically to his holopad.

Zeroing in on Nova’s Force wall still surrounding the quarters, Kylo pushed out to find Nova from across the Starkiller Base. He released a soft breath when he felt her signature instantly reach out to his and held on in a excited leap, melting against his Force signature rather affectionately as it told him that she was currently asleep. Minding the time of the cycle, the Commander was glad that the woman was sleeping, allowing his Force to embrace hers carefully as he went back to reading the files of the head of construction carefully. Still dressed in his uniform, his helmet off to the side, Kylo Ren flipped through one construction set before finding the file he was suppose to look over. Being able to only get through one file before there was a alert on the pad near the door, stealing his attention, the task was forgotten.

Frowning, the young man got to his feet and approached the pad to see someone was requesting access into the private hall. Swiping the screen, Kylo’s eyes narrowed as he saw Doctor Antona waiting with a tight line on his lips while outside the other door.

Leaving the quarters, only helmetless from his uniform, Kylo opened the locked door and looked down to the doctor jumping out of nerves. The Commander decided to ignore the panicked look on his face and stood there, waiting.

“Doctor Antona,” Kylo eventually spoke as the older man swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Commander Ren, I have information of the blood sample I took from Nova, and _need to speak with you as soon as I possibly can_ ,” he said in a whisper, despite barely anyone out in the halls at this time of night.

Narrowing his eyes, Kylo sensed the doctor’s panic, yet he couldn’t place it anywhere specific without causing discomfort to his target. Eventually taking a step aside, Kylo allowed the doctor to enter through the threshold before closing the door sharply.

“Start speaking,” Kylo demanded.

“I have found something unusual from the sample; something that should have not been capable to catch from the Supremacy nor from Starkiller Base. It appears that Nova has contracted a very rare virus that is said to be _extinct_ ,” Doctor Anatona fretted quickly. “If I haven’t heard of it before, then there would have been an even _greater damage_ done to her, if we do not act soon.”

“ _What_?”

“Long before either you or I were born, there was a airborne disease that only targeted beings that hold _abilities_ , such as the old Jedi Knights,” Antona began as he pulled out a bacta pump filled with murky, dark fluid from his doctor’s coat. “It would kill the victims within a few days, but, from my studies on Nova’s sample these last couple days, she has had it for more than six months…”

Kylo’s nose scrunched with fury as he glared at the bacta pump in the doctor’s hands. “And what is that suppose to be?”

“ _The vaccine_ , sir. I was able to swipe some chemicals from the medbay lab and bring it to my own personal unit, along with Nova’s sample as an antibody. It’s enough to sustain her and stop the virus before getting her into a tank,” Antona spoke quickly. Looking to the Commander, it was obvious that he was trying to hurry with the explanation. “This will kill the virus in her body, but she needs it now before -”

The lights inside the hallway shut down, swarming the two in pitch black darkness that scared the doctor into silence and the Commander to lift his head up to look around. It was odd to him, as if the presence surrounding the quarters was different…

Kylo couldn’t sense Nova’s Force signature.

The overhead speaker clicked on, and Kylo’s frown deepened to a more expressive state as the monotone voice of a droid emerged. “ _All certified squad units please report to stations. Starkiller Base on lockdown, this is not a drill. All certified squad units are to report to designated pin and ready at Section I-J, Number 1-8-9-1. Starkiller Base on lockdown, this is not a drill._ ”

“Section…” Kylo snarled as he slashed his hand out to force the chrome doors open with a aggravated hiss. Antona jumped at the sound as the red lighting of the backup generators for the lockdown hummed to life while the Commander stalked out of the hallway in a fast pace.

The doctor was quick to follow after the young man as they trekked nearly halfway through the main base towards the medbay; stormtroopers marching and cluttering the closer they got until they passed the main entrance of the desk to see the damage.

Dead nurses and doctors littered the wreckage of the secluded medbay unit, and droids shattered to nothing but bolts and electric screws. The hallway was messed with broken glass and dented walls, as if someone rammed themselves against it, and the called units were busy scrambling to carry off the deceased and see further into the situation. Kylo didn’t pay them any mind as he marched through and made a direct line towards the one room he cared for, all with the doctor calling behind him and the stormtroopers trying to stop him.

Nova’s room was borderline unrecognizable. The bed was flipped over and crushed like an aluminum can and the IV bag that was once connected to the patient appeared to have exploded, now dripping the fluid from the bent pole it was hooked on. The machines were sparking electric sparks from the exposed wires, making a dangerous hazard to any exposed skin coming close to it. Kylo’s bare eyes scanned the room with blazing fire within them, his chest starting to rise and fall rapidly as he pushed his Force out to find the missing patient…

Everything was scattered. Nothing was right. Danger. Fear.

Someone was _scared_. Someone was lost and _so, so_ afraid.

_Nova._

“Doctor Antona, sir,” a officer called out to the dark haired man appearing to be bewildered by the state of the room. “We have checked the holorecords and found that the patient inside the room went rogue, yet the machines assigned to this room still shows that she is asleep.”

“ _Where is she now_?” Kylo interjected in a low voice, not turning around as both men glanced his way.

A second too long passed, and the officer was slammed against the wall right outside the room and pinned with his feet dangling desperately. Antona froze as Kylo turned around and snatched the bacta pump out of his hand as he approached the officer, prying deep into his mind to find the images and words he needed:

_Target broke from the emergency exit near 5-8-9-1, headed into woods with unit following tar…_

_Target not responding, must use immediate action to…_

_Lost contact with units following into blizzard…storm interference, perhaps? Waiting to hear -_

“As soon as you hear from the units, you will _command_ them to fall back _immediately_ ,” Kylo instructed darkly, dropping the officer before glaring back to Antona. “You will see to what happened here, and await my call. _You answer to no one else_.”

“W-what will you do, Commander?” Antona asked, his brows furrowed with concern.

“I’m going after her alone. I’m taking the vaccine with me.”

“Commander Ren, the Base is in _lockdown_ , you won’t be able to get out or return inside to any of the main buildings once it’s official,” the weak officer tried to stop him, yet Kylo walked right passed him. “ _It’s too dangerous! The blizzard_!”

Following the numbers towards the exit she went through, Kylo began feeling the sudden drop in temperature as he approached the gaping hole that remained one of the once locked exits. It was as if it was peeled apart, and radiated an unhealthy amount of Force used to break the heavy and hard material. No stormtrooper ever stopped Kylo as he marched through to the outdoors, ignoring the stinging in his cheeks and nose as he kept pushing through the heavy snowfall towards the woods, the snow up to his knees and wind trying to force him back as the alarms continued to echo through the storm.

Grinding his teeth, Kylo kept going as he registered the distant pain and suffering happening deep in the blizzard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Doctor Antona is an official character in the Star Wars video game franchise. Nova’s medbay number is also a homage to Indiana Jones with the release year backwards (I know Aurebesh isn’t like the English alphabet, but I don’t care c:)


	13. of a weapon's charge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Violence, illness/injuries; depiction of death.

Kylo Ren could barely feel his face anymore, much less the chattering of his teeth. **  
**

It had been less than probably ten minutes or so since he ventured outside, and he was already feeling the symptoms of the first stages of hypothermia. Keeping a checklist in his head, the twenty-five year old man made sure he was using the Force to ensure his mental health maintained his focus and less on his physical, as his layered uniform and armor maintained majority of his skin from exposure. He was far less worried about himself at the moment as he looked up to a tree ahead of him with a mangled body hanging from the branches.

The uniformed stormtrooper remained lifeless, frozen in the environment set for its grave as Kylo continued on foot. He could feel the changes around him, how the direction of the snowfall seemed to shift to one way than all over; the air became thicker and smelled rancid, making him bring his gloved hand up to cover his muzzle for a moment before getting used to it. He was hearing things that didn’t fit with the atmosphere, nor the planet as a whole…

Screaming children. Distant crying for sanctuary and mercy.

Death. The mute call of the silver whistle.

It was quiet, yet he could make out every sound through the Force, knowing it wasn’t really there, but a mere memory being brought to life. Charging further into the brush, Kylo came to a halt in a opened area of worn down trees by a shelter base from the early construction days of the planet’s operation. He knew there was a nearby shelter not too far from the elevator shaft leading down to one of the mining grounds. It became apparent where the unusual energy was coming from, along with the noises that were too powerful for a singular Force-user to conjure up with lack of practice.

Her back turned to him, Nova stood in the middle of the cemented platform of the unfinished landing dock with her hands dangling at her sides. The blizzard circulated around her in a way similar to a snow globe and gave her space around the base, her exposed arms already pricked with chunks of frozen snow clumps, her elbows cracked and bleeding from the intense cold and the remaining material of her IVs laid stiff with the attachments still stuck into the crook of her elbow. She was holding a dead soldier by his head, eyes empty of life and mouth gaping open with the body twisted backwards; she eventually threw the body off, as if it was nothing, seeming bored with it.

A wave of relief washed over Kylo. “ _Nova_!” he yelled as loud as he could, not minding how his full lips cracked open from the cold.

Slowly, the woman turned around in a sort of daze before raising her head to him. Kylo’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of his lover; how the shadows around her eyes seem to deepen in their shade and the veins more visible with the given distance. The blue veins of her blood were visible from her neck and crept up her jaw and exposed arms, as if responding to any outside touch to her body. Her skin lacking life more than ever before and her lips an unhealthy shade of blue, the mouthpiece of the whistle dangling from her lips before dropping back down to her chest as she stared at him. Hair that fell from her braids flew wildly as she stared at him with glossy, yellow eyes with an expression he recalled from a faded memory. The memory he watched from Nova using the Force to protect herself from the male slave attempting to breed with her, eyes now glowing with red and yellow as a fire emerged from her _bloodthirsty_ stare.

“Nova, it’s me -”

A shrill scream slipped from her bleeding lips as she tightened her hands into fists, and the snow seemed to still around them as the woman stood her ground. Kylo had to raise his hands to her and take a small half-step back at her outburst, noticing a radiating chill emerging from below their feet.

The Kyber mines were responding to Nova’s emotions, to whatever she was feeling, and that was not a good sign.

Taking a breath, Kylo tried to close the distance a bit more while speaking over the faint noise of screaming and cries. The woman bared her teeth and took a step back from him. “Nova, it’s _me_. I’m right here with you and I need you to listen to me - we’re above a Kyber mine. I need you to come to me and we can -!”

Nova leapt from the ground and lunged at Kylo, causing the man to jump back to dodge her attempt to tackle him down as the ground shook. Her whole body growing with the strength of her Force channeling through her muscles, Nova was quick to twist her body around and attempt to repeat her attack and Kylo finally managed to push her back with his gloved hands. Her hallucinating eyes glared directly into his deep ones, teeth bared like an animal being cornered in a cage, and Kylo just couldn’t understand what she was seeing through her hallucination.

Kylo tried to use the Force to break through her fake vision, to alert her of his presence and comfort to her confusion. He was being blocked, however, as strong as the first time they met and he was being seen as nothing more than a stranger, and so her wall was back up.

An enemy that means her harm.

“ _Nova_!” Kylo called right to her face, only to be grabbed by the woman and thrown across the platform into a tree. Catching himself from losing balance on the way down, Kylo reached for his lightsaber before stopping in making the situation worse…

Watching Nova wait for him to make the next sudden move, Kylo saw the familiar emptiness in her expression from when she fought in the dirty arena. The loss of the beautiful sparkle he adored seeing was now replaced with a dark energy that was risking the existence of the planet itself. She couldn’t hear him or register his Force signature, and only displaying his weapon would only her to become even more dangerous with her instincts taking over.

The ground shook as Nova attempted to make a run for it to the woods, a warning to the Commander of how mad she was getting. Kylo panicked and threw his hands out to reel her back through the Force, making her snap and unleash a guttural shout as she twisted around attempted to snatch at him in self defense. Bending back to avoid her trying to scratch his freezing face, Kylo quickly moved away to the other side of the platform, attempting to find a way to stop this from becoming more dangerous with time running out for the both of them.

“I _don’t_ want to _hurt you_ , Nova,” Kylo told the ill woman as he had her pulled back from trying to claw at his face. That seemed to irritate her more as she kept thrashing about. “Nova, stop! It’s me, Kylo! _I’m right in front of you_ , Nova, I’m _here_!”

Her eyes were fogged with unusual colors, ears clouded with screams. Nova’s senses were shot with the effects of whatever virus was implanted within her system, making it all the more difficult for her to see or hear the young man’s voice or see his pleading eyes trying to find hers. She wasn’t registering the ice forming on her skin, the bleeding from her elbows or her lip. She wasn’t feeling _anything_ , and her time was running out. His head spinning with his worry and fear that she was going to die, becoming cold to the touch.

To the touch…

His dark eyes widening, Kylo pulled back from Nova and began tearing off his leathered gloves in frantic movements that caught Nova’s attention. Seeing her readying for his next movements, Kylo threw his gloves away, ignoring the cold, and gave her his full attention with his stance ready for any attack.

Like a predator aiming to kill, Nova ignored the bleeding of her cracked lip and icy burns on her exposed skin all while turning into the angry warrior ready to protect herself. Feeling his adrenaline starting to kick in as he began charging at her, Kylo used his strength to tackle his hard body against hers and shove his bare hands to grab her cheeks into his palms. Her skin felt frozen and hard, just like ice, under his fingertips as he shoved them both to the nearest tree as she screamed at the top of her lungs at him. Pressing her back against the black tree, Kylo kept his naked hands on her face, staring into her foggy eyes as she fought against him. She fought against him, snarling and grabbing at his throat to choke him…

He could see into her thoughts once more, feeling her Force signature pour out to him to see what she was seeing through her hallucination.

Kylo was horrified with what he saw.

Watching her slowly weakening her grip at his throat and her shoulders lax, Kylo continued to hold her face firmly as she forced herself to blink a few times and begin shaking from the cold, coming back to reality. The Force globe finally broke and the shaking of the earth ceased as the blizzard resumed onto them; Nova taking a audible intake of air, a desperate gasp, before her body began to collapse its own support. Kylo was quick to wrap an arm around her waist to keep her upright, careful to keep his other hand cradling her cheek as Nova’s legs gave way while her eyes began to fill with tears. He was careful to support her as he tried to see if she was conscious yet.

“Nova? Nova, love, _look at me_ ,” Kylo demanded quickly at noticing the woman’s body beginning to shake from the cold. Her hands retracted to fists against her chest, Nova began curling to her shaking limbs through hypothermia. “I have you now, alright? _You’re going to be okay_.”

Digging into his tunic’s hidden pocket, he pulled out the bacta pump and removed the cap with his mouth. Slamming the needle into her stiff arm, Kylo noticed that Nova didn’t register the thick prick into her body as the pump began charging the dark, thick liquid into her body. Once it was finished, Kylo threw the now useless tool off somewhere else. Nova’s wide eyes blinked continuously while staring to nowhere as he lifted her stiff body into his arms. She tried to speak through her chattering teeth, coming out in uneven slurs and gibberish as tears began to slip from her bloodshot eyes.

Carrying her to the edge of the platform, towards the bunker he recalled from memory, Kylo hit his shoulder onto the control panel, only to be denied entrance due to the lockdown from the main base. Yelling with rage, Kylo used the Force to pry the doors open from override and forcing his way inside with Nova in his arms. Once the doors took control once more and locked the blizzard from them, the lights flickered on while Kylo hurried to the nearest cot at the end of the small bunk.

Kicking the paneling box with his boot, Kylo listened as the droid woke up from the charging closet while working with his thumbs to try and remove the frozen snow from the shaking woman’s cheeks and shoulders. His hands were shaking from nerves and cold, yet he did his best to be gentle as possible once seeing how Nova’s eyes were returning to their original color - bloodshot and still sickly, but no longer yellow and glowing with rage.

“It’s going to be alright, Nova. Just s-stay awake for me, o-okay?” Kylo whispered urgently to the inarticulate woman, trying to warm up her cheeks. “Stay awake. _Just stay awake_.”

“Hello, I am medical droid TB-2, here for your conv -” the medical droid didn’t have the chance to finish its introduction as Kylo spun around and practically yanked the machine over to the bedding.

“ _Help her_!” he demanded with a loud voice, and the droid blinked over to the trembling woman.

“Allow me to retrieve a DNA sample in order to look up her vitals,” the droid went on as the mechanical claw reached towards Nova’s shaking chin to collect the remnants of blood that dripped from her lip by swiping a generous amount. It took a second for the droid to register before pulling away from the two and over to the panel beside the closet it came from.

“Patient is currently experiencing borderline severe hypothermia; body temperature is lower than the recommended health and is showing symptoms of uncontrollable shakes, inability to speak and focusing on her own,” the droid began listing off as it brought up the thermometer of inside the bunker. “I will now set the temperature within the closed unit to a higher degree, so that the patient will receive immediate warmth in a safe manner. I will collect blankets as well.”

“ _Why not the bacta tank_?” Kylo heaved. The Commander knew that every bunker was supplied with one for emergencies and transporting patients to the medbay. The tank would provide instant heat and healing to the woman’s body.

“The patient was just injected with a vaccine that needs to spread through her system naturally at its own pace,” the droid explained while moving around the bunker on its wheels. Kylo saw some of the items as medical tools and more thick blankets. “Sudden pressure of making the vaccine charge through the body through the tank will bring danger and high risk of death to the patient, as she must remain awake. Natural treatment will suffice until so, if done properly.”

The droid returned to the cot with a few blankets and looked to Kylo with an analyzing click of its beams. “Best method to assist the patient is sharing body heat,” it explained as it deposited the blankets beside him. Rolling over towards Nova’s upper body, its right claw shifting to a pair of shears while the other grasping claw gripped the collar of her top. It began cutting the thick material of her top and down her torso, exposing her black undergarment and tugged it away from her freezing body. Nova whimpered weakly at the exposure and rolled to her side. An extra hand emerged from its chest cavity to remove the IV needles from her arm. “If you do not mind, sir, seeing as you are not experiencing intense symptoms, if you will undress and share your body heat with the patient. Remaining under the blanket while the room warms up will ensure her to improve the -”

Kylo was already fighting against the confines of his clothes with both hands, and the medical droid simply went on to rip apart Nova’s pants and remove her shoes and socks. The woman attempted to make noises through her nose and mouth, only coming out in shaky whines and gasps while being left in her bra and underwear. Kylo was quick to shove his pants away before climbing into the cot with her with the thickest blanket, unfolding it and draping it over the both of them as he pressed his naked chest onto her shuddering one. He didn’t care how Nova’s skin stung against his from the freezing cold, instead wrapped his arms over and under her and pulled her against him. Bringing her rattling head closer for him to breathe his hot breath closer to her pale, tired face, thumbs brushing against her cheeks and removing the little tears.

“ _Shhh_ , you’re alright now, love,” he spoke with mild chattering to his teeth. He was also cold, yet he was so much more worried about the woman suffering so much more than him. His dry lips pressing warming kisses to her forehead, her nose, cheeks and corner of her lips in attempt to warm her face gently, as well as assuring his presence to her.

A soft noise of a whimper slipped from her, and Kylo pressed his mouth under her jaw against her pulse. “I need you to stay awake, Nova. Stay awake with me…”

Nova’s red stained lips parted to release a shuddering breath, and Kylo hovered his cracked mouth over hers hesitantly before looking down, a brief realization dawning upon him.

Seeing that the droid didn’t break the chain of the whistle he gifted her, Kylo felt his breath catch in the back of his throat sorely at the sight of the red mouth prints left on the silver metal of the mouthpiece. Seeing the smallest bits of dried, peeled skin stuck to the frozen jewelry, the Commander reached to touch the whistle before gripping in tightly in his slightly cold hands.

She tried calling for him.

* * *

He wasn’t sure how many hours had passed inside the bunker, only registering the slow rise in the temperature within the room and his skin developing slight sweat underneath the blanket he shared with the weak woman. Still, he didn’t move from her side, massaging her hands and fingers, along her arms and thighs to produce blood flow, as the droid instructed him to assist with.

Nova remained conscious majority of the time, as Kylo made sure she stayed awake. He would occasionally ask her questions, requesting that she responded in any way possible and she would make a soft hum or twitch of her hand against his bare chest. The droid continuously mentioned to the Commander that she was improving immensely, yet he was still concerned for her with her lack of focus…

Kylo kissed Nova’s forehead when her exhausted face tilted up to look at him with an aimless gaze, the back of his fingers stroking her red stained cheeks and traced the shrinking shadows under her eye. Nova released a shaky breath at the touch of his lips on her head, eyes fluttering tiredly with new tears filling within them. The Commander made sure she was tucked with the wool blanket, rubbing her back to bring more warmth before speaking to her.

“Can you hear me, little one?” he spoke softly, a bit nervous for startling her while she was so vulnerable at the moment. When she slowly nodded in response, her eyes seeming to try and focus on him, Kylo took a soft breath. “Do you know you’re safe now, love?”

Her hands slowly slipped up his hot chest, igniting a slight shiver from her cool touch, Nova’s fingertips touched along his jaw. Her lips that were slowly returning to its original hue parted as she spoke in a hoarse voice. “With Kylo…”

“ _Yes_ ,” he nodded once, eyes carefully watching her process her thoughts carefully, more focused. “Yes, you’re with me.”

“Kylo is…safe. Not taken from me? You’re not gone.”

Kylo swallowed thickly, his memory flickering to what he saw when he brought her back to reality by a simple touch to her face. Taking one of her hands, Kylo turned his cheek to kiss into her palm. “I’m alright, Nova. I’m right here with you, my love, and what you saw was not real.”

“I still…I still did it,” Nova slurred, her throat feeling clogged with her hidden sobs. “H-how many did I…I kill, Kylo?”

Seeing everything she saw through her haze, Kylo didn’t answer and pulled her into an embrace and buried his face into her shoulder, pressing kisses along the bacta patches the droid placed carefully to severely wounded spots from frostbite and the skin of her neck. He tucked her against him as she shook her quiet cries into him, feeling her words hit his flesh in her regretful tone.

“Weapon…I’m a weapon,” she cried, making him hold her even tighter as he rejected that idea in a deep voice. “I tried…I tried calling for you. I couldn’t find you, so I fought. _I fought like a weapon_ …I’m sorry, _I’m so sorry_.”

The droid eventually got ahold of the Commander’s attention to tell him that Nova’s vitals were stable enough for her to enter the bacta tank, that the vaccine he injected into her body was now evenly placed in her internal organs and working to destroy the virus naturally. Moving off the cot and lifting the woman into his arms, Kylo was careful to follow the droid’s instructions on the opened casket with a hard pillow. Once the glass door slid open, the dark haired Commander carefully laid Nova down with the blanket, then proceeded to remove it in order to close the glass door and fill the bacta.

Nova’s eyes shot open and she grabbed Kylo’s wrist. “ _No, no_! I don’t want to sleep!” she pleaded to him, her eyes filling with fresh tears. “I don’t want to sleep and see their faces anymore, please don’t do this…”

“You won’t be asleep, I promise you, sweetheart,” Kylo hushed her with a gentle stroke to her cheek. He reached over for the breathing mask. “You will still be conscious, but the bacta will help speed your healing inside the tank, just like the bath mix, remember?”

“I won’t be asleep?” she asked in a whisper and Kylo shook his head. Sniffing back her cries, Nova leaned her head back on the hard cushion and stared up to the ceiling with furrowed brows. “I don’t want to see their faces again, Kylo.”

“I know, and you won’t,” he assured her, bending down to give her forehead a soft kiss. “I won’t let it happen, Nova. Please, take the mask and let the tank heal you for me. I’ll bring you back to the main base and Doctor Antona will make you feel all better; he can be trusted.”

Swallowing, Nova shut her eyes for a moment before reopening them along with her mouth to receive the breath mask to be inserted. Kylo gave her one long, last kiss to her cheekbone before placing the mouthpiece first past her lips and arrange the nose tubes properly to fit. Allowing the droid to close the bacta tank over Nova’s slightly trembling form, Kylo watched the tank hum to life, Nova’s body jumping in surprise and her face scrunching upon reaction. With her hands pressed against the glass for extra precaution, Nova kept her eyes tightly shut as the thick liquid swallowed her.

The panel against the top glowed, signifying the completion of activating, and Kylo watched as Nova’s hands slowly slid off the glass in a relaxed fashion, her tight brows easing as her whole form seemed to melt against the bottom of the tank bed. The heart monitor turned on, showing the progress of her erratic pulse starting to ease with the use of the bacta and numbers of her vitals that Kylo couldn’t figure were for.

The droid flipped a switch and a small jet by Nova’s naked feet turned on. Medical bubbles filled with nutrients and healing material slipped around Nova’s submerged body, all while the droid overlooked the data before turning to the man watching the patient through the glass.

“The patient is conscious and accepting the bacta,” it told the Commander. “She is healing, and now I turn my focus to you, sir.”

Backing himself to the cot, Kylo remained looking to Nova’s bacta tank as he sat down on the edge. He refused to completely follow the orders of the droid, instead paid attention to the growing signature of the woman returning to him, instantly reaching out and holding on. Kylo could feel all of her fears, what she was so afraid of seeing if she closed her eyes. The hallucination that caused her to break into her old ways of no future.

The corpses of children of her younger life brought to life again, following after her as she ran deep in the forest of Bavva III, completely unforgiving in their cries and screaming at her to save them from their already placed fate from her childhood. How each body fell with the blame placed on her as she tried to be free of it, then switching over to what he discovered were the deceased soldiers, nurses and damaged droids.

The rivals she slain within the arena, the other slaves she fought for her life and killed in various ways that showed clear as day; slit throats and gutted stomachs of various species of beings and animals, the ripped heads of those who tried to kill her and missing limbs crawling after her. Thick screams and bloodthirsty speech overwhelming her as she fought against them and won once more to ending their lives by her hands. By the time she held the “head” of the Tymo, her last challenge, she encountered the one who brought her such hatred and anger…

Kylo, blinded by the haze of her hallucination, playing the part of the male slave, who thought of overpowering her and using her as a breeding stock and trophy for doing his part for such a terrible system.

How Nova wanted to kill him with her bare hands, now free of the chains whilst on the run in the humid wilderness of the planet she was raised on. Dropping the whistle for Kylo to come and save her from this nightmare to willingly murder the one who tried to take control of her body, the one she blamed for having the ugly X burned into her leg. Kylo could feel how _angry_ she was when her small hands wrapped around his neck, how she locked the airways manually from him to breathe and screaming at him. She intended on killing those who were going to take her away from her new life as a free individual, making it clear in her projected thoughts as Kylo touched her face with his bare hands.

How she was willing to kill to _remain with Kylo_ , with being _happy_.

Closing his eyes, Kylo reached out with the Force to allow himself to rest beside her, to let her know that he was with her by the bacta tank and not planning on going anywhere. He promised her he won’t leave her side once they return to the main base of Starkiller, keeping anyone who wasn’t Antona or himself would come anywhere near her without her permission. Holding on to her Force signature, Kylo vowed to ensure that her nightmare will never come true.

She was no longer going to be a weapon, as he will take her role and all her painful burden.

And, whoever brought this pain to her, and still breathed, were going to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Sharing body heat with someone experiencing hypothermia (or being extremely cold) is probably 95% affective, if done properly!


	14. in nova's place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Death by strangulation of the Force.

Kylo stared without his mask to the dark haired doctor, fully intending to be intimidating and threatening to anyone passing by him to the private office that belonged to the doctor. The more locked doors and security, the more Kylo realized how serious Antona was taking for his patient currently dozing off the effects of the bacta tank. She still refused to sleep, and the older doctor allowed her to wait for the both of them to return to her heavily guarded quarters. Kylo dismissed any sort of stormtrooper to be present inside the chambers, recognizing how his lover projected her anxiety and distrust of herself around them. He wanted her to be comfortable as possible, and the doctor wasn’t going to argue with the Commander. Instead, Antona requested to speak to Kylo within his office in private…

To discuss what he discovered.

Antona’s office was simple and boring, as usual to any other doctor offices within Starkiller Base. Kylo knew that the doctor had more decor and items within his sleeping quarters, but was monitored from periodic sweeps; the office would remain untouched for the fact of classified files and material that medical professionals would be allowed to choose. He knew it would be safer to speak here, after the buzzing rumors and fear quickly spreading throughout the Base. Antona had managed to form a personal team of three officers to take the underground tunnels above the Kyber mines to Kylo’s location, once the Commander made contact. It was really thanks to Antona’s careful planning and picking out very selected few to retrieve the two Force-sensitive beings during the lockdown and bring them back, but he knew the job was only halfway finished.

“Please, Commander, take a seat,” Antona offered casually as he made his way to his desk. Looking up to see that the man hasn’t moved from his spot, he cleared his throat cautiously. “Or not, that’s fine as well…”

“I do not plan on keeping Nova waiting,” Kylo explained simply, yet his voice low for emphasis of his goal.

Antona didn’t need to ask him to elaborate, instead sitting in his own chair while pulling out his holopad. “I managed to collect samples as soon as you left the base to find Nova,” he began, turning on the device. “I have said before that Nova contracted a virus that is supposedly extinct before either you or I were born. It was an airborne disease formulated to bring an end to Force-sensitive individuals, created by an ancient species who were experts with creating deadly illnesses. They were wiped out a long time ago, and their practices lost, but…”

Pulling up a hologram of Nova’s file, a completely different scale of dangerous numbers and rates, Antona highlighted a diagram of what was labeled at the woman’s toxin levels. “If you look here, the percentage of the virus she obtained should have killed her _weeks ago_. I have a suspicion that Nova, herself, managed to withstand it spreading with the unknown toxin in her body - with the Force. The vaccine I provided was meant to cure roughly _eight_ people infected.

“With the samples I took from the hospital room, I managed to track the virus from the IV she was hooked up with. Doing a body scan with Nova when she was brought back, within the bacta tank, most of the toxins were within her stomach, meaning that she ingested it.” Antona flipped to a new projection, showing a cycle calendar to Kylo as his eyes darted to how far back she had this poison inside her. “Now, First Order distributes food from the same source, and the delivery droids don’t come in contact with any other sort of droid or beings that can tamper with the food. Since Nova ingested it, I managed to rule out that she didn’t consume it through the food, but from the pills she has been given to help with her sleeping ha -!”

Raising his hand, Kylo shoved Doctor Antona against the wall rather hard, knocking the breath out of him. He wasn’t choking the man, yet his temper was rocking to pour over the brim the further he spoke about medicine - which Antona was in charge of prescribing since their arrival to the makeshift planet.

“ _You prescribed those medications, Doctor_ ,” Kylo reminded him in a dark voice.

“I prescribe the medication, _yes_ ,” Antona admitted, trying to move from Kylo’s restraints. “However, I was _never_ the one to prepare them for Nova! I left that in the care of my assistants when it was transferred from the Supremacy…”

Instantly dropping the doctor, Kylo approached the desk and narrowed his sights on the man. Antona took a deep breath to collect himself. “Mara was the only person given access to Nova’s medication and other supplements. I managed to track Nova’s file to be false from my assistant’s holopad; it went back to a stormtrooper back on the Supremacy, set in the same cycle schedule as Nova, where Mara was transferred from. Mara was the one who has been giving her the virus, all the way back on the Supremacy, Commander Ren!”

Feeling a new sort of emotion rise within him, Kylo’s hands tightened to hard fists all while Antona pressed a button on the projection. It wasn’t even a split second until Kylo’s own holopad signaled him to let him know that there was a notification of coordinates. “I already had her apprehended and locked away while you were with Nova during her ejection from the tank. I understand that protocol calls for the highest rank to deal with any sort of prisoner activity, so…I leave it to you, Commander Ren.”

He could read that the doctor didn’t particularly care for his assistant, allowing him to let his plan to follow through, with or without consent from any sort of higher ups. There was no stopping him as he turned around and left the office with intent on keeping to his promise Nova.

* * *

Mara was restrained by her wrists and ankles, each stormtrooper by her side on guard to keep her in place, as if she could escape at any time without extra eyes on her. As soon as Kylo Ren entered the holding cell with the singular chair, he instructed the ‘troopers to leave him with the silent woman staring right back at him. She didn’t express any sort of emotion, and neither did he. Approaching closer to the prisoner, Kylo could sense that she was trying her best to hold back - her eyes holding some sort of fake pride, as if what she had done was something to be complimented about. A part of Kylo was so tempted to strangle her slowly and kill her now, yet he knew there was more than what he, or Doctor Antona, knew, and she held the answers.

Green eyes snapping to the Commander, Mara took a deep breath and kept her composure. “Whatever you want to know, I won’t tell you _anything_ ,” she said defiantly. “I have been instructed to keep quiet about whatever I know.”

“You won’t need to say anything,” Kylo responded in a bland tone, as if bored of her attempt to be strong. It was nothing to admire about.

Raising a hand towards her flame-colored hair, Kylo peeled back her thoughts to the point that the pain for Mara was instant. She cried out and screamed in agony as Kylo dug deep and relentless into her memories, snapping and shattering her emotions and strength into nothing but dust as he raked the nails of his Force abilities to find everything he wanted to know.

_Mara, back on the Supremacy as she entered the throne room. Snoke and General Hux present inside as she stood before the both of them._

_Snoke giving her instructions to manipulate Nova’s sleeping medication to conduct their “experiment”, being given complete access to all laboratories. The holochip giving classified files of the Old Republic illnesses and poisons, supposedly lost to time…_

_Give Nova the poison that brings her to a state of comatose, where she won’t recognize her current surroundings. Record the reaction from her and the planet, and send everything back to the Supreme Leader._

_Mara entering the restricted lab that held Nova’s sleeping pills, injecting a thick, mucus-like substance before giving it to the delivery droid every night. How she modified the droids to ensure that she would take the medication every single time to obtain the poison. Entering the hospital room while the patient was asleep - Kylo didn’t miss how uncomfortable Nova’s slumbering face looked, whether it was the toxins or the bed, he didn’t know - and injected the poison into her IV tube._

_Mara watching from inside her quarters as the holopad showed the security footage of Nova’s hospital room, where the ill woman woke with a sudden jolt and began screaming in terror at the sight of droids. The redhead woman watching the security footage break, turning, bored, to the real, accurate medical records keeping track of Nova’s rampage._

_During the lockdown, Mara collected data of unusual activity within the empty Kyber mines while projecting the actual file of the sick woman’s heart rate and vitals that were hidden from the head doctor and Commander. How she emotionlessly watched it all falter from the bacta pump Kylo had given her before her body succumbed to the outdoor storm, locking the files down into a private archive directed towards the Supreme Leader._

_Holding the capsule of instant poison - a getaway - Mara was about to take the pill before Antona’s trusted ‘troopers broke into her quarters and hauled her out before she could get away._

Pulling out of her mind as roughly as possible, Kylo watched the woman release a painful cry before slouching forward and breathed heavily through her mouth in desperate gasps for air. Reaching with his hand out to grab her red hair within his leather hand and yanked her head back, making her whimper fearfully while keeping her eyes shut, Kylo stared distastefully down at her. She was exposing her fears like a weakling, a crybaby prisoner who was borderline ready to beg for mercy from the intimidating Commander. A part of Kylo wanted to see her beg for her life, yet the flashes of Nova’s tears and her own personal horrors entered his mind on a whim, and Kylo felt his lips curl into a sinister snarl.

“If only you had taken your way out just a _moment sooner_ ,” Kylo spoke with venom on his tongue. “If only you were smart enough to slip passed my radar and never be held personally responsible for the near death of someone who means so much to me.”

“W-wh..?”

With his other hand, Kylo curled his fingers into a fist, each digit causing a reaction of her throat tightening, blocking air coming through. He watched as Mara gasped, her green eyes growing wide with terror as she struggled to breath the more fingers Kylo curled.

“If only I had the desire to give you a quick death. Unfortunately, for you, I have all the time I need to let you suffer in ways Nova did.”

Once to his thumb, Kylo held still as he released her hair as her head hit the back of the chair. Mara was desperately gasping for air, choking and shaking within her restraints with tears in her eyes. Her face changing color from fair, to pink, to red…then, slowly to blue with her rolling back to her head. It was only when Kylo relaxed his hand did she inhale desperately, only for him to start over again with choking her - prolonging her suffering with less and less time for her to breathe each time he let her go.

Kylo dragged out her slow death for as long as possible before leaving the room to return to his personal quarters.

* * *

Doctor Antona was examining Nova’s toes as she laid down on the bed in her side of the chambers. Using his writing utensil to poke and prod each of her toes before tickling up and down her foot, the doctor chuckled when his patient peeped and pulled her foot back at the sensation. Bringing the heavy blanket back to cover her feet, Antona carefully patted her covered legs and gave her a gentle expression when she stared distantly to her lap.

“You’re making a wonderful recovery, Nova. I don’t doubt that you’ll make a full recovery within a few days before attempting to walk; the bacta patches will continue to do their work to the frost bite, so please leave them on,” he explained carefully to her with a reassuring smile. “Remain in bed until so, unless you need to use the refresher, and make sure to eat _all your food_ portions and take in fluids. It will make you feel better.”

Getting up from the corner of the bed, the man went over to the closet to retrieve another blanket to keep near the patient. All while doing so, Nova’s head lifted to watch him move about as careful as possible, as to not disturb her with sudden movements. Since she had came out of the bacta tank, she was given new bacta patches to her joints and cheekbones and an ointment applied to her lips to heal the bleeding cracks and frost. Nova bathed with the help of a medical assistant droid and was dressed in fresh pajamas, yet she hadn’t had much to say as she struggled to figure out what everyone around her was thinking - of what happened, and what she had done. The bacta was making her drowsy, and her focus with the Force was off, yet she was desperate to figure out what damage she had caused before Kylo returned to her. Glancing briefly to the nightstand, she frowned a bit deeper at the sight of the silver whistle that was removed from her after being taken out of the tank. It wasn’t completely cleaned, and still had some remnants of her blood on it.

“Antona…”

The doctor turned his head, hearing her voice for the first time since she was brought back. He was glad to hear her speak - although hoarse - so willingly to him, after everything that has happened. He was almost worried about her mental state of being emotionally traumatized by the ordeal. Returning to the edge of the bed, Antona kneeled down to her level and offered her a careful smile.

“How are you feeling, Nova? Can I get you anything?” he asked her gently.

“I want to know how many I killed,” she told him softly, her eyes looking to him with determination to find out.

Frowning, Antona was about to reject her kindly when her wrapped hand grabbed the collar of his uniform. She didn’t pull him with force or anger, but a support to keep him to her level as she gazed to him desperately.

“ _Please_ ,” she spoke quietly to him, “I just want to know… I did something horrible to innocent people, and I want to acknowledge my terrible mistake.”

Swallowing, Antona looked down to her slightly shaking hand still holding on to him. Reaching to take her wrist with careful fingers, the doctor held onto her healing hand with his palm on top of her covered knuckles. “Through your fever, which you had _no control_ over,” he began in a soft voice, “we have counted that sixteen medical nurses, over twenty-five officers and an estimate of a dozen or so stormtroopers were killed. There were also eleven patients in the same ward that didn’t make it… There are still others we haven’t accounted for, as of yet.”

Nova nodded slowly, and Antona was quick to squeeze her hand. “But, you must know, Nova, that this was not your fault, okay? You will not be held accountable for what has happened here and will not be in trouble. You were ill and hallucinating, what you did was not your fault in any way, and we know that.”

Looking to him with a empathetic, yet sad smile, Nova pulled her hand back to settle them on her lap comfortingly. “I appreciate all your help, Antona. Thank you, but I would like to try and rest now, and I’m sure you have work to do.”

As if on cue, the door to the quarters hissed open and Kylo charged in, startling the doctor. To him Antona guessed that Nova sensed the Commander coming closer, disregarding their private conversation for his sake. Nova remained passive and exhausted, letting the doctor stand up and face Kylo.

“Is she recovering?” Kylo asked Antona with a stern voice, expression empty.

Nodding, Antona patted the extra blankets on the edge of the bed. “I will check in within a few cycles before we will try walking. I would rather we take some time, but she is healing very well by far.” Passing by Kylo and waiting for the door to open, Antona offered him a farewell nod. “Should you need me, do not hesitate to contact me directly.”

Waiting until the doctor disappeared with closing doors, Kylo slowly turned to face the woman remaining in bed. He eyes her for a moment, seeing her lightly touch the dark patches on her knuckled out of curiosity. “You asked him how many…”

“Yes,” she answered honestly, making his brow twitch with stress.

He carefully approached the bed and sat on the edge beside her legs, facing her way as she still refused to look directly to him. “Why would you ask him that, Nova? It shouldn’t be of any concern to you,” he spoke low, as if the guards outside the thick walls could hear. He knew her Force wall was back and fully functional, as he couldn’t sense Snoke or any other being disturbing their rooms.

“I have made a mistake, and it took the _lives_ of innocent people who didn’t deserve to die,” Nova said sourly, swallowing a lump in her throat. “No one was attacking me, when I woke up, but I _still_ killed them because I thought they were my past coming back to get me. Now, people are scared of me all over again, because I’m a weapon…”

“No, you’re not -”

“You saw what I did, Kylo. _What I’m capable of doing_!”

“That doesn’t -!”

“I’m a _monster_ , Kylo!” she snapped at him, tears filling her eyes as she stared at him with such sadness that it made his heart twist painfully. “I’m a bloody monster, born and meant to breed killers, like an animal! I come from _nothing_ and will _remain nothing_ but someone’s _weapon_!”

Taking her face with both hands, Kylo angled her head up to him as he connected their foreheads together, eyes burning into hers with tears forming within them, biting his lip between his teeth. He was trying so hard not to raise his voice, his thumb tracing her pouting lip carefully, shaking his head gently to her.

He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t frustrated to the point he wanted to destroy the room with his abilities. No, Kylo was not angry.

“ _Never_ ,” he mumbled under his breath, making Nova blink and tears slipped down her cheeks. “I have never seen you as a monster, never a weapon. You are no one’s weapon, Nova. You’re not a monster. You are so much more than what you believe, and nothing is going to change the fact that _I love you_.”

Feeling her jaw tighten from a hiding sob, Kylo closed his eyes while pulling her into a embrace, his leathered hand cradling the back of her head. Pressing his lips under her ear, he whispered carefully to her. “Your feelings and emotions - they’re _beautiful_ , and you wonder so much about everything you see, Nova. I have never seen you as a pawn of a weapon, or any sort of a monster,” he told her, feeling her pulse quicken and her breath tickle against the back hairs of his neck. “You’re a beautiful creature who holds so much power and curiosity, and I could never ask you to do anything you don’t want to do for my satisfaction. You remind me of what it means to continue on from the past, Nova; you let your past die, you don’t want to continue to be what you were.

“I promise to take it, Nova. I promise to make people see the real you: the one who wants to live on and be by my side willingly,” he confessed. “No matter what you’ve done or what may happen, I won’t let anyone take you away from what you want, okay? Just…don’t ever believe for one second that you’re a monster. You’re not a monster. You’re not a weapon.”

Feeling her head shift, her mouth right beside his ear as she sniffed back her cries, Kylo held her tighter against him. Her hands sliding up his ribs, one hand gripping his tunic while the other wrapped around his collar and held on for dear life as she buried her eyes to his shoulder. He could sense how she projected her constant fear slowly dwindling to mere bewilderment by his words making him push an invisible response of his honesty to her and how he intends to keep that promise no matter what.

“Please,” she whimpered to him, desperate, “please, say it again?”

“You are not a weapon,” he responded willingly, not hesitating. “You are not a weapon or a monster, Nova. I love _you_.”

“I love Kylo, too,” Nova sniffed and lightly tugged on his clothed. “I love you. _I love you, Kylo_.”

* * *

Finally having her laying down on the bed, her tears cleaned away by his hands and lips, Kylo managed to remove majority of his clothing while keeping a close eye on her. After checking all the bacta patches on her shoulders, hands and face, Kylo began unfolding the extra blanket for extra measures of making sure Nova was warm. Although already having a few already covering her body from the waist down, she remained quiet while lying on her side and stare aimlessly at her whistle still on the nightstand while he draped it over her.

Following her line of vision, Kylo picked up on a sensation tickling the back of his mind that he didn’t recognize before.

“You worry for Snoke’s opinion for what I have done,” Nova spoke when he stilled. “You found out who…made me sick, and it had to do with Snoke, didn’t it.”

Gazing to her back, his eyes softened a bit with his own sort of worry as he crawled into bed. Propping himself with his elbow, his free hand reached to lightly trace the skin of her upper back, exposed by the fabric of her shirt being too wide for her body. The tip of his fingers lightly touched the edge of the thick, diagonal scar with the most gentle care. Nova didn’t flinch away from the touch, instead leaning back for his palm to press against her otherwise soft skin. Kylo felt his heart skip a beat at the gesture, letting his thumb brush against her shoulder blade.

“Mara - the assistant who was suppose to _help_ Doctor Antona - had been giving you a poison by instruction from the Supreme Leader,” Kylo answered, although hesitant in how much detail he should provide to her until he can figure everything out for himself. “The Supreme Leader knew…”

“Will he dispose of me?”

“ _No_ ,” Kylo growled under his breath, causing Nova to turn her head to look at him from over her shoulder. Realizing what he had said, Kylo felt his throat tighten, looking down to trace the tip of his fingers on her scar. “He…he can’t dispose of you, you’re too important.”

“I am important to _Kylo_ , not to _Snoke_ ,” she corrected him. “If Snoke was willing to risk my life to have that experiment take place, with the chance of me dying, then he doesn't care for my health or well-being, Kylo. He doesn’t care for me. You and I know that very well, don’t we?”

There was a moment of silence between them, and Kylo slipped his arm around her frame and pulled her close to his chest. Keeping her voice quiet and calm, Nova placed one of her wrapped hands on top of his. “Would you fight Snoke, if he were to harm me?”

Kylo didn’t answer right away. Nova slowly turned around in his arm to meet his conflicted eyes as her hand slipped up his arm to cup his cheek, her fingers stroking his jaw when she offered him a small, sad smile. Kylo bit his lip and looked away from her gaze, pressing his mouth into her palm as a sort of apology, yet the woman scooted closer before resting her head into the pocket under his chin. Her nose pressed to his collarbone, she closed her eyes and leaned her weight on him. Kylo could feel her warmth mingling with his own, and he wanted nothing more than to just melt against her and hold her close. Shutting his eyes, he pressed his face further into her hand.

“You will get what you want to achieve, Kylo,” Nova whispered, and his breath hitched when she raised her head to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. So gentle that it made his eyes feel a bit heavy without shedding tears at feeling the small smile against his skin. “You will get it, Kylo, don’t worry.”

“He _can’t_ do anything to you,” he shuddered under his breath. “I just - I need to prove-”

“I understand, Kylo,” she hushed him softly, stopping him with soft nuzzles and more kisses. “Don’t worry, Kylo, please.”

“He can’t take you, Nova. I promised you.”

“You’re keeping your promise to me, Kylo. He won’t take me,” Nova said with a kiss to his cheek, his arm wrapping tighter around her with his nose burying into her hair. Cuddling against him more, the healing woman rest her cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat against her ear.

“I love you,” Nova whispered to him, her fingers brushing his chest gently before circling her arm over him. “I love you, Kylo. I trust you with my life, and I hope you feel the same with yours in my hands. I promise I’ll protect you, too, Kylo.”

“Yes,” Kylo answered honestly. “I know. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Mara actually comes from a canon Star Wars character, Mara Jade, who also contracted an illness that was meant to wipe out Force-sensitives in the book series, Legends!!


	15. for the beautiful pain

Kylo was never one to be careful when it came to removing bacta patches by himself. Normally he would just pick at the edge of it and rip it away, causing the minerals to go erratic and cause a bruise on his skin that lasts about a week; it never hurt to remove any sort of bacta patches, but Kylo was impatient enough that many doctors often resorted to droids to do the job for him to reduce the chance of scarring. He remembers being a child and constantly picking at patches placed on his legs and elbows, ripping them away just because he didn’t like the sugary, sweet smell that emitted from them. As much as he liked his own treats, he didn’t find it being anywhere near as intimidating smelling like a jogan fruit cake…

However, being so careful to peel away the black strips from the woman’s cheekbones, only then to wipe away the residue with a wet rag, Kylo pressed a very soft kiss against the healed skin, he made sure there was no form of irritation from the removal. Tucking a lock of stray hairs behind her ear, Kylo watched as his significant other reached up with her freed hands to rub the healed spot on her cheek. She hummed in a chilled surprise, her eyes blinking a few times as she lightly groped the flesh of her own cheeks.

“It still feels like _something_ is stuck to me,” Nova mumbled softly, looking to her fingers with curiosity of seeing something. She didn’t seem let down by finding nothing on her hand, though, like sticky residue. “Almost like you didn’t even remove it at all.”

“The medicine will continue to finish healing your skin, that’s why you still feel it,” he explained carefully, tilting her chin to angle her head for him to press another careful kiss to her cheek. Feeling her smile softly at the gesture, he pressed another kiss to her temple before getting up from the edge of the bed to dispose of the patches to a small garbage chute beside the control panels for the room.

“When will it go away?” she asked, and Kylo turned around to see her rubbing both of her cheeks with her hands with so much wonder in her eyes. She squished her cheeks as she looked to him with such an innocent face that made him sigh softly with amusement.

“In time, just be patient.”

Nova nodded slowly before looking back down to her lap and Kylo returned to the edge of the bed. Taking her face with his bare hands, he observed the irritated skin carefully and how the bacta healed any sort of wounds and rejected any chance of scarring from her previous conditions of hypothermia. She’s able to walk just fine, along with the help of Antona and supplying warm food and liquids for her to drink and exercising with patience, Kylo was more than glad to see Nova scurrying around the quarters with a sort of cabin fever that was amusing to watch. Now, with her being free of her bacta patches, Nova was more of herself the more time Kylo spent with her in careful observation; she was able to bathe by herself and manage proper thoughts, and her usual Force abilities besides the Force wall were back in full swing.

She was still dark underneath her eyes and easily tired, yet she had quite enough energy to want to get out of bed, run around and count her Kyber remnants or read one of Kylo’s books in one sitting. Kylo more than once had to stop her from trying to get out of the quarters, more of lifting her up in his arms and setting her on the bed. It was almost like she was back to her normal self, ignoring her constant yawning episodes and refusing to admit she was tired to him. She was smiling again and becoming talkative once more, as if nothing had happened with her health and mental state.

Kylo was more than relieved to have her safe and in his arms again.

Shifting around in arranging the extra bacta patches for any additional use, the Commander made sure that he had all the necessary medications, tools and other supplements for any sort of emergency while the two Force users slept alone from the lack of guards outside the doors of their quarters. It had taken some time to assure the Head Officer and sergeants that having ‘troopers stationed out the way it was ineffective and unnecessary. Kylo canceled any further training from Nova’s aid, instead wanting to keep a close eye on her as often as possible and wherever he can find her easily.

“Kylo,” Nova called out to him quietly, making him turn his head immediately.

Seeing her healed hands reach out to him, Kylo immediately dismissed his previous job and slowly approached the bed. Getting on his knees on the mattress, Kylo eventually leaned forward onto his hands and crawled towards her opened arms. Once her freed fingers touched the fabric of his lounging tunic, Nova threaded them into the hair on the back of his neck, lightly massaging, causing him to release a long sigh before resting his head on her lap, beside her belly. His long arms eventually drew themselves to rest on either side of her waist and let his bodyweight relax on her legs. Nova never ceased her fingers carding through his hair, massaging his scalp so carefully that his eyes rolled closed. It has been rather stressful week since the incident, and it was only in little bits of the day just recently that he can relax for a few minutes at a time.

“How long now?” she asked quietly, hoping to not disturb him from his little, hypnotic state of relaxation.

Shifting his head to nuzzle oh-so gently into her soft, covered belly, Kylo spoke against her to warm her with his breath. “Three cycles,” he answered honestly, his eyes still closed.

Nova carefully combed his bangs back, and he hummed quietly at the gesture. “Are they going to reach out to us about being late returning back to the Supremacy?”

“Perhaps, if my reports ever made it back to the General or Supreme Leader.” Turning his head to gaze tiredly up to her curious face, Kylo’s brows furrowed just a bit with concern. “Are you afraid?”

“No,” she responded with a honest smile, and Kylo’s chest fluttered with his own worry. “But you are, aren’t you…”

Turning his face to bury into her lap, he didn’t want to answer the question while she took his face into her hands and forced him to sit up a bit. Refusing to meet her gaze, Kylo bit his lip when she pressed light, gentle kisses to his forehead, trying to urge him to speak.

“Don’t be afraid, Kylo,” she whispered against his skin, causing him to take a deep breath. “Everything will be just fine, you’ll see.”

“I don’t want him to take you away from me.”

“He won’t.”

His jaw clenching, Kylo took another deep breath. However, before he could retort, Nova tangled her hands into his hair and pulled him forward without warning. Causing him to open his eyes, Kylo felt himself grow hot in the face at feeling the thin material of her sleeping shirt over her soft skin, along with her steady heartbeat. Leaning back against the large pillow cushioning her backside, Nova brought Kylo along with her so that he was laying on her with his head against her heart, between her breasts. He felt the tip of her nose and lips press against his head, instantly coaxing him a comfortable relaxation, his own hands fisting against her sleeping garment rather possessively.

“He won’t,” she repeated softly against his hair, making him crave her warmth and softness more than he ever could.

“How could you know such a thing that he will or will not do, Nova?” he asked, his voice quiet and rough with tiredness.

“Because I do. I won’t let it happen, just like I promise,” she whispered while continuing to massage his head, kissing his head a few more times.

“It’s getting late, love,” Kylo sighed, turning his head to press a kiss to her sternum firmly. “I want you to get enough sleep.”

“Will you sleep with me, too?” Nova asked with a small smile to which he couldn’t resist his own lips twitching upward. Her head rolled on the pillow when he sat up, seeing her smile to him eased any sort of worry he had inside his conscience.

Pressing his lips to her forehead, he hummed in confirmation while pulling the blanket up to her shoulders, tucking her under the warmth. “I’ll wash up first, you meditate to relax,” he instructed her softly, carefully getting up from the bed while she made a noise of understanding.

By the time that Kylo returned from the refresher to find Nova lying on her back, her breathing focused and gaze locked to the ceiling, he could sense her comforting wall envelope throughout the main base of Starkiller. This would be the farthest she has ever reached in her limit, taking over the whole base into a safe zone from outside minds attempting to pry in.

Standing there at the threshold of the bedroom, seeing if she would take notice of his observation through the Force, Kylo eventually managed to catch her attention from the bed. Her head turning his way, she cut off her meditation and smiled his way, alluring him to come over to the bed as she made way for him, scooting carefully and pulling the blanket down to him. He willingly crawled in to her, quickly pulling the blanket up to where it covered her shoulders (and his ribs) and gesturing to her to get into position.

Watching her lie down and turning to have her back facing him, Kylo draped his arm over her blanket form underneath and pulled her towards his chest and press his nose against her hair, inhaling her scent that instantly ease him into slumber. Feeling her fall asleep almost in a snap while he patiently waited for her to relax, he closed his own eyes.

It only seemed whenever Nova was in his arms did he really start to believe her words of promise.

* * *

The distant rattle against the metal door caused Kylo to take a deep intake of breath, making his face scrunch and turn into Nova’s soft hair for a sort of shield. His arms pulling her sleeping body closer to him, he resisted a growl when the knocking continued on when he felt Nova twitch a bit and released a quiet noise. His eyes snapping open, turning to glare in the dark with a menacing look in his eyes, Kylo’s hand brushed up the sleeping woman’s arm to ease her movements. The distance of his warm body leaving her back instantly woke her up, causing her to try and sit up, and Kylo released his breath as he looked back down to her with a much softer gaze. His hand carefully tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and off her shoulder, exposing a small patch of skin of her cheek and ear.

Bending down to press his mouth against the shell of her ear, Kylo pulled the thick duvet up before allowing his thumb to trace along her jaw as he forced himself to move further away from her warmth. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured against her skin, giving her a moment to adjust before getting out of bed. After making sure she was secured with the blankets he sought fit, Kylo marched through the cold floor to the entryway of the quarters.

The layout of the hallway blocked either bedroom, and Kylo planned on keeping whoever was knocking so late in the night cycle out. The blastdoor opening with a way-too loud hiss, Kylo was met face-to-face with an officer he vaguely recalled working alongside with the plans of the Starkiller Base plans and overseeing construction. A short male with caramel-colored skin, he looked to be more frightened and nervous prior to waking the Commander. There was something else bothering him…

“Commander Ren, I _deeply apologize_ for waking you so late, but I was ordered by the Supreme Leader to retrieve you immediately in the communication room,” the older man spoke dutifully, yet there was a crack in his voice.

Kylo looked the man over once. “Allow me to get my shoes and robe.”

“Of course, sir,” the man nodded quickly before turning around to give him space, allowing the taller man to leave the doorway for it to close once more.

Walking back to Nova’s bedside, he frowned at watching her roll onto her back to look up to him with a tired gaze. Throwing on his robe over his shoulders, Kylo got to his knees beside the bed and cupped her cheek in one bare hand and his lips press onto her other in a firm, promising gesture to her skin.

“I have to leave for a minute, love,” he told her against her skin while she stretched her legs and back, arching a bit. “Go back to sleep, and I’ll come back as soon as I can. Stay in bed.”

“Can’t sleep without you,” Nova responded with a tired frown, and Kylo kissed under her closed eye more softly.

“Try, Nova. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promised her as he grabbed his boots.

* * *

The hologram of Snoke was enlarged on the main communication grid offered in the middle of the room that was secluded to the Commander while the officer waited outside to escort him back. Kylo stood with his undone robe with his hands by his sides as he approached the platform dutifully and got to one knee. Kylo didn’t look up to the hologram as he took a deep breath and spoke.

“Supreme Leader,” he said easily. “Master.”

“ _Rise, young apprentice,_ ” Snoke’s voice shot straight to his spine and Kylo followed instructions. “ _You have yet to return to the Supremacy, as scheduled._ ”

“Yes,” Kylo responded clearly. “There had been an accident and we needed to take time to recover to -”

“ _I assume Nova survived the ordeal_ ,” Snoke interrupted as if he was having a “regular” conversation with his apprentice, like nothing was wrong. “ _You will be returning to the Supremacy as soon as possible. I have been informed that the blizzards have ceased on Starkiller Base_.”

“It would be wise to let Nova be cleared by medical professionals before -”

“ _If you don’t follow through, I will not hesitate to send escorts to come and retrieve you two like little children. We wouldn’t want that, would we?_ ”

Kylo swallowed. “No.”

“ _Then_ ,” Snoke drawled as he reclined in his throne upon the holovid, “ _I shall see you both very soon. You are dismissed_.”

Waiting until the holograph of Snoke completely disappeared, Kylo released a shaking breath, feeling his right hand instinctively reach to his waist. Remembering that his belt was back in his quarters, Kylo let out a rough shout as he threw his fist downward, causing the holopad in front of him to crush under an invisible weight. Marching over to the entryway, Kylo used the Force to rip the door open, scaring the officer as he passed by him and on his pathway back to his quarters, his emotions boiling all over the place with a disgusting twist in his stomach. His feet began to push into a sprint when he tried to reach out to the woman waiting for him, unable to catch her attention as she was entirely focused on something far different.

The blastdoor opened for him immediately when he reached out with his abilities, hurrying in his steps to the side of the room to find his beloved.

She remained in bed, like he had instructed her to do, sitting up straight with the blankets bunched around her waist with her hands lying limp on her lap. Her hair in a slight tangle from her short time of sleeping beside him and eyes staring up to the corner of the ceiling with a small frown on her lips. Feeling his chest twist with instant concern, Kylo went over quickly to the bedside and reached with his naked hands to hold her warm cheeks and guide her face to look his way. It took a moment for Nova to leave her gaze from above to look directly to him, immediately smiling at him in greeting.

“ _Nova_ ,” Kylo exhaled with a rough voice.

“Snoke wants us to come back, doesn’t he…”

Swallowing hard, he watched as Nova read his eyes and smiled a bit bigger to him. Her hands from her lap rose to reach under his thick, dark hair to touch his ears with her fingertips hidden within them. “It’s going to be okay, Kylo,” she cooed sweetly. “I suppose we need to leave soon. I think I sensed him trying to get into the main base. It was strong and annoying, but I don’t think he was able to see anything. I didn’t want him to see anything.”

“Don’t push yourself so much with the Force yet, please,” Kylo frowned, letting his thumb trace her cheekbone carefully. “I don’t want you to weaken yourself with going against Snoke’s Force to keep him out. Your Force wall alone is enough.”

“I’m fine, I promise,” she assured him confidently, making him sigh quietly before holding her face more firmly. Nova grinned, making her cheeks smush a bit as she pinched his lobes lightly.

“Hey, Kylo?” she asked after a moment, causing Kylo to snap out of his daze and realize that he was staring right at her with a thoughtful expression. “There are other places to find Kyber crystals, right? Different planets that we may pass by sometime?”

Kylo blinked, processing her words when she released his ears, looking hopeful to him. His thumb traced the curve of her soft smile, his brows furrowed before nodding. “Yes, there is…”

“I decided that I don’t want a Kyber crystal from _here,_ on Starkiller Base,” she explained softly, holding his wrists with both hands. “I don’t hear or feel anything special here to build my lightsaber with. I want to find one that _sings_ , like yours did.”

Kylo’s eyes softened a bit and he took a deep breath, carefully wrapping his arms around her. Nova instantly scooted closer to his large chest, curling into his hold as he pressed his face into her hair. He knew what she was doing, in the most careful way possible to his worried mind while resting her cheek upon his broad shoulder.

“That’s alright, Nova,” Kylo spoke against her hair, taking a deep breath and feeling his worry cease for the time being.

* * *

Commander Kylo Ren’s shuttle was silent while being manned on autopilot back to the Supremacy, leaving the man to wonder the different possibilities of events to come for him and the woman seated by his side. His Master didn’t seem to show any signs of malicious intent waiting for them once they land. Although cutting Kylo off more than usual he was used to, Snoke did not display any sort of behavior that raised any sort of red flags to the Force-sensitive man. The probing was to be expected, at least, seeing how Nova reacted with her distracted gaze to the ceiling, yet she didn’t reveal anything negative of her own observations.

Still, he couldn’t _settle_.

Feeling Nova shift against him, Kylo looked down to see her press her face further against the material of the cowl she was wrapped with, along curling more in one of Kylo’s thick coat he forced her to wear in the journey back. Strands of her freed hair stuck out at random places of the fabric material, yet didn’t completely distract anyone to notice the two departing Starkiller Base to notice - or they didn’t care. The two were quick to dress and pack their essentials, nothing more, nothing less, yet Nova didn’t have the time to braid her own hair like she usually did prior to leaving her quarters. Still, even in Kylo’s eyes, she looked perfect as she sniffled and cracked open her eyes. Noticing him looking down at her, Nova blinked and sat up a little bit more while still leaning against his arm; uncaring of the possibility of being seen in her position on him, she rubbed under her eye and smiled at him.

“You’re still worried,” she mumbled before yawning. “You need to stop that.”

Kylo twitched when she looped her arms around his, her hands holding the material of his sleeve. “How would something so difficult come so easy to you…” he half-teased. A part of him felt sick to his stomach when he felt her giggle against him, so easy and innocent, as if nothing is wrong.

“Because,” she sighed, “I know everything will be alright, once Snoke sees how I am.”

“And you’re so sure about that.”

“Yes, or I wouldn’t be so calm,” she responded matter-of-factly. She looked up to him with gentle eyes. “Please, believe me when I say that everything will be okay, Kylo. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s the fact that it may not work out the way you think it will,” Kylo explained in a low voice.”

“That’s still not believing me, in a sense.”

Instead of responding, Kylo carefully removed his arm from her hold and stood up, causing Nova to blink and follow him as he entered the cockpit of the shuttle with tittering steps. Seeing the Supremacy coming into view as soon as they left hyperspace, Kylo froze in his spot and ground his teeth together; feeling his heart twist painfully, his senses going haywire with the mere thought of landing in the hangar within moments…

A weight pressed to his back, Kylo released a deep breath at feeling Nova nuzzling her face into his spine. Feeling her rest her cheek between his shoulder blades, Kylo closed his eyes for a moment to recollect himself in her presence and warmth seeping through the thick layers of his uniform. A part of him knew that it was probably her abilities play into his own emotions, aspiring him to relax, yet he won’t be able to truly be at ease until both of them are back in their secluded quarters and away from everything and everyone else on the ship. Kylo just wanted to lock himself away with Nova until the very images of her hallucinations and the feeling of her body trembling nonstop against him until she finally warmed become a distant memory he will force himself to forget.

“Come here,” Kylo beckoned her, voice soft, moving one arm open for her to slip through.

She was almost instant, slipping from under his raised arm to press herself to his chest, looking up to him with her emotional eyes and gentle gaze, her hands pressed on him. The raised arm slowly wrapped around her back while his other traced the curve of her face, from her temple down to her chin. His eyes following his gloved hand carefully before looking directly at her, making her smile and tilt her head to his exploring fingers. He exhaled with a shy of an almost smile as his thumb traced the curve of her bottom lip.

“My feelings for you are in the terms of love and affection,” Nova spoke truthfully. “I love you, Kylo, very, _very_ much. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Kylo answered, his voice telling more of his feelings than his facial expression. “As do I. _I love you, too_ , Nova.”

“Will you promise me to keep that in mind once we land, and any time after?” she asked him, making his hand freeze under her jaw, against the jugular. Feeling her pulse pound thoroughly through her veins perfectly and so full of life.

Swallowing, Kylo bent his head down to press his lips against her forehead, his arm wrapped around her keeping him grounded on the spot with her own hands slipping up to tangle behind his neck, standing on her toes to make it easier for his neck and back. Once he pulled away from the kiss to her forehead, his moved his mouth to her hairline, lightly nuzzling her head with his nose and closed his eyes.

“Yes, I will promise you.”

The familiar sound of the shuttle settling into the hangar of the Supremacy made Kylo stiffen a bit, yet Nova snuggled her cheek into the pocket of his shoulder and allowed him to inhale her natural scent for a moment before pulling back to take his face with both hands. Being forced to look at her with thoughtful eyes, Kylo took a deep breath when she hopped to kiss his nose lightly.

Letting go of each other, Nova reached to the pilot chair to lift Kylo’s helmet out to him. The Commander stared at the helmet in her much smaller hands, then, his eyes darting to her waiting face of self confidence. An odd buzz emerged in his chest when looking between the two until Nova herself frowned…

“There’s something you want?” Nova said curiously, her head tilting. “Something you want, before putting the helmet on.”

Swallowing, Kylo took his helmet carefully from her. “Don’t worry about it for now, love.”

“Are you sure?”

Kylo’s throat tightened when the door of the shuttle was forced open by ‘troopers, slipping on the helmet and locking his face away in time before the light of the hangar bled into the opening. Nova offered him a gentle look before fixing the big coat over her, walking past him as he followed dutifully down the ramp to the arrangement of officers and staff waiting for the two to exit the shuttle. Due to the fact that it was still in the night cycle, not many people were out working, or were only half awake underneath the caps and white helmets shielding them from their superiors of their tired eyes. At the bottom of the ramp stood Hux and two praetorian guards by his side. Phasma stood on the other side of Hux, her blaster gun ready as usual in her hold. Nova perked at the sight of the chrome-dressed Captain, a little spurt in her step as she went to face the taller woman and look up to her with a greeting smile. The Captain herself tilt her helmeted head down in response, yet didn’t say anything, allowing Nova to just grin before the two praetorian guard intercepted between Nova and Kylo.

Kylo instantly halt in his steps, his gaze staring at the two red helmets ignoring his presence as they caught Nova’s attention away from Phasma. Nova tilt her head backwards to look up to them with pursed lips, Phasma and Hux remained unmoving. “Good evening,” Nova greeted them casually.

“The Supreme Leader requires your presence immediately,” one of the guards spoke dutifully, emotionless and direct. Nova turned around, humming a bit. “Follow us accordingly.”

Nova smiled with ease before nodding, letting them turn and lead the way towards the elevator, leaving the group towards Snoke’s throne room. Before Kylo could follow after them, it was Phasma’s turn to stop him with a single step.

“Commander, you are required to give a debrief of your experience with the Starkiller Base,” she said simply, yet Kylo could find the trace of her own concern in the back of her thoughts. There was nothing anyone can do at the moment, and Kylo was left to send a hard glare through his helmet to the shrinking forms of the guards and Nova.

‘ _Remember your promise to me, Kylo_.’

Hearing Nova’s voice clear within his thoughts, Kylo took a deep breath, igniting his voice modulator to crackle. A couple of officers jumped at the sound, yet the Commander only turned towards Phasma, Hux remaining silent behind her.

“Alright,” Kylo answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Jogan fruit is a canon edible in the Star Wars universe. It’s a purple-colored fruit, yet the “flavor” of bacta is referred to taste like sickly sweet pineapple, which I would assume jogan fruit would be like!


	16. for the better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Attempted violence.

The feeling of the Supremacy’s chilly air were only felt on her cheekbones, her knuckles and ankles, yet she didn’t seem to mind it as much while every other inch of her body was still concealed with the numerous layers of thick cloth. Following the red armored Praetorian Guards swiftly, the upper tilt of her head as she walked with her own self confidence that wasn’t always found in many individuals aboard the ship. Her boots skid a few times on the marbled floor, in attempt to keep up with them, all while taking in their silent thoughts as near empty of a cleaned holochip.

Her curiosity of their thoughts and emotions were visible, yet she didn’t voice it or tried to pry deeper once they made it to the door. The hissing noise and whirrs of the mechanics working smoothly to present the throne room was true to its beholder, being escorted in by the two who marched forward, perfectly in synch with one another, as trained. Looking ahead, she could see the colossal creature sitting in his throne and garb, as if he never went to sleep. To her, she figured he never did, imagining him sitting there, pondering and planning…

Once the two Praetorian Guards came to the end of the aisle, they separated and joined their comrades behind the throne. Standing at the very edge of the walkway, she slowed to a halt and and looked up to meet his sharp gaze. Expressionless. Unreadable to the point of a haze flowers throughout the room, yet nowhere intending to break the connection of Master and his apprentice. Nothing but merely staring at each other in silence.

Taking a deep breath through his nose, Supreme Leader Snoke eased back to his seat, eyeing her attire completely and severing the gaze for her to blink once.

“Nova,” Snoke spoke, his voice starting out gruff, until, slowly, a grin spread on his shriveled mouth. “My child.”

“Snoke,” Nova responded, as her usual self at his presence.

“Tell me,” the Supreme Leader went on casually, “of what you thought of Starkiller Base. Tell me from your point of view.”

Nova’s eyes looked up above his throne, her lips twitch in what appeared to be a sort of thoughtless search of words that came up with no feeling. “It was _always_ cold,” she began. “It snowed a lot, and I was inside for the most part; the stormtroopers and officers were fairly strong, but there were things they didn’t know. They took the lessons well, and often praised me quite honestly of helping them improve.”

“Did you _enjoy_ Starkiller Base?”

Her eyes snapping back to meet his stare, Nova blinked slowly once more. “I appreciated the people who were patient with me, and the experience of the planet’s weather. However, it was only the surface of the Starkiller Base that I enjoyed…nothing _underneath_ the snow and concrete were anything but appealing.”

“You don’t say, my sweet Nova,” Snoke responded, his smile twitch at one corner of his mouth. “Tell me why you say so, little one.”

She didn’t hesitate. “When the poison caused me to hallucinate, I felt everything that has been built into the mines. What the purpose of the Kyber crystals are for, and all they know is just what they’re being used for. Nothing but terror, violence, death and _sadness_ \- it reminded me _too much_ of Bavva III.”

Her expression suddenly coming to the surface, a defined frown settled on her lips and her eyes narrowed to an unamused scowl. “Frankly, I didn’t see anything successful coming from what you aim to achieve for the galaxy with the Starkiller Base, Snoke.”

Snoke’s lips twitched once more, faltering in their false friendliness for a few short seconds. Nova tilt her chin up a little bit more, her body relaxed. “I can see it now. Starkiller Base will not work the way you wish.”

“Of the time I’ve taken you under my guidance, you’ve gained _so much knowledge_ of the Force,” Snoke complimented through his teeth, standing up in his throne. “However, you forget _who_ is the _Master_ and _who_ is the _apprentice_. There is still much for you to learn, to understand, in that empty little head of yours.”

“Wouldn’t it be the same for you? A Master can only succeed in mastering one thing at a time, and continue on to learn throughout,” she mentioned. “This goes for the whole definition of Master; whether you’re teaching a student, obtaining knowledge to become something greater…or even owning people’s lives over their heads like livestock.”

It was then that Nova’s eyes sparked with amusement, and a playful smile emerged on her face with her hands clasped together in front as she expressed her honest curiosity. “I often wonder, how much do you wish to know and have power over, for someone who claims to Supreme Leader. Exactly, what is so _supreme_ of you that allows you to lead?”

Snoke snapped, striking his hand across the air to send an electric wave directed towards her. Nova, unmoving, took a calm breath as the electricity dispersed before it made a foot close to her, causing the humanoid to shout for the Elite Praetorian Guards to take a stance, surrounding the two, armed and ready. Nova’s gaze didn’t leave Snoke as he growled with stress and irritation, shouting at the red armored beings to strike, watching them activate their weapons and take one single step towards the woman -

Only for all eight of them to freeze, rigid and strained painfully with their own bodies.

Icy blue, hollowed eyes widened with shock as Snoke watched each of his Elites struggle with their own bodies, all while Nova stood in her spot, unmoving. Reacting quickly, Snoke outstretched a single limb in attempt to get a hold of the ill-looking woman only for any sort of action to remain impossible at Nova took a single step forward with a natural grace towards him.

“You remember, Snoke, that I do not like it when people try to _harm me_ \- more so try to _kill me_ out of spite or bad temper,” Nova said to him. “Your guards, although Elites and ones familiar with the Force, were under my tutelage, by _your_ request. Spending time with them for so long, it’s not difficult to hold them back from getting them killed by your choice.”

Before Snoke could retort, Nova offered him a soft smile. “As you have told me, Snoke, that the Force is what’s keeping me alive and powerful, and that I would become stronger with time.”

Lowering his hand, Snoke tense shoulders slowly ceased their stiffness and he carefully sat down once more upon his throne. Long fingers coming to rest on each panel of the chair, the Supreme Leader sat back and relaxed in his seat. Looking over the much smaller woman, Snoke whole body relaxed as he cackled a quiet, dry laugh. Eventually, the humanoid began laughing rather joyously in his throne, echoing the throne room to the point that the Force holding the Elites released. Each red armored being clamored to keep themselves upright, slowly returning to their original spot, evenly distributed behind the throne of the laughing leader.

Once the Supreme Leader eased in his unpleasant cackle, he grinned towards Nova with a rather pleasant expression. Tilting her head a bit, Nova watched him for a moment with her facial expression returning to its usual mutual state of nothing once more.

“I take it that you wish to kill me now, hm?” Snoke drawled. “Destroy me for having those toxic poisons injected into you? To see if I really could make you more of a mindless puppet and perfect killing machine?”

“I don’t need to kill you,” Nova responded. “Your future was shown to me, and there is nothing I need to do to make you pay for what you did to me.”

“Amazing, seeing the future of someone without direct contact,” Snoke praised cheekily, almost as a taunt. “What did you see?”

Looking to each Elite’s faceless mask carefully, she sensed each one of their heartbeats and thrumming emotion of neutral respect towards her. “As I have said, I don’t need to kill you. Things will not go the way you expect.”

Snoke let out a quiet chortle, shaking his head with absolute amusement as her simple answers. “How kind of you to warn me, but I still see nothing inside that little mind of yours, my dear little Nova,” he said. “As the experiment failed in using old tactics against you to comply more…to my needs, I won’t hold any grudge against you for showing such power from Mara’s reports…you will see it _my way_ , in due time, little one. Soon, you will do more than just train people to survive, and want to take part in having the First Order become reign of the galaxy. And you, with time, can be a part of a new Empire with your marvelous power. People will _bow to you_ , allow you to be in control of them this time around.”

Nova let him rave for as long as he wanted, until he eventually went quiet for her to respond with a simple and confident: “No, I don’t want that.”

“Then, what do you want?” Snoke asked.

“Nothing,” Nova answered, her hands dropping to her sides. “There is nothing that I want that is already provided to me permanently, with or without your power over others, Snoke.”

Snoke’s posture went lax and his expression ceased amusement. He wasn’t threatening any longer, nor held bad blood towards his female apprentice, instead seeming to grow tired of this one-on-one meeting. However, Nova knew better…

He was losing this conversation battle with her.

“Because you’re irreplaceable to me and a rather valuable apprentice - possibly more than Kylo Ren - I will allow this to lead a mutual respect between us, little one,” Snoke spoke after a while. “You will remain my apprentice and train others to be powerful, and I will ensure you remain alive and cared for within the First Order… Someday, you will learn the importance of your part within the First Order, young Nova.”

“As a free woman,” Nova pressed with a raised brow.

“As a free woman,” Snoke agreed. “You are proving to be more powerful and talented than expected, consider this to be a lesson for us both.”

Nova remained silent.

“You are dismissed.”

* * *

Nova finished tying the knot of her pajama pants, fiddling with the hem of the silk material before reaching for the towel to wring out her hair of access water. Having been escorted by limping Praetorian Guards back to the familiar small hallway of her quarters next to Kylo’s, Nova proceeded to enter her own personal chambers and use the refresher to scrub the faint smells of Starkiller Base and the throne room off her skin. As much as she did enjoy meeting the people in Starkiller Base, teaching them habits to protect themselves and see the Elites doing well, but the remaining _stench_ of all she was displeased with was still bugging her underneath her whole façade. She was happy to find all the bottle of soaps and shampoos were still where she left them, just like Kylo promised her before their departure. She was happy to find her collection still arranged accordingly on her shelves, too, feeling more and more relaxed and comfortable in her environment. Kylo wasn’t back from wherever he was, yet sensed him through the Force.

She wasn’t too sure how to _explain_ her meeting with Snoke to him.

Nova knew _everything_ Snoke was looking for within her _and_ Kylo, easily seen as something physically placed in her own hands. She wasn’t sure how to explain it, but every time she felt Snoke prying somewhere close to her or Kylo, she would just “push” him away from the both of them. With herself, Nova had no issue for Snoke to assume what he desired to see: empty, rather stubborn to the point of pushing boundaries of patience, yet bursting with an energy that wasn’t easily seen by many - _the Force_ , that’s all she knows. With Kylo, however, Snoke looks for so much more than Nova would expect.

Emotions, weakness. Memories, thoughts beyond what Snoke thought was acceptable. A source of _light_ within him that Nova couldn’t truly understand why was such a negative thing to Snoke…

Frowning, Nova looked down to her hands.

With the wall, as Kylo called it, Nova wasn’t too sure if she contained a sort of _light_ that Snoke despised so much. Nova didn’t see any different in light wherever she went, or whoever she looked to; she only figured right away if she liked someone or not by their first impression, but that was as easy for anyone. She could tell who was a slave and who wasn’t back on Bavva III, even the finely dressed ones who would be fake escorts for their owners - fed well to get softer, filled bellies, groomed properly to look healthier - not as many jewelry as the other, still too quiet to converse so freely in crowds. She didn’t see any stormtrooper, knight, guard or even Phasma glow with light, yet she got along with them for their own certain kindness. Unless it was the light catching off on the armor, but that couldn’t be it.

But Kylo was something special to her, but he didn’t have a glow of this light that Snoke hates, did he?

Perhaps it was something she had yet to learn, or to see in a text in one of Kylo’s scrolls or books. To Nova, there was _nothing wrong_ with light. There was comfort and warmth with it, in comparison to dark that sometimes haunted her dreams to the cold cells back on Bavva III. Light was the sun that let her explore safely with the nocturnal predators slipping away for her to search for food, to warm her skin when she shivered all night with lack of proper clothing or blankets to trap heat.

Sure, light meant fire, and fire lead to destruction and burns - Nova doesn’t like burns, because it caused _pain_. Sometimes, too much light blinded her from seeing properly, but, other than those things, she didn’t think the light was all that terrible.

The constant snapping of the Supreme Leader towards Kylo bugged Nova, often worrying her of how Kylo would feel afterwards when he remained with his helmet on to conceal everything. She hoped that all she could do with kissing his forehead and cheeks would help him ease the tension she felt emitting from him. For her, she loved Kylo enough to want him to be happy as often as possible, ensure him that everything will be okay for him and that she wouldn’t let anyone take her away from him.

Blinking, Nova raised her head as she felt Kylo’s presence shifting, expanding - no, growing closer to their quarter chambers. Hanging the towel back over the railing of the shower, she left the room with her silk pajama set and damp hair to stroll barefoot to the lounging area of her chambers, knowing that Kylo would most likely want to see her before going to his own quarters to clean himself or ask to sleep. Through her own exploration, she sensed a spark of anxiety from him as he was hurrying towards her way, making her smile a bit as his own habit for her.

‘ _Remember your promise, Kylo!_ ’ she chided him softly, hoping that he could hear her this time through all the walls. When she didn’t get a response, she figured it did not work until her blastdoor hissed open rather strongly. She realized that Kylo had used his own abilities to open it and march in, helmet, cloak and all.

Nova’s head tilt at him when he froze and stared at her. She blinked with a small frown as his leather gloved hands reached up to unlatch the helmet, igniting a release of air before removing it and dropping it carelessly to the floor. Nova opened her mouth to say something about the scratch on the metal rim of the visor, yet Kylo approached her and grasped her face with both hands…

And pressed his mouth against her own, hard.

Lips moving between languid to frantic within moments of the kiss, Kylo eventually stilled at the realization that Nova was completely frozen in place. Pulling back from the kiss, still holding her face with both hands tangled with the damp strands of her hair, his eyes wide with his own shock of his actions.

Nova blinked a few times, her expression twisting with slight confusion as she met his stare. There was a long, awkward silence, Kylo feeling himself becoming more flustered and irritated with himself for pushing himself onto her without warning or permission. Nova, however, only reached up to hold his wrists, keeping his hands in place of holding her head so carefully when he tried to let go. His large hands remained still in her hold before she pulled them back to cradle her jaw, carefully cradling her jaw.

He watched her move the muscles of her own mouth, her cheeks twitching and biting her own lips with a concentrated look in her eyes. It was like she was _trying to figure it out for herself_ , as amusing as it was to see. Blinking once more, she looked up to him, feet rolling to make her inch up just a little bit to his tall stature.

“ _Again_ ,” she whispered cautiously, hesitant and shy. “Please..?”

He searched her eyes for something - anything to tell him that he shouldn’t step over the line, thumbs brushing against her cheeks with the most careful stroke. When she only leaned her face into his palm, looking up to him expectantly, Kylo exhaled softly, almost in relief, as he leaned in once more, slower this time.

Soft. _Softer_ than anything either one of them felt against their lips and feeling soothing in a way that made them both feel their own heartbeats hammering in their chests and blood flowing through their veins. Nova felt her face grow _warm_ , going to her toes to try and deepen the kiss a little bit more, her hold on his wrist tightening with a sort of joy when she felt him respond immediately. Slipping a hand from her hold to press his palm against her back, Kylo bent further to ease her troubles as he pulled back from the kiss, her bottom lip gently sucked between his plushed ones, only for a moment before tilting her head back and connecting their mouths again with a breath.

For her, it felt like an eternity of peace, and she could only pout softly once Kylo registered her lack of air and pulled away carefully to look her in the eye. Feeling bashful, she instantly looked at the random stitch on his uniform, feeling her cheeks become hotter than she remembered in the refresher.

“I…” she began, taking a breath while he said nothing, “wasn’t too sure what to do with my mouth.”

A choked noise, somewhat of a laugh, escaped from him, causing Nova to relax in his hold when he kissed the crown of her head and hug her closer to him. Fixing her head to rest her chin on his shoulder, she sensed a form of calmness and joy within him. “Did I do okay?” she asked, making him squeeze her and hide his grin into her neck. “I didn’t know what to do, Kylo…”

“You did just fine,” Kylo whispered against the skin of her neck.

“Can…can we practice that, so I may do better?” she asked next, causing him to go still and pull back to look at her again. “When we’re alone, of course. The same with our other kisses - they’re still kisses…even when it’s our lips touching each other?”

Kylo nodded slowly at first, then speeding quickly when Nova’s smile grew into a big grin. “Y-yeah, it’s still a kiss. Kisses like this are…affectionate gestures between people who love each other,” he explained carefully.

“Oh!” Nova perked before going on her toes to give him a quick, easy peck on the lips. “And that?” When he nodded, Nova reached to hold his face to give him another, a little bit longer. She tried the mimic the move of softly tugging on his lip and she could swear she felt his sigh when she pulled back. “And that?”

“Yes,” he told her, his hand holding her face moving to cradle into her damp hair. Whispering carefully, Kylo couldn’t resist the small smile at seeing Nova lean expectantly towards him before he gave her another deep kiss: “ _This one does, too._ ”

* * *

She didn’t particularly needed to, but she didn’t mind going back into the refresher to join him in by tub, the water freshly colored with lavender swirls and the aroma of therapeutic oils easing any worries she had. She waited until he finished scrubbing and rinsing himself off by the shower station right next to the tub before letting her stop playing with the water; his mass causing the water to rise, he released a sigh before turning his chin her way, her own hands coming out of the water to reach for his face.

Showing him everything that had happened once she stepped foot in the throne room, to when she was dismissed, Kylo’s face twisted with concern when she showed her confusion towards Snoke’s desires of her to control people, to be in power. His cheek leaning into her palm, Kylo sighed when he watched Nova’s reaction to rejecting the idea.

“He tried harming you, yet you just tell him that he has _nothing_ to give you,” he murmured, turning to kiss her wrist. “I can never imagine behaving that way to the Supreme Leader.”

“No, I wouldn’t want you to behave that way to him,” she agreed quietly, leaning against the edge of the tub and removing her hands. Kylo hummed, watching her intently before she noticed him and making her frown quizzically at how intense his eyes were on her. “What is it?”

“You told him there was nothing he could give you,” Kylo whispered, his brows coming together in a thoughtful furrow. “He’s the one who purchased your freedom, allowing you to join the First Order…and he has nothing you want?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Nova looked down to the water, flicking a finger to cause the clouding bath mix to erupt into amusing patterns. “He has nothing that I want.”

“What _do_ you want, love?” he asked her next, his eyes never leaving her serene face. He noticed the small smile on her lips, prompting him to reach and trace her bottom lip and graze her cheek with his fingertips.

“I just want to be _happy_ , which I already am.” Smiling bigger, she looked up to him. “You make me happy, and make me feel things that I’ve always wanted to have. No one else makes me feel like that.”

“You feel happy when you’re with me?” he chuckled a bit, sitting up a bit more inside the water as he angled himself better her way. “You seem to be happy majority of the time, when I am by your side or not.”

“You still make me happy,” she insisted, allowing him to hold her face by the chin and kiss the corner of her mouth softly. “You make me feel warm inside, and I know you feel the same way, too.”

“I do,” he admitted, brushing his large nose against hers, giving her lips light kisses.

“Then, I don’t need anything else from anyone, not even the Supreme Leader. I don’t need to be strong with the Force, be in control of anyone as long as long as I can love you and you can love me. I only want and only need _you_.”

Kylo sealing his lips with hers were enough to tell her that he completely agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I originally had their first kiss planned very differently, when the plot was actually not finalized prior to chapter three.


	17. to the next stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: Violence, mention of slavery.

General Armitage Hux was used to being put on the spot, especially when it came to working the First Order. For him, he was born and raised in military glory, in conducting a symphony of armies and battles to succession and winning against the Resistance, or any other small military militia attempting to overthrow the golden title for the galaxy’s future. His father never failed to remind him of being a little speck in the vast galaxies of planets, moons and stars, yet he knew that he stood over Brendol Hux with his dying breath. He knew the galaxy saw power in him, even as he died with his eyes open, still staring at his only son, there was no words of comfort or love ever given to him. General Armitage Hux was used to being disappointed to the point of holding a grudge, this was not news…

But he was not used to biting back his fear with the sight of the Supreme Leader’s female apprentice entered the main bridge. _Alone_ , without the guidance of the Commander Ren as usual of her outings.

Turning around to face the main window of the Supremacy, Hux forced himself to keep his cool as he heard the familiar boots of Nova’s steps approach him from behind. A few officers greeted the incoming visitor, which she obviously responded with a smile in her voice that made Hux’s chest twist. It took a moment for Hux to see from his peripheral vision of Nova’s familiar profile, her hands reaching out to the hologrid and beginning to insert specific keys to activate a holomap and data files. For a few, quiet moments, neither one of them said anything as the clicking of boards and beeps of machines continued on.

“Good morning, Hux,” Nova spoke smoothly, her voice causing an invisible shiver within his spine.

Swallowing, Hux then cleared his throat. He didn’t say anything in response to her greeting, feeling it to be a trap or some sort. However, his eyes darted to peek at the holograms she projected to herself, her fingers moving fluidly across the transparent screens, opening and closing files within moments of a simple glance.

“I’m looking at the files of the ‘troopers and officers I trained on Starkiller Base, to see if they are keeping up with their studies and improvements,” she said, making Hux freeze and look away as he realized that she was looking into his thoughts - or was he projecting them for her to see? He didn’t know.

Hux remembers how Nova defeated Snoke’s _strongest_ Elite _so easily_ , making him think of all the possible ways she could attack him.

“Was that _intimidating_ to you?” her voice crept up his shoulder like a ghost, making him stiffen. “Perhaps, if you desire to ease that fright you feel, you should join me when I help train the ‘troopers here. I learned very young that being exposed to things you fear most, you know, often makes you used to it.”

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t voice my _personal thoughts_ out to the open of the bridge,” Hux hissed out through his teeth, making Nova hum curiously. “Stop reading my thoughts. It’s an invasion of privacy I still have aboard this ship.”

“You say that, yet Snoke and Kylo can also read you like a book,” Nova responded casually. “Even Phasma can read any expression exposed to her, it’s not that hard.”

“Mind you that I merely _pretend_ that my thoughts are my own privacy, and intend to keep it that way.” Hux exhaled when her only response was an amused shrug, her hand sliding across the holoscreen to disengage, closing the files all at once. “And not speaking so loudly about my thoughts, either. It’s considered very _rude_.”

“Not as rude as partaking in having your sibling inject my body with poisons,” Nova whispered, making Hux choke on his own saliva and begin a coughing fit. A passing officer offered him some assistance, yet he waved them away when Nova finally turned to look at him, meeting his eyes…

And smiled brightly before turning to leave from where she entered, saying her farewells to everyone in the bridge.

Hux followed after her with fury, ignoring the confused stares of his underlings and stormtroopers darting out of his way.

Grabbing her by the shoulder, Hux pushed her against the nearest wall, doing his best to radiate his anger towards her inside and out. She didn’t seem fazed by any of it, a simple blink by the hard shove against her collarbone and a bored, expressionless stare.

“She isn't -” Hux collected himself to speak quieter, but still venom in his voice while the ship continued on with their day. “ _She was not my sister_!”

“From what I understand, offsprings from a similar parent are considered to be related to each other, therefore siblings,” she responded casually. “You two were related from the same father.”

“ _Half_ ,” Hux hissed out. “She was my half-sister, but she was _never anything close to family_.”

Nova’s brows knitted together carefully, eyes calculating. “I don’t understand, you say you were not family, and yet you can’t stop thinking that she’s no longer alive. _You miss her_.”

Hux swallowed as Nova leaned her head forward, keeping direct eye contact with him, and he felt his skin grow cold from the analyzing stare. “You wonder what happened to her, and how you two shared the same childhood home and servants; how Mara was as brutal to those who poked fun at you as a child, yet offered you kind smiles when she shared extra dessert with you that _her own mother_ wouldn’t spare for you.”

Frowning, Nova tilt her head. “ _Different mothers_. The one person Mara could never protect you from, and you tell yourself that you hold that against her to become much higher ranked than her. How you felt glad to see her when she entered the throne room while you and Snoke were conversing…”

“She knew what she was doing -”

“And how she was willing to take her life before being caught, but it was too late,” Nova finished with a monotone voice, making the General loosen his hold on her. “You still wonder if it was _me_ who killed her, for trying to poison me for your leader?”

A smile emerged on her face. A sweet, innocent smile that struck right through his chest, as if his own being was in danger. “Oh, Hux, I didn’t execute her,” she confessed kindly. “If it was me who had the honor of killing the ones who were poisoning me, you would have definitely have known. You were also involved.

“My methods of getting revenge and even to those who intended to harm me would have included witnesses that didn’t do anything to stop it,” she explained, as if explaining today’s food portions by color. “I would have started with _Mara_ , of course, but I’d bring her to everyone else to see what to expect. One at a time, slow and painful.”

Seeing how he swallowed thickly, Nova’s eyes glowed with sort of amusement that matched her times playing with random droids aboard the ship. “Ah, now you’re wondering what I would have done! Well, I’m sorry to tell you, Hux, but I don’t like _ruining surprises_ like that. I was taught to never let my target suspect what I’ll do to them…”

Going to her toes, Nova’s soft lips reached to his ear as she whispered so quietly for only Hux to hear. “However, if you’re so curious to know how I would torture my targets, you can always volunteer yourself for a demonstration.”

Hux tried to keep his racing heart down and his thoughts locked away from her, trying to protect himself from being read like a simple younglings’ book. He couldn’t believe everything Nova discovered from just a short amount of time, unless…

Could Snoke or even Kylo Ren read him, and he never noticed?

A sudden pressure to his wrist, Hux’s mouth dropped open to release a silent, agonizing cry when the woman squeezed her much smaller fingers around his circulation, twisting it around. It wasn’t enough to cause a sprain or cracking his bones, yet it still hurt immensely with the way Nova’s expression dropped to a neutral, bored stare as she watched him curl forward and trying to release her grip on him. Leaning down to his ear again, Nova whispered with a more threatening tone that would for sure haunt the General’s nightmares for quite some time.

“Until then, keep your hands _**off me**_.”

He stumbled a bit when she casually released him, for her to be so unaffected by anything as she kept her back straight and her smile soft, her hands resting easy at her side as she tipped her head. “My sincere condolences, Hux,” she said, turning her heel and walking away.

Hux was left in the hallway with a bruised wrist, and a bruised ego.

* * *

Commander Kylo Ren sat in his room, minding the chilling floor underneath him and tickling his bare feet. Having finished training with his Master and then immediately going to spar with his Knights, Kylo had a filled schedule of constantly being on his feet and working around the Supremacy to the point that he didn’t have spare time to himself or with Nova. Not that it wasn’t common for the both of them to spend so much time, but Kylo felt a sort of tickle in the back of his head that he noticed something different about her from the little chances he had to steal a glance her way. The little, fleeting seconds of seeing her scurry by to her next task of directing a training group or follow officers to be educated on a meeting.

Her mind was at work, jumping from one thing to the next as Kylo could feel the energy of her attention focusing on numerous things at once. Her body never resting and her feet jumping from one spot to another, Kylo could see underneath her facade of her curious eyes and bright smile to others; there was something on her mind, and it was bothering her.

Not having to particularly ask through the Force of looking into her thoughts, or even ask to, Kylo decided to keep his helmet visor to turn her way when she did look towards him, just to let her know he knew. The little spark in her eye directed towards him, and the smile of her lips, was enough for him to continue on and wait until later.

Being that it was now the official night cycle, having finished his own spar and meetings with numerous fleets and bridges at General Hux’s side, Kylo took on a small meditation session to himself. It was somewhat interesting to see Hux having to take frequent breaks in between, massaging his wrist and ordering a cold pack to tuck underneath his sleeve…

No doubt of Nova’s Force remnants radiated off of it, yet Kylo didn’t pursue to look deeper.

Kylo felt the soft weight of her body leaning against his bare back, making him release a soft sigh at the feeling of her hands coming around his shoulders to give him an embrace, her cheek resting against the warm skin on his back. Opening his eyes and ending his meditation, he turned his chin to see her own closed and hair damp from her shower. She was dressed in her pajamas, a silk tunic top that draped over her body and long pants that matched, he felt the material of the clothing only enhance his definition of softness to her body, hair and eyes.

Moving to bounce his shoulder, Kylo allowed her to crawl around and into his embrace on the floor of his chambers. Inhaling the scent of her cleaned hair and fragranced skin, Kylo rest his cheek on top of her hair, relaxing when she snuggled her face into him. Her warm face pressed into his shoulder and breath tickling his neck.

Her thoughts quiet, yet her mind was still buzzing very noticeably.

“You’re curious about something,” he murmured into her skull, moving his lips to her temple to whisper closer to her ear. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m confused of the meaning of family,” she told him softly, making Kylo frown in confusion. “I do not understand, if you’re related by blood to someone, that is the direct definition of family. However, if you maintain a close relationship that is too high of friendship and below of lovers or so, it’s still similar… Yet, with either one, it doesn’t make sense as to why someone would _reject_ them as such, if it makes the most sense.”

Tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, Kylo processed her words carefully. “You wonder why someone would reject their family, or something along the lines, over something that has nothing to do with their own personal gain.”

“Yes.” Looking up to him, Nova kept her hands on his bare chest, right over his heart. “Wouldn’t one rather be happy to be accepted into a family of sorts, or at least have one companion?”

“Bonds are not looked upon in -”

“I’m not asking this as a Force-user or being part of the First Order,” Nova interrupted him, frowning with sadness, “I’m asking as a living being.”

“Why do you ask?” he questioned her softly, not at all bothered by her sudden stubbornness.

“I was taken away from the one who would have been my mother as soon as I was born. I was never given to anyone to be _part_ of a family, only to _serve families_ as a slave,” she told him. “I never got to meet my mother or father, much less know if I have brothers or sisters to call my own… For all I know, I could have killed them without even knowing who they were in combat or by force of an owner.”

Looking up to him, Nova bit her lip at seeing how intently he was looking at her, eyes unreadable. “When you think of your family, even when I don’t ask of them, you have warmth in your eyes and your heart eases. I know you do not have ties with them anymore, but your memories of them still linger, and I love seeing you have those wonderful memories to dream when you have a hard time and you don’t want to talk to me about it.

“Having those to look back on, I wish I could have the same thing, even if it was someone I wasn’t blood-related to,” Nova frowned, looking down to press her forehead to his collarbone. “When I hear or sense one who refuses to acknowledge individuals who give them nice memories…I don’t understand it?”

“And who was the one who inspired this mental conversation with yourself, Nova…”

“Some officers,” Nova answered honestly. “The blonde officer who works in the main bridge in the far right corner, next to the man and communication board; the older officer who brings Hux his caff on routine, and the one that I speak to sometimes before we go to eat lunch. A few ‘troopers under Phasma, _and_ Phasma as well… There’s Hux, and then there is you.”

Kylo’s body stiffened under her touch, and she nuzzled her face further into his neck. “You’ve shown me the good and bad memories of your past, Kylo - of when you went by Ben - of your parents and uncles. I see you hold on to the good memories, and I wish I could have something along the lines of those possessions.”

“Memories?”

“Family moments,” she said softly, almost tired. “People to call family…or to be accepted as _something more_. I don’t know…”

It took a few long, quiet minutes, both of them remained unmoving, before she felt Kylo’s large, warm hand slip cautiously up her spine and into her wet hair. Nova’s eyes fluttered at the soothing motions of his fingertips massaging her scalp, combing through her wet tresses and avoiding tangles from the conditioner she used. His affectionate gesture caused her to stretch her back and crane her neck upward, sighing softly into his ear when he gave a light kiss to her covered shoulder. Once his hand slid down to cradle her lower back, Nova leaned a bit off of him to meet his gaze.

“I think I often reflect on good memories of my past self,” he spoke softly, his thumb rubbing along her spine with the most gentle strokes, “because, if I had the choice, I somewhat desire to create more of those happy memories someday, with a _new_ family.”

“How does one form a new family?” she asked with furrowed brows.

Swallowing, Kylo used his other hand to push her hair away from her shoulder, admiring the smooth, silky material of her sleepwear. He kept his stare on the careful stitching on the top’s shoulder. “The formation of marriage between two beings also forms a new family between them,” he told her carefully. “Unlike how Bavva III slaves would be claimed to one another from others around them, the real, _original_ meaning of marriage is a form of union between two people…”

“Union,” Nova repeated and Kylo nodded, the corner of his lip twitch.

“Oftentimes, marriage is for love of one another to be bound together, and no one else could separate them, emotionally or physically. Some marriages are for gain in power among families, some for political uses. But…I know more of marriage as to being in love with someone and want to offer them everything beyond something to sell or physically hold.”

“It sounds rare,” Nova mused softly, her imagination soaring for Kylo to see behind closed eyes. “Rare, but very beautiful, isn’t it?”

“I believe so, yes.”

Smiling, Nova lifted her hands and rest one of her palms over his beating heart. The other began trailing light, ticklish touches between each mole and faded scars across the expanse of his bare, broad chest. Familiar with his bare chest and arms from all the times he lounged and slept shirtless, she wasn’t shy about leaning forward to his collarbone and resting her lips against the curve of his clavicle in the comfort of his arms around her body. She hummed against his skin affectionately at the feeling of his fingers continuing their gentle massage to her spine, all the way up to her neck.

“I think you can still have happy memories, Kylo,” she whispered to him, her lips brushing up his neck and feeling his pulse. “I think you can have whatever you like.”

“As I think you can too, love.” Turning his cheek, angling his chin just right by the time her mouth reached his jawline, Kylo brushed his lips against hers with careful measure. “Remember, you’re a free being now, you can do whatever you wish without consequence or anyone to stop you by command.”

Allowing him to give her a quick kiss, Nova thought it over carefully. Sensing her mind sparking with thought, Kylo pulled away far enough to speak. “Yes, no one can stop you from doing what you wish,” he smiled against the corner of her lips.

Nova made a soft noise, bumping her nose with his as she continued to contemplate the possibilities. Kylo chuckled, giving her another quick kiss before rubbing up and down her back.

“It’s best to just forget of what is in the past,” Kylo suggested as he carefully lifted her off his lap and proceeded to get up. “Think of the future.”

Nova blinked, eyes following him as he stood at his full height and stretched his back. “Let the past die?”

Kylo released his stretch, meeting her gaze as he processed it. “So long as I know I’m not who I once was - a slave who battled - and that I have no more restrictions held against me, it would be best to let the past _die_ , right?” she suggested, trying to find the right words.

Hunching down, Kylo gently cupped her face with both hands and pressed a careful kiss to her forehead, then down to her cheek. “Perhaps, if that is for the best,” he agreed. “I’m going to take a bath, alright? Try not to think too hard about it, you’re just fine, Nova.”

Watching him leave to his refresher and closing the door, Nova hummed a bit and listened carefully for him to prepare his tub and the sloshes of water before getting up and approaching the door. Using her knuckle to knock once, she waited until the hatch hissed open to enter the brightly lit refresher with the scent of the bath mix of strong mint and herbs to handle back aches and muscle soreness.

With Kylo’s back to her, his arms resting on the rim of the large tub with his knees peeking from the colored water - a deep red - turned his head to see her approach him in a similar way of greeting him earlier. Watching her approach his back and wrap her arms around his naked neck and chest, Nova rest her cheek on his shoulder with closed eyes. Biting his lip, Kylo waited before lifting his hand to lightly brush the top of her head, fiddling with a lock of her hair.

“What are you doing now?” he asked, seeing her smile yet refusing to open her eyes.

“Letting the past die,” she told him. “Only bad past memories, though. I refuse to let go at how warm you are, and how I love the touch of your skin; it makes me feel better knowing that I now share a comfortable, soft bed with someone who holds me and keeps me warm willingly.”

“When I meant by past, I actually meant with what was bothering you, love,” he corrected himself, a short exhale of what seemed like a dry chuckle causing her to open her eyes. “Of the past of when you were a slave, or with your parents - it doesn’t matter now, which is not the past.”

“Still, I’m letting it go to thinking of what I can appreciate now,” she proclaimed rather proudly, her lips in a grin. “You’re warm and strong, and I like it when you hold me. I also like how your body looks.”

“My body?”

Nodding, Nova lifted her head to press her mouth against the soft patch of his skin between his collarbone and shoulder. “You have pretty marks on your skin, like the stars and planets outside the Supremacy, and the scars are like shooting stars or flying asteroids. Still warm and comfortable, despite how strong you are physically, you hold me like I’m fragile. I’ve never had that before, and it feels wonderful.”

“Not fragile, _treasured_ ,” he corrected. She smiled at that, and Kylo leaned in to kiss the shape of her ear with a simple brush of his lips. Nova turned head closer, giving him a chance to nuzzle her better. “Very, _very_ treasured. A treasure I adore and love,” he whispered, just to feel her giggle against his skin as he nipped her ear affectionately.

A part of Nova’s heart felt the swell of warmth, having herself tuck this small, warm and sweet moment into a new slot of memories for her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: As Mara was based off of Mara Jade, learning that Hux’s father’s wife was named Maratelle Hux, figured this would be an interesting twist on Hux and Nova’s relationship.


	18. the tender touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: Smut, the sex talk and fluff.

It felt like skin was on fire and blood was boiling through the veins.

Bodies colliding and mouths fusing together, the unknown heat erupting under the layers of clothes to the point that hands became claws; the sound of seams tearing and buttons dropping on the floor, making her gasp at the sudden grope to her breasts. She couldn’t hold back the alien noise of a moan beyond pain from her throat when he bent down and sunk his teeth into her neck. A rush of adrenaline sparked inside her as her hands fumbled with the latch of his belt resting evilly above his pelvis, hiding what she wanted underneath the fabric of his pants. It took her a moment to realize that her own trousers were missing. How did that happen? She didn’t know, or could find a mind to care at the moment…

Boots skid across the polished floors when he pushed her against the wall and lifted her by holding onto the back of her thighs. Pressing their hips together, he did a rough grind against her, the hard edge of the belt rubbing against her clothed core and caused her to shiver with a whine. Holding his head still to direct him back into a sloppy kiss, she didn’t hold back to suck on his tongue and bite his bottom lip on the way of pulling back. This caused him to groan and drop his voice low as possible as he sharply bit her jaw.

“Gonna _fuck you_ so hard against the wall, everyone is going to hear you cry for me,” he told her, his fingers sliding into her undergarments. “You won’t be able to walk, not when I’m done with you, sweetie.”

“ _Please_ ,” she whined pathetically, her hands gripping the collar of his uniform desperately. “Please, _please_ …I need -”

“I know you need me,” he purred darkly, his index and middle finger rubbing hard circles against the sensitive nub within the most private part of her body. With the jerk of his hips, thanks to the frantic unbuttoning, he was able to drop his trousers to expose his own lack of underwear, allowing his member to spring free to plunge roughly into -

Nova erupted a snap from the loud, projected images being exploited to her within the training facility by a standing officer at the end of the frontline Phasma was currently assessing one-by-one. The young woman with dark hair and a few beauty marks along her cheekbones released a sudden gasp of pain from the Force-user’s assault, her eyes growing wide with shock and grasping the back of her neck from the tingling sensation from the pinch on her nerves. Biting her lip once she saw Phasma freeze and send a daring stare her way, the officer cleared her throat and resumed her position, her eyes darting left and right until coming to see Nova’s intended stare and crossed arms directed right at her.

The officer lost the staring contest, looking down to her feet as she waited for her turn by the Captain, her cheeks burning red. Turning around and extended her arms when directed by the silver-armored ‘trooper, Phasma eventually finished her evaluation and approved the lineup to be dismissed and escorted out of the training area. As it was the last line of officers to be checked by the Captain for the time being, both Nova and Phasma were found to have a small break for once since their line-after-line of different officers and cadets.

As Phasma approached the quiet apprentice, Nova noticed the small tilt of the shiny helmet. “You were staring pretty intensely to quite a few officers, Nova,” she pointed out to the other woman present in the expanded room. “Did you catch something wrong with them?”

Nova blinked a few times, processing the idea of what would be defined as wrong to Phasma. “I don’t think it’s wrong, but it is not something I’m quite fond of witnessing myself, if that’s appropriate,” she tried, and Phasma gave her a single nod.

“Of what?”

Nova’s face twisted to somewhat of disgust and irritation. “Being physical with another person that is not sparring. The annoying buzzing of hormones within their minds are disgusting,” she eventually blurted, her tone riddled with confusion. “Involving rather animalistic behaviors of attempting to breed so _forcefully_? Are populations within the First Order that low that many available young adults are so desperate to procreate?”

“Breed - _oh_. No, _no_ , it’s _not_ like that,” Phasma groaned, her hand coming to rest on the other’s shoulder and squeezing tightly. “They’re - the officers are…”

Nova waited patiently while the Captain struggled to find the correct words, her helmet visor shifting between her, up, down and then around the training facility in hopes of finding the right vocabulary. Hearing her usually very, very quiet thoughts on what she was attempting to convey to her, Nova’s lips twitched a bit as she raised a hand and waved towards Phasma.

“No, Phasma, I certainly know how sex works between two people. My owners and other older slaves made sure I learned early on in life,” Nova said, hearing the other’s mental sigh of relief. “What I don’t understand is their seeming _excitement to breed_ \- especially for the ones who are able to carry offspring - it does not make sense to me.”

Phasma was still for a moment, just like when Nova first saw her or whenever she was focused on her team’s performance during training and sparring. As moments ticked by, she watched as the Captain released a breath, her limbs from within the armor relaxing. “ _Oh_ ,” she responded with another sigh. “That’s good to know. Saves a whole lot of trouble for my end; I’m not used to these types of conversations… Not like I constantly do with others.”

“But, I still don’t understand.”

“Right,” Phasma nodded, gesturing with one armor-clad hand for the two to go towards the empty rows of benches provided to the room. Nova willingly followed her and sat casually at her side, waiting.

“You saw their projected thoughts, and some of them have been quite explicit for you to become annoyed, and confused,” the Captain recited, and Nova eventually nodded in agreement. “Being physically intimate is usually something pleasurable for someone or a pairing, and sex one of the common activities they can do, but it does not end with them breeding… I suppose with the annual physical and medicated shots, some of the officers and ‘troopers are probably excited to be active in it again without consequence.”

The young woman frowned a bit deeper and tilt her head. “What does a medical examination and vaccinations do that makes someone to want to become physical sexually?” she asked. “How does it not allow them to breed?”

“One of the vaccinations the First Order requires everyone to have is contraceptive,” Phasma explained, seeing through her visor of Nova’s changed expression to more confusion. “The First Order came to a rule of reducing the chance of unwanted pregnancies and births years ago, and formed a yearly cycled shot that prevents either gender, or others, to produce offsprings to tie back to them. In short, it restricts females from getting pregnant, and males to get others pregnant. No breeding, just pleasure.”

Nova frowned and Phasma was quick to notice this. “This would happen between consenting individuals who both want to be pleased sexually,” she clarified carefully.

“So, it’s not prostitution?” Nova asked. “I know what that is, when one is paying the other for service that can leave them both satisfied…”

“No, it’s part of being in a romantic relationships…mostly. Or, it’s just a mutual agreement with no strings attached,” the Captain explained further, a sort of amused tone in her usual strict and direct voice.

“Do you do that?”

Watching Phasma remove her helmet, Nova didn’t miss how the Captain had a sort of smirk on her pale lips while pushing her pale blonde hair away. Wiping her chin before answering, Phasma seemed to have thought it over rather carefully. “Yes, whenever there is a chance for me to relax from my duties, I have a partner who I share intimate, physical moments with; I trust them with my needs, as they also trust me with theirs, although we don’t particularly need to worry about keeping up to the medbay protocol of contraceptives.”

“So, you do not think of those particular images and thoughts, like some of the others do?” Nova tilt her head when the Captain bit back a laugh, seeing her shake her head.

“I just happen to have my thoughts set on more important matters, is all. My job comes first to me, then does my own pleasure. I do enjoy the times I’m able to spend with a partner or even by myself.”

Nova slowly nodded, her gaze looking away from her companion and down to her hands resting on her lap. Phasma seemed to notice her curious-yet-unsure behavior, cautiously raising a gloved hand to rest on Nova’s shoulder, making her blink and look back to meet her blue eyes.

“You’re thinking of something negative?” Phasma guessed in a rather mute tone, yet Nova knew that there was a hint of concern. That little bit was enough to make Nova give her a tiny smile, yet her eyes were still empty.

“Where I came from, slaves could have been used for Masters’ pleasures, if that’s what they’re…made or used for. They probably have protection from conceiving or impregnating, I’m not sure,” Nova explained. “Although, anything else doesn’t apply. When the time comes for the owner to…make arrangements for their slaves to produce more for the planet’s system for profits and income, slaves don’t really get a choice. They either comply or die, there’s no such thing as pleasure for them; it’s rather unknown to me to know the feelings you’re speaking of.”

“It isn’t for everyone, Nova, and that is perfectly okay,” Phasma informed her. “Just know that it has to have all _consent_ from both or more parties. You have to allow someone to touch you the way you want now, no one has possession over you.”

Feeling the squeeze on her shoulder, Nova looked to see Phasma giving her a careful look. Nova could see and hear the faint whispers of Phasma regarding Kylo’s name and image by her much smaller height, nothing unusual or romantic between the two in the image, yet there was comfort in Phasma’s thoughts. Nova’s eyes went wide as she looked back down, yet Phasma didn’t find any rudeness in her acquaintance’s behavior. Instead, Phasma placed her helmet back on and stood up.

“Alright, now it’s your turn for evaluation, little one,” the Captain said in her usual, authoritative tone. “Stand straight, now, and hold out your arms. You’re also due for vaccinations and a physical for this cycle. I have yet to fail to turn someone in as scheduled, and I’m not about to start now. Don’t think about trying to hide off somewhere, you know I’ll have the droids find you for me.”

Nova couldn’t help but smile at the idea, hopping to her feet and ready to be examined by the Captain before her first physical.

* * *

“Mm, no, try moving a little bit to the left,” Nova mumbled cautiously, trying to tilt the large, oval mirror a bit while BB-9E bleeped in response and rolled in the direction. In its extended rod-limb, a smaller handheld mirror flickered in the reflection of the other, showing the backside of Nova’s skin. “And tilt it up a little… _there_ , hold it there, please.”

BB-9E beeped in understanding and held the mirror as Nova fixed her piece of mirror to eye the circular bruises the size of a credit coin peppered along her right backside. The injections for the vaccinations and immunizations didn’t hurt, yet she was advised by the medbay staff that bruising can occur and should check them for any unusual discoloring. A part of Nova wasn’t too sure what kind of discoloring she should look out for (being that she never really had vaccinations in her lifetime until now), but Phasma made certain that BB-9E specifically would alert her for anything she should check with the medbay nurses. Despite being only an astromech droid, it seems that Nova is discovering that this particular droid does a whole lot more than just manage small repairs and join in TIE Freighters with pilots.

Nova counted seven circular bruises below the line of her scar, along with five more above, closer to her neck. They looked normal to her, nothing out of the ordinary of her own body healing itself…

However, it was what the medbay doctor told her before being allowed to leave. As regulations for all the other patients old enough, the doctors listed off the possibilities of needing to return to the ward as they attempt to promote ‘ _safe sex_ ’, as Phasma explained for the apprentice to understand.

Wearing the sports bra that went behind her neck and ran thinly across her back torso, leaving more of her skin exposed than normal. Her whole backside to low on her hips (where her silk undergarments were expensive and soft), her belly and a hint of the valley between her breasts were also exposed. On normal circumstances, Nova wouldn’t mind lacking coverage within her slightly chilled quarters but today…she wasn’t in the best of moods to see herself.

Reaching behind, her fingertips brushed the bottom edge of the large, obvious diagonal scar and the other little, faint ones that followed it. How many times she had to endure stitches and patches of cloth stuck to her skin from injury or attacks, she lost count; any further of dealing with bruises, slivers and illnesses, Nova was now starting to feel it all coming to weigh down on her shoulders. The weight of her self-consciousness starting to pick at her mind as she dropped the mirror she was holding to the plushed rug with muted eyes while biting her bottom lip.

Images of how clean, flawless from scars and marks of skin being held and admired erupted into her thoughts. How the officers’ thoughts of being ogled at and praised for having such pretty hair, eyes, skin, clothes…being looked at like those fancy, rich attendees to the arena with their beauty and high lives when she didn’t.

“Thank you, Niney,” she said after a minute of staring at nothing ahead. “I’ll check how they are in the next cycle. You can leave now.”

BB-9E whirred a moment before placing the small mirror up to the table nearby before rolling off to let itself out of her quarters, leaving her be as she groped the flesh of her backside.

‘ _That’s just how it is_ ,’ she told herself simply, swallowing down her negative emotions. ‘ _That’s just how my body is. Let the past die, it won’t…it won’t mean anything anymore. It’s just skin, no matter how torn up and unusual to the sight_.’

Fingerprints that weren’t her own lightly touched her shoulders, making her blink out of her trance. Turning her chin to steal a glance to see Kylo watch his thumb trace the curve of her shoulder before lightly pushing the loose strands on the back of her neck before bending further down to press his lips against the back of her neck. Nova felt her chest tighten at the tickle of his breath against her skin, willingly leaning forward as his left arm carefully snaked around her waist, his palm against the soft skin of her belly. Biting her lip, she did her best to hold back her frustrated tears at her negative thoughts towards herself, feeling Kylo kiss behind her ear.

“I-I didn’t…I didn’t hear you come in,” she mumbled, feeling a bit flustered.

Kylo nuzzled her head gently. “The droid left when I entered,” he responded, his arm around her tightening just a bit as his mouth dropped to the side where the small, few bruises from the vaccinations were. His breath was hot against her skin, making her close her eyes at the contrast to her chilly room when he pressed a small kiss to one of the purple spots. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your appointment, I was training with Snoke until he sent me to the medbay. I just got done…”

“Oh.” Nova swallowed, feeling her chest flutter when he gave her shoulder another kiss, the pressure light on the bruise so it wouldn’t hurt or make her uncomfortable. Sitting up straighter, she tilt her head back to an angle and Kylo was quick to trail the light, butterfly kisses to the skin there, trailing to her jaw.

“Your thoughts were a bit loud, Nova,” Kylo murmured against her skin. “As soon as I got into the hall, within your shield, you were doubting yourself in appearance.”

“I’m sorry,” she frowned, feeling a small sliver the shame within her chest. Kylo’s lips pressed a firm kiss under her ear, humming against her.

“Don’t apologize,” he hushed her softly, carefully turning her chin to look at him sideways. “However, I highly disagree with your thoughts.”

Kissing the corner of her mouth, Kylo dipped his head down to the tip of the distinct scar on her back, lightly sucking on the skin with his lips only to avoid irritating the bruises. To Nova, he felt big and warm, and she couldn’t resist but to close her eyes and melt a bit his way for more attention. His voice soaked down to her bones that she unconsciously reached a hand up to tangle in his hair, just to feel the texture to ease her body even more. “You are more of a vision than you think yourself to be, Nova,” he said as his mouth ran along the scar on her back. He stopped at some point before reaching her shoulder blades in order to kiss the tiny, almost-invisible nics and spots that also decorated her skin.

“You have the most desirable skin, strength that shows how determined you are,” Kylo spoke as the blood began rushing in her veins, watching her with half-lidded eyes as she willingly leaned forward to give him more access to her exposed back while he bent more to balance himself with his free hand on the floor. “Every time I get the honor of touching you with my bare hands or my mouth, I end up craving more. Your skin puts me at ease from any stress of the day.”

Once he made it across the expanse of her back, his mouth glued to her scar to the other end by the curve of her hip bone, Nova turned around on her knees to face him. Kylo was fluid and gentle to lift his head into her awaiting hands and allowed her to pull him close enough to connect their mouths in a slow, burning and passionate kiss. Liquid heat boiled in their bellies as Kylo pressed his hand on her lower back to bring her closer and have her hands hold on to him tight. Nova’s gentle nip to his lip and how Kylo’s tongue only gently caressed across her own was enough make her start to realize she was struggling to breathe, and Kylo was gentle enough to move along to trail kisses down her cheek to her jaw and neck.

Kylo gently cradled the back of her head, angling her head just right for him to lightly scrap his teeth against her neck, making her sigh deeply and unbend a leg from underneath to try and wrap around his hip. Prompting himself to lift her body and gently lay her down on the small rug underneath them, keeping his body carefully hovering over her to feel the heat radiating off his body in the chilly room. His hands caressing her sides and the curve of her outer thighs, Kylo reached back up and caught her mouth in a soft, promising kiss that made Nova’s fingers begin to feel tingly.

“Listen to me, my darling,” he whispered against her lips, his nose brushing along the curve of her face before suckling on her pulse. She couldn’t help but release a soft sigh when he carefully bit the skin, her legs wrapped around him with a sort of curious eagerness and tug at his roots for him to groan in return.

A heavy breath against her neck. ‘ _A work of art…_ ’

Nova’s eyes broke open in a pleasured haze at the soft, gentle voice being whispered to her within the Force. Hearing Kylo, seeing and feeling him overtake her senses in reality and beyond of what she knew of her abilities made her feel all sorts of new sensations under her skin and along every cell and vein in her body that made her toes curl and shiver delightfully. Bumping noses rather affectionately, she couldn’t resist her big smile at seeing Kylo’s smirk before catching her in a quick kiss before returning to his plan of affectionate attack.

‘ _Radiant, beautiful_ ,’ Kylo continued while his lips trailed soft, gentle kisses along her collarbone and down her sternum. One hand holding her wrist of the hand tangled in his hair while the other trailed down her spine, feeling every sort of scar tissue on his fingertips while lightly nipping the soft skin of her abdomen. ‘ _Absolutely perfect in every way_.’

Nova had to take a deep breath, leaning her head back on the plushed rug and closing her eyes to focus on the feel of his warm body pressed against her and his soft lips kissing her skin. The strands of his hair tickling her the closer he got to the hem of her underwear caused her to gently run her thumb over the curve of his ear hidden, earning another small, hidden smile from him.

‘ _Every inch of you, every mark_ ,’ Kylo breathed deeper, making Nova bite her lip, ‘ _so alluring and addicting…_ ’

Lifting both of her thighs over his shoulders, Nova projected her desire and need for him to keep going, how her heart was beating against her chest with new adrenaline that she’s never experienced before and wanted - needed more. Being handled this way as a delicate, yet wanted being was enough to make her feel dizzy.

“No,” Kylo spoke against her pelvic bone, making her shake with need in places she never knew existed inside her body. “I don’t want you, Nova, I _need_ you. Without you, I wouldn’t be experiencing what I’m feeling…I can not see myself being without you. _I need you_.”

A noise slipped from her lips, peeking at him to see the hot, flaming fire within Kylo’s dark eyes. She felt intoxicated by him, willingly allowing him to take control and continue to make her feel good. “ _I need you, too_ ,” she slurred, her fingers slipping down his face, letting him tangle their hands to kiss each of her knuckles, refusing to break eye contact with her.

Kissing the back of her hand with purpose, Kylo trailed a pathway around her belly with little nips and gently suckles. His hands massaging the outside of her thighs with the most careful treatment and delicate touches that was reserved for royalty: respected, well-loved, worshipped as fine jewels or silks. Nova closed her eyes once more and bit her lip when she felt him lick by her belly button, caught between liking and questioning the sensation that made her cheeks burn.

Words bubbled in Nova’s mind, muddled with the wall she had protecting them both from the invisible, outside world. Kylo’s warmth was becoming intoxicating and overpowering her at this point, feeling an unusual chill in the back of her spine with how slow his fingers trailed before cupping under her knees to spread her legs further apart. His mouth a feather-touch to her lower belly before finally sucking the small dip of skin between her pelvis and thigh, making her jump in surprise.

Her fingers digging into the rug underneath her, Kylo’s nose nudging so close to her most intimate part that she felt like she was so close to passing out…

Kylo pressed his lips to the ghastly carved ‘X’ on her inner thigh, the kiss so gentle and meaningful that made Nova let out a frightened shout with what emerged in her thoughts.

Forceful green eyes with dirty blond hair. A hand around her throat while the other grabbed at the fresh scar still pulsing blood in a sort of dominated attitude that brought sudden tears to her eyes.

She felt overpowered, unable to do anything to protect herself from the man she knew she killed. The possible outcome what would happen, if she didn’t use the Force. The way her life was suppose to be without her mysterious abilities hidden away inside her. The brute reality that Nova didn’t want.

Nova became frightened…

Propping herself on her elbows as quick as she could, feeling out of breath, Nova came face-to-face with her beloved as his eyes were just as round as her own. Her bottom lip on the verge of piercing from being bitten between her teeth, her sobs stuck in her throat as Kylo swallowed and carefully put her legs off his shoulders and sat up. Breaking eye contact, Nova was forced to watch Kylo push his hair away from his face and recollect himself better, taking calming breaths.

“K-Kylo,” Nova stuttered, feeling a tear slip down her cheek. “ _Kylo_ , I-I - I don’t know w-what -”

Kylo cautiously held her face with both hands, brushing the tear away with the most gentle stroke. “ _Shhh_ ,” he urged her, a hint of desperation in his eyes that made her hiccup. Leaning forward, he kissed the middle of her sweaty forehead. “You’re alright. You’re _safe_ here, I’ll stop.”

“N-no, it’s not - I didn’t _want_ -!”

“I’ll be in my quarters when you’re ready for bed,” he told her softly, nowhere near the deep, seductive tone he had before, the voice that was making her melt into something else. “I need to bathe, but you take all the time you need and I’ll be ready for us to sleep.”

Watching him stand to his feet, Nova was too stunned of herself to say anything more as Kylo left through the steel chamber doors. Sitting up straight, she eyed the soft blemishes and wet spots on her body made from Kylo’s mouth, her hand shakingly reaching to touch a spot on her hip bone. Her eyes and hands moving to her thigh, grasping the healed patch of her ‘X’ shaped scar, Nova’s mouth went to a fine line as hot tears slipped down her face while her thumb dug into her flesh. She huffed, yet couldn’t bring herself to react to how the chilly temperature in her quarters were cooling the sweat on her skin. She couldn’t find herself to react anymore…

She wanted Kylo back. She wanted him back to tell him that she didn’t want him to stop, that the way he was handling her with such care and desire made her feel good in ways she never thought was possible. The memory of the deceased slave who attempted to harm her was only a split second of her fear, only to focus solely on Kylo’s touch; his hands and kisses and just him reminding her that she no longer had to be afraid of anymore. As much as she was nervous and scared for Kylo to pamper her scarred skin and be so willing to take it further, Nova just wanted him to keep treating her nicely and make her feel good for once in her life…

To feel _worth_ of the attention from someone she really adored and loved.

And now, holding her ghastly thigh with adrenaline boiling in her body in newly discovered places, Nova couldn’t hold back her frustrated growl and curled more into herself.

Remembering Phasma’s words, Nova felt herself become more irritated with herself than against Kylo:

_‘You have to allow someone to touch you the way you want now, no one has possession over you.’_

As she really knew her beloved’s intention - treating her as she is worthy for her own opinion, yet her frightening past seemed to make him resistant in pushing further, and it hurt Nova in more ways than one could describe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I personally feel like Phasma doesn’t really care of the gender of her lover, yet takes precautions of safety. Physical intimacy wouldn’t be her upmost goal.


	19. to become close

Nova never went to the comfort of her lover’s bed that night.

Using the staff provided from the spar bin during her practice with Lumiya, one of the female Knights of Ren who wanted extra conditioning, Nova managed to force a blunt hit to her abdomen and flipping her over. There weren’t many stormtroopers within the facility, only Phasma and some of her own units going through a new evaluation of her training exercise; a bunch of clashing and pinning and painful groans coming from helmets. It seemed parallel to each other, when Nova and Phasma pinned their opponents hard to the mats below them. However, in comparison to Phasma, it seemed that Nova used a bit more brutal force on her sparring partner. It took her a moment to drop out of her second of negative thoughts to see Lumiya struggling to compose herself…

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” Nova exhaled worriedly, kneeling down to try and remove Lumiya’s helmet to help her breathe better. “I’m sorry, I didn’t - Lumiya, please forgive -”

“It’s alright,” Lumiya huffed through her voice modulator, reaching up to carefully grasp her wrist and pushing it away. Despite the covering of her face and the change in her voice, Nova could sense she was smiling. “I wasn’t focusing hard enough, I know. I still have a lot to catch up to you, don’t I?”

“No, you’re strong,” Nova tried, sensing how her companion was finding the situation amusing and a good learning experience. “I wasn’t being fair to you in combat, that was my fault.”

“The fault in the situation _is_ Lumiya,” a clicked voice caught everyone’s attention. Voices died down immediately at the presence of Kylo Ren entering the room, helmet visor aimed directly as Nova frowned. “It wouldn’t matter if her opponent was stronger or weaker in strength to her - she would still be easily killed in the matter of seconds for not focusing.”

Lumiya was instant in getting to her feet (although Nova could feel that she was sore in her lower back) standing in salute to the Commander. Nova took her own time getting up as she dropped her staff. “Still, it’s my job to make sure she improves at a safe pace for her health. It’s not her fault that I wasn’t being mindful in my own strength to help her.”

“If the student isn’t learning from the Master, then it’s the student’s fault for not listening,” Kylo responded, taking a step forward.

Nova felt Lumiya’s body stiffen. “Well, it would only apply to this situation if there was an actual Master present for the students,” Nova snapped rather stubbornly. Looking over to Lumiya’s empty mask, Nova’s voice softened for a moment as she spoke. “Lumiya, you’re done for the day. I want you to rest and report to the medbay, if you’re still feeling sore in your lower back.”

Lumiya didn’t move with Kylo’s stare at her, and Nova easily stepped between them and gave off a more authoritative tone. “That was _not a suggestion_ , Lumiya. That was an _order_.”

“Y-yes, ma’am,” Lumiya stuttered and kept her head turned down as she made a quick exit, leaving Phasma to slowly turn and order her ‘troopers to return to their routine.

Nova boredly went back to the mat she was using with Lumiya to pick up the sparring staffs and return them to the bin. Kylo didn’t move a muscle as the activity returned to the training hall, seeming to wait patiently until she was done. Once Nova passed a message along to Phasma about discussing her new training technique later-on, Kylo was direct in turning around and following after Nova in an orderly fashion out into the hallway, where the other officers and ‘troopers were readying their cycle routines and droids rolling about. Nova didn’t particularly wait for Kylo, no matter how much he was reaching out to her within their Force wall, she kept walking. Where? Maybe to get some food to eat? She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to see or speak to -

Feeling a strong arm wrapped around her, Nova held back a frustrated growl when Kylo threw her over his shoulder. Stepping sideways in the currently empty hall, Kylo punches the panel on the wall to open the singular blast door; tossing themselves inside the unused storage unit of stacked towels, blankets, sheets and extra clothing to fit one size, Nova was upset being handled by him with her mind settled on getting food. Kylo was quick to set her down on her feet away from the door in order to close it.

“Kylo, what are you -!”

“Why are you ignoring me?”

His voice was gruff, even through the voice modulator crackling her ears. Nova puffed air into her cheeks and looked away from his masked face rather bitterly. Her Force wall hiding them within the cramped space, being chest-to-chest, she couldn’t bring herself to look at him and feel the tension and stress radiating from him and directed to her. It wasn’t to _blame_ her at all, she knew, but he wanted to point out that he wasn’t happy about… _where they left off_.

“I just didn’t go to bed last -”

“No, you _didn’t_ ,” Kylo underlined and Nova’s lip twitched to a near snarl. “I’ve said that nothing was your fault, Nova. You could have come to bed, and I wouldn’t have done anything to h -”

“You left me upset!” Nova projected, causing Kylo to raise his hand to silently ask her to calm her voice. Nova’s face felt warm as she pushed his hand back down, looking anywhere else but at him. “You left me feeling a whole bunch of _things_ , and I felt weird for the longest time and I got mad at you for it.”

Before Kylo could suggest that it was the fleeting moment of bad memories bring brought up, Nova released a groan and hit her forehead against his sternum. “No! It wasn’t that! It was - I don’t know what it is, I’ve never felt it before, but I know you were making it!”

“What are you - wait, do you mean..?”

Kylo looked down to her, allowing him to look within at what she was talking about. It took him a moment before a strangled exhale hissed through the helmet, making Nova shut her eyes as feeling his heartbeat pick under her touch. Reaching to scratch underneath his helmet, Kylo took a moment to recollect himself before reaching for the latch and remove the bulky accessory from his head. Dropping it to the piled up towels, Kylo huffed with flushed cheeks before hesitating to rest his hands anywhere on or near her body. It eventually left Kylo to drop his gloved hands at his sides.

“It was wrong of me,” he swallowed thickly, “to leave you…to leave you _aroused_ like that. It was very wrong of me, when I thought you were uncomfortable of me, when I saw that image, while I was going to… I am _so sorry_ , Nova.”

“It was only a split second. I was frightened, because I’ve never done it before and I have bad memories of what _I thought it was suppose to be like_ ,” Nova confessed. “Sometimes nightmares of what _could_ have happened back on Bavva III, but… I really liked the way you were touching me, Kylo. The words you projected to me and how you were holding me, I was happy and I didn’t want you to stop.”

Nuzzling her face into her chest, trying to keep her frustration down and take in his warmth and scent, Nova sighed. “I didn’t _want_ you to stop, Kylo, and it left me upset to the point I didn’t want to come to bed.”

“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” he asked her softly, seeing her move her head against him ‘no’ in response. “Neither did I. I wanted to come and get you, but I didn’t want to overstep boundaries and frighten you. It’s very selfish of me to even approach you like I did in the training room.”

Nova shook her head again, nuzzling closer to him as his hand instinctively came to tenderly rub her clothed back. “I was mad at you.”

“With good reason,” Kylo huffed, somewhat amused and guilty at the same time. “A _very_ good reason, in my opinion. The blame is entirely on me, and I don’t think I can apologize enough for what I’ve done to you besides what I thought.”

“I forgive you, though,” she responded quietly. “I sense that you are very, very guilty over this…yet, I don’t know where this leaves us now.” Looking up to him curiously, Nova was careful with her space between him. She could sense the discomfort from him, yet his hand caressing her back with the most gentle of touches were confident and reassuring, eyes contemplating.

“From last night, I thought things over, and,” Kylo took a careful breath, “you deserve a better place than aboard the Supremacy for your… _first time_. You’re beyond than what anyone else deserves, where there is the chance of being seen or noticed something is different with your appearance, aside from the confidentiality of a doctor… I don’t want to give you your first _better_ experience of intimacy on this ship.”

The hand on her back coming to brush strands of loose hair behind her ear, Kylo’s gloved fingers brushed along her jaw with careful precision. “Your first experience should be where we’re not rushed or monitored, but somewhere I can take care of you, if needed. Where we can go at _your pace_.”

“My pace?” Nova asked curiously, seeing him nod before carefully grasping her chin and angling her head to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, mentally giving her the definition of what he meant. Hearing his meaning made her blush a bit, her body feeling warm all over again in a more endearing way of how he remained in letting her be in control. “Okay…I understand.”

“Until then, I suggest something that will benefit us both,” Kylo spoke softly against her skin, his nose inhaling her comfortable scent. “It’s still too early for either of us to really be needed anywhere; we go back to bed and sleep comfortably for a little while, and catch up on some important time we missed last night.”

“Yeah,” Nova immediately answered, leaning a bit against his chest and closing her eyes. For once since that uncomfortable night of the tension and need from the waist down, she felt at ease and comfortable in his hold. His arm wrapped around her back once more, urging her to come closer and nuzzle his chest. “I want that.”

Both of them managed to be unsuspecting in their different routes taken to return to their secluded hallway, Kylo waiting there first while Nova played one game with the droids of chase before slipping inside Kylo’s bedroom. His outer armor and gloves removed, Nova was more than happy to grin when his large hands cradles her cheeks and his warm lips kissing her smile. Collecting her in his strong arms, Kylo kissed her cheeks and jaw over and over while carrying her to the bedroom and carefully set her down on his bed. Nova simply yanked him by the shirt to catch his lips in a quick kiss and bury her face into his chest.

“Can we nap, please? I’m tired.” Only feeling the soft material of the blankets and the warmth that radiated off of her lover, she already was starting to feel the effects of her lack of sleep. It felt like a lifetime ago when she would have sleepless nights, being with him had helped her change to appreciate and enjoy the feeling of waking up feeling held and loved by Kylo.

Nodding, Kylo pressed a gentle kiss to her temple and motioned for her to lay down while he removed her shoes for her. Until he was pulled by his tunic again, rather impatiently, Kylo’s mouth formed a shy of a grin while obeying her silent request. Letting her take charge of where she wanted him, Kylo was pulled to lay on his side while Nova attached herself to his chest; her leg brought over his hip and face buries into the material of his shirt, Kylo own hand tangled into her hair and lightly massaged her scalp. Tilting his chin down, Kylo pressed his lips carefully against her head, inhaling her scent and finally relaxing in bed.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked softly against her head. Waiting for an answer, he was met with soft, delicate snores and Nova’s cheek snuggled against him. The corner of his mouth twitching, Kylo couldn’t do anything else but wrap his arms tighter around her and close his eyes, readying to find his much needed peace.

* * *

Supreme Leader Snoke watched carefully as the young woman stared out the vast window within the throne room, her head tilting with the most innocent, curious stare to the collection of broken asteroids floating by with the planet in the distance beyond of the field. Leaning forward to drown out more noise of the spar session going on behind her, Nova kept her gaze focused on the planet with the mixed atmosphere of beautiful blues and greens hidden from the dark lumps of asteroids. Instead of watching Kylo spar alongside with the Knights, as she was suppose to do in order to help Snoke find room for improvement, her focus was completely elsewhere in the universe. Snoke himself was taken aback by her…unknown distraction.

Eventually, Kylo and his Knights slowed their sparring session at the lack of attention from the two observers. Lumiya was able to stop her companion, Vost, from falling back by pushing his shoulder from Kylo’s blow just in time to see how Kylo deactivated his ‘saber and face his Master.

“It seems that little Nova finds something more important to focus on than taking notes from the spar,” Snoke drawled, flexing one hand to use the Force to carefully drag Nova away from the window.

Upon reaction, Nova swung her arm behind her back, apparently severing the connection and kept her eyes ahead. Few of the Knights stepped back from the wave of Nova’s Force overpowering the Supreme Leader, leaving him to actually chuckle with amusement at her stubborn behavior.

Getting up from his throne, Snoke approached Nova’s sitting form across the room, his hands helping to keep him balanced. “Young Nova, what are you doing, you brainless girl?” he asked her rather tauntingly. “What has your empty mind so focused on… Vardos, is it?”

Nova didn’t respond, only sparing a side glance to the tall humanoid before scooting away from him. Kylo watched emotionlessly as the Supreme Leader glanced carefully to each of the Knights of Ren helmets, searching their thoughts of their opinion of the situation. Chuckling, Snoke reached down and tugged on her braided hair. Nova didn’t show any expression of distaste for the treatment, or even the quietest of noise.

“You sense something on the planet Vardos, don’t you? I can see it,” Snoke said quietly, yet it seemed loud enough in the silenced throne room. “Something is drawing you to it, isn’t it, little one…”

Turning around, Snoke waved a hand towards the group of Knights standing idly by, as if waiting for something to happen or an order. “Knights, you are dismissed. Kylo Ren, you are to remain here,” he commanded. And, as usual, everyone followed the order accordingly while Kylo remained in his spot, eyes darting behind the mask to Nova’s relaxed body and Snoke watching her with a sort of pride that didn’t make sense to him.

“My young apprentice, Kylo Ren,” Snoke began, turning his body towards his way before turning his focus away from Nova, “I do believe it is time for little Nova to construct her own lightsaber.”

Frowning, Kylo turned his chin to see the distant planet he’s never visited, but knew so much about. “Vardos is an unoccupied planet, Supreme Leader. Aside from breathable air, there is no such thing as life forms present or even growing from Operation: Cinder… There isn’t any way for Kyber crystals to be capable to -”

“Vardos had multiple laboratories and safes filled to the brim with Kyber rocks, as well as some that were used for Starkiller Base, if you’ve done your research,” Snoke interrupted, and Kylo instantly shut his mouth when Nova glanced behind her shoulder for a moment. Nova sniffed boredly before looking back out the large window, leaving Snoke to watch her behavior carefully. “The satellites of the weather arrays have been deactivated and, so far, the storms have ceased. The planet itself is dead, yet I believe many of the storage units and structures still hold mass amounts for her to choose from…”

Turning to look back to Kylo, Snoke moved cautiously back to the aisle, aiming to the door of the mass room. “You will escort her to Vardos immediately, with proper equipment within your shuttle. Keep an eye on her while she searches for her Kyber crystal, and all - you know the customs and traditions, Kylo Ren.”

Leaving the two within the large throne room, eerily quiet, Kylo watched Nova carefully as he slowly approached her from behind, being mindful of her thoughts darting all over the place - unseen by the Supreme Leader. Something unknown to her was keeping her distracted, something she didn’t know or how to explain it to him.

“Kylo,” Nova spoke, her voice soft and filled with curiosity, “when can we go?”

“As soon as I ready the shuttle,” Kylo answered simply, reaching to his belt for his commlink. “I’ll order for it, but…are you alright?”

Seeing her nod, Kylo released a breath. “The Supreme Leader feels that you are drawn to a Kyber crystal, to construct a lightsaber. I don’t know how long it will take us, but I suggest we pack essentials for a few days, just incase.”

“Okay…”

“What do you sense coming from there, Nova…” he asked softly, seeing her lean and press her bare hands to the cold windows by her fingertips. “What do you see?”

“I don’t know, but it’s something I feel like I need. Is that normal?” Turning away completely from the window, Nova willingly approached him and looked to his mask with a concerned pout. “If Snoke said it’s a dead planet…is it really safe from - what did he say it was? The burning substance he was talking about.”

“Operation: Cinder,” he told her. “Something that happened before the plans of Starkiller Base were constructed. A collection of satellites were used to corrupt the balance of all living capabilities on the planet, only leaving it breathable. There isn’t any use for the planet to anyone, much less anything profitable to anyone…”

“But there _is_ something there,” Nova claimed softly. “I don’t understand why I want to go there, but I _need_ to. There’s something, I know it! Does that make any sense at all?”

“From anyone else, no. From you, I’m willing to compromise and assist you until you’re satisfied,” Kylo confessed rather casually, making her smile. “Go and pack clothing for a few days, and I’ll be at my shuttle waiting for you.”

Nodding, Nova gave him one more grin before running off to go collect her things, letting Kylo go off and ready his ship at the loading hangar. As soon as he stepped into the loading dock of the Supremacy, Kylo suddenly realized something rather important…

This would be Nova’s first time being allowed off ship to an actual planet without the guide of the First Order.

* * *

“What was wrong with this planet that they did Operation: Cinder?” Nova asked softly, her arms coming to wrap around Kylo’s neck from behind as her chin rest on his shoulder. Watching him easily pilot the shuttle all on his own, Nova was more curious of watching him man the flycraft with such precision without any other assistance, as he instructed the crew that he didn’t need anyone else.

When Kylo spared a moment to look over to her, eyeing her carefully, Nova gave him a soft smile and pressed her nose to his cheekbone. “It’s okay to tell me, I’m curious,” she confessed to him. “The planet was once flourished with life, right?”

“Yes. I don’t know the exact details of the mission, but I believe it was to experiment in preparation for Starkiller Base,” he answered, turning his gaze to the incoming atmosphere that held numerous shades of grey and darkness. Part of him truly wondered if the storms have ceased when he caught sight of lightning not too far away from where he planned to land on Kestro, the capital of the planet. “This would also be my first time visiting this planet; the Supreme Leader hasn’t instructed anyone to use this planet for anything, as far as I am aware.”

Looking over to the scanning pad not too far away from the pilot’s chair, Nova tilt her head at an angle to read it properly. “There is still no signs of any forms of life,” she informed him, feeling him nod against her arm. “So…will it be empty, like a unused storage unit?”

“ _Deserted_ , with building structures that haven’t been used for a very long time. Dead plants and maybe ruins,” Kylo attempted to help paint a picture. “I suggest, if the area we explore is not what you’re searching for, we return to the shuttle and find a different spot to try next. Do you feel anything different?”

Shaking her head, Nova rest her cheek on his shoulder. “No, it feels the same. Just…want to get there. I don’t know what’s there, but I need to get there.”

“We’ll be landing shortly, just be patient, love,” Kylo urged her softly, taking one of her hands into his and press a kiss to her wrist. “I need you to stay by my side once we leave the ship. If I sense any sort of danger nearby, I want you to listen to me and return to the shuttle and stay safe…”

“We will be fine.” Hearing her response, Kylo looked over and gave her a hard stare when she pulled away from him. Shaking her head, Nova gave him a smile. “I don’t sense any danger, Kylo. I believe there is nothing dangerous or anything to be afraid of here.”

“You say that, but yet I’m the one who has more experience, isn’t that right?”

Nova blew air into her cheeks rather stubbornly, making him raise a brow. Switching the shuttle to autopilot, Kylo stood from his seat and approached her with careful steps; she didn’t move away from him, standing her ground, and he was gentle to raise his hands to cup her face. His gloved thumbs brushing under her eyes, he released a long exhale when he saw that she wasn’t going to back down.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Nova. It’s nowhere near of me not trusting you,” he told her quietly, hoping she could read his words. “Out of majority of those in my life, I trust you the most. But, you need to understand that -”

“You’re scared for me,” she exposed with a pout, “with what happened on Starkiller Base.” His throat bobbing with a hard swallow, Nova reached to hold his wrists firmly. He finally noticed the soft, tingling sensation in the back of his head. “You worry for my health, ever since I got poisoned and the frostbite. And all that happened after…”

When he didn’t respond, Nova smiled sadly before leaning her forehead to press against his armored chest. “It happened, and it was scary. I also have bad dreams of it every once in a while, but waking up during the night and remembering that you’re holding me and keeping me safe and warm?” Sighing, she wrapped her arms around him and held onto him tight. “I’m no longer afraid of what happened in the past, because you’re there when I need you most. I’m not scared anymore, because I know you’ll protect me from anything that will hurt me, Kylo.”

“I would,” he responded, affirming her. “I _will_ , at _any time_ …”

“Which is why there isn’t any reason to worry on a broken planet, correct?” Nova asked him, leaning her head back to look at him. “There’s no lifeforms or anything…but there might be bigger Kyber crystals for me to find, right? I was very good at finding those tiny bits before, wasn’t I?”

Kylo couldn’t resist the twitch of his lips when his fingers traced along her jaw. “You would find the largest Kyber rock while anyone else can’t even find a single piece with the best of equipment,” he praised with a smirk, reaching to kiss her forehead when she grinned bigger. “I apologize for being easily worried over you, my love.”

“It’s okay, I like that you care so much. Just trust me a bit more than worry, okay?”

Kylo sighed, his arms holding her around her waist tightening just a bit, making her giggle softly. “I know it will be hard, but I promise to tell you if there’s anything wrong or if I need you for help,” she added, which helped him relax a lot more. “I don’t know anything about this planet either, so this will be something for the both of us to depend on each other for.”

“That’s very true,” Kylo agreed.

Once the control panels alerted them, the two separated with Kylo softly instructing her to sit down in the co-pilot’s chair. Keeping her hands on her lap, Nova watched with great interest of Kylo returning to his chair to switch off of autopilot, eyes darting over to watch them enter the atmosphere. The grey, murky clouds confused her view, making her stretch her neck curiously, as if it would help change her view. Stealing a glance to her love, she saw how focused he was at the controls; both hands maneuvering the whole shuttle with such ease, as if the clouds blocking their view wasn’t anywhere of a problem for him. Of course, knowing his talents and longer experience with the Force, she supposed that he could see without actually needing to…

Breaking through the clouds, Nova’s brows knit together at the sight before them. Layout of the planes lacked color and life, buildings remained as cemented blocks and shattered windows showed signs of plain darkness within them. Looking down to the ground, wreckage of ships and vehicles, barricades and broken down remains of what Nova could assume were trees littered all over. Everything looked drained and empty, just as Kylo had mentioned to Snoke back onboard the Supremacy. There were no signs of life of any sort: no animal or being scavenging about, no signs of floral or blossoming flowers or leaves. The lack of robots or any electronic lights also brought forth a sort of seldom kind of loneliness and sense of loss inside her chest.

However, a much stronger feeling overpowered that loss. Something unknown to her, but it was important and she had to find it.

Landing the shuttle on a platform that hadn’t looked to be used in years, Kylo killed the craft’s engine before allowing either of them to stand. The outdoors looked mute, in Nova’s opinion, as if there was no such thing as wind or activity to be seen or experienced on Vardos. Kylo had left his spot to gather a satchel and coats for the both of them, along with cowls; ensuring that Nova was properly dressed and covered to deal with the rather chilly temperature they were warned about, buckling the thick, long-sleeved coat on her first. Noticing her making a face, Kylo raised his brow at her when she presented her pout to him.

“Don’t start,” Kylo drawled quietly, kissing her forehead.

“It feels restraining in the arms,” she insisted with a sigh, allowing him to wrap the cowl around her shoulders and lift the hood carefully over her head before proceeding to put on his own. “Just…sleeves in general are bothersome.”

“I understand. I’ll have them tailored once we return to be more loose for you. Until then, you will have to manage for now,” he informed her and Nova only nodded. He reached over to open the hatch in the back of the shuttle, letting the door slowly open to the outdoors. Seeing her take the satchel and drape it across her chest, he went to reach for his helmet when Nova reached over and touch his arm. “What’s wrong?”

Her gaze was unfocused at the moment, yet her grip on him tightened just a bit. “The feeling is stronger now, I can feel it… It’s unusual,” she mumbled with a slight pout of confusion. “I don’t understand what it is, but there’s something important here.”

“Just be patient, don’t leave the shuttle without me,” he instructed her. Before allowing her to take a step further away from him, Kylo gently took her wrist in his hold and pulled her to face him once more rather close. His arm carefully wrapped around her back, resting comfortably at her lower waist, and the other held up a small pin with a muted blue orb in the center.

“This is a tracking commlink,” he explained softly, letting her look at the device for her own evaluation before slipping under the cowl to the collar of her tunic, pinning it securely. “For whatever reason, if we end up separated or anything, we are able to reach each other and I will be able to find you through the tracker within the shuttle and communicate.”

Nova nodded, a small smile on her lips. Kylo kept his stare of her with a raised brow. “This does not mean you can wander too far away from me, alright?”

“I wasn’t planning on it in the first place,” Nova hummed before getting to her toes and tug him down to kiss him, which he returned with equal force and more pressure to her lower back to bring her closer.

Kylo removed her hand from his top and slipped his helmet on, guiding them both to the ramp and down the hangar into the muted planet’s environment. Both unaware of what the planet holds on the surface and what is hidden underneath the dead grounds of planet Vardos.

Nova dug into the chrome-colored cabinet, digging through the dusty, yet carefully chiseled crystals arranged by their weight. Frowning, Nova closed the cabinet and went to the next one over, opening it with a bit of effort from the many years from being unused. She was quick to try and look through the cabinet with the Force, picking up a crafted piece of Kyber between her fingers to try and see if she could find any sort of color. The unusual feeling that gave her so much energy and excitement to explore and dig around have diminished over time of finding many laboratories that contained heavy pound after pound of many Kyber crystals. Once she was able to get her hands on it, there wasn’t much of her own curiosity or joy to search, and Kylo took a notice after searching three different buildings…

“There is nothing that catches your attention?” he asked her, turning his head and angled his helmet-clad face to see her huff and shake her head. “Would you prefer to go to a different district and look there?”

Nova tilt her head back with a small pout on her lips, looking up to him with a rather disappointed look in her bright, sparkling eyes. “I thought I could sense something coming from this area,” she confessed to him. “I don’t understand; one moment, I can feel it so close and now? It’s like it…dispersed? Evaporated? Can that happen with the Force, Kylo?”

“The Force can work in mysterious ways, with or without years of experience. Perhaps, the Supreme Leader thought you were looking for a Kyber rock, but you’re being attracted to something else,” he suggested, slowly aiming for the broken doorway while Nova got herself to her feet and followed close behind. “Has anything caught your interest here?”

“No.” Her tone was more depressed, and Kylo looked down to see her still pouting and keeping her gaze ahead. Sighing behind his helmet, Kylo exhaled, igniting a hiss through his vocoder while guiding the both of them through the threshold to the dead outdoors.

“Don’t worry too much about it. We will keep looking until we find something to your satisfaction,” he promised her, rather more confident than his partner at the moment. Hearing Nova make a simple noise while they both descend the stone steps, Kylo chuckled. “It’s very rare to see you like this,” he told her, catching her attention to look at him with a blink. “Being quiet about something that should be…exciting.”

“It’s not fun when the feeling went away,” she claimed. “What if it doesn’t come back, Kylo?”

Kylo thought it over, realizing the possibilities of the loss for whatever was attracting her. This wasn’t the first time Nova watched a planet they were passing by, yet it seemed that Vardos was suppose to hold some for of exciting discovery for her that allowed Snoke to let this exhibition to happen. If they were to return empty-handed, there might be an issue with the humanoid Master who was expecting more to come out of this mission. Knowing Nova, she didn’t particularly care for Snoke’s reaction or whatever outcome were to happen - however, Kylo knew Snoke better. He knows both of them better…

“Would you like to meditate,” he started softly, “to try and find it once more? At least a general direction. It would be better than nothing.”

Nova rocked her head from side to side, contemplating the idea before exhaling. “I suppose that’s the best option we got, isn’t it?”

Reaching the landing of the stairs, Kylo placed his hand on her shoulder and carefully turned her to face him. Angling her head upward with the touch of his gloved finger, he pressed the front of his mask against her forehead and the tip of her nose; imitating of connecting their foreheads with an affectionate gesture, just to make her perk up more.

“You’ll get it,” he assured her confidently. “You’re more powerful than you think, my love. You just need patience with this one, that’s all.”

Nova huffed, but smiled up to him. Somewhat returning the pressure, pressing her nose against the front material of the helmet where she knew his own nose was, hovering her lips where his would be. “Okay, I will,” she said with a more chipper voice.

“I’m going to get water from the shuttle,” Kylo told her before looking to the next building: a stall structure that was made from glass that seemed to withstand the numerous storms and catastrophes over the years, with no open cracks within any of the windows (although some cracks). He knew there was storage of Kyber crystals within safes inside, easy to break open with his lightsaber piercing through. “Go into the lobby of that building there and wait for me, alright? I won’t be long, just wait by the main door entrance.”

“Yeah!” Nodding in understanding, Nova turns and strolled across the abandoned street to the next building. Watching her climb the steps on her toes, avoiding the major crevice and missing chunks, Kylo then turned to approach the shuttle to retrieve water for himself and Nova before he heard a low rumble.

His head snapping around, he hurried to the building Nova entered not even a second ago to the dusty cloud flowing out of the propped entrance. Coming to a sudden stop, Kylo’s eyes widened at the sight of the sunken flooring of what used to be the lobby ground of the building. Dust rose from between the rubble, signifying to the young Commander that it just collapsed, with the woman nowhere in sight.

She was very much alive, yet he couldn’t see her anywhere above ground.

“ _Nova_!” Kylo called out through his mask, unable to hear with the ground shaking and rubble clattered into the mess. His breathing quickening and feeling claustrophobic, Kylo ripped off his helmet and yelled as loud as he could, desperately:

“ _ **NOVA**_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The names of Knight of Ren, Lumiya and Vost, are canon apprentices to Darth Vader in the Star Wars franchise in various universes/story plots. They are not connected to the possible names to the film-canon Knights of Ren.


	20. for the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Smut!

Sitting up in the rubble, a dry cough left her lips as she realized that she wasn’t anywhere she remembered herself to be. In actuality, as soon as she opened her eyes, she knew she was in the right place, but not the correct spot at the same time - as confusing as it all seemed, the moment of dizziness eventually dispersed lifted. It only a minute for her to take a deep breath, to collect herself as best as she could in the rather dusty and damp environment, for her to rethink her irrational thoughts…

In conclusion, she fell _through_ the floor.

“Kylo…” Nova croaked with a dry throat, rubbing her face with one hand in hopes to remove dust and debris from her eyes, nose and mouth. However, upon realizing how she was just a mess all over, she gave up and bend her knees to take in her surroundings.

Looking up, she didn’t see any sort of opening for her to see the upside/outside (where she sensed she was originally standing before the ground gave out), or any makeshift light. There was space, making her wonder if she had fallen into a lower level part of the abandoned building; flat ground underneath her bottom, long, narrow space to her left while the remaining pile of rubble stood rather proudly to her right. Sighing, Nova buried her mouth into the collar of the cowl, pretending it would get the taste of dirt off her tongue and tried to think carefully. There was air, Nova could tell, so there _had_ to be a way out somewhere within this mess - unless it was on the other side of the pile of rocks and rubble. Thinking that, Nova immediately crossed out the idea of her list of possibilities to try and go through the remains, seeing how unstable the pile was.

Sighing, Nova flattened the outside of her thighs to the ground and sat up straight. Closing her eyes, she dropped her hands to her lap and took slow, deep breaths - in through her nose, ignoring the dust, and out through her lips. Through the Force, she attempted to stretch out the planes and passageways of the lower level, just like how she was taught. 

Everything was too quiet in comparison of practicing on the Supremacy or the Starkiller Base, but Nova had to remind herself over and over that the planet itself was vacant (minus herself and Kylo), yet there was an immense discomfort of the space…

A part of it reminded her of when she would be alone - left, locked up - and she couldn’t find her abilities to see if anyone was nearby, wondering if she was forgotten and left to rot. 

Jerking forward with a surprised gasp, she scrambled to get on to her knees before stumbling a bit to her feet. A spark burned into determined flames in her eyes as she took a second to breathe, feeling a bit winded.

“ _No_. No, no, _no_ ,” she grumbled through clenched teeth, forcing herself to find balance before walking off to the extended pathway of the unknown corridor/tunnel. “No, must get back - mustn’t stop now.”

She didn’t sense any exit going this particular way, yet she didn’t see any reason not to try and find something to guide in her escape from being trapped underground. Nova was more uncomfortable sitting around than trying to use everything she learned on her feet, her instincts kicking in in search of some formulated layout of wherever she was. It looked too chiseled and clean to be naturally made, yet with the years of not being used and natural erosion from the weathering disasters forcing things to shift over time…the woman wasn’t too sure what to make of this unfamiliar territory.

However, as unfamiliar as it was, a part of it felt like it was someplace she once stepped foot in far back in her past. Frowning, Nova sped up in her walk to the point her footsteps echoed while following the pathway that laid ahead of her. While using her abilities to search further for her own safety, Nova kept her thoughts focused on her main goal. Keeping her thoughts open to any discoveries of an exit and any signal, her mind was also focused on Kylo’s own well-being. Knowing how serious he was with her staying close and safe, she had no doubt that her lover was more than likely losing his mind over the collapse of the flooring.

Reaching under the cowl, Nova’s fingers lightly grazed the small commlink tracker pinned inside the collar of her coat. Fixing and tugging the material, she eyed the pin as best as she could to see it blinking faintly in her peripheral vision, signifying that it was coming through contact with Kylo’s shuttle. The knowledge of knowing that Kylo was finding through through the connection helped ease her breathing a bit, making her hold on to the tech and press it against her chest. She knew she will be found by him, and that’s all she needed to keep going.

“I’m not giving up yet,” she mumbled to herself, taking another deep breath before closing her eyes.

The rattling of rusted chains coming from behind snapped her out of her positive thoughts.

Turning around, Nova’s whole body language changed from determination to defensive. Eyes scanning and focused solely from where she came from, Nova pushed out with the Force to retrace her steps to see if she was being followed or even bumped into something that may have shifted from the change in gravity. There wasn’t anything there, nor could she sense a single object she could have come across and moved on her own by mistake.

“Kylo,” she called out, somewhat rougher than she would ever expect herself to call for him. Her brows furrowing in deep concentration, she felt a sudden shift in the flat air - a dangerous one. When nothing was found, Nova released the breath she was holding and went on to venture further - 

To come face-to-face with a child.

Dirt, half-torn garments and rusted shackles around her ankles and metal bracelets with thick hoops for connecting chains hung heavily, and Nova could practically feel the weight of the metal just by looking at the all too familiar type of cuffs. Swallowing, Nova raised her eyes to meet the tired, lifeless ones of her younger self staring right back at her: skin dirty with mud and grime, dried blood on the corners of her lips and hair ratty within the unkempt braid she recalled growing up with, it was almost as if she went back in time and was looking at her own reflection. She knew it wasn’t real - it was impossible, and Nova knew that…

But, her chest still twisted with an unhealthy thrum of nerves of the negative memories. She knew what time this particular vision of herself was, and it made her suddenly feel too warm for her liking.

“You…” she spoke, taking another breath, “need to go away.” Straightening her back, Nova held her hands in tight fists at her sides as she kept her composure and voice steady. “You’re not welcomed here. Leave me alone.”

“ _Alone_ ,” the child croaked out, her gaze aimless as she rocked on her bare feet. “ _Alone. Alone…I don’t want to be alone_.”

“I’m not alone. You need to go away,” she repeated more firmly. “I have to get back to Kylo.”

“ _He doesn’t care. They all never care, eventually_.” A twisted, somewhat disturbing smile spread on her cracked lips, reopening some of the cuts on her the dried skin. A ghostly, childlike giggle slipped from the vision, blurry eyes suddenly snapping its focus onto Nova. Her voice spoke in a sort of sing-song tune. “ _Time to go. Go back to being alone_.”

Nova felt herself bristle with a hidden anger she was forcing herself to bury deep within. “I’m not -!”

A chilly, frail hand raised to Nova’s lips, silencing her in an instant when it pressed her mouth shut. “ _Shhh, shhh…_ ”

Within the dead silence of reality, Nova could feel the environment taking its course. The sound of her own heartbeat pounding in her ears, the young woman took in a shaky inhale and covered her ears to try and it out, but the thrum was too strong, even with her efforts. The hazy memory of herself stared with the haunting curiosity of watching a target, just like she was trained since she was an infant. Its head tilt to the side, the lips smiling in a weird attempt to reach mutual agreement of each other’s company. Frowning deeper, Nova stood straight and walked around the child, continuing to walk and search through the Force for any exit or sense Kylo somewhere.

“ _Don’t go away_ ,” the child whimpered, causing Nova to shiver with the echo that rang in her ears. She had to cover her ears with her hands and ignore the sudden reappearance to the side of the younger version of herself. Keeping her eyes forward, Nova kept walking as it passed by over and over. “ _It’s safer here. No one will hurt us_.”

Nova ignored it as she came to a fork in the tunnels - more carved and smooth under her tumbling footsteps - she figured easily that her assumptions of the underground being a basement of sorts were true, and there must have been an exit. Taking a deep breath, she took a left and passed by the apparition watching her every movement.

“ _You can’t sense him, so he can’t sense you_ ,” it said with a matter-of-fact tone that Nova didn’t like at all. “ _Perhaps he’s closed you off. He doesn’t want to find you_.”

“Not true,” Nova snapped out, her thoughts immediately going to the blinking commlink. She knows Kylo is looking for her, or else why would it be doing that? It didn’t do it before when Kylo first pinned it to the collar of her coat. “It’s not true. He would never be like that with me, you liar.”

“ _Then, why do you dream of it at night_?”

Snapping her head to the side, Nova glared dangerously at the memory of herself looking sad, pouting to her as the innocent child it proclaimed to be. “ _You dream of being left on a planet - on Starkiller Base, with Kylo leaving you all alone with the empty base and snowstorms. On Bavva III, back with Master Garri, or the others. Chains back and shoes taken away, back with sleeping on the cold floors, barely able to eat enough to stop the noise of your stomach. Crying to yourself, wishing you could sleep the hunger away_.”

Nova takes a few steps before towering over the child, her arms wrapped around her as she stared down at it with absolute hatred. “What are you?” she demanded. “What do you think you will gain by pestering me?”

The ghostly face stared off to nothing for a moment, a slow smile growing on its face as it spoke in a soft whisper. “ _Please, stay_.”

Nova’s brows furrowed as she turned away and went on foot. The sound of her heartbeat a background noise for her now, she pushed her abilities out on ahead to notice a sudden change. With that catching her attention, Nova sped up in her walk as she approached arched pillars holding up to what looked to be an underground mine shaft. Between the pillars was a definitive line of what was carefully constructed tunnels to the other side of a natural collapse of rocky material with an unkept earthly path leading to nowhere. There was no form of light, as if all life ended from that point on. Muted. Silent…

“ _We want peace_.” The child stood behind Nova, in the light. Now presented with drenched skin and clothes, Nova could easily recognize the times in her childhood of searching for food in the rainfall of her masters’ properties. Mud caked to the vision’s feet and legs, bloodstains and grime patches around its mouth and hands and arms as it stared blankly at her in return. “ _We don’t want to be slaves anymore, if we stay here. We want peace_.”

Turning ahead once more, Nova took a single step towards the threshold of the difference before the apparition began speaking with sobs hidden within, a lace of threat suppose to be hidden, but Nova…she knew this child all too well.

“ _If you go, you will be a slave again. We both know it_.”

Nova didn’t turn around again to look at the vision - the illusion. “ _You know there is no peace within the First Order. You know that Snoke has taken you for his own benefit, that you are still wearing invisible chains that have been placed on you since Kylo took you off Bavva III,_ ” it continued to rant. “ _What will you do, if you go back to him? What will you expect to find, once you venture out?_

“ _Kylo isn’t peace - he put those chains on_ ,” it spat viciously. “ _Kylo is controlled by Snoke, you’re still his property! Do you really want to go back to what is expected of that monster sitting on the throne?_ ”

Nova took a deep breath and stepped forward, ignoring the child’s shrilling scream dissipate once she was surrounded by complete darkness. Everything is muted. No heartbeat pounding her ears, nor sense of direction of what could be aiming her close to the rocky walls or to trip over something. Closing her eyes, she took one more breath and forced herself to relax and let go of the experience with the unusual ghost. She can make it, she knew that with every cell in her body; every particle that made up her as a being was going to make it through whatever was happening…

A soft, gentle hum eventually made her eyes open, revealing some sort of bioluminescent glow from the top flats of the harsh edges. Nova blinked in confusion, looking around to the sudden new environment that never seemed to ease in its constant change. Looking behind her, there was a pile of rubble that looked awfully similar to the one she first started out at, making her wonder if this was all part of an illusion.

The humming continued in a sweet tune, and Nova felt her chest twist at the sound of a feminine voice seeming to reach towards her ears, as if it was something dedicated to her presence and not as a temptation. Walking forward, she willingly followed the song by the guidance of the glowing rocks, her arms carefully wrapped around herself as she looked towards the unknown. Her abilities, although strong enough to see a good portion around herself, as it was also placed with her Force wall, seemed to be smushed out to just one step ahead and one step back before producing a heavy fuzziness. 

Nothing was stressful, however. Instead, there was a sort of pleasant peace to the soft song.

‘ _It is like a hug_ ,’ she thought to herself, feeling her face warm up a bit and an unusual sensation of growing tears in her eyes. ‘ _It feels like when I’m held by Kylo when I sleep. I feel safe_.’ Nova knew for a fact that the way she was heading was alright, feeling the embrace and the thrum of the song in her ears. A seeming lullaby that truly meant no harm or impose to her journey as she came to an opening of what looked to be an inner crater in the guise of a chamber; rocky walls and dusty debris coating in the air and instantly stuffing up her nose, making her sneeze automatically and rub her eyes. The dust was itchy, but the song didn’t falter with her interruption of sneezing and coughing a bit, just needing to get that bit of annoying dust out of her eyes before reopening them. 

Healthy, glowing roots grasped along the crevices and mounds of the earthly material, thrumming gently to the tune of the ghostly lullaby that still hummed throughout the environment. Along with the roots and rocks where glowing crystal material protruding into jagged stacks, similar to the icicles and ice chunks from frozen water from the winters on Bavva III. Flickering with different colors illuminating deep within the core of the minerals, it made Nova realize how she was stuck in pitch darkness - even with the hallucination stalking her with fake lighting - until being able to see more clearly. In the middle was a natural pool, where little, singular droplets dripped from nowhere in particular of the ceiling, but landed perfectly into the center of the puddle awaiting underneath. To Nova, it looked similarly to a fantastic grotto she would hear from stories of elders speaking of wonderful places that held wonderful adventures and happy secrets to make any sorry lifeform smile in their most sorrowest times…

Turning her head, Nova caught a glimpse of her reflection to see the amount of dirt coated to her skin and clothes. A thin layer of blood from a very minor injury of hitting her nose and temple caught her attention as she absent mindedly wiped it away with her fingers. She wasn’t hurt enough to be having unusual visions or losing too much blood for any critical worry, yet was still amazed by the amount of possible height and weight of the fall and rocks that obviously should have done damage.

‘ _The Force, obviously_ ,’ she huffed to herself. ‘ _But…I did no such thing to control it. It happened so suddenly._ ’ Frowning, Nova looked down to her own palms, flexing them for a bit before dropping them to her sides once more. 

The song rose in volume and in tune, becoming more complex and detailed with octaves and bell instruments in the background. Turning towards the natural pool once more, Nova made her way to what she figured the source was coming from based on her hearing ability. The pool itself was shallow enough to come up to her ankles, the water crystal clear, saved for the rippling shadows from the single drips. Even when the droplet would make contact with the surface of the water, there was no sound overpowering the sound of the song or the humming. However, the closer Nova got and observed more of the inside, the more Nova tuned everything out.

Two separate, submerged collections of rocky crystals on either side of the pool. Two, small eroded crystals that remained under the mineral water made the pool glow and radiate like a slow, steady heartbeat. To her, it was brighter in comparison to the rest of the natural roots and crystals bringing light to the cave. Their shape reminded Nova of little nests that avian creatures would construct with whatever they could find back on Bavva; clunky, makeshift homes of circular tubes that were meant to keep predators out. Inside either cluster of crystal stood protruding crystal in its center.

Tilting her head, Nova felt an unusual tug towards the two little bits in the pool, her hands feeling an unusual chill within the middle of her palms. Every nerve in her body was telling her that the only satisfaction to relieve the cold tingle was to take one of the crystals in the pool.

Only one. Only _one_ would suffice it…

 _ **Why**_?

Frowning, Nova looked between the two glowing crystals, both seeming to call out to her with the song echoing further into her ears in a mantra. It was directed to her specifically, she knew that, from both of the crystals inside the water and she felt an strong tug from the Force between the two. A tug by her wrist, drawing her hand to hover above the middle of the pool. However, the Force was unable to bring her to a specific path to which one she had to take - the Force couldn’t figure out which one was the perfect fit, it wasn’t going like how Kylo said it would go for when it was time to construct her lightsaber. _Nothing_ was working the way it _should be_ , and she was beginning to feel anxious.

Which one? _Which one?_ _**Which one?**_

Her hand stayed in its position for longer than necessary, and a sudden wave of exhaustion overtook her limbs. As if she walked for day cycles nonstop, she stumbled to her knees like a newborn mammal attempting to walk on its own for the first time without assistance. Her fingers digging into the soft dirt to keep herself grounded better while a slight pinch of nausea made her eyes swim in dizziness for a moment. Her other hand still outstretched over the water, seeming to be held there by an invisible grip - a warm embrace cradling her palm and fingers with the most gentle of touches, all familiar to her, and yet she didn’t know.

Which one? Which one? _Who are you_?

Looking up to where her hand seem to float outstretched, Nova released a shuddering breath that made her stiff muscles relax. Something about this while atmosphere was starting to calm her. The singing tuned down immensely, surprising, into soft whispers that didn’t project annoyingly to Nova, making her take a deep breath once more. Nova felt the sensation on her hand squeeze with reassurance, all too familiar yet completely alien to her past interactions with people she didn’t know.

It was different from whenever Kylo held her hands or touched her. His touch was like fire to her icy skin; a relief to the coldest winters she endured without proper clothing or shoes, and how he would easily pick her up and hold her to his broad chest. His touch was something she desired and longed for at this very moment.

This one - this touch in particular - was something almost like Kylo, but Nova couldn’t give it any sort of name or face.

Which one? _What is this_? _Who are you_?

The invisible pressure squeezed Nova’s hand, a sort of comfort to her. Blinking, Nova felt her eyes beginning to feel sore from swelling with tears. From where or why, she didn’t know, but the feeling of that weird connection to this ghost-like connection suddenly became overwhelming for her emotionally. Biting her bottom lip, she felt her chin wobble a bit as she took a deep breath to collect herself when the squeeze happened once more to her knuckles, pressing a sort of gentle caress to her dirtied skin. What was happening to her? She had never experienced this sort of feeling for the longest time, yet with the situation of the Kyber crystals calling out to her - it was feeling too much. She felt like she was being watched, self-conscious of what she was suppose to do before searching for an exit; as much as she wants to run away and return to Kylo’s embrace, she couldn’t move…she didn’t want to. Not _yet_.

Be brave.

Exhaling, Nova closed her eyes and plunged her hand into the icy water.

* * *

Kylo was, to put simply, panicking.

Not the sort of panic that people were used to seeing; seeing him stalking left and right, using his lightsaber to slash things apart with no proper direction. This different panic was new to him, wondering to himself if there was something wrong with him. He was pushing rocks and rubble out of his way outside of the abandoned building with his own hands - without using the Force, all while focusing on the tracking pad back in his personal shuttle (probably the _only ability_ he’s more focused on, on the soft ping noise of the tracker he pinned to the collar of her clothes). The signal was faint, yet still steady, and showing movement, so Kylo acted more on instinct with a sort of desperation he could somewhat relate to back on Starkiller Base with her. For him, he was worried for her - _his Nova_ , who, as of right now, was trapped somewhere underneath the rubble of the building. He was trying to find an opening to find her, hoping she found space for air to last long enough for him to find her. Kylo was just so focused on the tracker and moving a large chunk away, that he missed the intense shift only a few feet away.

Rocks flew away and Kylo’s whole body froze before catching sights of familiar arms clawing their way out.

Nova coughed dryly while stumbling from the wreckage, the edge of her cowl snagged and tugged her back a bit. Growling through her annoyance of being covered with dirt, her whole arm being cold and soaked, and feeling as if she had been walking for days on end, the woman simply grabbed the thick material and ripped it away. It caused her to lose her footing for just a split second and stumble backwards, and Nova was caught in familiar, strong arms in a desperate hold.

“ _Kylo_!” Nova immediately felt her childish frustration disappear, looking up to his sweating, wild-eyed face. “Kylo, I -!”

“You’re **hurt**.”

Blinking, Nova felt his gloved finger barely press her temple, feeling the blood, now crusted, crack from the softest touch. She suddenly felt like she could breath; inhale and regain all of her abilities and sensitivities she was so used to before being trapped underground, she could feel him again. His anxiety, his worry and desperation to find her and make sure she was alright and alive and safe.

He was out of breath - utterly exhausted - yet his adrenaline was pumping through his veins and muscles as he held onto her desperately, almost afraid. Sweat clung to small collections of locks of his hair and stuck to his skin. Sweat was dripping down his pale face, a single drop coming ready to fall off the tip of his nose and the evidence of tears forming in his frantic eyes. As rugged and out of mind he seemed to be, Nova knew he was calming down already with just his arms around her body. Radiating unnecessary heat to her still somewhat chilled form, Kylo suddenly dropped his head to her shoulder, pressing his sticky face to her neck and clinging to her. He had been scared, no doubt, but his thoughts were swimming with how he couldn’t just leave her, how he couldn’t see himself without her and all his fears.

And all his love for her.

“I’m sorry,” he hissed out. “I’m _sorry_. I’m _so_ sorry, Nova. I shouldn’t have left you to wander on your own. This is all my fault - I can’t…I-I can’t ever forgive myself for this. Just… _please don’t_ -!”

Without saying a word, her hands coming to comb through his damp hair. Turning her head, she snuggled her nose into his scalp and pressed a meaningful kiss to his ear before tugging on the roots. He willingly lifted his heavy skull up and she slipped her hands to either side of his thick neck, her eyes locked with his. Her dry lips smiled immediately at feeling his thumbs brush away as much dust from her face as possible, his eyelids lowering and he exhaled so softly. Nova knew her smile would always force him to calm down.

“Kylo,” she said, her thumbs gently massaging the curled on the back of his clammy neck, “I love you.”

His voice was whispers but still filled and overflowing with so much emotion that sent a beautiful tingle throughout her body. “I love you, too.” Leaning down to have their foreheads and noses touch, Kylo closed his eyes. “So much.”

Bringing a hand to grip his wrist, her eyes never leaving his, Nova sent through her emotions and deep thoughts in the link they shared together. This action caused Kylo to blink and slowly tighten his hold on her, as if trying to consider this a reality.

When she smiled, Kylo swallowed thickly and brushed a dirtied strand that was glued by dry blood away from her temple. “Let’s just…get you cleaned up,” he murmured, his voice a little bit thicker than usual.

* * *

Kylo’s shuttle was equipped with a small bunking compartment in the far back, with availability to a small sink to clean up or drink from with towels and a first aid kit. The mattress was a bit too firm for most people’s liking and the blankets provided where too thin to really give any warmth, but it would serve its purpose in the end of it all for a few people to fit all together, lie down and rest. 

Being stripped of her coat, boots, socks and cowl, Nova fiddled with the commlink still pinned to the collar of her sleeveless top. It took until Kylo’s much larger hands snuck their way in and easily unpinned the tool and casually put it aside, making Nova huff and go back to eyeing the pack she carried with herself through the tunnels tucked away in the corner of the room behind Kylo. Allowing him to take a wet rag to finish cleaning the grime off her face with gentle, yet firm strokes, she simply leaned her other cheek into his palm that was carefully angling her head to give him easier access. Kylo was also stripped of his outer layer and undershirt, carelessly having kicked his boots off somewhere else. The outside dust storm taking place didn’t deter them with the shuttle all locked up, keeping them safe and at peace from the thrashing winds and the occasional thunder in the back. Kylo’s focus was solely on cleaning the small wound and how his beloved seem to be cuddling her own cheek into his naked palm, sighing in relief…

And it was making Kylo’s chest twist and feel uncomfortably _warm_ under his skin.

“You must have hit your head,” Kylo mumbled, his voice cracking a little bit, almost as if he was a young, aloof young boy once more. So new to the interaction that he had so much more experience with in comparison to her, yet it all seemed to just disappear as soon as Nova looked at him knowingly, her smile making him inhale sharply. “You’re not feeling well, and it’s making you behave this way. You should rest.”

“You and I know very well that I have no such thing,” she responded, turning her cheek so that her lips to press to his palm. “If you don’t want to, I won’t be bothered if you don’t want -”

“ _It’s not that_!” he stopped her quickly, making her blink curiously to him. Seeing his face flushed across his cheekbones, forehead and the tip of his nose, Nova blinked before giving his wrist a kiss in attempt to comfort his nerves. “It’s just - very _sudden_ , after what happened. Are you sure you didn’t hit your head or feel ill?”

Nova shook her head gently, her gaze staring at the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he watched her. “I thought about what you said, about wanting it to be someplace where we wouldn’t be bothered or be noticed, if there is any obvious changes,” she explained gently. “I can’t think of a better place, being away from the Supremacy and everyone else, on a deserted planet. I got what I needed for my lightsaber, and I see no reason to hurry back…”

“In a shuttle.”

Smiling as she usually would with his reactions to her rather happy-go-lucky towards his curiosity of her behavior. “You know I don’t mind having such luxuries,” she teased lightly. “You know, so long as I have what I need, I don’t ask for much more. Having you with me is enough and all I can ask for.”

Kylo searched her face once more, the thumb resting against her cheek carefully stroked along the contour of her face. “Are you sure?”

When she nodded, he leant down and pressed a hard kiss to her lips, which she returned with equal fervor and last long enough to leave them both breathless once they eventually pulled away. Lips flushed from the passionate friction, Kylo pressed his thumb against her pouting lip and kept his intense eye contact with her; feeling her warm breath against his skin, brushing noses together, Kylo allowed a new warmth under his skin to burn through his veins. Exhaling shakingly, he gave her a quick kiss to the bridge of her nose, then her forehead, before speaking softly to her skin.

“Stand up for me.”

Sliding her hands into his waiting palms, Nova allowed him to assist in helping her to her feet. There wasn’t much elbow room for her, standing between his legs and his hands keeping her still - not that she minded at the moment, wanting to keep her lips attached to his lips and skin with the newfound height. Kylo felt her smile against his mouth when he gave her a gentle kiss back, but wanted to get ahold of the skin of her jaw and so he had to gently nip her bottom lip and bring her hands to either side of his head. Instantly, her fingers tangled in his hair and angled his head the way she wanted and deepened their kiss. With his hands now free, Kylo got to work.

Easily undoing the buckle that settled close to her belly button, Kylo had a much easier time to unzip her thick top and carefully part them over her shoulders and let them hung around her elbows, leaving her in her black brassiere and bare skin. His fingertips trailed along her sides, Kylo didn’t miss how her whole body shivered and goosebumps erupt on her skin. Smiling, Kylo slowly pulled back and admired the newly exposed skin. Sure, he has seen her barely nude many times before, but this time…this time was different for the both of them, and things were going to become different.

A finger tracing a very faint scar on her rib, Kylo had to take a deep breath. “I don’t think you realize how beautiful you are,” he whispered, watching her own hand come up to lace her fingers with his and he promptly brought the joined hands to his mouth and pressed gentle kisses to her knuckles. “I want to make sure you feel nothing but pure pleasure,” he told her softly, and he could feel through the Force of how Nova craved it, solely from him. “But, before we can do _that_ , it takes time for your body to be ready. I don’t want to hurt you, if I can help it, as much as possible.”

She didn’t seem to understand him right away, so he simply stood up, cradling her face in his hands. Kissing her forehead, he trailed his hands down and helped Nova take off her top completely, letting it drop to the ground at their feet. Pushing the definition of foreplay to her, allowing her to read his thoughts more thoroughly that had her heart rate pick up a bit in a flutter while he resumed admiring the scar that stretched on her rib with a tender look in his eyes. Nova peeked shyly up to him, seeming to forget how she was more exposed to the cooler temperatures and Kylo’s warm hands working the buttons of her pants.

“ _Please_ , stop me at any time, if you get scared to go any further. It doesn’t matter _when_ ,” he instructed carefully as Nova helped in shimming her pants down her legs. Now, she only remained in her undergarments. She held onto his arms for balance as she stepped out of them, yet her attention was focused directly to the strong, dotted patch of skin on his chest. Carefully taking her chin between his fingers, he gently forced her gaze to meet his again. “I mean it, Nova. Your safety and comfort always has to come first,” he informed her.

“Okay.” Nova nodded and let her eyes fall back to the specific spot on his chest, her eyes seeming to glaze over into being deep in thought. Without warning, she leaned over and pressed her soft lips to him, near the spot of one of the many freckles and moles that decorated his skin. The feeling of her kissing that particular spot made him take a deep breath, and she nuzzled him in return. She muttered against his warming skin, “I trust you, Kylo. I know you’ll take care of me.”

Tucking a curled strand of her hair behind her ear, Kylo kissed the top of her head softly. “Lay on the bed for me, love,” he whispered gently, encouragingly with a slow stroke down her spine when she hummed in response and took a small step back. He followed after with a knee pressed to the firm mattress and was careful to hover over her while placing kisses to her lips in little patterns. “Relax as best as you can. Let me know what feels good, and what doesn’t.”

Nova nodded once more and Kylo moved his lips from hers to her jaw, sucking to the thrumming pulse hidden underneath and making her shiver once he started using his teeth into the mix. Her fingers cautiously reached into his dark hair, making Kylo pause in his ministrations, thinking she wasn’t enjoying it, but soon relaxed when she seemed to tug his head a little bit closer and tilt her head away, giving him more access to her neck. He nuzzles her pulse for just a moment before adding teeth into his more active bites and sucks, making her toes curl and cheeks heat up. 

One hand slipping under the small of her back and the other helping to prop himself on his elbow near her head whilst having her gently lie back, Kylo gave Nova a deep kiss that left her breathless and himself feeling warm under his own skin. Feeling her experiment with nipping his bottom lip, sucking lightly when he slowly pulled away, Kylo exhaled with a delighted hum before going towards her collarbone. Kissing along the bone with soft lips before licking the small divot in the middle with the tip of his tongue once she tilt her chin up and back. He could taste the stale dirt mixing with her sweat…he could practically groan with aching need with how tight his pants were becoming when Nova arched her back to feel closer to him, if that was even possible. Her hands tangled within his dark hair, tightening their hold on and off whenever he caught a sensitive spot on her skin with his lips. He could sense her arousal growing with the friction.

Soon his knee wedged itself between her legs, the bend of his knee motioning up and down at the apex of her thighs. Nova jerked a bit before pulling his head back to lead his lips back to her mouth, and he eagerly leaned forward to catch her in a kiss and his hand trailing down to replace his knee in a much more firm, rhythmic patterns against her underwear. Once his middle finger found the protruding bundle of nerves through the thin fabric, Nova released a gasp and jerked her hips towards him. Sending a soft, buzzing, heated sensation towards his wave of the Force, she told Kylo through invisible whispers how she really enjoyed what he just did with the swell of heat overtaking his body, melting deep into his skin that made him try to repress a shiver.

Swallowing, Kylo rewarded her with a gentle kiss to her jaw, then brought his hands to hover over her torso, then slip under her brassier. His bare thumbs swiping across her nipples firmly before tracing the shape of the hardening buds while his lips made their way to join. Kylo was quick enough to unclip the bra and slip it away from Nova’s body, joining the rest of the clothes piled on the floor before his hips suspended to gently suck on her breast. Nova arched her back with a breathy sigh, her fingers carding through his hair and tightening their grip once he flicked his tongue over the hardening bud of her nipple before wrapping his lips around it. His hands slid soothingly up and down her naked back, feeling every scar with his bare hands with tender strokes and warmth spreading to seep into her bones as he kept his mouth busy on her chest and torso.

Softly nipping the skin under her ribcage, Kylo allowed his thumbs to trace around her pelvis, right above the waistband of the undergarments she wore, igniting a tickle spot that made Nova gasp and let out a soft moan, prompting him to press his lips to her hipbones. Her hands in his hair loosened their grip to give him enough room to tug the fabric down her legs and off her ankles and feet, allowing him to palm his way back upwards to hover over her. A hand keeping himself propped up while the other carefully hovered around her hip, his thumb carefully tracing the protruding bone of her hipbone in a slow circle. It took him a moment to realize that he, too, was also breathing heavily through his mouth, just like her. Admiring her flushed cheeks and reddened lips, he leaned down and softly kissed her, sharing air, while projecting his next move to lessen her anxiety and not surprise her with something that might startle her negatively - a gentle request for permission from her, before daring to move forward.

A little squirm from her hips before pulling his head down harder by the roots of his hair, Nova parted her legs for him to skim his feather-like touches down to her slit and carefully searched for her clit. As soon as the pads of his fingers brushed the bundle of nerves, Nova let out a breathless moan and tightened her hold on his hair, her nails digging into the thick muscle of his back shoulder. Kylo bit back a pleasured hiss, biting his bottom lip while gently stroking with his fingers, adding pressure.

Whining with her lips between her teeth, Nova’s hips began to move along with his hand between her legs. The movement and effort cause careful, faint friction against his own crotch and Kylo had to drop his head beside her own, feeling her hot breath panting against his sweaty skin; his nose brushing into her hair and pressing his moist lips against her galloping pulse under her jawline.

Sliding his fingers further down in her heated flesh, Kylo was absolutely careful in introducing his finger to enter, all while keeping his thumb against her clit to keep it consistent. Her response was a gasp, an airy “ _Ah_!” yet she nuzzled against his shoulder with so much trust and affection. Her breathing still labored, she kissed his heated skin in a firm confirmation that he was allowed to keep going, to test the waters. He obeyed, carefully pressing his middle finger further into her sex, massaging around the front wall that sent her nerves alight in the best ways possible, making her more vocal with her soft moans and breathing. One of her legs raised to rest her foot on the firm mattress, parting her legs farther for him to come closer, to keep going.

Giving her a brief, almost struggled, kiss under her ear, Kylo whispered against her heated skin. “Are you alright, my love?” he asked her with an exhale, shivering when her nails dragged down his shoulder and suddenly grip both hands in his dark hair. His eyes squinting shut, unable to resist rolling his hips in a sort of rhythmic pattern against her leg and felt his trousers becoming too uncomfortable for his liking. 

“ _Yes_.” Kylo felt himself grow hot within the marrow of his own bones at the sound of her voice - aroused and under a pleasurable spell that she was growing to enjoy more and more. Taking his face into her hands, Nova brought their lips together in a slow, gentle yet passionate that made them both melt to the point where they didn’t recognize where they began and where they ended. An affectionate bite to his bottom lip, sucking lightly while she broke the kiss, Nova gazed at him through half-lidded eyes filled with dilated pupils and so much love.

“Kylo?” she whispered to him softly, her fingers trailing down from his face, neck, chest…closer and closer until she tugged lightly on the hem of his trousers. Refusing to break their eye contact, her expression sure and at peace in his embrace, her thumbs pressing to his abdomen and feeling the muscle flex. “ _Please_ , Kylo…”

He couldn’t deny her. He could never say no to such a soft request from such soft lips with a strong heart fluttering underneath. Nodding his head, Kylo lifted his hips off of her so she had better access to the latch and zipper of his pants. Allowing her to force herself to focus on the task (as best as she could), Kylo leaned far back enough to watch himself work with his hand between her legs. Having eased the pressure on her clit with his thumb, Kylo’s dark eyes were careful to take in every bit of information with a curl of his finger that made her hands jump; the slick drooling and sticking to his skin and slipping down, staining the cheap fabric of the sheets. Easing in a second finger to test how relaxed she was, he was grateful for Nova to finally undo his trousers and push it down with all her collected strength, freeing him. Kylo rewarded her efforts be separating the two fingers inside her and slowly pull them out while pressing against her front wall, ultimately making her shiver and drop her head back against the bedding with a blissful cry. He then swiped his fingers through her slit, collecting more wetness.

Using his wet hand, coated with her remnants, Kylo wrapped his fingers around his own cock and stroked himself, firm and easy. “Nova, y-you may feel uncomfortable - maybe a bit in pain,” he said before swallowing thickly, trying not to tighten the hold on himself and lose control. “If it becomes too much, just tell me. If there’s -”

“I’ll be fine,” she told him, her hand carefully grasping his thick wrist with an encouraging grip. “Please, come here, Kylo.”

He followed her, kissing her forehead, her temple, her cheekbone, all while her hands slid to his strong waist, right above his hips while being guided to rest completely on her back. Bringing his member to her slit, Kylo mentally prepared himself in focusing on Nova’s reaction beside his own, rubbing the tip against her clit. Keeping his himself open for her within their bond, Kylo balanced himself on his other hand and brought himself to her entrance…

 _Tight_. Unknown stretching. So unusually tight!

Kylo dropped his head, pressing his forehead to the hard mattress as he became overwhelmingly hot and tight as he pushed into her at a slow, easy pace. He knew that no matter how long he would have worked to have Nova relax as much as possible, it was still going to be uncomfortable for either of them being given his size. He knew from his past experience with partners from long ago that he was a bit above average within size, yet having been inactive for so long for so much, he wondered if a part of it was just him - but he was _wrong_.

Nova’s voice, her thoughts, was echoing softly to him. There wasn’t panic, nor an ounce of pain in the tone, much less the fierce digging of her nails on his sides were not pushing him away. Forcing himself to lift his head, Kylo met Nova’s teary-eyed gaze through the haze of becoming one.

“ _Don’t stop_ ,” she urged him through a quiet voice, and he reached to wipe the corner of her eye before a tear could slip out. Hearing his intentions within his mind, Nova took a breath before nodding to him, bringing her hands up to link together behind his neck while he knelt down and kissed her deeply. “ _ **Please**_.”

His movements were slow, calculated and careful. He didn’t want to thrust too hard into her, much less restrain her like he was used to in the past. This was different, especially with the person he was sharing it with; giving her all of his attention and care by giving her kisses, searching through the Force to find any sort of pain being hidden from him.

Nothing painful. Unusual pressure. Feeling filled beyond what she could ever explain with words - _and she was enjoying it coming from him_.

Kissing along the corner of her lips and along her jaw, Kylo brought her leg over his hip and the other limb follow suited, ankles crossing at his lower back. Letting his hips do the rest of the work, Kylo resisted all he could to keep himself from relishing in the tight heat and climax so soon while he used his thumb between their bodies to help her reach a higher plane, causing her to gasp against him again. She clung to him when he circled his thumb over her clit, softly pleading to him with her hands tangled in his hair, nails digging into his scalp once his angle hit just right to make her moan in delight.

Kylo was enamored by the sound and repeated the action with newfound desire to hear it over and over, moving along with her body in response. Building a careful tempo, he focused by the nature of their lovemaking.

“Please, _please_ ,” Nova whispered with each gasp into his ear. Kylo paid attention to her pulse, kissing the skin of her neck and biting softly to drive her senses off the charts, feeling her clench around him with the building tension in her lower abdomen.

Taking his free hand to slip under her neck, tilting it up to be exposed to him, Kylo increased the tempo to her utmost desires. Pressing his mouth to the skin of her neck, Kylo sunk his teeth and sucked harshly, making Nova nearly lose all her senses at the sudden break of the thread. Extending her climax for as long as possible for for him to finish, too, while she was still in her orgasmic cloud of bliss, Kylo used her overwhelming smell of her hair, taste of her skin on his tongue… Kylo shut his eyes tightly and growled against her flesh, slightly biting harder. Taking in the vibration and mind-throbbing sensations emitting from Nova’s Force wall, Kylo dove deep into pleasure.

His hips faltering in their thrusts once - twice, and Kylo moaned deeply before dropping his upper bodyweight on top of Nova, making her let out a small squeak when he grunted with their chests pressed together. Long moments of heavy breathing, skin becoming sticky to one another from the drying sweat, both of them laid tangled on top of the bedding with their clothes strewn about in the small room. Nova legs were still wrapped around his waist, her thighs wide apart, unmoving, her fingers were still in his dark locks. 

Swallowing tiredly, Nova combed the knots and sweaty tangled out of his hair. The action earned her a firm kiss to the distinct bite mark on her shoulder and another to the soft skin of her neck. His palms coming to slowly smooth their way to hold her thighs, Kylo gently hushed her when she flinched and took in a sharp breath. Lifting his head, Kylo met her exhausted gaze still laced with remnants of the euphoric climax with his own, brushing the tip of his nose along the bridge of hers and kissing her gently.

“Stay relaxed, my love,” he urged her under his breath before carefully pulling out. Waiting for her to give him permission, he held her hip with one hand and balanced himself with the other; then, looking down to the mess they both had made, he took a deep breath. Seeing their mixed fluids ooze out of her sex, he gently massaged the top of her thighs with his thumbs. “I’ll have to get another rag to clean you. Are you in pain?”

Shaking her head, Nova reached for his wrist and tugged him back to lay beside her. Scooting closer to him, she nuzzled her cheek to his chest, ear against his heartbeat. “Stay like this with me for a while longer,” she murmured. “Please, I just want to rest with you.”

Taking a deep breath, Kylo settled himself by her side, barely able to reach for his cape to use as a blanket. More so covering majority of his lover’s body, he kissed the crown of her head and made it his mission to keep her warm and comfortable as much as possible - which didn’t go unseen.

Feeling her smile against him, Kylo leaned back to see her eyes filled with amusement. He frowned. “What is so amusing to you now?” His eyes narrowed, yet held no malice towards her once she started planting little kisses to his collarbone. “You do remember that I thought _I lost you_ because of the cave-in, right? I could have gone mad, if something were to happen to you.”

“Yes, I do.” Looking up to him, Nova’s smile was more genuine and purely at peace, and it struck a chord in his heartstrings to see how she looked at him that way. The way of just being completely at ease in his hold and in love with him that she didn’t have a single care in mind. “I felt it when we landed,” she told him, kissing the divet between his collarbones. “I felt it when I fell.” Another to his Adam’s apple, where it bobbed when he swallowed thickly by her feather-like kiss. “I felt it when you held me.” One to his jugular vein. “When you undressed me.” His jawline, her hands carefully taking control of how to angle his head. “With every kiss.” His cheek. “Every moan…”

Sealing their lips together, Kylo didn’t resist in returning it with more passion and more force. His hand sliding to the back of her skull and deepening the kiss in a slow, numbing rhythm that left them both breathless, yet unable to pull themselves away completely. Him hovered over her, breaths mixing and her fingers delicately tracing the carving of his face - every freckle and faint scar. Their eyes never dared to break contact from one another once Nova tucked a lock of his dark curl behind his ear, her flushed lips twitching.

“I felt it all,” she told him in a whisper, “that you don’t even have to say it, because I already know.”

Still, even if she told him that, Kylo Ren still felt compelled to say it before giving in to her embrace and another kiss.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This is my most least favorite, because I suffer writing sexy content c;


	21. to the forever promise

“Constructing lightsabers have been an ancient custom for whoever is gifted with the Force, and thus should be taken into consideration that this marks the next step of your place among the First Order - among _my_ ranks, which is a great honor for you.”

Never had the Supreme Leader spoken those kinds of words to Kylo Ren, even as he stood beside the stairs leading up to the throne, where the humanoid sat and watched fondly to the woman down bellow. She wasn’t focused on Snoke, however, and more on the many nuts and bolts, metal material and wires scattered around on the black-polished floor. With little twists of her fingers and eyes hazed over in concentration, the numerous materials floated around either of the Kyber rocks resting on each of her palms. Nova was completely ignoring Snoke’s speech, and Kylo kept his eyes locked on her form just sitting there, minding her own business as she worked.

When Nova revealed her findings of being attracted to _two_ Kyber crystals, Kylo felt a large swell of pride in his chest as his lover held them out to him, excited and eager to try and construct the hilt - or hilts - depending on what she could create with everything that was given to her. Seeing her wrapped in the assorted blankets and sheets, topped with his thick cape around her shoulders, Kylo praised her with tender kisses and proud words of how wonderful she did on her own - albeit him still being scared beyond belief during the time of their separation. There was a lot worth celebrating, and both Kylo and Nova enjoyed their time before lifting off.

But…as soon as she returned to the Supremacy, cleaned of their events and getting rid of any evidence of their coupling, Nova wasn’t excited in showing her findings to the Supreme Leader. Despite his eerie grin and curling his fingers under her chin to force eye contact, to congratulate her, Nova immediately became that closed-off, emotionless being that she fronts to Snoke ever since that first day. For Kylo, he was glad that Nova was able to hide the littlest twist of her hips and staggered steps that they both noticed during their rest. 

No matter how gentle his massaged her pelvic area and asked if she was in any sort of discomfort or pain at all, she remained completely passive and happy with her current condition, not at all worried. He had her walk around the shuttle, just to be sure she wasn’t obviously limping or showing signs in similar ways for some other women who were more active, and saw that it wasn’t connected. Thankfully, seeing her only shifting in her spot when she wanted to see a piece amongst the pile, the Supreme Leader didn’t seem to notice any discomfort or change in the woman. By the sight of her being her usual, curious self with all the new materials given to her, she appeared to be just her usual (although rather tempered) self around everyone else. Kylo was thankful of how powerful Nova’s Force wall was, too.

As of now, Kylo can only wait until they returned to their chambers. However, he was much more entranced by the how lovely she looked in the spacious lighting with the stars twinking from the window behind her, her eyes focused on the tiny pieces coming together with just a twitch of her fingers, a turn of her wrists. Whenever a piece didn’t click together like she wanted, her lips formed a small pout as she attempted to redirect it a different way. She was so focused and being so careful with the materials provided to her, it was obvious how both Kylo and Snoke were surprised by her intense display of concentration and determination to build.

Lifting the two little rocks from her palms, Nova used the Force to slip the colorless minerals into the tiniest crack left from the puzzle pieces of nuts, plates and bolts. The last of the flat, metal plates slid and lock into place before dropping to each of her hands with a sort of childish triumph. Nova grinned, unlacing her legs and dropping her feet flat on the polished floor while looking at the two hilts with curious, amused eyes.

Seeing her observe her own creations, Snoke leaned back in his throne with a sort of relief. “A lightsaber made from the Kyber rock the Force-user has found on their own, this symbolizes a rite of passage to becoming even more stronger than anyone else,” he mentioned while Nova got to her feet. Seeing her test the weight of the hilts in each hand and finding that comfortable grip to hold it properly - just the same way Kylo demonstrated with his own lightsaber for her, the Supreme Leader stared with a smirk.

“And being drawn to _two_ Kyber crystals, _purely rare_ , but not unwelcome when it comes from you, young one,” Snoke added casually, his tone laced with his own amusement that didn’t go unnoticed by the two apprentices.

“Nova,” Snoke beckoned both apprentices’ attention to him as he focused on the young woman, “present yourself as an official apprentice to the Supreme Leader, and claim your rightful place by my side in the First Order.”

She only returned a simple blink. No emotion, no praise or beaming smiles directed towards Snoke, like she would with Kylo. Glancing back to the lightsaber hilts in her hands, Nova focused her energy to ignite the blades. Since it seems that she didn’t construct a casual switch on the outside of the plate, Kylo could see that she took notes from the encyclopedia book he let her see; should anyone get ahold on her ‘saber, they would at least have to have abilities with the Force to use it. Kylo felt proud behind the concealment of his helmet with the little tricks and notes she made while studying.

A flicker of just a pinch of her power, the blades ignited with its first spark with a rather joyous attitude - as if the Kyber crystals inside were just itching to come out. Dazzling silver sparked through the portholes of the hilt, perfectly coordinated in a straight line while Nova’s grip tightened from the surprising noise erupting from her new ‘sabers. A soft noise slipped from her, signaling her own amusement to the beautiful silver and white blending perfectly together in unison.

Kylo was also impressed by the brilliant glow, but one, lone creature didn’t seem to pleased by the contrast to the dark tiles and dark universe outside of the large glass windows.

“How _plain_ ,” Snoke drawled with a frown. “Silver-white is just so empty in general, I don’t doubt it comes from how you lack anything in your head. Your crystals must respond from your thoughts in general. This is disappointing; I was hoping for something more rare from you, but I suppose it will make due until we can have another one made.”

“I like them!” the woman protested with strong confidence, giving the Supreme Leader a shrug. “I don’t want another one.”

Snoke tilt his head, eyeing Nova with a stern glare while she gave each lightsaber a testing twirl of her wrists, one at a time. “When you encounter an enemy, you would want them to feel intimidated, realizing that the person who has appeared to battle them is someone to be reckoned with; red is most commonly associated with those who hold great power and bring fear.”

“When you encounter an enemy,” Nova replied easily, “the way you fight and have an advantage of skill and experience are much more impactful, over simple things, like appearances or what color your weapons are.”

When Snoke didn’t respond, Nova only _then_ offered him a smile while she deactivated her lightsabers, bringing them to her chest as a sure promise that she is indeed keeping them. “Not to question from your own experiences, Snoke, but I think these lightsabers, from the Kyber crystals that _I was called to_ , will suffice until I say so.” 

Kylo watched with all stillness within him, between the two, unsure of what to do or what was going to happen, if he needed to shield Nova. Slowly, Snoke’s whole body seemed to relax, considering her words carefully with a thoughtful stare. Long fingers drum along his armrest, the Supreme Leader leaned back against the thick cushioning of his throne, pale eyes darting away from the young woman to look out to the vast scenery of stars and distant planets. Kylo watched with a drawn line to his lips as the half-humanoid reached to lightly scratch at one of the many tendons stretching along his irregular neck. Seeming to be now bored with the presence and voices beside his own, Snoke closed his eyes and waved his hand with a bored pace.

“So be it, if that is what seems befitting for you, young Nova.”

* * *

As such, as same as it was when Nova held Kylo’s lightsaber so long ago, Nova was just as strong and powerful wielding her own - if not more with a weapon fashioned to fit her perfectly.

Whether it was with one or two lightsabers, as the Supreme Leader would command that she would use however many, Nova seemed to have it down to the last detail of aiming to destroy every training droid provided as well as knock any opponent unconscious. Even with Snoke giving her direct orders to slay her living sparring partners, she simply would ignore him and claim her win by pinning them with her abilities. Kylo never reprimanded Nova over that, even in the safety of their quarters. Kylo knew her morals compared to his own among the First Order, especially if she can teach her sparring partner how to learn from their mistakes. Even when Snoke had Kylo and Nova spar against each other, it would normally come out to a draw, or go too long for the Supreme Leader’s liking to seek out a winner. They promised each other not to hold back, when fighting against each other, so long as they promise to help tend to each other’s bruises and burns with affection.

Whenever they would return, Kylo would take her hands in both of his and bring them to his mouth. Pressing kisses to each of her palms, each finger, he would look deep in her eyes and whisper, “You did well today.” Nova’s only response would just be a glittering smile before slipping her hands around the back of his head and neck, then pulling him down for a kiss that spoke the same sentiment, and more.

There were times when it wasn’t as such. Training had gone too long and too hard for either of them, and it takes to walking through the threshold to finally break down and expose their worst selves that they hide from everyone else. A mission Kylo was sent to deal in the Supreme Leader’s place had gone wrong, and it was the said instructor who placed all the blame to his first apprentice for his lack of planning. Nova was emotionally strained by Snoke’s constant pressure of her origins and bleeding bad memories of her old life during meditations, in the meantime of waiting for Kylo to return. Both of them worn down to the point that they just lie on the cold ground of either one’s quarters, and Kylo found himself reaching to check if her pulse was calming down at all, despite his body hating the motion. They both suffered together, yes, but there were still many times that they had separate training sessions with the Supreme Leader, and it was always a reopened wound. To them, no matter how bad it would be, bruises and bleeding and crying, they had comfort with one another…

Sometimes - just sometimes - Kylo Ren will have days where he just can’t take seeing another face or be around others who don’t understand how he needed some sort of comfort.

As soon as Kylo was dismissed, he marched into his quarters. Inside, without even needing to check, he knew Nova was waiting for him - having been training the Knights and doing her own sort of schedule that day, while Kylo was at Snoke’s beck and call since he awoke that cycle. Their morning departure was quick, but Nova made sure to assure him through their wall that she will wait for him to come home.

As promised, Nova was waiting on her toes, hopping a little bit, as she was ready to practically pounce onto Kylo’s arms as soon as he walked in. Taking the first steps towards his towering form, ready to welcome him back, Nova stopped when she sensed the immediate negative emotions building up underneath all those layers of armor and his heavy mask.

Frowning, Nova approached him and kept her gaze locked up to his hidden face beneath the dark shield. Raising her hands, she waited patiently to be granted permission. Once Kylo tilt his helmet more towards her way, she hooked her thumbs under each side, causing it to hiss to properly unlock, carefully lifting it off his head. Thick, dark locks spilled and tired, sad eyes stared back to her sparkling ones; his jaw tense and teeth grinding, his breathing was at a proper pace, yet held a sort of stiffness of holding back on the inside. Brows narrowed, Kylo was as tight and taut as a freshly woven basket and glued together with the strongest of material. He was sweaty from training and punishment, tired, yet completely alert to everything, despite being hidden from the rest of the galaxy. He can’t hide anything from her, and he didn’t want to.

Setting the helmet aside, the woman then undid the hard clasp of his cloak, allowing it to fall to the ground before taking his hands to remove his gloves. When she finished with that, Nova then leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him and buried her face into his clothed chest. Inhaling the scent of metal, sweat and warmed leather, she pushed through the Force to expand her wall, allowing Kylo to feel it grow thicker and stronger over them both, like a blanket. Closing her eyes, Nova nuzzled into him and listened to his heartbeat. 

“Please,” she whispered, voice soft and sweet and vibrating into his bones like a sweet relief, “can you show me?”

Closing his eyes, Kylo willingly showed her what started the weight on his shoulders, when Snoke criticized his planning for a future mission and going over maps and locations. Tangling his naked hands through her fingers and holding on, Kylo showed her his intended plan to take the Knights and a small squadron of Stormtroopers through a specific route, only to be slammed by Snoke with the Force to the floor, being called a thousand and one names of stupidity and how it was a direct walk to their deaths by hidden dugouts…that was never mentioned on the map to begin with. An instant failure and _mockery_ towards the First Order. Afterwards, Snoke pushed and pushed him through vigorous training beyond the point of straining his muscles and nerves to set on fire, nearing to the point of collapsing from exhaustion. Every word hanging over his head like fireworks, sparking another layer-after-layer of hatred for himself, echoing constantly.

Nova could feel every bit of pain and internal displeasure of himself; over everything he hasn’t even done, but it was all set in stone by the Supreme Leader instead, taking over Kylo’s conscience.

She didn’t like that one bit.

Everything was becoming too much for him. He felt worthless outside of his quarters, and he was sick of it. Leaning back and reaching with his hand, he tilt her chin up, his thumb tracing her bottom lip. “Will you tell me about your day?” His voice was quiet, yet their close proximity had Nova feel it under her skin. “From the very beginning, _everything_.”

Nova leaned into his clammy palm, cuddling into it. “Yes.” She tugged on his thick-padded top and gave him a soft smile. “In the bath?”

Hot, scented water and his lover’s hands massaging his scalp, Kylo wanted nothing more than to freeze time and remain melted in the tub. The shampoo smelled herbal with a hint of fruitiness, making his eyelids feel heavy and the sound of Nova speaking to him helped him feel at ease. Her hands touched the spots where Snoke hit him on the head and pushed headaches, her fingers caress the back of his neck and shoulders to remove the suds, and he pressed himself further to her touch. She practically erased every discomfort with a simple touch.

“I learned about the planet called Endor, while I was waiting for you,” she said with a rather proud voice, and Kylo knew she was. She always felt a swell of joy and achievement in learning something new, and Kylo always praised her when she discovered something new. For her to try and go further into her own knowledge about the galaxy is still a lot for her to take in, but Kylo adored her dedication and joy of discovery. “The main planet itself is uninhabitable, but, from what I read, the moons are known to contain life! They have _forests_ on the moons. There’s one called Sistermoon, and Endor’s Forest Moon, which I don’t…understand why they don’t call _that_ Endor you can live on that.”

“They also call Endor’s Forest Moon _Endor_ , as well,” he responded with an amused hum. “Either one, majority of people will know which one you’re talking about, my love.”

“ _Oh_!” Discovering this new-new information, Nova smiled and helped Kylo rinse his hair. “Well then, I also learned about the creatures that live on Endor, called Ewoks. They’re the majority of the planet’s civil population. They’re apparently short, yet fierce and rarely fear anything to survive.”

Kylo hummed, turning in the tub and carefully taking hold of her with gentle hands. Bringing her closer to him within the steaming water, he brought her to sit on his lap and held her face within his large hands. She smiled bigger, holding his wrists when she booped her nose against his for a moment.

“I would like to see Endor,” she told him honestly. “Someday, maybe, and maybe meet an Ewok and see how they live naturally. It would be interesting to learn how they survived for so long with much bigger predators.”

“They’re not as bright, but they are smart enough to survive.” Seeing how her eyes brightened, the corner of his lips twitched upward as he leaned back against the tub, letting her tangle their fingers and press their palms together. “Fuzzy little demons, really hold no mercy towards anyone or anything they’re not familiar with; they will certainly try to see if you’re something edible, or to be feared.”

“You’ve seen them?”

Kylo swallowed and looked down to the water between them, unsure of how to go on with the conversation taking a direction he didn’t want to go. Feeling his lover’s hands squeeze his lightly, Kylo wasn’t expecting her to tuck herself under his chin and press little kisses to his throat before nuzzling against him.

“Maybe we can see them together, when we’re not busy someday, and we’re next to the planet.” Her voice was gentle, refusing to push him to look back to his memories of him as a child, his parents bringing him to to meet a particular fuzzball named Wicket and his family - all while Snoke’s taunts echoed in the back of his mind of how _weak-minded_ he was.

Nova’s lips pressed to his pulse, and Kylo stroked his wet fingertips against the short strands at the nape of her neck, where the rest of her hair was tied up to avoid getting wet. “ _Someday_?”

Closing his eyes, he thought about the idea of his Nova trying to communicate with an Ewok, more than likely wanting to hold their spears. The idea of it made him cough a small laugh. “Yes, we can do that,” he agreed. “ _Someday_.”

“I’ve worked with many spears and more primitive-type weapons,” she went on, “but I would find it more honorable to meet one of them, and then be given permission to hold it. They seem to be very proud of their creations, like they can do anything together. What do you think?”

Nodding, Kylo let her run one of her hands up and down his naked chest, freshly washed and finally calmed down with just a simple bath and letting her speak to him. Leaning down, he caught her lips with his own and kissed her slowly. Taking the time to move, to taste each other with the thanks of the humidity from the steam and the scented oils of the bathwater, they both parted with a soft sighs. Nova appeared in a happy daze from long kisses, eyes closed and a sleepy smile on her face while he wrapped his arms around her naked form. A quick, soft kiss to her shoulder, Kylo rest his head on the same spot and exhaled long and deep.

“I think you’re right.”

* * *

Waking up before the holoclock were to go off, Kylo reached over with one arm to switch the alarm off before it could make any noise within the next minute, then rolled over. Dragging the same arm over with sluggish effort, he wrapped the limb around the blanketed body curled underneath, burying his nose into Nova’s hair and sighing heavily. Feeling her body shift underneath the blanket, Kylo did his best to keep her within his embrace once she turned around to face him. Hearing her sniff and nuzzle her way into a warm pocket underneath his chin, he slowly stroked her back with his thumb. They both really enjoyed the warmth they create together in the otherwise chilly bedchamber. 

She spoke in a very quiet voice, still lined with sleepiness, with an excited wiggle. “Is it time to get up?”

“In a little while,” he responded, sinking further into the bed and bringing her along. “We’re not needed until mid-cycle.”

Feeling her hips rock and a warm palm press against his naked chest, Kylo rolled to his back and allowed Nova to crawl up to straddle him. He made sure the blanket didn’t fall off her body, so she remained warm, his hands keeping her steady and sliding his thumbs under her night shirt to caress her skin affectionately.

Sitting with a straight back, Nova gave him a gentle smile. “I’m excited,” she told him matter-of-factly, her little hands coming to rest on his forearms while he took a deep breath, a very small smile on his face. “I’m very excited.”

“I know,” Kylo responded much more softly, his hands rising up to trace the curves of her side and the faint scars around her ribs. “I’m excited, too. But, you need to remember, it’s still too early to be up and roaming around for a mission.”

This made her wrinkle her nose a bit, but smile bigger. “I know.” Relaxing a bit, the woman leaned forward and propped her chin on the back of her hand, her eyes shimmering from the lights of distant stars while gazing at him sweetly. “Do you think they will care about how we’re dressed? I don’t think it matters much, does it? But, there are also so many other kinds…so much in the galaxy. It’s all different and overwhelming.”

Kylo leisurely stroked her spine, yawning before answering her. “Would you prefer _not_ to go?” he asked, a hint of teasing that she instantly caught. He didn’t bother to hide his smallest smirk when he raised her head to look at him. “Based on the fact that you’re unsure of how you’re _dressed_.”

Grasping his head to keep him still, Nova bit down in the skin that connected between his neck and shoulder. She could feel the vibrations of his chuckle and his big, warm hands sliding down to grab her bottom and suddenly rolling them over so he was on top. Nova threw her head back against a pillow to try and hide her laughter. With her pressed against the mattress, she felt giddy when Kylo pushed his nose and mouth against her pulse on her neck, tickling her with nuzzles and kisses and soft bites. Wrapping her arms around him, Nova made herself small in his hold and soaked in his warmth. Hands tangled in his hair, she sighed and relaxed in his hold while he did all the work to have her submit to him.

“I want to go,” she told him, voice soft. “I want to go _right now_ , and see it all.”

Kissing under her jaw, Kylo hummed against her softly, resting all his weight on her in a sort of comfort that kept her stable from her excitement. “You will, I promise. You just need to be patient and wait for the rest of the crew to come up and ready to go. Remember, this is a usual search-and-retrieve mission.”

“Do not tell me you’re not excited, too,” she mumbled, leaning her head against his and closing her eyes. One of his big hands detangled hers out of his hair and laced their fingers against the pillow, and he turned his head to press his nose to her cheek, kissing the spot a few times. “You want to go as much as I do, Kylo.”

“Yes, but I know how to maintain _patience_.”

Nova hummed softly, squeezing her hold on his hand while the other slipped to his naked back. There was a thick layer of bacta glued to his back, stretching from the curve of his shoulder and down the side of his spine; gentle fingertips touched the bruised skin beside the material, stroking his lower ribs.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

Kylo took a deep breath. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure -?” Caught off by him pulling her into a kiss, Nova made a soft noise of disappointment when he pulled back and sat up from the bed. Watching him leave the bed and approaching his closet to pull out his usual armor from their orderly place, Nova wrapped herself with the dark blanket and sat up. 

Seeing him put on his undershirt on first, Nova blew air into her cheeks when he covered his back and bacta patches from her view. She knew how he obtained the wound from Snoke, and how it was uncomfortable for him to relax on his back for a good long while - even trying to bend forward or back was a hassle. The new weaponry given to the Praetorian Guards, gifted by Snoke and his personal craftsmen experimenting with plasma blades, were new to everyone. Letting Nova have firsthand to inspect and decide how they would play out, Snoke then pushed Kylo into the fighting pit for a test run before she could even suggest anything to reduce any physical harm…

Kylo came out victorious, winning with his life and a new wound to heal into a faded scar.

“Nova.”

Getting up from the bed, Nova stood with the blanket wrapped around her shoulders as he approached. Allowing him to hold her face with both hands, Nova looked up to meet his gaze with a small smile on her lips. Resting his forehead to hers, he showed her how he was relaxed on the inside, that the wound was no longer bothering him in the slightest, thanks to the bacta patch she generously placed on him.

“It’s nothing,” he whispered, his voice holding so much more emotion than his face could expose. She looked further through the Force, just to make sure, and this action caused him to chuckle under his breath.

“It’s nothing,” she agreed, earning her a kiss. “But you _will_ tell me, if it is?”

“Of course.” A pinch of a smirk on his lips, Kylo flicked a stand of her hair out of her forehead. “Besides, I could never hide anything from you, even if I tried, and you know that. You’re _too powerful_ for me to hide anything.”

“I’m not powerful.” she rebuked with a flushed expression, her eyes watering for a moment and pushing herself to hide her face into his pectorals. Letting him hold her close and press his mouth to her hair, Nova closed her eyes and hugged him back tightly. “But, you can’t hide anything.”

“No, I can’t. Not from you,” he murmured to her and she felt herself warm under her skin. She was blushing, and he knew it. Kylo was finding this entirely amusing, teasing her, and she bit him through the thin material of his undershirt, right on his chest. He chuckled and gently took hold of her face in one of his big hands and lifted her gaze up to him, forcing eye contact until she smiled from the silly situation.

He kissed between her brows before letting her go. “Go on and get ready. I’ll see you in a while.”

Nova didn’t take long to get ready, dressing herself along with a cowl and coat (as per instruction from both Kylo and the Supreme Leader), she did her braid perfectly and took off out of the secluded quarter hall to catch BB-9E and another droid rolling by, instantly getting her attention as she turned her body completely around and kept up the pace in a single line with the two rolling robots. She greeted the usual officers who strode past her in the early morning of the cycle, until nearly tripping over the specific droid Phasma worked alongside with.

BB-9E blipped and whirred, turning its head around, allowing the other droid to continue on while Nova gave it a bright smile. “Hi, Niney,” she greeted, crouching down in the middle of the hallway to its level. “How are you doing today?”

The droid made a low hum before doing a few circles around her crouched form before properly responding. None of the officers passing by gave her a second glance, so used to her speaking to that particular BB unit. “Yes, I have a mission today; I’m going to be going with Kylo, the Knights and Phasma with a few of her ‘troopers I’ve helped train, as an extra support.” BB-9E made a few beeps and Nova nodded. “It’s to the planet of Coruscant, yes. Snoke wants us to go to a palace. I’ve never been to a palace before…”

Seeing her think more to herself for the moment, BB-9E beeped for her attention and beckoned for her to follow. It led her towards the mess hall to get something to eat before having to leave, refusing to let her leave until she grabbed a hunk of baked bread and ate half of it before being allowed - continuing to munch on the bread as she followed the droid.

“You’re not coming with?” she asked next, holding a casual conversation with a droid while a couple officers gave her a second glance with how she treated such a random astromech tool like it was an actual living being. BB-9E, despite its usual strict-to-work attitude, responded to her anyway. “That’s too bad. Maybe you can come with us someday, Niney. It would be fun to have you come along.”

BB-9E made a retort-sounding whirr that made her grin. “No, you’re fun to me. You always let me play with you and the other droids.” Another single beep. “You would be told to remain in the ship? What if we needed navigation on a planet?” A beep and a low hum. “Depends on the planet… I guess, I really don’t know much about droids. Will you explain it more to me, when I come back?”

The astromech droid made a response before rolling off to begin its duties within the hangar of the Supremacy, leaving Nova to look around the area to the mechanics starting up with their first check-ins and tune-ups ready to be worked on. Some stormtroopers where already up and about, minus the few Nova recognizes from their signatures from her lessons, Captain Phasma having them stand in a lineup all properly.

Seeing Phasma, Nova was quick to hurry over and press her hands on the Captain’s forearm, grinning excitedly. “ _Good morning, Phasma_!” she said loud enough to let the whole hangar know she had arrived. Then, looking to the ‘troopers, Nova offered them a polite smile to them. “Good morning to you all, too. How are you all doing today?”

Knowing they weren’t going to verbally respond, Nova smiled at them again before looking to the shuttle they were to take. Seeing that it was Kylo’s command shuttle, she felt a sort of excitement of getting to get out of the Supremacy and onto a more civilized planet with people she has grown used to being around. Looking over the shuttle itself, she began wandering around the hangar, seeing the droids and mechanics finish the last pieces of the check-ins before the pilot is to take off, allowing Phasma to continue on with her routine before Kylo and the Knights to arrive.

Knowing what today is suppose to hold for her, Nova couldn’t contain the big grin to hide in the collar of her coat; getting to see a new planet that she’s only heard about from stories, and looking to people’s memories of it, and now getting to make something special for herself to keep. Perhaps, maybe, she could share her own story with trustworthy people someday, but she knew better that right now it wasn’t the right time to let too many people know regardless. 

Still, remembering that this is the very same shuttle that picked her up from Bavva III, a part of her couldn’t really believe how much her own life had changed.

Reaching out to poke the sheen material of the shuttle, Nova snickered to herself when a familiar leather glove grasped her shoulder. Leaning her head back with a bright smile, she caught Kylo’s visors looking at her with a rather questionable tilt of his head.

“What are you doing?” he asked her, and she could imagine him raising his brows at her behavior.

Looking to the side to see the Knights of Ren waiting for Captain Phasma to load her squad first, Nova turned around to face him. “Do they always clean and polish your shuttle before every job you go on? I don’t see a single scratch on it, and I know this spacecraft has been on many planets that are not clean.” As if to make a point, she reached over behind her and pressed the pad of her finger on the outer wall and slid her finger a bit, causing a small squeak to erupt and her amusement to spark. “See! It’s super clean and polished. Do you request that your shuttle has to be polished after every use? Is it your favorite?”

“The shuttle is convenient to carry more supplies and people, if necessary. It doesn’t quite make it a favorite of mine,” he explained simply, only because she asked him. “You should get onboard, so we can go on ahead and leave.”

Nova’s eyes narrowed playfully as she let Kylo gently guide by her shoulder towards the loading ramp. “You still didn’t answer my question, if they have to clean and shine your shuttle every time you use it.”

Within his helmet, Kylo smirked and rolled his eyes. He urged her once more to go and join the Knights and Phasma. Snickering, she followed his silent instruction, allowing him to escort her the couple feet over. “I’ll have to let you know, when the time is more appropriate for this conversation, Nova,” he told her. With a little, gentle nudge to her lower back, he waited until she mounted the ramp at the sight of Phasma’s chrome plating. “And, now is not the proper time.”

“Yeah, I know,” she hummed with a roll of her eyes, jumping onto the ledge of the threshold. “But you promise you’ll answer later.”

Kylo knew he didn’t really have a choice in the matter, allowing the shuttle door to close in time for Nova to take her seat right next to Phasma, chatting away, and make his own quick pace to the cockpit to take-off from the hangar and in the direction of the illuminated planet.

* * *

The Imperial Palace itself was someplace that held a lot of history, and Nova knew this once she caught sight of the building adorning withering tapestries of the Empire emblem. Fading red and black made the weathered building look more poorly kept more than it actually was, but she supposed it was to make it as a statement to the rest of the galaxy; she had seen this tactic used before back on Bavva III of those who ever attempted to go against the planet’s system way of living - although more gruesome, she didn’t doubt that there could have been many who would have wanted to use particular deceased heads on stakes. She didn’t see the charm on what it was forced to be made into, but could still feel what it was originally built for.

Halting as an empty corridor, filled with empty shelves and slots that would have once held precious material of scrolls, chips and discs, Nova sensed different arrays of emotions and memories. A curious mind looking up in wonder to a mentor as they show a new lesson from an ancient text. The same one trying to climb the shelves, but then use their limited abilities to tip the text over for them to catch, being too young and shy to ask for help. The same little one who tried to hide during the chaos of an invasion by someone they trusted -

“Nova,” Kylo’s voice called out to her, making her turn her attention to see him taking off his helmet with Phasma standing not too far, armed and ready as always. The Knights were left outside of the palace to stand guard with the rest of the ‘troopers. As far as Kylo told her, no one ever entered inside the palace anymore, fearing of the history becoming a possible curse to whoever went too far to disturb the ghosts that were resting inside. Still, it never hurt to take extra precautions on the outside, as well as getting distance.

Looking down to her, Kylo extended an open palm towards her. “May I please have it?” he asked her, and she smiled warmly at him as she dug into her pouches hidden underneath the cowl she wore.

Pulling out transparent hard drives with scratched out Aurebesh on the tags, Nova dutifully placed the three pieces into Kylo’s gloved hand. He then turned and held that hand out beside him. “Captain, if you will take these for the time being,” he instructed as the chrome plated woman stepped forward to take them.

Nova blinked and pouted at him in confusion. “You don’t trust me to hold the maps?”

“No.” Kylo removed his gloves and tucked them away before taking her hands in his own, lifting them to press a quick kiss to her knuckles to ensure his claim. “I just…don’t want _him_ to be a part of it in any way. Not between us.”

Phasma made an amused tilt of her helmet as she hid the items away completely, Nova could sense the need to really push Kylo’s buttons, but was holding back. Kylo gave her a hard look and she simply shrugged. “I didn’t say anything, Commander.”

“Ahh, it’s a _Commander_ that is roaming around here now? Though I sense another,” an elderly, raspy voice slipped into the chamber, making the three turn to see a human-hybrid man waddling out from wherever he was hiding. 

Well, not much of hiding from Nova, when she pointed out to Kylo hours before that there was a man inside this particular room.

With his discolored tan and green face giving them all a toothless grin, the man reached with his elongated finger to point at Nova. Kylo instinctively moved his arm to somewhat shield her from the stranger. “There you are! Not only _the Commander_ is one of ‘em, but so are _you_ , young one!” he pointed out excitedly. “Oh wonder, how exciting. Never seen this many Force-sensitives in here before - and this place once held a whole lot of ‘em!”

“So, you’re Force-sensitive as well?” Kylo questioned with furrowed brows, pushing his abilities out to see for himself. Frowning deeper, Kylo returned to holding Nova’s hand. “You have it… _barely_ to the point of only sensing others up close, but nothing else.”

“I like your droid! Better than them stormtroopers that used to come in and always rummagin’ through my collection o’stuff!” the man said pointedly while staring at Phasma, reaching with the same finger to poke her breast-plate, which Phasma smacked out of the way harshly. “ _Oh_! Not a droid! It’s a person inside - how do you stay so still?”

Phasma looked to Kylo. “Are you _seriously considering_ thinking that this man is the one you’re looking for, Commander?” Phasma asked bluntly. “There is no one else inside the Palace. We can easily go to the lower district of the planet and find someone else with more dignity…and more hygiene, than this homeless rodent.”

Kylo immediately went back to being his usual firm, direct self that made Nova hide her grin. “We’re looking for someone named Korol, and we’ve been told that he roams and resides in the old Jedi Temple. Are you him, or not.”

“I am Korol that roams and resides in the Palace, yes! _It’s my palace now_ ,” the man, Korol, chuckled gleefully. “Although, I always welcome guests who acknowledge me! I presume I am either in trouble with the Empire, looking at this not-droid-stormtrooper?”

“We are not the Empire,” Kylo corrected him firmly. “We seek you, because we have been told that you are able to proceed with marrying those who can not do so legally, or who do not have the required permission to do so.”

“Aye, that would be me!” Korol bounced. “But I saw you wanderin’ ‘round the Palace and take some ol’ garbage. You took bits of a map, I heard and saw! And, since you are a Commander with a stormtrooper, you must be here for official business!”

“We’ve finished with our mission,” Nova said before Kylo squeezed her hand to silent her. This made Korol grin even bigger; Kylo wasn’t too sure what the man was mixed with, since it seems that his skin and bones stretched longer than usual for a human.

“So, a marriage, is it? That’s a big commitment,” Korol drawled and began to wander around the empty archive, seeming to contemplate the request. “Haven’t done a wedding in a while - what belief do you two have? Is it the same, or not?”

Nova and Kylo seemed confused by the question, looking at each other for a brief moment before Korol popped beside them, staring at the taller man with a cheshire grin. “You, I see, have been raised to witness many. Certainly you’ve seen some weddings in your youth and asked questions when you could. The more usual, traditional kind of vows and rings, witness and a celebration with family, isn’t that right?”

Kylo didn’t have the chance to respond before the humanoid turned to Nova, more gentle and patient. “You, on the other hand, my dear beauty,” he said softly, “have never seen any sort of matrimony, only heard of your customs through others. Your rings are worn around your necks, wrists and ankles, instead of on the fingers.”

The Commander was about to snap at the creature, but Nova simply shrugged and gave Korol an honest, genuine answer. “No, I’ve never seen a wedding or a union of people, but I certainly do know that what I feel for Kylo is more beyond of what I was ever taught in my life. My very heart doesn’t belong to anyone else, but him. Surely, that’s enough for you to accept our request to marry us.

“I don’t need a ring, or any promise to a Master during a ceremony of promising ourselves to each other, if we were to be sold off, because I know as well as you do that we already stand by what we want, and our future is nonexistent without the other,” Nova went on with a smile. “You can see that, can’t you?”

Korol made an odd laugh as he jumped and clapped. “You’re a _special one_ , yes! You can see more than what anyone else can, yes you can. I certainly can’t lie to you! You see what I see of you two!”

“So, is there going to be a wedding, or not,” Phasma blurted rather impatiently. “Because, if I may be honest with all of you, I can think of many other things I could be doing right now, instead of listening to this weird man. Commander, you know I’m really doing this because she asked me to, but this little creeper is -”

“Of course there will be a wedding,” Korol announced gleefully. “This is going to be the most genuine, the most best wedding I’ve ever officiated on this planet. Never mind the beliefs, you two have all you need, just do as I say for the most simple wedding ceremony I’ve learned.”

Korol went to what used to be a main desk of the archive hall, beckoning them over to follow. He was brief to make Kylo and Nova stand accordingly, encouraging them to hold hands - which Kylo had no problem with as he held Nova’s hands firmly within his own, his head twisting around to make sure he kept his eyes on the odd humanoid. With Phasma, after being slapped on the hand, it seemed Korol learned his lesson from touching the Captain’s armor; easily requesting her to stand to the side as a simple witness. Korol took a few hobbling steps back to look at the scene in front of him, then scurrying around the main desk and climbing on. For the humanoid-hybrid, he seemed a lot more delighted by the situation than the two who were intended to marry (although, both Kylo and Nova mentally agree that it just happens to be the whole set-up of being within an abandoned palace with a hermit officiating their wedding). From what Nova could sense, Phasma was just here to be a witness in favor of both of them…

“Because it seems there is a level of secrecy for this wonderful moment, I won’t ask for your names. Your presence here is enough to satisfy the union,” Korol explained with a smile. Then, looking to Nova, he rest his mixed-colored palm on top of her braids, patting politely. “My dear, would you like to state your vows first?”

Nova looked between him and Kylo for a moment, her husband-to-be’s eyes patient as ever while he held her hands. Korol took notice of her hestitance and pressed his fingers together, like a wise elder educating his pupil. “A vow, dear, is like giving a promise of what you intent to provide within your marriage. Most will often say ‘ _until death do you part_ ’, but I much rather leave it open for you to decide what will suffice. Not everyone agrees with the death section of the traditional vows. If that will work for you, sir?”

Kylo didn’t spare another glance at Korol. “She can do whatever she pleases,” he explained, his thumbs caressing her knuckles to make her smile with a bit more confidence.

Feeling her cheeks warm and her chest thumping with her heart hammering against her ribcage, she felt the words slip from her lips with such ease and yet with an overwhelming effect.

“Before meeting you, I never thought I could live another day with where I once was. I was trapped in a place with no way out, and I was willing to accept my fate as nothing more than someone else’s benefit,” she began, her hands holding his a little bit tighter. “I never thought my life was worth anything, until you came to me and said my name. No one had ever done such a thing for me, like all the things you’ve done from the smallest gestures; you let me read, to learn what I can do, and allowed me to have a voice for the first time in my life, and there is so much more that you’ve done that I can’t even begin to list.

“I can’t thank you enough for everyone you have done for me, since that day you came to that damn planet. I don’t think there’s enough time left of my life to do so,” she snorted with her own amusement. “Instead, I want to give you everything I have and all that I am to you; you taught me that I can be more than just _nothing_ , and that I am allowed to feel things that I was always told I couldn’t. I will give you my heart, my body and everything else I can to you and, hopefully, that will just be enough to repay a piece of all you’ve done for me.”

Looking up to him, trying to keep all her tears at bay, because she couldn’t see how crying was acceptable for her pouring her heart out in a time of happiness to let them slip. “ _I love you_ ,” she told him. “I loved you the first day, before I even knew what love was; I loved you when I first said it to you, and every time after, and I love you today and now. And, I vow to you, even after either one of us is long gone from this vast galaxy of existing, that I will love you forever for as long as the Force thrives and even once if it disappears. I will do _everything_ I can to be the best wife you could ever ask for, and promise to make every moment we spend together worthwhile. I vow to the wondrous galaxy that I will forever be yours and yours alone.”

Taking a deep breath, refusing to break eye contact with him and trying so hard not to cry, Nova felt his response grow tenfold and melt into her Force signature with the same sentiment and emotions that she was projecting to him. Korol hummed in approval and she sensed Phasma was doing her very best to resist her own emotions overtaking her usual stoic posture, making Nova feel a swell of pride in making the one she considered a friend to feel emotional over something that truly came from her heart. 

“And now, young man,” Korol spoke, turning his nose to Kylo, who remained staring at Nova, “it’s your turn to say your vows, if you wish.”

What was next was not what anyone expected.

Releasing her hands for just a moment, Kylo moved his cloak away from the backside of his legs as he slowly got to his knees. Still, despite the major difference with his long legs folding in half, he was still fairly tall - a thought that amused Nova so much and he returned it through their bond with a teasing tickle. Settling into a comfortable position, similar yet different to how he would when addressed to Snoke, he took one of her hands. There was a sense of being another level above the Supreme Leader that sparked inside Phasma and Nova together, and he looked up to his beloved as if she was the holiest being known to exist.

“I am a man of many sins, and of a family with a history that no one will forget,” he said with so much confidence. “Meeting you was the first time I was being seen differently than I ever experienced in my life. I will continue to have blood stain my hands and destroy things without abandon, but now for a whole new different purpose.

“I vow to you, my love, that you will see the galaxy in all its glory and terror that you have yet to see for yourself,” Kylo declared. “I will take whatever blade and bullet that will be aimed at you upon myself, and make whoever dares to bring harm to you suffer. The galaxy is not worthy of you yet, and I will make it my mission to morph it into a perfect utopia of peace and order, all for you.”

With the one hand he was holding, he opened her palm and brought it to rest against his bare cheek and closed his eyes. “I will fight all the armies and kill anyone who tries to take you away from me, even our own Master, if it came to that. My loyalty may be with the Order, but _my heart only belongs to you_. You are the stars that light up the black mass in my chest, the reason I keep fighting and training to make a better future for you.”

Turning to nuzzle her wrist, Kylo’s lips twitched. “I vow to protect you, treat you as my equal and bring you the happiness that you deserve from the day you first drew breath, for all that I am capable. I will fight for you, sacrifice my life in order for you to live and see the peaceful future that I will build for you. I vow to be the best husband, and be forever yours, for my heart and life belong to you and no one else.”

Korol looked between them and then to Phasma. He seem to have waited for some kind of response from the witness and had gotten what he wanted, because pat his palms on top of both Kylo and Nova’s heads and tilt his head back. A blissful smile on his aged face, Korol hummed once more before speaking.

“By the power invested within me, I hereby proclaim with my life that you two are husband and wife,” he announced, the echo of the archive hall echoing his voice at a perfect volume. “By your witness as proof, and within these ancient walls, you may now kiss your beloved, and let your hearts become one.” 

Kylo was quick to get back on his feet and take hold of Nova’s face by gently cupping them with both of his large hands, kneeling down to kiss her when Nova jumped on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Phasma knew that both of them sensed her grin and happy tears staining the inside of her helmet, but she would let this one slide for being allowed to attend the wedding.

* * *

“Did you see anyone inside the Palace, Madam Nova?” Lumiya asked curiously, whispering as quietly as possible. “Or see any ghosts?”

“No? Do people live inside anymore?” Nova asked back with a confused frown, making Lumiya flustered under her mask and look away from her, facing the ground.

“Well, knowing what history that place holds, I remember hearing how this place still echoes the dying screams and orders of the Emperor. I grew up not too far from here, so, you know, stories get around.” Standing up straight, she did her best not to emanate her past when Kylo Ren was nearby, leading the group away and back to the shuttle.

“Well, I hope this doesn’t disappoint you, but I didn’t sense any other lifeforms inside, besides Phasma, Kylo and myself. There was a lot of dust and broken things inside,” Nova told her with a shrug.

“It doesn’t. It feels more relieving, actually, knowing that no one dares to enter such a place. And the mission was a success, so the Supreme Leader will be more than pleased that you got what we came for.”

Watching for the group of First Order personnel leave down the gateway of the old palace, Korol smiled to himself as he returned indoors to the archive hall. Hobbling over to a singular pillar that held an archway above, Korol felt around the old, worn-out panelboard until he found a functioning switch to bring up a half-formed hologram.

Reaching to the hologram, he ejected the small drive from the slot provided and took hold of the blue colored block and placed it in his pocket, patting the newly added lump.

“Another nice piece for my good ol’ collection, mm?” Korol chuckled to himself as he turned back to see the sunset, the same direction the secret newlyweds and their entourage faded off to. “Could really sense the bonding of their love for one another - don’t find that from the First Order nowadays, no sir. Those two must be the best match, if I’ve ever seen one…”

Laughing freely, Korol scurried over to a hidden corridor - a vent that has been pried open with a tool some odd years back - and stuck his irregularly shaped head inside. The vent was illuminated from dated lights, making the pile of collected hard drives and security footage seem to sparkle like little diamonds.

Taking the chip in his pocket, Korol was careful to set it gently among the rest of the collection, adding another piece of light reflecting off of it. He smiled proudly before pulling back out of the vent and sat on the ground with a pleased sigh.

“Yes, it’s good to put more happy memories in the walls,” he told himself with a toothless grin. “Good ol’ collection is gonna overpower all the sad memories with all the good, thanks to those two newlyweds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Korol is a canon name in the SW universe, who is rumored to be an ancestor of Han Solo. Can anyone guess what they went to go retrieve from the Temple/Palace? c:


	22. to the next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: Depiction of violence and death.

It’s 34 ABY, approximately six years since that day at the Palace.

Many things have changed and she adapted, yes, but some things remain the same.

For example, even after all these years of having to endure harsh elements, she found a lot of peace with the rain. Perhaps it was the smell it gave off, once it coats everything in sight, or the sound it makes when it collides with a surface, but there was always something peaceful about it to her. Sure, she had to survive in the rain; kill others and search for food on her own more than once in this very weather, but she still remained at peace once she finished with whatever she was doing and stood still to appreciate the change in weather.

The planet itself seemed to have more rainy days than sunny, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything else. It felt more freeing to have the rain and fresh air than being cooped up inside the Supremacy.

Still, even with the rain pelting on her opened palm, forming the littlest puddle in the center, entertaining her with the idea to see how much she could fit in one hand, she was _bored_. Nova had been stationed on this planet for roughly sixty-six cycles (according to the logs picked up from the Supremacy and transferred), and she was bored out of her mind. Her task of bringing the Knights of Ren to this planet to oversee reconditioning training of stormtroopers had gone quick, and the units were then shipped back out to their designated places…while her orders were to remain, and wait for the Supreme Leader’s next order.

It wasn’t difficult for Nova to train and retrain thousands upon thousands of helmeted soldiers, thanks to organizing the Knights to mentor in special sectors of the training facility that was built here. How they constructed just vast, huge buildings where it was completely dry inside was beyond Nova’s thoughts! She would get up, check her list of specific ‘troopers that had to be “fixed” as soon as possible, go and deal with the problems, make rounds for the Knights, and then she was done for the rest of the day. Nova was left to her own devices at that point, becoming highly ranked enough that she didn’t need any escorts or have anyone keep an eye on her from distracting droids, or other officers and ‘troopers while they were working. Whatever she asked for was given, and the upmost respect was offered with a bow of people’s heads and salutes…although she would constantly remind them that it wasn’t necessary.

Although, even if she was given whatever she wanted to eat, or another blanket to wrap herself in her bunk, it never took place of when she would spend time with her husband to feel at her most peace.

The last time she was able to communicate with Kylo through hologram communication, she learned that he was on the search to find out where the scavenger - Rey, she remembered learning her name - had found Luke Skywalker. Nova remembered learning how the bits of maps she and her then-newlywed husband had found at the Palace on Coruscant were salvaged pieces to where the ex-Jedi Master was seeking refuge, according to Snoke. She remembered how she learned about this Skywalker man was relevant to the First Order years back, and how it would involve Kylo. It was to be Kylo Ren’s duty to find Luke Skywalker, although not much was directly told in front of Nova…

However, remembering how Kylo would return to the Supremacy, beaten and exhausted, she was always the first to welcome him back with open arms in their secretly shared quarters. When he obtained the scar from his battle with Rey on the destroyed planet of Starkiller, she was the first to help him with the bacta patches before he left to lead a small fleet of TIEs to go and attack the Resistance near a planet called D’Qar…

He gave her a kiss good-bye and an assuring smile, promising he would return as soon as he could to show her the planet himself. It was right after that she was given the task by Snoke to go with the Knights to a planet with an extremely tongue-twisted name that she never bothered to remember.

Nova wanted to leave some sort of note of her own assurance to him, although not knowing how long she was going to be, and it was now proving to get on her nerves when her supposed Master hasn’t contacted her on his routine schedule for over a week. The Knights were bored, too, too tired of “babysitting” other units and training on blood-stained mats and worn down sparring staffs that broke way too easily with their grips and hits. Although, Nova broke her own share of hand-me-down equipment within this facility’s possession, she grew bored of training and decided to take her spare time outside to play with the rain or see what the droids were up to.

Releasing a grumbling noise, Nova dumped her hand to release the small amount of rainwater collected into her palm and brought her drenched arm back under the rafter outside the bunk she and the Knights were given to live in. Flexing her fingers, Nova stuffed her cold arm under her thermal sweater while rolling up her other sleeve. With her dry hand, Nova then stuck that one out and faced her palm upward and focused.

The rain surrounding her immediate position froze midair, slowly collecting together in a sphere-shaped orb above her palm. Using her abilities, she formed one large, water-filled orb and a collection of other ones in specific sizes; others were more jagged-shape, more rocky and hovered in their own crowd while the small spheres orbited the larger one. It remained calm for a minute or so, then morphed to a different amount of moons and main planets - all from memory and books and scrolls that she had looked at.

Vardos… Batuu… Ryloth… Florrum… 

Resting her chin on the wooden railing, Nova kept listing off the planets she recalled learning by making them into water-formed examples, all while kicking her legs boredly and avoiding the rain by using the Force. She sensed someone coming her way, breaking into her hidden Force wall, nonthreatening and familiar, yet didn’t bother to halt her little enjoyment playing with the water.

It wasn’t until she heard a voice clearing their throat that she turned her head to see Hethrir, a Knight of Ren, helmetless and standing tall as he was taught, waiting for her.

“Madam Nova,” he spoke while she dispersed her collection of rain water, allowing the outdoor weather to soak her legs and outstretched arm again. “I apologize for disturbing you.”

Nova snorted with a grin. “You’re not doing anything wrong,” she told him. Knowing he wasn’t much for talking in comparison to the other Knights around her, she truly didn’t expect him to approach her by himself. “How are you doing, Hethrir?”

Looking away from her, ignoring her question, Hethrir took a moment to compose himself from embarrassment. Nova was gentle to slip into his thoughts, completely undetected, to see he was struggling a lot with communication, simply knowing how she is ranked in the Supreme Leader’s eyes. This made her frown, not liking how people treated her because of the tall humanoid creature…

“You are required in communication room number eight, Madam Nova,” he said, looking back to her with as much professionalism as he could. “You have a message from Supreme Leader Snoke.”

Frowning deeper, Nova pulled her limbs back under the coverage of the rafters and stood up. “He couldn’t wait to speak to me directly for you to find me?”

“It was a direct, pre-recorded message addressed to you, Madam,” Hethrir explained. “It’s a locked message, and no one else can open it. It’s addressed to you and only you.”

Making a face, Nova sighed and stretched her whole body. “Alright, I guess it can’t be helped. It must be requesting a follow-up about the stormtrooper units he wanted reconditioned.” Glancing once more back to Hethrir, Nova offered him a polite smile as she relaxed her muscles. “Thank you for coming to get me, Hethrir. Make sure you’re eating all the portions they give you, okay? I’ve noticed that your tray is the only one of the Knights that still has food leftover. It’s not good to waste it, even if it tastes gross - it helps you stay strong.”

“Yes, Madam.”

Well, she tried to strike a conversation with him. Perhaps another time. “And, take it easy today - it’s a great day to go play in the mud!”

* * *

Entering the communication room, Nova was surprised to only find one officer standing by the hologram table that was typically used for major meetings between Nova, Snoke, Kylo, Hux and some other high-ranked officers and captains required presence. The officer was a small, thinly-shaped woman with curly blonde hair that was forced to straighten into a bun, green eyes and a dust of freckles; she jumped once Nova entered the room from the hiss of the door sliding open. Nova could sense she was just shy with anyone with an upper rank, which she was very used to, so she gave the woman a genuine smile and little wave.

“Hello,” she greeted the blonde officer, approaching her while she was struggling to pose properly for a salute. Nova was quick to ease her from tripping over her own feet. “ _It’s okay_ , you don’t need to do that when it’s just me. I’m told that there’s a message here that is addressed for me from Snoke?”

“Y-yes, Madam Nova,” the officer squeaked, nodding quickly. “It’s a confidential message for you only, but it’s programmed to only open when it’s just you present. I was just instructed to stay here until you came, so no one was tampering with it…”

Nova grinned and rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, majority of people here know I’m not the best for handling messages by myself. You must have been here when Hux was sending important videos to play for the units, right? _Yes_ , I remember! You were there when I accidentally deleted them, instead to transfer, and I called him to have him resend it again. _Oh, he was so mad_ , he looked like he was going red in the holograms. It was funny.”

The officer swallowed and looked down, and Nova softened as she approached the woman. “Thank you for watching out for me, but I know how to play the message from here. I _promise_ I won’t be a problem,” she told her. The officer jumped and nodded, scurrying for the door and waiting for it to open for her to exit. “By the way, yes, Hux does import special Naboo shampoos and hair products. He’ll always say it’s given from standard shipments, but I’ve dug in his packages enough to know.”

She sensed the officer’s amusement spark in surprise, overpowering her shy nerves. The door finally opened and she tumbled out gracelessly, but Nova could tell that she was in much better spirits with her most popular gossip now resolved for her next canteen meeting with her colleagues. Nova knew she would most definitely hear about it from Hux, if she ever returned to the Supremacy with him remembering for that long, but it didn’t matter.

Stepping towards the communication table, Nova was about to bring up the inbox data under her name when a sudden scanning erupted - red coded lines scouted the room, making Nova halt in confusion. She didn’t recall ever needing to be scanned for confidential messages. She was used to voice-activations…

The holographic image of Snoke emerged from the table, his distorted image facing her as she recognized him sitting on his throne, hand on each armrest as she assumed he was waiting for whatever recording device to give him permission to speak.

“ _Nova_ ,” Snoke announced, as if he was actually speaking to her in real time. She tilt her head as she took a step back with her hands on her hips. “ _State that you’re present and capable of understanding me, little one_.”

An interactive message.

“I’m here and I understand,” she responded, emotionless towards him, out of instinct. This made his image smile and her want to twitch.

“ _If you are receiving this message from me, as of now_ ,” the hologram went on, as if holding a usual Snoke-and-Nova meeting, “ _it means that I am dead_.”

**_What?_ **

An ugly twist in her gut made her exhale in shock and her eyes widen. The message went on accordingly. “ _This message was placed prior into the Supremacy system, using my tissue sample to keep track. Should I perish, this message automatically goes to wherever I had sent you, should you not be on the Supremacy._

“ _As it must pain you that the one who saved you from a life of slavery, all those years ago, has died, I must let you know that it was most possibly that I was slain,_ ” Snoke continued, looking her way and seemed to watch her reaction, despite being a recording. “ _Fret not of my fate, my dear, brainless girl, for it’s not without success._ ”

Nova thought over as quick as possible of who or what could have killed Snoke - any possible natural causes, illnesses or possible assassins that snuck into the First Order (although it’s rare in the past few years). It didn’t make sense, especially when her last conversation with Snoke had been about how he was seeing improvement on his side, in the Supremacy.

It just didn’t make sense.

“ _As Supreme Leader, and your Master in teaching you the ways of the Force, I have carefully planned for the future to bring the First Order to win in this war against the wretched Resistance that aims to ruin everything we’ve built,_ ” he explained. “ _This is my last Will and Testament, and I expect you, especially for all I’ve done for you, to fulfill my wishes._ ”

She recalled how Kylo was going to prove his worth to their Master, after failing to get Rey to join them. Nova remembered how Hux puffed his chest out and constantly reminded his assistance, and whenever she was around, how he gained Snoke’s favor in some tasks and planning he did. The higher-ranked officers and stormtroopers were adamant that they were enjoying serving in the First Order, since it had insurance sent to their families and they had decent breaks between shifts. Nova never sensed any sort of ill will from anyone aimed towards him - for murder, at least. It had to be a spy of some sort, but assassins were easily caught before they even reached the throne room. 

“ _I am giving the role and title of Supreme Leader to **you** , as my last order_.”

Nova felt her heart flop down to her stomach, horror dawning on her as she stared at the image of Snoke. “ _As you are empty-minded, for all the years I have trained you, you have shown immense power and strategy that I haven’t seen anywhere else in the galaxy. Not even Kylo Ren showed as much growth in the Force or leadership in properly obtaining control of a team and succeeding missions._ ”

He’s lying. This is wrong.

“ _I have thought of you highly, and, given with the fact that your history has influenced many, I can’t think of a better successor to the throne and leading the First Order to victory than you, my little Nova._ ” Nova watched as the hologram of Snoke rest easy against his chair, a satisfied smirk on his oddly arranged face. “ _There will be no denial that you will make galactic history, my dear. Take stride in this promotion, and honor my dying wish by_ -”

The whole communication table imploded in a snap. Wires sprout small bolts and panels folded like cloths so easily with her anger, feeling so disrespected from all the times Nova had claimed how she never wanted such attention from Snoke. Smoke bled out from the wreck as the emergency doors forced open to let the vents carry it out and outdoors; custodial droids were quick to roll in and extinguish the electrical fire she caused, beeping erratically and looking to Nova with a mechanic stare.

However, Nova couldn’t acknowledge them, her fists too tight and her temple throbbing from rage, she spun around and marched out whilst officers and technicians came to see what the commotion was about inside their designated space.

All she could think and sorry about was what went _wrong_? Was everyone alright aboard the Supremacy? _Phasma_? What about _her husband_? She hasn’t heard directly from him in weeks, so something must have happened.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order was _dead_ , and it was apparent that the deceased leader wanted her to take his place.

Standing still in the hallway, feeling numb from the nose down, her brain overworking beyond and over the fasted computer, Nova stared ahead of her with no direction. She heard voices and noises around her, yet she didn’t pay any attention to it while she was trying to just process.

It wasn’t until a hand gently pressed against her arm that she snapped her head around with a menacing glare. Coming face-to-face with the same blonde officer trying to shrink herself from her sharpened eyes, Nova took a second to collect herself to at least soften her expression. Nova grabbed the officer’s wrist, before she could pull away and make a run for it, giving her a more solemn look.

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” she said softly, “I didn’t mean to look scary to you. I was just given big news, and I’m having some trouble registering it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Umm…” The officer scuffled her feet, still a little bit nervous about something.

Nova smiled, more honest this time. “Was there something you needed?”

“Uh, another message,” she responded. “It was just sent from the Supremacy, ma’am, to the head command center for the ‘troopers.”

‘ _It must be from Kylo or Hux, or even Phasma_ ,’ Nova thought with a bit of hope. She mentally grasped onto that hope and held on tight. She nodded to the officer, allowing her to continue. ‘ _If the message was meant to be sent as soon as he died, then his corpse must have been found._ ’

“The Supreme Leader is requesting your return to the Supremacy, immediately, Madam Nova. He’s requesting for your presence from General Hux, and it sounds fairly urgent. The hangar has prepared a ship with the coordinates given from the main observation deck.” The officer swallowed quickly, trying to offer a smile back to her. “Uhm, I will go over the preparations for your luggage to be transported back to you on the Supremacy as soon as possible.”

Nova stood still, processing all over again with the newfound information given to her. She wasn’t too sure how long she was left there, but as soon as a stormtrooper came to her aid, to escort her to the hangar to board the small shuttle, she remained confused and thinking over and over. Is Snoke _really_ dead, or was there a malfunction with the system sending her that message _by accident_? It was extremely rare for First Order technology to act up that way - especially with actual DNA involved - but that bit didn’t bother her as much. If Snoke sees how that particular message was sent to her on accident, Nova was sure that there would be a lot of finger pointing and easily some punishment. And, again, that wasn’t bothersome to Nova.

What was really bothering her, was what Snoke was planning on doing with his death.

Being escorted properly into the shuttle by the ‘trooper, Nova took a deep, calming breath while the ramp closed, mentally preparing herself to have a long talk with her mentor.

* * *

Hux was the first and only person present for her arrival, in the midst of what Nova could only describe as a chaotic mess. The hangar itself was a wreck; AT-AT Walkers were either knocked over or completely destroyed, clutters of metal and debris piled by sanitation ‘troopers and actual flames being put out. There were huge gaps on the ground, and Nova watched a couple stormtroopers nearly fall in before their companions would grab them by their uniform armor to yank them back to safety. Droids (or what would be left of them on their wheels) scurried like frightened tip-yips, not even stopping when they bumped into Nova’s foot like they usually tend to do. Nova sensed stress clouding over everyone’s best judgement, and irritating and fear radiating off of the General. Sure, she has seen wreckage and destruction at its finest, but this was not how the First Order presented itself with one of its grand Star Destroyers, even when they were flying in the middle of a battle.

Nova was about to open her mouth, to ask the question of ‘ _what the hell happened_?’, until Hux grabbed her by her upper arm and dragged her away to the lift. “That ship was _too slow_ , curse those mechanics for not being fast enough - _damn communications_ , all this rubbish!”

Forcing her into the elevator, Hux punched the panel to direct them to the level of the throne room. Nova wiggled her arm a bit to try and get him to lighten his grip on her arm. “ _Hux_ ,” she warned.

“Then, thinking he can _choke me_ when I was gonna say it, that damn rodent,” he went on, the images in his head nothing but flashing lights with no coherent images or shapes. Nova tried again by swinging her arm, calling his name a little more loud. It failed. “Then, _threatening me_ to come get _brainless brat_ back from _who-bloody-knows-where_ , not -!”

“ _ **Hux**_!” Nova snapped sharply, using her other arm to grab General Hux’s wrist, twisting it hard to the point that the redhead choked on his own spit as she pulled his arm under and behind his back. She pressed harder on his pulse points, digging into the pale flesh as he stomped his foot and shouted at her. “What the hell happened here? Everything looks like it’s falling apart!”

“Those damn Resistance scum, that’s what the hell happened! Drove their abandoned cruiser into hyperspace _right into us_! Casualties are piling up and people are losing their minds without proper order here, yet I’m instructed _first_ to bring _you_ back _here_ , like some kind of errand boy!” Hux yelled back at her. Yet, seeing how Nova wasn’t faltering or shrinking herself away from his bewildered behavior, he stood with bated breaths with his slicked hair sticking to his face.

Wincing again at the pinch on his wrist, Hux struggled to get out of her strong grasp, as if she was really a restraint rather than human. “Let go of me, you damn woman!” he snapped.

Nova did so with grace, watching as he tumbled back against the wall of the lift and caught himself. “Was there a battle? Where is _Phasma_? _What about Kylo_?”

“Haven’t heard anything from the Captain yet. Everyone is everywhere, as far as I’m concerned,” he responded bitterly. “Can’t even find my usual officers to see if they can get the main deck under control. Since we got into this bloody system, it’s nothing but an absolute mess.”

“Where are we?” Nova made sure to keep her voice level, just to let him think that she would grab at him again, if he went off course again. Watching him drag his hand down his face, she tilt her head, at least trying to be patient.

“Crait system. Went on the planet, just came back and everything is still a chaotic mess.” Nova could easily tell that the man was running on fumes at this point, his usually put-to-order thoughts completely wrecked with images of explosions, the firing squad, Kylo going against an older man right in between the First Order fleet and a sort of fortress built against a rocky wall -

“ _Where is Kylo_?” Nova demanded, accidentally sending a painful pinch to the General’s brow. Hux hissed at the pressure and rubbed the spot, but surprisingly didn’t chew her out for it. “He went against that Skywalker man. What happened?”

“You know that you can just ask him yourself,” Hux grumbled as the lift came to a halt. Once the door slid open, Hux rolled out of the elevator and Nova was quick to follow him into the throne room. “If you can actually get _something_ out of him.”

What was always a clean, shined and plainly decorated throne room was now what Nova could recall her past slave owner’s homes after an overnight party with too much alcohol. Shattered metal and glass littered the floor, burn marks over the rugs and bits and pieces of armor were absolutely everywhere on the scratched tiles. Nova didn’t react much as she saw the remains of the Praetorian Guards pushed into a heap in one corner of the room, where a cleaning droid was pushing a decapitated limb over to join the collection. 

However, Nova did do a second glance at the sight of familiar, gold-embroidered clothes sticking out from the very bottom.

Looking down the aisle that lead to the throne, Nova stopped in her track with Hux standing a few feet behind her at the sight of Kylo’s back kneeled to the bottom of the empty throne. Smiling in relief, Nova felt her heart finally go to ease at sensing his strong heartbeat and lungs working as they should. He was alive, and that was enough to soothe the worst of her worries for now.

“ _Kylo_!” she called to him, smiling so big and happy to see him.

He didn’t respond, remaining unmoving.

“He’s been like this ever since we’ve returned from Crait,” Hux explained. Nova slipped back a moment to see the memory of both him and her secret-husband returning into the throne room and how Kylo continued on until he came to the bottom of the stairs to the throne…

And Snoke’s dead body still sprawled on the floor of his great chair.

Nova watched Hux swallow and wait a moment, waiting for Kylo to do or say something. When it didn’t happen, the redhead cleared his throat. “ _What would you desire first, in order of repairs, Supreme Leader?_ ”

“ _Get me Nova. **Immediately**_ **.** ”

“Kylo?” Nova called out to him again, a bit more nervous at the sensation of a thousand voices overwhelming him in his head. The haze between Hux’s memory and the present bleeding together until falling apart, and Nova couldn’t help but take a deep breath by how powerful those many, many voices are, piling on top of his shoulders. Not even her own Force wall seemed to be doing anything to help him calm down, and it made Nova feel like there was an outside presence pestering and pushing onto him and under his skin.

“ _Kylo_!” Nova shouted this time, trying to be louder than those many voices bugging him.

Hux, in the little sliver of help, took one step towards her. “Look, maybe he needs to have some space. Everything is out of order, and there’s a lot I can probably use your help wi -!”

“ _ **HUSBAND**_!”

Everything went mute. The voices disappeared altogether and Hux’s mouth snapped shut over the echo of Nova’s scream while Kylo whipped his head around. His eyes wide, exhausted - face drained of any healthy care that Nova knew him to be pretty focused on personal hygiene, and she felt herself already marching her way over. Kylo was then quick to stand on his feet, albeit stumbling to find his ground, and run the rest of the way with the remaining space. He was quick to wrap his strong arms around her body and lift her into his embrace, burying his face into her shoulder as hard as possible, releasing a shuddering breath.

“ _You’re back_ ,” he groaned sorely against her. “You’re _back_.”

“I’m home.” Threading her fingers through his dark hair, Nova hugged him back as tight as she could to try and equal it out, just to let him know that she’s in his arms and will not disappear on him. Becoming overwhelmed with emotions from both him and within the back of her head, she felt her eyes swell with tears as it all connected to her.

 _Snoke was truly dead_.

“I’m home, Kylo,” she whispered softly, feeling him move to kiss her neck and clinging to her like his life depended on it. He showed her everything that happened since they were separated, from encountering his mother’s presence while flying his TIE, creating a Force Bond with the Rey girl, to facing Snoke, the Praetorian Guards and then Skywalker…

Kylo claimed that it was the Rey girl who murdered Snoke to Hux, and claimed the throne as his own. Nova shut her eyes and clung to him.

“I’m home, husband. _I missed you so much_.”

“ _I swear I was losing my sanity each day without you_ ,” Kylo confessed, his voice angry and tired and just wanting for it all to stop. “I want this war to end _now_.”

Slowly, gently, Nova took his face into her hands and brought his gaze to lock with hers. Despite her teary eyes, her nose starting to drip and wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms and lock them both away in their quarters (if it was still there), she knew that now wasn’t the time. Smiling to him, seeing him still reluctant from all that he showed her, Nova no longer resisted to bop her nose against his, ignoring the spike of shock emitting from Hux behind her. Kylo simply blinked in response, keeping his attention to her and only her. Nova wanted to tell him everything she went through, to distract him for the most part, but also tell him what the secret message the previous Supreme Leader sent her and his last command to her. 

No, now wasn’t the time.

“Start by helping put the Supremacy back in order, husband,” she told him. “Let me help you.”

Kylo watched her, listening intently while his hands pulled her even closer to him to the point that their chests were pressed together. He leaned his cheek into her palm when her thumbs stroked his skin, closing his eyes for a moment. When he reopened them, there was a newly lit fire within them when he let out a breath.

“General Hux,” Kylo called, voice strong and sure. “Contact Captain Yago to establish control in the lower half of the decks. You’ll take the upper half, and begin communications to the nearest allied planet for docking and repairs; start with setting all the mechanics and engineers onboard to set up protective shields to the damaged cut of the ship to keep it together until then.”

Nova turned her head to see Hux twitch, attempt to regulate his breathing. She could hear his thoughts of how he was still adjusting to Kylo taking the role of Supreme Leader, but the previous encounter of being choked by the Force kept him quiet about that. Hux nodded before speaking.

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

They made eye contact, Nova in Kylo’s arms while he kept himself standing. Nova was aware of Hux knowing that she was reading him and his deep thoughts, about Kylo’s new title claim, their marriage, yet he calmed down immensely when she leaned her head against her husband’s heartbeat. It was going to take a while for the General to understand the _how_ , _when_ and _why_ , but he… _appreciated_ how she was taking charge in consoling and keeping tame to Kylo’s temper.

There was a mutual understanding (albeit lacking friendliness, but Nova didn’t care about that), as Hux turned around and stalked to the exit, ready to take on his duties.

Feeling Kylo kiss the top of her head, Nova turned to look up to him as he began tracing details of her face with his gloved fingers. After being physically separated for so long, she melt into his chest with an honest smile and allowed him to hold her and touch and kiss her face all he wanted. Being patient enough, she was eventually rewarded with a kiss to her lips, which both of them sighed in relief at the first touch. It was sweet and made the galaxy so much more bearable for the both of them.

Breaking the kiss with only minimal distance between them, Nova happily nudged her nose against his, feeling blissful at feeling his lips pull back with a small, hidden smile and the rise of his heartbeat.

“I have to tell you what I’ve seen, before coming back,” she whispered to him, showing the image of Snoke’s hologram from the communication’s meeting room, but nothing else. Kylo wouldn’t push for more, knowing him and how he behaved with her. But, she did mention, in their hidden connection, that it was a post-mortem message, as it was vital at this point. Kylo made a disturbed face but soon smoothed his features once Nova massaged the back of his neck.

Nodding, Kylo turned his face back into her neck and took a deep breath. “Alright. In a while, my love,” he announced with the pet name without abandon, making her chest flutter. “As you’ve said, I need to start bring order back…I just need to hold you for a few more moments.”

Since he wasn’t pushing her for more information, Nova didn’t want to push on him. Even with his calming body against her and his big hands holding her with extreme gentleness, she could he was still paranoid of numerous things - of _everything_. It was giving him a headache, she knew, and looked at him with a slight worried pout. His eyes locked with hers.

“ _Please_ ,” he pleaded.

“Okay.”

One of his gloved hands held her cheek, treating her like beloved treasure, then carefully cradling the back of her head to bring it to his chest. She held him as tight as she could, just because she now could and she was truly happy to be back with him again, feeling at home. His breathing calm, Nova turned her head to the side to see the cleaning droid halting in its place as it began signaling the larger ones to come and help with carrying the bodies out. Since being pulled into her husband’s hold, she honestly _almost forgot_ about the dead Elites and Snoke’s own corpse hidden underneath. A part of her wondered if she should have felt ashamed of that, but then realized…that she didn’t really care anymore. 

She didn’t care about Snoke’s death. Rather, she was rather glad that he was finally gone.

Snuggling her face against where his heart was, Nova smiled when his hand wrapped around her back rubbed gently up and down her spine.

“Now, I can continue to work to make the galaxy a better place for you, Nova,” he told her with pride, catching her attention again when he smiled at her. Bending his head to kiss her forehead, he nuzzled her hairline affectionately. “I don’t need Rey to help me bring order and peace to the galaxy for you. _I’ll do it_.”

Kylo knew how she didn’t want power, how she didn’t want to do anything where she would feel like she was in control of anyone’s life. Kylo always took control for her when it came to ordering people around, whenever she would just look his way and didn’t want to lead an army. She would much rather guide and suggest to others, to ensure their survival over anything, than be given power over those who were below her. She didn’t believe in treating others in ranks, rather just wanting to be at peace with the ones she’s meant to work with, and Kylo was the one who understood that. Hux never did, Phasma simply never questioned it, and Snoke only reprimanded her verbally to stand and ‘ _take her place_ ’…

The only place Nova ever wanted was to be by her husband’s side, and now she can.

Tightening her arms around Kylo, Nova smiled against him in the middle of the wrecked throne room that will no doubt be cleaned of bodies and debris, rebuilt to a more suitable taste - _Kylo’s taste_ , and maybe let her help decorate - and have better memories for the both of them. The future was set by her husband for a better galaxy, just because he wants it for _her_.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I am told…that Endorian tip-yips are SW universe’s equivalent of chickens, and I love them.


	23. epilogue

As expected from a serious character, such as her husband, creating a systematic plan to begin rebuilding the First Order under his rule was going smoothly, much to everyone’s surprise. 

Taris was a planet with one sun and two moons, not much of a popular planet hidden within the Outer Rim Territories, but a golden location for the First Order. The planet itself hid an underground academy for officers and future soldiers to hit the high ranks, construction sites and shipyards that aimed to rebuild any kind of military ship to pristine conditions to make it look brand new whenever necessary. So, it was no surprise that, once the Supremacy docked in their reserved lots, that there was a major difference within the few day cycles from the damage done in the Crait system. The large gash of exposed parts of the Supremacy were now sealed and placed under tents for confidential construction - any damages panels and vital rooms were already cleaned and looking brand new with shiny new screens, buttons and sparkling floors.

Taris, on the outside, didn’t look very attractive or would hold civilized parties, but what they do for the military party that they support was the same as serving royalty.

It was even nice of the mechanics and prime minister of Taris to allow higher-ranked officials on the Supremacy to remain onboard, being more comfortable in their own quarters (that weren’t as damaged as originally thought). It was enough to try and house every single stormtrooper, officer, soldier, mechanic and everyone stationed aboard nearby the shipyards, much less make sure all those who were injured from the battle in the Crait System had enough attention and medical services with such short notice. Nova did make sure that she and Kylo (and Hux, using a rather convincing voice and reason) visited the makeshift med-units on Taris and let the stormtroopers know that their new Supreme Leader cared for the ones’ values and efforts that those who serve for his cause. Kylo was willing to admit how refreshing and uplifting it felt to sense how the injured did appreciate their visits and having (very, very little) small talk.

‘ _Still_ ,’ Nova thought with a fond smile, placing her fallen rock and a couple of Kylo’s scrolls back on their shared shelf, _‘it’s the thought and effort that counts, and he did a good job._ ’

“I wouldn’t count on doing a _good job_ ,” the familiar voice and feel of her husband’s hands slipping around her, pulling her back to his naked chest. “It was _you_ who did the most talking to them.”

Leaning her head back to smile up at him, Nova was rewarded a kiss to her forehead. “You still did a good job. You could tell that they appreciated you visiting them. Remember how many thought how Snoke never did anything like that, and how long they’ve been in service?”

“Mmm.”

Going quiet, Nova turned around in her husband’s arms and pressed her palms to his chest. Kissing between his pectorals and then going on her toes, Nova pressed against his heartbeat and kissed his jaw, bumping her nose against him lovingly while his arms around her tightened to a hug. A soft sigh slipped from him as he mouthed back at her pulse, fingers tangled in her hair, making her shiver in delight and happiness at his affectionate behavior. She really missed being with him and being able to touch him and be with him face-to-face. He was warm and strong, and she missed being able to feel protected and small with him.

She felt safe and loved.

“Will you show me?” he whispered soft, so softly that she thought he was speaking more to himself than to her.

Taking a deep breath, Nova looked down between them while she allowed Kylo to go through her wall, remaining in a physical state with him and held on to him as he straightened up. The hand on the back of her head carefully pulled her face to his chest and Nova willingly hid where his heart was, trying to focus more on her husband than on the memory that still irked her.

“ _If you are receiving this message from me, as of now, it means that I am dead_.”

Kylo stroked Nova’s hair slowly, comfortingly while he focused on the memory of Nova’s past-self appearing emotionless to the hologram, but could feel the immense confusion and panic coming from within his wife. Even now, with her in his arms, he could sense the stress of reliving the memory for him to see, just from the sound of Snoke’s voice. Kylo took a moment to look down to check on her, give the top of her head a reassuring kiss to remind her that he was here with her, all while still listening to the recording. He wanted to ensure that his wife was alright, no matter what. To him, she _always_ came first.

“ _This is my last Will and Testament, and I expect you, especially for all I’ve done for you, to fulfill my wishes. I am giving the role and title of Supreme Leader to you, as my last order_.”

Snapping his gaze up just in time to see Nova use her abilities to destroy the holo-table with a simple blink, her face twisting and twitching with all her negative emotions overflowing from within. Her fears for those she knew and for her husband and how scared she was while the memory dissipated before him, returning them into their quarters.

Carefully pulling back and keeping a hold on her shoulders, Kylo knelt down to her height to see her looking off into nowhere, eyes filled to the brim with unshedding tears. He felt how upset she was, prompting her to never hide her true emotions from him, if she could help it, and held her face with both hands. Once she blinked hard enough for tears to fall, he was gentle to swipe the tracks away with his fingers. His thumbs traced the shape of her cheeks adoringly, having her meet his gaze once she composed herself.

“I don’t ever want that title,” she confessed to him, her voice thick and filled with bitterness directed towards the deceased predecessor of the First Order. “I can’t do it. I don’t want it.”

“I know,” Kylo responded, nodding and keeping her tears from falling down her face. “I _know_ , I _understand_. You don’t need to take it.”

“Why would he ever want me to take his place? He knows I never wanted to become someone like that. Thinking I never had morals or beliefs, then just make me into something _like him_.” Nova sniffed and used her hands and wrists to try and wipe away the soreness of her eyes and incoming snot from her nose.

“He made it that I always belonged to him, in the end,” Nova told him, looking down again in shame. “It didn’t matter that I wasn’t… To him, I was still a slave - I was his slave.”

“No, you’re not. You never were his slave, Nova.” Kylo was firm and serious when he told her this, yet she still shook in his hold. He was careful to tilt her tearful eyes up to his and he kept their gaze locked, leaning down and speaking to her, hoping she could understand.

“Nova,” his voice making her skin suddenly burn, “I want you to listen to me, please. _He’s dead_. I killed him. He no longer has any control of you or me, because I killed him and he is dead now. You saw my memory, didn’t you?”

She nodded, sniffling, as best as she could with her face in his hands squishing her cheeks. “Yes,” she told him.

“Did you know what was going through my mind when I readied to strike him?” he asked her, voice quiet and gentle. All just for his wife. “The whole time, seeming to focus on Snoke and Rey deciding my fate for their own betterment. They claim that they know what my future is suppose to be, but they were all _wrong_ \- with _everything_. Rey thought I would go to her side of war; Snoke thought I would remain his dutiful, obedient student for the rest of my life…and I proved them all wrong.

“All that I could think about - all I cared about was seeing you smile and being alive with me. I didn’t care about _Snoke_. I didn’t care about _Rey_. None of them mattered, _only you_.” Leaning his forehead to lightly touch hers, Kylo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Just _you_. You and I on a new planet you’ve never heard of, on a beach. You see a creature or find a shell, giving me the _brightest_ , most _happiest_ of smiles that makes my chest fill with joy and peace. _Just us_ , no war, no First Order or Resistance hassling the galaxy…all is at peace, and we’re both happy.”

Opening his eyes and leaning back straight, Kylo stroked the curve of her cheek with the back of his fingers, so, so gentle.

“I’m going to make sure that comes true, Nova, not matter what it takes,” he whispered. “I’ll sacrifice myself to make sure you’re happy, if I must, because you deserve that.”

Sniffing, Nova leaned her face into his palm and let her tears fall in a sort of relief in his hold, holding his forearm with both hands. Kylo cradled her face and wrapped his other arm around her to keep her close to him, kissing the tears away just as careful. Keeping her close, he pressed his lips and nose to her hair and kept comforting her, feeling his own anger and hatred to the deceased Master dissipate once Nova nuzzled closer to him, her own sadness disappearing due to how warm and comforting he was.

“I’ll take the title,” he told her gently. “I’ll take it, and rule far better than he could ever have. As long as you’re with me, I can’t ask for anything else as I build a better, safer galaxy for you to live in with me.

“Think of it as being my guide to being the better Supreme Leader, my love.” Nova tilt her head up to look at him curiously, him keeping her close to feel his heartbeat. “You keep me grounded to what is most important. I don’t want to be the leader he was, how unhappy he made you… You won’t be the Supreme Leader, as you wish, but… _please_ , all I ask is for you to be my support, my own queen that can show me how to rule accordingly, and justly.”

Nova blinked when he gazed at her with her own ideas. “A better galaxy, where we can be on the beach together,” she suggested with a small smile, an encouraging one. “And, everyone else can be happy, too, with no war going on, and we can all get along.”

“Is that what you want to happen, at the end of the war? Even with the Resistance, after what they’ve done to us?” Kylo sniffed a bit at her suggestion. “After they’ve killed Phasma, and many other ‘troopers and officers. Of all the struggle and pain you went through in mourning for your fallen friends, Nova…”

Her smile grew more soft, eyes understanding, as she nuzzled into his jaw. “Let the past die,” she said, “for me? There can’t be a future without moving on from the past, Kylo, just when you know that the future is going to be so much better.”

Kylo blinked slowly, taking a long, deep breath before leaning against her. His arms wrapped tightly around her, keeping her close as he pushed his nose and lips into her hair, just under her ear, kissing the spot softly.

Simply giving in, after seeing her point.

“You are right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Taris is a SW canon planet that was in control of the Empire.


End file.
